Our Broken Road
by BoysNBooksRBetter
Summary: Bella is a student in Seattle who is experiencing college life with her friends and harboring a secret love for best friend, Edward.  Will she ever win him over? BPOV, all human, rate M for mature sexual content
1. Prologue

**Hello everyone! This is my second Twilight story, BPOV, all human, rated M for mature sexual situations (lemons). It's a love story between Bella and Edward in which Bella tells the story of her college experiences in Seattle with her friends and the long road to winning over Edward's heart, who she's loved since high school. I took a lot of inspiration from my own college days to write this. I hope you all enjoy.**

** I'm going to post every week and am expecting it to run about 34 chapters. I love reading reviews so please leave me your thoughts!**

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><p>OUR BROKEN ROAD<p>

PROLOGUE:

My life was changed by a poker game.

I'm not a gambler or even a good bullshitter. I'm a college student. University of Washington to be exact. It wasn't actually the poker game that turned my life upside down so much as the boy I played it with, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

My name is Bella Swan and I moved to a little town called Forks when I was fourteen. My mother remarried and wanted to travel the country with her new husband, Phil. That was when I made the decision to move in with my father in Forks. I suppose that decision set in motion a long series of events that ultimately led to me playing poker with Edward that night. Forks was where we met.

When I moved there from Phoenix I made friends quickly. There was Rosalie, Jessica, and Angela who made me feel welcome in the small town. Among the boys I was friendly with Mike Newton, Eric, Tyler, and Emmett. Of the guys, I always favored Emmett even though he teased me the most. I was quite certain the others had school boy crushes on me. I wasn't interested in dating much in high school. I felt awkward and unattractive most of my time in Forks. I'm coordination-ally challenged as Emmett likes to put it. That means if there's an object on the floor within a two mile radius of me I'll inevitably fall over it.

I was sixteen and a sophomore when Edward's family moved to town. His father was the town's new doctor and everyone was excited for their arrival. The Cullen's were like the Cleaver's of Forks. Carlisle and Esme were warm hearted and refined. They dressed way too fashionable for the Olympic Peninsula. Edward and his sister, Alice, were as well behaved and polite as teenagers came. My father, the chief of police, was especially fond of the new family.

My attitude towards dating high school boys changed drastically after Edward moved to town. I spent two and a half years ogling him with my mouth hanging open like a darn cartoon character. From the first day I saw him I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. I wasn't the only one, which was the biggest problem I faced in my quest for his attention. Edward was a favorite among my female classmates. I couldn't blame them. He was sweet, and kind, and had the bone structure of a Greek god. The only person besides my mother who knew about my obsession with Edward Cullen was Angela. I tried my best to hide it from everyone but Angela was my best friend and she saw right through me. I disagree when people say that teenagers don't know what real love is. At sixteen, I may not have been able to comprehend the kind of love it takes to stay married to someone for fifty years, or to remain faithful all that time, but in the context of my own life there was nothing for which I felt more strongly. For what I knew of the world, it was love, and it didn't feel any less real just because I was young.

During my years in Forks I was surrounded by a loving father and good friends, and was overall a happy person, even without being able to claim Edward's lips as mine. I was certainly not on his dating radar but he was my friend and I was thrilled just to have him in my life. Together with the others we'd spend our weekends at First Beach or taking trips into Port Angeles. The Cullen's had a big house, of course, and Alice liked to throw parties on the weekends. Esme would buy huge amounts of food and cook for all of us. For some reason she loved having the house full of kids. Sometimes when Emmett wasn't there, Edward would sneak away from the fun downstairs and hang out alone in his room.

I noticed him one time on my way back from the bathroom, quietly reading on his bed. I waved from the doorway and he motioned for me to come in. We held a lot of common interests and from that night forward we'd hide out alone in his room while the others made virgin margaritas with Esme and danced to whatever pop hits were on the radio. I cherished that quiet time we spent together, though I was sure Edward just liked having a little company. We'd argue over music and literature. I liked the classics and he couldn't understand their appeal. My favorite times were when he'd play his piano for me and I'd lie on his bed watching him stroke the keys with his beautiful fingers. A teenager's bedroom is a very personal place and I relished the opportunity to be there in his room, feeling completely surrounded by Edward.

Senior year was probably the most difficult for me. You see, Edward started to date once he got a car. It was a gift for his eighteenth birthday. Did I mention his parents were loaded? I would spend many a night fantasizing about making out with him in the backseat of that shiny silver Volvo. He'd often pick me, Emmett, and Rose up from our houses in the morning and drive us to school. I'd casually glance around the leather interior looking for any signs of recent backseat activity- maybe an earring or a hair band left behind. There was never any evidence but it felt like torture knowing it must have been going on. Like I said, Edward was very popular with the girls.

Alice was a year younger than the rest of us but she started dating Rose's twin brother Jasper that year, and Jessica went on a few dates with Mike. I didn't even try to date since the only boy in the world I wanted to kiss was Edward. Eric and Tyler fought over who'd take me to the prom. The only reason I agreed to go at all was to see Edward in a tux. Even if I couldn't dance with him or be his date at least I got to watch him. Emmett took Rosalie, Angela had started dating a classmate named Ben, and I settled on meeting up with both Eric and Tyler as "friends." I drove my old truck that night and met the boys at the dance. It was humiliating to me but no one else made a big deal of it. Prom really was fun even though I spent the duration of exactly one song on the dance floor. Two left feet, remember? Near the end of the night Edward approached me and asked me to dance. I'd questioned where his date was and he told me she could survive one song while he danced with his best friend. When the song was over he thanked me and kissed my cheek. It was the highlight of my high school career.

Graduation came before I knew it and we were all headed in different directions. It was sort of depressing to me, to think I spent so much time developing these relationships and now we were spreading out all over the country. I knew high school friends always swore to keep in touch but life too often gets in the way. I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing Edward again. I was determined to keep in touch with his sister if it killed me.

Jessica was accepted to California University, Angela to Columbia, and I had chosen University of Washington. Mike Newton stayed in Forks to manage his parents' sporting goods store. Jasper was accepted to Drexel on a scholarship which tore little Alice's heart to pieces, but they were determined to do the long distance thing. Emmett, Edward, and Rose all had big plans for their futures as well. I felt like I was living in a teen soap that summer when one by one my friends' plans changed and by the time September rolled around I was no longer the only one going to UW.

I hated the idea of a dorm so thanks to Rose's last minute fears of leaving the state, we were able to live together at UW. She found a cute little house right off campus to rent and we moved in a few weeks before the semester began. Apparently Emmett's football scholarship at Penn State fell through or something, and Edward was vague about his reasons for his last minute decision to stay close to home. Emmett and Edward both signed up for student housing but were assigned to different dorms.

Regardless of how it happened, I now found myself back in a similar situation to the one I thought I'd left in Forks. I was again in close proximity to the man who unknowingly held my heart. I didn't want Edward out of my life, in fact the thought liked to kill me, but I wasn't sure having him on campus was going to be good for my aching heart.

Here we all were, in this vast holding pen for young adults they call college; my heart fluttering away at the thought of soon seeing Edward again.


	2. Chapter 1: A Frosh Start

**So here is chapter 1. It's a little shorter thans subsequent chapters will be since I'm still setting things up. Let me know what you think!**

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><p>CHAPTER 1: A FROSH START<p>

Freshman year was a struggle for me balancing my studying with socializing. Rose insisted we soak up the local college culture by attending lectures, parties, and club meetings. College was a much different atmosphere than high school. We had freedom like never before, and class schedules that allowed us ample amounts of "hanging out" time.

The first Saturday after classes officially started I woke up to voices coming from the kitchen. Rose and I had gone to a Welcome Freshman party in the student center the night before. I'd left her on campus around 1am when I just couldn't take one more guy approaching me asking what my major was. I couldn't tell who was downstairs so I tiptoed across the hall to the top of the stairs to listen, being careful not to be detected since I was still in my sweatpants and Forks High t-shirt. I could smell coffee brewing and two male voices talking quietly.

At first I thought Rose might have met some new friends after I'd left last night, so I turned around to go back to bed. Then, one of the males in my kitchen laughed. I'd know that sound anywhere. Edward was downstairs. He must be there with Emmett. I turned on my heels and ducked quickly into the second floor bathroom. I was afraid they'd leave before I made it downstairs but I had to do something about my appearance before I'd let either of them see me. I brushed my teeth furiously and pulled the comb through my tangled hair. I splashed water on my face and rubbed a little lotion on my hands to disguise my lack of showering. After quickly trading in my sweatpants for jeans I flew down the stairs running smack into a wall of muscle.

Emmett lifted me up for a giant bear hug and then set me carefully down on both feet. I still wobbled a little from being jostled around like a rag doll.

"What's up, Bella? Where have you been?" Emmett asked clearly glad to see me.

"Sleeping, until you guys woke me up," I said, mock punching his chest so he'd know I wasn't actually angry.

He pretended to hit me back and then said, "No, dummy, I mean last night. I can't believe we haven't hung out since orientation day."

"I was there last night, you must have just missed me," I replied casually.

"Come on, I got a tasty treat for you in the kitchen," he said winking at me. I immediately felt my face blush a rosy pink. In addition to being beyond clumsy I also blushed at the slightest feeling of embarrassment. He ushered me into the kitchen where I knew Edward must still be hiding. He was sitting at the little folding table, helping himself to seconds from a plate of donuts and Danishes. Ah, the tasty treat was a donut. That makes more sense than…

"Morning, Bells," Edward greeted me. I smiled back and took a seat across from him.

"Coffee?" he offered, motioning with his hand towards the pot on the counter. It was so like Edward to be hospitable in someone else's home. His mother raised him right.

"None for me thanks" I said. "How are you?"

"Good. My professors seem knowledgeable, the dorm is okay, but my roommate is a tool," Edward said with a shrug of his shoulders.

I smiled. I could still feel the heat in my cheeks as I took in his appearance. It was obvious the guys had slept here the night before. Both were still dressed in their nice clothes and Edward's bronze hair was more disheveled than normal. From my chair I could see into the living room which had blankets and pillows strewn about. I silently cursed myself for heading home when I did. I wondered what I'd missed out on.

"So when did you meet up with Rose last night?" I asked.

Emmett jumped in before Edward could respond and his eyes fell from me back down to his Danish.

"She text me, probably right after you ditched her, and we happened to be out so we met up in the student lounge," Emmett explained.

"I didn't ditch her," I retorted. "It was one am and I couldn't take any more creepy guys asking me the same clique question over and over."

Edward looked at me again and said in a husky voice, "Hey, Bella, what's your major?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I scowled at him and shook my head, trying to hide the fact that coming from him, that terrible pick up line would have worked wonders on me.

Emmett laughed and said, "You can't be so hard on those poor boys, Bella, or you'll never get a date."

"Excuse me," I shot back. "Who said I'm looking for dates?"

"Aren't you?" Edward asked. "I mean, the college degree isn't the only reason we're all here, right?"

His question was good-humored enough, but it sent a shiver through me. I'd never given much thought to dating since I'd only ever wanted Edward. The idea of being with someone else just felt wrong. In the back of my mind I knew I should at least try but I'd never met anyone worth the effort.

Emmett snickered at my silence and jokingly said, "Nah, I think Bella actually _is_ here for the higher learning."

They both laughed at my expense, like old times, and I chided them for leaving my living room a mess. The clutter really was starting to get me antsy.

"So why did you guys crash here anyway?" I asked, picking up soda cans and empty food wrappers from the coffee table. Edward shuffled in to help me and started folding a blanket draped across the sofa.

"It started raining and your place was closer than the dorms," Edward answered.

"Well, we have that third bedroom upstairs if you guys ever need it. We should put a futon up there or something," I suggested.

Butterflies invaded my stomach at the thought of Edward sleeping in the next room. I was suddenly incredibly thankful the house we rented had three bedrooms. I'd chosen one of the two smaller rooms upstairs and Rose had the master on the first floor. I didn't mind being in a smaller bedroom since there was more privacy upstairs and a second bathroom. In the few short weeks we'd lived here I'd already noticed that Rose spent as much time studying boys than she did any other subject. I couldn't blame her, really. She was tall and lean and beautiful. Everywhere we went guys were coming up to her and she welcomed the attention. I was thankful to have a place to hide when she had male company over. Rosalie was really enjoying college life.

"How's this?" Edward asked. He'd folded three blankets neatly and stacked the pillows on top.

"Very impressive" I said, unable to hide my relief that the room was clean again.

"I'm sorry we aggravated your OCD," he joked.

I couldn't think of a comeback so I just grinned at him like an idiot.

"Bells, I'm gonna take off," Emmett said, walking into the room. "I've got a ton of stuff to do before practice."

Emmett had made the freshman football team. It didn't come with a scholarship like Penn State but after changing his mind about schools so late in the game he was lucky to have been chosen to play. He took football very seriously and expected us to always be in the stands supporting the Huskies.

"Okay, thanks for the donuts," I said.

He gave me a hug and walked towards the front door. To my dismay Edward followed him. He must have sensed my displeasure because he said, "I'm going to walk back with Em. You wanna come hang out later? You can meet my tool of a roommate."

"Sure" I said as casually as I could manage.

"Cool. I live in Chestnut, 3B. Around four o'clock?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled. And then they were gone. As soon as the front door slammed shut Rose emerged from her room.

"You just missed the guys," I informed her.

"Ugh, I know," she replied. Rose looked exhausted. She usually wouldn't even lounge around the house without full makeup on, not that she needed it. Rose was a natural beauty.

"I didn't get much sleep. I found Emmett and Edward after you left and we hung out there for a while. Then we went to that diner that's open 24 hours and ordered breakfast. Of course it started raining so they wanted to come back here. Men never think to carry umbrellas."

"So why would diner food and lack of umbrellas make you hide from them this morning?" I asked.

She flopped down on the sofa causing the pillows in Edward's neat pile to crash back onto the floor. I let it slide and went over to sit on the edge of the coffee table so I could face my friend.

"I made out with Emmett last night after we got back here," she confessed.

"Oh" was my only thought. It's not like they hadn't done that in high school a time or two.

"I really wanted to start fresh here, Bella. I like Emmett, but I just wanted to be able to have fun and meet lots of new people. Now that he's at UW I feel like it's Forks High all over again."

"I know what you mean," I said. I was having the same problem freeing myself of my own past. Except my problem was the opposite of hers: the high school crush that was still crushing on her. If only I had Rose's problems!

"How did you wind up making out with him?" I asked, honestly curious.

"We were soaking wet after walking home in the rain and he asked to borrow a towel. He took his shirt off and followed me into my room. I just feel so comfortable with him, and he got really ripped over the summer!"

"Where was Edward during all this? He didn't need a towel?" I asked. I was mostly worried there was a damp towel stashed somewhere in this room that needed finding.

"No," she said casually. "I think he just stripped down to his boxers and fell asleep on the couch."

Oh, my. I really, really missed out.

"Rose, you just need to be honest with him. If you don't want to date then you need to tell him, otherwise you'll end up stringing him along all year," I warned.

"I know. You're right. I'll talk to him," she sighed.

"Good. They left us breakfast and coffee in the kitchen. Are you gonna be okay? I need to get cleaned up and hit the library," I said.

"Yeah, I'm fine" she replied.

I needed to make myself look as good as possible and then get some studying done. I was going to Edward's dorm today! I went back upstairs to make my bed and pick out clothes for the day. I was what you might call a casual dresser. Without Alice around to help me buy clothes I was afraid my wardrobe might get even blander. I seriously missed Alice. I knew she was probably miserable at high school this year. Her brother graduated, all her friends, and her boyfriend too. I sent her a text message to ask her if she'd take me shopping over Thanksgiving break. That ought to cheer her up.

I smiled to myself thinking back to the fun times we had in Forks. I didn't really miss the town. It was too green and rainy for my taste, but I missed the people. I wondered how Mike was doing at his parent's store, and about my dad. I felt bad that he only got to live me for the four years I spent in high school, and now I had left him again. I thought about Alice's parties and sneaking off to spend alone time with Edward. It occurred to me that now that we were away at school there was no one to interrupt our quiet time together. No parents or sister barging in. No friends coming upstairs to see where I'd wandered off to. I became even more excited about our plans to hang out later. Maybe this change of location would give our relationship a fresh start? As much as I hated to admit it to myself, I hadn't given up on the idea of Edward and me being together. He had told me a while ago that I was his best friend. I just needed him to want to take that friendship to the next level.

I chose the brightest colored top I owned, a red thermal v-neck, and some skinny jeans. I took my time in the shower, making sure I lathered and rinsed thoroughly. I shaved all the important places. I brushed my teeth again and plucked my eyebrows. I may not be a fashionista but I enjoyed grooming as much as the next girl. I figured it didn't matter what panties I chose but you never know so I picked lacy pink ones that had a matching bra. I added a silver cross necklace and some small hoop earrings. Once I was dressed I grabbed my books and purse and made my way over to the library.

I found it easier to read my assignments in the school library rather than at home. Rose had a knack for interrupting me, and I also felt much more studious there. I tore through the first book and was busy writing my answers to the follow up questions when someone sat in the chair across from me. I looked up and smiled politely. It was a boy who looked somewhat familiar. I might have a class with him but it had only been a week so I couldn't be sure. I turned back to my work which clearly wasn't the response he was hoping for.

"Hi, I'm Jacob," he said enthusiastically. He had a wide bright smile that simply lit up his face, and short black hair with dark eyes. His complexion was russet colored and he was tall. He looked young, barely eighteen I'd say.

"Bella" I replied.

"I think we have Public Speaking together. Wednesday/Friday mornings?" he said.

"Yeah, I think you're right. I hate that class."

He smirked. "So does everybody. If you ever want to practice a speech for class I could help you. I don't mind it. Speaking in public, I mean."

"I can see that," I said. I should have been more polite. He was perfectly friendly, but unfortunately like I said, my heart beat for only one man, and his name was Edward Cullen.

"Well, I don't want to disturb you," he said, looking a little crushed.

It occurred to me that maybe this kid just wanted to make a friend and wasn't coming on to me. I didn't want to turn away any new friends, especially someone I'd be seeing twice a week for the next four months. I wanted to make up for my ill-mannered comment so when he got up to walk away I stopped him by saying the only thing that came to mind, "Wait, Jacob... so, what's your major?"


	3. Chapter 2: A New Perspective

CHAPTER 2: A NEW PERSPECTIVE

When I left the library around 3 o'clock it appeared I'd made friends with Jacob Black. My first friend at the University of Washington outside my high school gang. It felt good, like I was growing.

I stopped at the food court on my way to the dorms and picked up some Subway sandwiches to take to Edward's. I didn't know if he'd had lunch but I hadn't eaten since breakfast and I'd never seen Edward turn down food before so I figured it wouldn't go to waste.

I climbed the stairs to the third floor, no elevator, and stopped in front of a door with a white board attached. The words "Edward and Mark's room" were scribbled in what I recognized as Edward's handwriting. Someone else with comparably worse handwriting had written "Suck me, Mark" underneath. I knocked twice.

Edward opened the door and greeted me with a wide grin. He stepped aside to let me enter and I got my first look at a real college dorm. I mean a real, male, college dorm. There were two single beds, one against either side wall. Two particle board desks obviously supplied by the college were next to each bed centered under the only window in the room. I could immediately tell Edward's side of the room was on the left by the door. He had a small dresser made from the same material as the desk and had a few pictures and toiletries on top. Mark's side of the room was more cluttered, and he had the closet. Or what I could only imagine was supposed to be a closet.

"That's, um, interesting," I said pointing to the wobbly structure.

"Yeah, I kind of feel like he's building a nest," Edward replied.

I giggled and stepped closer to inspect the cardboard boxes cut and duct-taped together to form shelves. The boxes were stacked in two mismatched columns well over six feet high and the largest shelf even had an untwisted wire hanger poking through the cardboard at each end to hang clothes from.

"Impressive," I said smiling.

Edward snatched the Subway bag from my hands and peeked inside.

"One of these for me?" he asked innocently.

"Turkey, lettuce, bacon, ranch, no tomato," I rambled off proudly.

"Yes, I love you," he said taking his sandwich out and plopping down on his bed. He didn't seem at all surprised by his declaration. He had meant it in a best buds kind of way, but it still made me feel warm inside. I sat at his desk and unwrapped my own hoagie.

"So where's the roommate?" I asked.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Probably out pulling the wings off birds," he joked, I hoped.

He'd mentioned before that he wasn't too fond of the guy. He explained how Mark was the stereotypical nightmare roommate every freshman dreaded. He'd get strange phone calls in the middle of the night, wore only green from head to toe, and would bring all kinds of weird people back to the room without any warning. Edward said that's what he got for requesting a dorm in mid August.

"Even his underwear is green, Bella," Edward complained after taking a big bite of his sandwich. He got up and pulled open Mark's top dresser drawer and pointed to the kelley green boxers and rolled up lime green tube socks. I was sipping a can of soda as Edward pulled a pair of green briefs from the drawer and I spit a little out, laughing uncontrollably.

"This is _serious!_" Edward said with a straight face before giving way to his own laughter.

"Well, it certainly makes me thankful that I get to live in a normal house with someone I've known for years," I conceded.

"So, you like living with Rose? I always thought she might be kind of difficult to handle in large quantities," he said.

"Sure, her personality is strong, but she's a really good roommate, and a good friend. She just brings home a lot of guys."

"Emmett won't be happy to hear that," he said.

"I know," I replied sadly. "She isn't trying to lead him on," I said defensively.

"But she is. People should always be honest about the way they feel about someone. Otherwise people just get hurt," he said.

I felt like there was subtext to his rant. Could he be talking about me? Did he want me to admit my feelings for him?

"What about you? Are you always able to be honest?" I questioned, swallowing a nervous lump in my throat.

"I try to be. Like with the girls I dated in high school. I was always upfront with them that I didn't want anything serious. It was better that way; neither of us wasted our time," he replied.

I pondered that for a moment. "I always wondered why you never had a girlfriend," I said softly.

He chuckled. "I suppose I could have. But I knew I'd be going away to college and didn't want to start something that would end in a painful separation. Just look at Alice and Jasper."

"Yeah, maybe. I think they have a chance though. For them it's worth the pain to try," I countered.

"I hope so, for my sister's sake. For me it was easier to not get in too deep. Now that I'm here it's a different story."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean I'm not going to keep girls at arm's length anymore. We're going to meet so many new people here in class and at parties. I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend if I find someone I really like. It's going to be a fun year," he said flashing me a devilish grin.

I just nodded my head. This conversation was making me emotionally exhausted. I changed the subject before he could ask me again why I wasn't putting myself out there.

"I missed this," I said. "You and me, just hanging out in your room."

I couldn't help reveling in the smile that came over his face in response to my words. He took my hand and pulled me onto the bed next to him. I sat facing him and pulled my legs underneath me indian-style. He'd finished his hoagie in record time and tossed the wrapper into the wastepaper basket by the desk.

"Don't laugh, but over the summer I started feeling like maybe you were avoiding me," he confessed.

"Well, maybe I was, just a little. It was hard on me watching all our friends leaving for different schools. It was going to be worst when you left," I admitted staring down at the comforter.

He chucked lightly and said, "At first I thought I was making a huge mistake deciding not to go to my dream school, but now that I'm here with you, and Rose and Emmett, I think I made the right decision."

"I'm happy that you three ended up here, even if this wasn't your first choice. It's nice to have friendly faces nearby," I commented.

"Yeah. It's like we were able to bring a small part of our old life here with us instead of diving headfirst into a completely new environment like I would have done at NYU."

"Why did you decide not to leave?" I asked nervously. He'd avoided this subject on several previous occasions. I hoped our candid conversation would convince him to finally spill the beans.

"The truth?" he asked. He was stalling.

"You said honesty is the way to go," I reminded him, taking the final bite of my sandwich.

He took a moment to gather his thoughts and said, "It's complicated. You're the only one I've ever wanted to tell."

"You know you can trust me. Whenever you're ready to talk I'll be here," I said not wanting to push him. This was what I loved about my friendship with Edward. I felt closer to him than any other person I knew, even Angela or my mom, and he felt the same way about me. I was completely comfortable with him even though he sometimes said things that made me blush or start my heart racing. I didn't know how I'd have survived if he'd really gone to live on the east coast.

"I do want to talk; I just think Mark might come back soon. You want to take a walk?" he asked.

"Sure," I replied smiling. "Let's take the umbrella just in case." I pulled my little green umbrella from my backpack and we headed downstairs. Once outside, I followed Edward as he started walking down the sidewalk that weaved through the different dormitories and led to the student Rec center.

"The real reason I stayed in Washington was because of my mom," he began. "In July she found out she was pregnant. It was a huge surprise to all of us. Then in early August she lost the baby. She was eleven weeks. She was completely devastated, and is still really depressed about it. See, she thought she couldn't have children." He looked at me to see if I was following but my face must have shown my confusion.

"Alice and I are adopted," he said.

I did not see that coming. I was too shocked to speak but he didn't give me a chance to respond anyway.

"They tried for a long time to have a baby, but it never happened for them. So they decided to become foster parents. Alice and I were taken out of a bad home when I was 3 and she was 2. I don't remember it. After many years with them, and a lot of legal garbage they were finally able to adopt us. My mom always said we were the answer to her prayers, and she never made us feel like we didn't truly belong to them. But I guess she never stopped hoping for a biological baby, because when she lost this one last month, I thought it was going to kill her. I've never seen her so sad."

Without thinking I took his hand in mine as we continued walking. "You're very lucky, you know. You have great parents," I said.

"I know. And I wanted to do what I could to help her. When I suggested putting off NYU for a year she seemed to perk up a bit. She got weepy when I talked about leaving even before the miscarriage."

"So you decided to stay," I said. "You're a good son."

"Yeah, well, Alice calls me every time mom has a bad day and I feel guilty even being this far away. Alice is so worried about her; I think I'll be putting a lot of miles on my car this year."

"And do you still think you'll go to NYU next year then?" I felt selfish asking but I had to know.

"No, I don't want to establish myself here and then move in a year. I'll probably apply there for graduate school," he said.

"And how's your dad?" I asked.

"He's taking it better than her. They're 41; I think he'd given up on getting pregnant a while ago. He's mostly concerned about how she's handling the loss. We argued about my decision to go to UW. He said I was missing a big opportunity. Once we saw my mom's reaction though, he knew he couldn't change my mind."

He let go of my hand as we made our way back towards his dorm. My body felt the loss immediately.

"The worst part for me was feeling jealous of that baby. It made me feel like I was less her child than before. I know it's stupid. And then after it was gone, I felt so guilty," he admitted.

He frowned and looked at the sidewalk. I had no idea Edward was carrying around so much pain. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything would be okay. Considering he had just released my hand I thought I probably shouldn't try to touch him again, even though every cell in my body was screaming at me to do just that.

I decided to just say, "Thank you for telling me."

"Thank you for listening," he replied, a smile creeping over his face.

We walked back up to his room so I could grab my backpack. It hadn't rained so I shoved the umbrella back inside. I needed to get home to call my dad, as I promised I'd do every Sunday night, and told Edward so.

"Tell him hello for me," he said.

"Are you going to Emmett's first game next weekend?" I asked.

"Like I have any choice! You know he'd never forgive any of us if we missed it," he said grinning.

"I thought maybe you'd have to go home for the weekend," I said cautiously.

"I'm gonna head down Thursday after my last class but I'll be back in time for his game Saturday," he said.

"Good. Well, you'll have to sit with me and Rose, then. You can explain to us what the heck is going on down on the field," I replied.

He laughed and said how that effort would be a lost cause. "I'll see you before then, Bells," he said reassuringly. He must have been able to sense my hesitation to leave him. "We should get dinner one night this week with Rose and Emmett."

I nodded, quickly saying goodbye and turning to leave before my blushing face betrayed me again. I took my time walking back to the house. It was about a twenty minute walk from Edward's door to mine. I thought about everything he'd said to me in him room and while we were walking. I worried about Esme. She was like my Forks mother since my actual mom lived in Jacksonville. I tried thinking of something that would help her but there was really nothing I could do. I realized now why she must have always enjoyed having us in the house. She'd always wanted more children and had to settle for entertaining Alice's friends. Even in our obnoxious teenage years she loved having us around. I thought of Alice and wanted to call her to see how she was holding up. It must not be easy dealing with that situation every day. I promised Edward I'd keep his confession to myself so I could only hope he would tell Alice that I knew and maybe she'd call me if she needed to talk.

My mind shifted back to Edward's dorm. I really didn't like what he'd said about his attitude toward dating now that he was in college. I knew he'd gone out with a lot of girls in high school, and I suspected even slept with one or two of them, but I'd never had to deal with Edward having a girlfriend before. The thought of having to hang out with him and another girl made me cringe. He was so open and nonchalant when telling me that he was looking forward to meeting lots of girls. He obviously had no idea how his words would hurt me, which meant he had no idea how I felt about him.

That wasn't a surprise to me, and I really couldn't blame him. I'd never tried to give him hints or flirt with him in any way. I decided that we both had plenty of opportunities to do or say something along those lines and he never did either. I was hopelessly lost in the friend zone. And now I was downright gloomy when I arrived back at the house.

I made my way into the kitchen and saw that Rose had taken out some chicken to thaw. I should have text her that I ate a late lunch and wouldn't want dinner. She shouldn't be too angry because I was almost positive this meat was left out for me to cook and not her. I turned the radio to a good station and got started in the kitchen. Rose came out of her room a few minutes later, pleased to see chicken cutlets and rice were on the way.

"I'm not having any, so whatever you don't eat just wrap up for later, okay?" I told her when she came in and sat at the table.

"Why not, where have you been?" she asked.

"I studied at the library for a while and then went over to Edward's," I said casually.

"And what did you two do over there?" she asked suggestively.

"Nothing. Just hung out. I wanted to meet his roommate but he never showed."

"That seems like a waste to me," she sighed. "If you were alone in his room for so long you should have gotten in a little 'practice'. Lord knows, you need it."

Rose was a great friend, but she was completely oblivious to my Edward infatuation. I usually counted that a good thing.

"I told you before; I'm not going to ask Edward to make out with me just because I've never kissed anyone else! That's humiliating," I snapped.

A kiss from Edward would never be just practicing to me. And I had kissed one boy before, albeit in seventh grade during a round of truth or dare. James dared me to kiss him in front of our other friends and when I did he stuck his tongue in my mouth. I proceeded to wipe his slobber off my lips and ran to hide in my room. That counts, right?

"I'm just saying it might not be a bad thing to have a little experience before you get in a situation where you've met the man of your dreams and don't even know which way to tilt your head," she exclaimed.

I seriously considered undercooking these cutlets and serving Rose her dinner with a side of Salmonella. Instead I chose to humor her and said, "Fine, Rose. Next time you want to go out I will do my best to find someone worth practicing on, okay?"

She looked taken aback that I would actually agree to do such a thing. I normally wouldn't have, until Edward told me today about his plans to chase every skirt on campus. I didn't want to spend the next four years waiting for Edward. I was by no means ready to attempt getting over him, but I needed to at least try to enjoy my college experience. Maybe I'd get lucky and he'd see me with another guy and get jealous!

"Okay, excellent," Rose said. "Oh, we should try Sharky's one night! They have pool tables and a dance floor. And since it's geared towards underage students they have a bar area that sells all nonalcoholic drinks, like virgin margaritas and mudslides. It's kinda hokey but I hear a lot of freshman go there."

I agreed and turned my attention back to the stove. I didn't know if I could trust Rose's guidance in my love life but for the first time I wanted to try. I deserved to be happy, and while my friendship with Edward was stronger than ever after today, I had to admit that it didn't seem likely he'd be falling in love with me any time soon.


	4. Chapter 3: Boys and Bars

CHAPTER 3: BOYS AND BARS

My friendship with Edward was growing to new heights that first semester at UW. I found that I didn't have to position myself in the right place at the right time in order to hang out with him anymore. In high school I used to know his schedule so well I could conveniently pass his locker after 6th period knowing he was on his way to Biology and had to stop to change his books. Or, if I rushed out of gym I could catch him in the hall and enjoy the three minute walk to his car. Now I would just call him or he would call me, and the other was always up for hanging out or studying together.

Edward was an English major like me so we had a lot of the same classes. We'd study together almost every day in his dorm or at the library. When the location was his room Edward and I would plow through our course material for Modern Lit. I loved this because Edward would sit in his desk chair and read the assigned book to me out loud while I lay on his bed taking notes from his readings. His voice was like beautiful music and I never enjoyed doing homework so much in my life. It was easier for me to survive without having his strong arms and soft lips because at least I had his voice. It felt so sensual to be in Edward's room, lying on his bed, while he read to me. I knew it was something that he only did with me.

Although I was generally happy with the way our friendship was growing I still had my good days and bad days. We talked about everything, like good friends do. Sometimes Edward would tell me about the girls he dated. Those were my bad days. He really wasn't kidding when he said he was looking forward to meeting lots of girls. He never went into details, thank God, but I'd hear all about Brianna one day, and Hannah the next. Each one would last a few days, maybe a week, and then she'd be gone. I liked to think he wasn't sleeping with all these girls but I really had no idea. Edward wasn't the kind to kiss and tell. I noticed a box of condoms in his desk drawer one day and I'm ashamed to admit that when he left to use the restroom I peeked to see if the box had been opened. It was a twelve pack, with only nine inside. My heart sank down into my stomach and for the first time I contemplated telling him the truth about how I felt. By the time he'd returned to his room I'd dismissed the idea and pretended nothing was wrong.

I still hadn't dated anyone seriously at UW and it wasn't because I didn't want to. Rose and I had gone out every Saturday night; I just couldn't find anyone who held my attention like Edward.

It was now late October and on one typical afternoon Edward and I were in his room reading Zenzele.

"Are you going to Sharky's tonight?" he asked.

"Um, yeah I think that's where Rose wants to go. Why?"

"Emmett mentioned it. I met this girl in the cafeteria and I wanted to ask her to hang out with us tonight if everyone was going somewhere," he explained.

"I usually follow Rose's lead. So I guess that means yes," I said trying to cover my sarcasm with a smile.

"Good. I want you all to meet her and tell me what you think. Her name's Lauren," he told me.

"What happened to Katie?" I asked calmly. I was clenching my teeth just a smidge.

"She had a boyfriend. Can you believe that? Why would she accept a date with me if she already had a boyfriend?" he said shaking his head.

I could have had five boyfriends and still accepted a date with Edward. I chose to word my audible response a little differently. "Maybe she didn't like him all that much and thought you'd be a good replacement."

"Maybe. But I called her the night after our date and that's when she told me she had a boyfriend. Did I not pass her first date test or something?" He was quiet for a moment while I shook my head to show I didn't know the answer to that. I couldn't think of anything unlikable about Edward.

"I mean, I thought the sex was pretty great," he said. When my eyes bulged out of my head and I felt the heat flushing into my cheeks he laughed out loud and said, "Just kidding, Bells. Sheesh! I was just kidding."

I laughed awkwardly and kicked him for teasing me. "You gotta lighten up, Bella. We'll have fun at Sharky's tonight, you'll see. And I need you to make sure Lauren isn't another psycho, okay?"

"Fine. What time are you getting there?" I asked, still a little stunned by his idea of a good laugh.

He whipped out his phone and sent a quick text message. To Lauren I assumed. When it beeped he checked the message and smiled. I noticed he didn't read it out loud.

"How about ten?" he suggested.

"That's good. I'm gonna head home to make dinner and get ready," I said.

"You make Rosalie dinner every night?"

"Yeah, pretty much. It's like our special roommate time," I explained.

"I miss my mom's cooking. Will you make me dinner one night?"

His question caught me by surprise. I wanted to cook for him, every night, for as long as we both shall live. He was still looking at me, giving me the sad puppy dog face, so finally I said, "Oh fine, whatever night you want. Tell Emmett to come too. I'll play Mother Hen to all three of you."

His sad eyes turned up into a triumphant grin. He hadn't mentioned his mother in a while so I took the opportunity to ask. "How is your mom doing, Edward?"

"Alice says she seems a little better each day, but she still doesn't want to talk about the baby or even leave the house. Everyone in town knows now and she doesn't want to face them," he answered.

"I'd love to visit her, if she'd want to see me I mean," I said nervously.

"I think she'd like that, Bella. She's always thought of you like a daughter," he said smiling.

I patted his knee as I stood up and gathered my books. "See ya tonight," I said and then I left.

I was planning chicken Caesar salad for dinner so it wouldn't take that much time. I decided to swing by the Student Center and check out the bulletin board where student events were posted. I looked over flyers for different club meetings and checked out the job postings. I'd been looking for something that would offer me just a few hours a week to help pay for groceries and books. I didn't see anything that peaked my interest so I started walking to the exit on the other side of the building. As I passed the lounge area I spotted Jacob Black sprawled out on one of the couches. He was reading a car magazine and tapping his foot like he was listening to music. I swatted his foot to get his attention which startled him and he dropped his magazine.

"Hi, Bella" he said nervously.

"Hey, Jacob. How's it going?" I replied. Jacob and I had become friendlier over the past two months since we met. I'd never taken him up on his offer to help me with our Public Speaking class but he'd always sit next to me and make small talk. It was nice running into him outside of class.

"Good, good. I was just waiting for my friends to get out of class," he said as if I would think him a loser for hanging out in the lounge by himself.

"That's cool," I replied. "I was on my way home and thought I'd say hey."

"Oh, okay. Well, hey," he said with his typical boyish grin. "Um, Bella, what are you doing tonight? Going out with friends?"

"Ah, yeah. I'm gonna be at Sharky's around ten. If your friends ever come to your rescue you should come hang out," I suggested.

I didn't know what came over me. Maybe I was just being polite. Maybe I was confused about why he was asking about my plans for the evening, but something inside me at that moment wanted him to come to the bar.

"Yeah, okay. I've heard that place gets a lot of UW students," he said.

"It's a cool place," I agreed. "Okay, well I hope you aren't waiting around here too much longer. See ya tonight."

"See ya," he said as I walked away.

I was glad that Jacob agreed to come out tonight, if for nothing else than to give me someone else to talk to besides Edward's newest fling.

Rose and I ate our salads and discussed wardrobe for the evening. I wasn't allowed to pick out my own bar clothes anymore since the jeans and hoodie incident that occurred last month. I did our dishes and picked up around the house before heading upstairs to change. I showered, blow dried my hair, and touched up my nail polish. Then around 9pm I decided it was time to put on my Rose-approved outfit. She'd chosen a simple black skirt which was a little short for my comfort, and a slinky red top that hugged my mostly flat tummy with a neckline that plunged down just far enough to showcase my cleavage. I didn't have any black heels so I went down stairs to see what Rose had in her closet. Someone knocked on the door, and I greeted Emmett with a smile telling him to come in.

"You girls ready?" he asked.

"Um, I need to borrow shoes from Rose and she's going to fix my hair. Maybe twenty minutes?" I said.

He groaned and headed for the couch, picking up the remote control on his way.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"He's picking up Lauren and meeting up there," Emmett replied.

I scowled and hurried myself into Rose's room. She brushed my long brown hair until it was "tolerable" to her and then set to the task of applying eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick to my face. We were finally ready at quarter to ten and piled into Rose's BMW to drive to Sharky's.

We arrived just before ten and saw that Edward was already there. He'd gotten a high top table near the bar so we made our way over to him. He introduced us to Lauren, who was a brunette with small features and perfect teeth. She was also skinny as a rail. At least my boobs were bigger. She was friendly and seemed to want to get to know Edwards friends. She asked Emmett how football season was going and thus easily won over her first critic. Rose went to get us some virgin appletini's, seriously, and I sat down on the stool next to Edward. I almost fell out of it, trying to hop up onto that ridiculously high stool in those loaner heels that didn't quite fit while trying not to flash the whole bar in my too short skirt. It really was to my credit I made it up without assistance. Edward held his hand out assuming I would need his help and chuckled as I struggled, determined to do it myself.

"You look good, Bells" Edward complimented me once I was securely in place.

"Thanks," I said. "You too." I was hoping the dims lights would help to hide my blush.

We all talked for a while about classes and other college events. Emmett saw some football buddies and went off for a time to talk to them. Meanwhile, Edward escorted Lauren over to one of the pool tables and gave her a lesson. I nearly gagged at the sight, but managed to hold down a conversation with Rose without revealing my disgust. She was scanning the bar for someone to dance with when she spotted Jacob. With all the flirting and touching that was going on over at the pool table I had completely forgotten to look for him.

"Bella, that boy is staring at you," Rose informed me.

"Where?" I asked. Usually the boys were staring at Rosalie.

"There, by the wall. See?" she said, subtly craning her neck in the direction she wanted me to look.

"Oh, that's my friend, Jacob," I said. "I'm going to go say hello."

I carefully maneuvered out of the stool and walked over to Jake. I saw he did indeed have friends with him. They were standing on either side of him forming an open circle. Both had slightly longer black hair and the same skin tone as my friend. Jacob's smile was about as wide as could be by the time I reached him and his buddies.

"Hi, Bella. You look beautiful," he blurted. His friends found that amusing.

"Hey, Jacob. Thank you," I replied politely.

"Um, these are my friends, Quil and Embry," he said. "We all went to high school together."

"Nice to meet you. I'm here with high school friends too," I said. "The tall blonde, that's Rosalie. And next to her is Emmett. And the one shooting pool is Edward."

I hung out with Jacob for a while and then took him over to our table to meet the others. After a while I noticed Jacob's wingmen seemed to have disappeared and Jacob stayed with us the rest of the night. Rose and Emmett danced together and so did Edward and Lauren. I tried not to stare at Edward on the dance floor but it brought back memories from prom and I just couldn't help it.

Eventually, Edward and Lauren said their goodbyes and left hand in hand. Jacob was still chatting away when I involuntarily yawned.

"Am I boring you?" he asked.

"No, I'm sorry. It's just a little later than I'm used to staying out," I said feeling embarrassed by my admission.

"Oh, well, would you like me to walk you home?"

"Yeah, thank you." I said. I went to tell Rose I was leaving. She was talking to Emmett and one of his teammates.

"Are you sure you don't want to drive with us?" Rose asked.

"No, it's not that far. I'll be alright," I replied.

"Okay, have a good walk with Jacob," she said shooting me an evil grin.

"Shut up," I said curtly and left her there at the bar; still smiling at me.

Jacob and I talked more on the walk back to my house. It was easier to hear each other without the noise and music in the bar. He told me about the old Volkswagen he was rebuilding back home. It turned out he and his friends grew up on the Makah reservation in the Olympic Peninsula, so his family wasn't too far from Forks. I told him about my mom and Phil, how they were out traveling the country with Phil's minor league baseball team. Jacob thought that was awesome, and mentioned he was a big Mariners fan. Before I knew it we were at my front door. I noticed Rose's car was already parked in the driveway so she and Emmett must have left Sharky's shortly after us.

Jacob followed me up the steps to the front door as I fished around in my purse for my keys. I felt awkward with him standing so close behind me and it occurred to me he was going to try to kiss me goodnight. I had conflicting emotions swirling around inside me. My heart sped up with excitement. My brain told me this was a rite of passage I'd been looking forward to. My conscience told me I was leading this boy on. I pulled my key out and turned to face Jacob.

I had to look up to see his face as he was much taller than me despite my wearing Rose's killer heels. Before I could tell him goodnight Jacob placed one hand on my shoulder blade and gently pulled me closer to him, closing the gap between us. His mouth pressed softly against mine. When I didn't pull away, because I was paralyzed in fear, his lips parted and surrounded my lower lip. For a moment I forgot how to breathe. My arms were limp at my sides and all I could focus on was how Jacob's masculine scent and gentle touch combined to send an electric impulse through my lower body. I opened my eyes as he let go of my shoulder and took a step back. I felt embarrassed and self conscious. My mind was such a jumble I didn't even know if I had kissed him back.

He smiled and whispered, "Goodnight, Bella."

I cleared my throat awkwardly and replied, "Goodnight."

I pushed the key into the lock and walked into the house. I smiled at Jacob before closing the door behind me. I took a deep breath and laughed quietly to myself. For a split second I'd allowed myself to get close to someone that wasn't Edward and it felt good. I was still riding that high as I walked through the dark hallway to the living room. Rose must have gone straight to her room, but left the television on. I hit the off button on the remote that was left on the arm of the sofa. Out of the corner of my eye I realized there was someone sleeping on the couch. I saw immediately that it wasn't my roommate, but Edward. I had no idea how he'd ended up in my house, but seeing him snuggled up with my favorite afghan churned my stomach. All the happy feelings I'd experienced only moments ago drained away and left me more desperate for Edward's affection than ever.

Afraid to face him if he woke up, I quickly turned and hurried up to my room. I brushed my teeth and slipped into some of my nicer sleepwear. My mind kept replaying the walk home with Jacob and I found it difficult to fall asleep. I kept wondering if Edward would still be downstairs when I woke in the morning. It was completely absurd but I felt like tonight I'd cheated on my infatuation. I'd betrayed my heart. The neurons in my brain kept firing off contradictory signals and it was impossible to relax when I closed my eyes. At some point exhaustion won out over worry and I slept.

I woke the next morning to a quiet house. As I expected, I found myself feeling guilty that I'd let Jacob kiss me the night before. I'd enjoyed the way he made me feel desirable and I let my defenses down. I was selfish. He obviously had a crush on me and I did not feel the same way. As much as I wanted to, I just didn't get the same feelings from thinking about him as I did when I thought of Edward. It wasn't Jacob's fault; it was the way I felt about every new guy I met.

I took my time showering and washing my face; putting my camisole and boy shorts back on afterwards because it was Saturday morning and I felt like bumming it for a while. I went downstairs and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. I peeked into the living room to make sure my overnight guest had left and was startled when I saw that he was still there. He was awake this time and staring at me.

"Nice PJ's," he said grinning. His hands were resting behind his head, the picture of ease.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Waiting for Em to wake up," he whispered, pointing to Rose's closed bedroom door.

No. I couldn't believe it. "Emmett's in there with Rose?"

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. He stood up and came to join me in the kitchen.

"How did you end up here last night? What happened to Lauren?" I questioned. I turned my back to him to get the eggs and butter from the fridge.

"We had a good time. I dropped her off at her dorm and then went home, but Mark had people over and I just didn't want to be there. So I came here," he explained.

I wanted more information about his evening with Lauren. "You came here instead of going back to Lauren's room?"

"Bella, I just met her," he said, pretending to be appalled. "Besides, her roommate was there."

I didn't know what else to say. I was relieved to know there had been someone home when Edward went to Lauren's dorm room because it meant they hadn't been alone.

"Pancakes or scrambled eggs?" I replied.

"Both?"

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help smiling. Boys and their bottomless stomachs.

"Alright, but you have to help me then," I said.

I pointed to an overhead cabinet where we kept the flour and sugar. Edward pulled down the necessary ingredients for me and a large mixing bowl. I handed him a wooden spoon and put him to work on the pancake batter. I whipped the eggs and got them heating in the frying pan. We were both silent while we worked; I was thinking about how fun it was cooking with a helper for a change.

"You seem kind of quiet this morning. Is everything okay?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah. I'm fine," he said. He pushed the mixed batter aside and started filling the coffee pot.

"Okay. It just seems like's something's on your mind," I guessed. He hit the brew button on my Mr. Coffee and then leaned against the counter with his arms folded.

"Well, honestly I'm just waiting for you to tell me about your evening," he said softly.

I looked up at him and shrugged as casually as possible. "I had a good time. I hung out with Jacob and then he walked me home," I said. I really didn't know what details he was asking for, and I didn't want to tell him about the kiss.

"You like this Jacob guy?" he asked. I was very uncomfortable talking about guys with Edward. I felt like I had to watch every word that came out of my mouth or I would blurt out something embarrassing.

"He's a nice guy," I said slowly. "I'm not really interested in him as anything more than friends."

"You seemed to like him more than friends last night at your door," he said sternly and started pulling coffee mugs down from their little hooks.

"You saw us? Why did you pretend to be asleep when I came in?" I demanded.

"I don't know," he said, finally looking me in the eyes. "I'm not used to seeing you with a guy. It was weird."

"Weird?" I said. I was humiliated. I felt my face turning red. "What business is it of yours who I date? It doesn't even matter because I'm not dating him!"

"You're right, it's none of my business. I just feel protective of you, and I've never heard you mention that guy before. I don't want you to get hurt," he admitted.

"Well, it's sweet that you worry about me, but trust me, Jacob's not going to hurt me," I said.

I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I couldn't help but mentally laugh at the irony in Edward's concern that some other guy might break my heart. I transferred the eggs to a plate and wiped it clean to start cooking the pancakes. Edward busied himself by setting the table for four, assuming our friends would smell food and finally come out of Rose's room.

"This doesn't count as the home cooked meal you promised me, right?" he joked, poking me in the ribs.

I sighed. "No, I'll make you something real good for dinner one night. Maybe if you're nice I'll marinade a steak and do mashed potatoes."

"Yes, please," he said giving me a smile he knew I couldn't resist. I smiled back. Our little mini-squabble was over.

A few moments later a sleepy Emmett emerged from the hallway clad only in a pair of sweatpants that looked like they belonged to Rose. He rubbed his eyes looking surprised to see us.

"Oh, hey guys," he said, his voice thick with sleep.

"You know, Edward, it's ironic you asked about my evening last night, because it seems Emmett here has a much better story," I said shooting him a sly grin.

"I think you might be right, Bella," Edward said, clearly amused. "Emmett, take a seat... Have some pancakes."

Emmett groaned and pulled out a chair. "I'm gonna need some of those eggs too."

It appeared to me that Rose's use of Emmett as a friend with benefits was becoming a more regular occurrence than I suspected. I knew Edward didn't approve of the arrangement. He was closer to Emmett and probably knew more about how much he cared for Rose than even she did. Edward didn't want to see Em get hurt, just like he didn't want to see me to get hurt either. As much as I hoped that Edward's little rant earlier was out of jealousy, it was more likely that he was looking after me the way he did for all his friends. It was just in his nature to protect the people he cared about.

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	5. Chapter 4: Home for the Holidays

CHAPTER 4: HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

The first semester at UW was over before I knew it. We all went home for Thanksgiving and I was able to convince my dad to celebrate the holiday at the Cullen's. It was great seeing Edward's family again and Esme seemed to enjoy having company over. December was a crazy time between studying for finals, Emmett's football games, and doing Christmas shopping. Edward and Emmett had to move out of their dorm rooms at the end of the month. Although Rose and I rented the house for the whole year, we both opted to return to Forks to be with our families over winter break. I was looking forward to seeing Jessica and Angela, and spending time with Alice.

I didn't go out with Jacob Black again after the night at Sharky's. We still sat next to each other in class twice a week. He invited me out with his friends a few times but I always made excuses for why I couldn't go. I felt bad for blowing him off but he never actually asked me out on a date so I never had to deal with my conflicting feelings about him.

The week before Christmas we took our final exams and headed home to Forks. I was excited to see Alice. I wanted to know everything that had happened in Forks while I was away. I wanted to get her mind off Esme's depression by taking her to Port Angeles to shop. I wanted to just spend time at our old stomping grounds. It never occurred to me that Alice might be a little more excited at Jasper's homecoming than mine. When I called her the day after Christmas she promised we'd do all the fun things I'd envisioned, but for now she needed to be alone with her boyfriend. I told her I completely understood, which of course I did not, never having had a boyfriend of my own.

Alice invited me to the New Year's Eve party her parents were throwing. She said Esme wanted to have the whole gang over. I graciously accepted. A party meant I'd need something fancy to wear so I enlisted Jessica's help. We drove to the nearest mall and took our time trying on different outfits. It was a tedious process for me, but Jess enjoyed every minute of it.

She told me about the guys she'd met at CU and how much fun she was having. She was learning how to surf from the cute California boys. I had to admit, she had a great tan. She asked me about my love life and so as not to seem completely dull I mentioned Jacob. When I told her he lived up on the Makah reservation she offered to go visit him with me. I insisted that I could wait until spring semester to see him again, which was nothing but the truth. I thought about Jacob every once in a while, and a part of me was hoping that I would surprise myself and miss him over the break. I looked forward to seeing him again in the spring but I definitely didn't need it to be sooner than that.

On New Year's Eve Angela and Jessica met at my house and we drove over to the Cullen's together. I'd talked to Edward a few times since Christmas but he was preoccupied with his mom and spending quality time with her and Carlisle. I was looking forward to seeing him for sure. I noticed Jasper's car parked outside the house so I pulled my old truck up next to it. Rose had come with him and they were sitting in the living room with Alice when we walked in. Esme had outdone herself with food and decorations.

I gave her a hug and thanked her for having all of us over. She smiled brightly and said, "Do me a favor, Bella, and see if you can drag my son down from his room."

"He's hiding again, huh?" I replied with a smirk.

"Maybe you can pull him out of his shell," she said and then had to go answer the door for more party guests.

I felt a chill run down my spine as I thought about Edward's shell and hurried myself up the stairs to find him. He was sitting at his piano and looked to be in the middle of composing a song.

"Knock, knock," I said letting myself into his room. It looked exactly the same as it always has and I felt a brief moment of déjà vu being there.

"Hey, you," he smiled, swirling around on the stool to look at me.

"Writing a song?" I asked.

"Yeah. It just kind of came to me. I'm going to give it to my mom before I go back to UW," he said.

"Edward, that's beautiful," I replied. I suddenly wanted to attack him with kisses.

"Thanks," he said, running his hand through his messy hair. "My mom's starting to feel better. I wanted to give her something to remind her she's loved."

I couldn't think of anything to say that did start out with, "you're loved too," so I just bit my lip and stared. Edward chuckled nervously at his own emotional outpouring and said, "It's just good to be home, you know?"

"I don't really feel at home here," I replied. "I've only lived here with my dad for four years during high school."

"You feel more at home in Phoenix?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Phoenix is an empty house since my mom is usually in Jacksonville with Phil. If I went back there right now there'd be no one to greet me," I said somberly. "I guess I don't really feel like I have a home."

He said, "I've lived in Forks a year less than you. I guess wherever Alice and my parents are, that's home to me."

I smiled and nodded. It was a nice perspective to have.

"So don't worry about having a home, Bella," he added. "Rosalie, Emmett, and I are your home."

I'm sure I blushed. I tried to ignore what he said for now. I'd repeat it over and over in my head later, but for now I had to shake it off.

"Esme wanted me to come up here and drag you back to the party," I said, getting back to the task at hand.

"Oh, alright," he said teasingly. "But I'm only coming because she made my favorite dessert."

"Whatever the reason," I said, laughing under my breath.

I spent some time catching up with Mike Newton and some of Alice's classmates. Mike said he was enjoying running the sporting goods store, but I figured he felt a little left out with all the college talk we all were doing. Before I knew it Dick Clark was counting down to midnight. Emmett snuck up behind Rose hoping to kiss her at the stroke of twelve. I saw all around me boys and girls had paired up waiting for their cue to kiss. Angela and Ben, Jessica and Mike, Alice and Jasper. Even Carlisle had nuzzled up to Esme.

I was counting heads to see who was left for Edward to kiss when I felt him brush up against my arm. I knew it was him simply because there was no one else it could be. I momentarily resented the fact that he had approached me in the last seconds before the ball dropped. It was like being picked last in gym all over again. Everyone started counting down, "5… 4… 3… 2… 1…Happy New Year!," they cheered.

Frozen with fear, I was studying Ryan Seacrest wishing Dick Clark a happy new year when I felt Edward tug on my arm. Everyone around us was kissing. I felt like I was in the middle of an orgy. Edward's long finger tilted my head up until I was looking into his eyes and he laughed softly at my expression.

"I don't want us to feel left out of the celebration," he reasoned.

I'd stopped breathing seconds earlier but somehow I managed to whisper, "Okay."

He tried to hold back his chuckle but was still grinning when he leaned down and placed a soft chaste kiss on my lips. I continued holding my breath and felt as though I'd pass out from the lack of oxygen or the adrenaline coursing through my veins. His lips were soft and warm, just as I'd imagined. The feeling of having him so close sent my emotions spiraling out of control. Then as quickly as it began it was over.

He pulled away and everyone went back to talking and enjoying the party. When Edward turned his attention to Emmett I ducked out of the room and sprinted to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I smiled at myself in the mirror, memorizing the feel of Edward's lips on mine. Then as I came down from the euphoria of the moment my eyes filled with tears. I sobbed silently thinking about how I'd finally gotten a piece of what I desired most, simultaneously reminding myself that to Edward it had only been a kiss.

I did my best to avoid Edward for the duration of the party. I only spoke to him again to say goodnight when Jessica and Angela were ready to leave. On the ride home Jessica complained about Mike kissing her, how he didn't seem to understand that she didn't want to date him; and how he never got the hint that she wasn't interested in him that way. I couldn't help thinking how much I was like Mike. Playing the part of the good friend, always waiting in the wings for something to change.

Angela and I made plans to get together the next day. I dropped the girls off and headed home. It was 2am by the time I reached my bedroom in Charlie's house and I crashed on my bed without even changing clothes. I didn't care I hadn't washed my face or brushed my teeth. When I woke in the morning I tried not to think about Edward but it was a lost cause. I hoped he hadn't noticed the distance I put between us after the kiss. I hadn't meant to purposely avoid him but I was worried he'd be able to decipher the pain in my expression. I wasn't a very good liar, especially with someone who knew me as well as Edward.

I made my father breakfast and cleaned up the house. Without me being around every day the housekeeping was severely lacking. Sometime after lunch Angela stopped by as planned. She was armed with romantic comedies and junk food. We hung out in the living room for a while, watching movies and talking about school. Angela told me how she and Ben still talked occasionally and emailed, but agreed to live their own lives. She was attending Columbia while Ben was at the local community college. I asked her how they managed an open relationship without getting jealous or hurt.

"We care about each other, but we both recognize that we're young and have so many opportunities available to us. I didn't want to spend my whole college experience committed to someone long distance. We both agreed that if we're meant to be then we'll find our way back to each other," she explained.

"You're so mature, Angela. I don't understand how the thought of Ben dating someone else doesn't drive you insane," I said.

"To be completely honest, I still don't like the idea of Ben dating other girls. When I left in September, we didn't really want to break up, but we weren't madly in love either. It just made the most sense to make our relationship more casual."

Charlie came home from work as we were finishing the second movie. He said hello and went right for the refrigerator.

Angela lowered her voice slightly and said, "So Bella, I saw Edward kiss you last night. What's going on with you guys?"

My eyes widened and I looked into the kitchen. My father was busying himself with the leftovers from lunch. I grabbed Angela's hand and pulled her toward the staircase. She followed me upstairs to my room and I swiftly shut the door behind us.

"Wow, this must be good," she said grinning. Angela wasn't typically one for gossip, but she'd been dealing with my Edward drama for years now.

"Nothing's happening, Ang. That's the problem," I vented. "Last night was just a new years eve kiss, nothing more. It was amazing, and hurt like Hell at the same time. I really have no idea what to do anymore."

"If you two aren't together then why did he kiss you?" she asked confused.

"He said it was because everyone else was paired up and he didn't want us to be left out."

"Um, Bella? Why didn't he just kiss your cheek then?" she asked.

"Beats me! All I know is that he's been dating one girl after another at UW and he treats me like his sister," I fumed. "You should have seen the way he reacted to Jacob."

"Hold the phone," Angela exclaimed. "Who's Jacob?" she asked with a suspicious grin.

I sighed. "He's a guy from one of my classes. I invited him out with all of us one night and he met me there with his friends. Then he walked me home, and I knew he had, like, a crush on me or whatever, but I didn't really feel the same way. Anyhow, he walks me home and kisses me goodnight. And I liked it, I liked him. But then I went into my house and Edward was sleeping on the sofa and my mind got all jumbled up."

"So what did Edward do when he found out?" Angela asked.

"He pretended to be asleep when I came inside, but started questioning me the next morning. He said he wanted to protect me from getting hurt, like he would do for Alice," I huffed.

"So did you see Jacob again?"

"Well, yeah in class twice a week. I kinda avoided hanging out with him again. He's cute and everything... it's just-"

"He's not Edward," she finished for me. I nodded and flopped back on my bed. I was pathetic.

"If you want my advice, Bella, you need to either make a move on him, flirt with him or something, or just call this Jacob guy the second you get back to school and see where it goes with him. You've waited long enough for Edward."

I felt defeated, like I'd lost a battle I'd been fighting for three years. But Angela was right. I was only causing myself more pain. Of course, saying you'll do something and getting your heart to comply is tricky business.

I spent the next week catching up with my father. He took me fishing in the freezing cold weather, and out to dinner a few times. My mother flew out to see me the second week of January which was the highlight of my winter break. I loved her so much and missed her like crazy. She looked good and I could see that Jacksonville and Phil were both making her happy.

I did get to see Alice a few times, when Jasper was forced to spend family time with his parents and Rosalie. We went shopping in Port Angeles and she helped me pick out some spring clothes to take back to UW. I specifically asked her to pick out a few items I could wear on dates and that turned out to be a big mistake. She hounded me for at least an hour before I finally told her about Jacob. I hadn't planned on giving Edward's sister any details about Jacob, knowing she wasn't the best at keeping secrets, but once she cornered me I thought it really couldn't hurt if the information did make its way back to Edward. Maybe he'd finally start feeling jealous. Ha!

Once Alice finally ran out of questions I was able to ask her about Jasper.

"It really is as difficult as everyone said it would be, Bella."

"Three thousand miles is a long way," I agreed.

"I'm sending my applications to Drexel, Temple, LaSalle, and UW. No, put that down. Orange is not your color."

I released the offending dress from my fingers. She surprised me by saying she was applying to UW in addition to her Philadelphia options. I wondered if Esme's condition had anything to do with it, but Alice never brought it up so I had to play dumb.

"You'd really consider staying in state with Jasper on the east coast?" I asked.

"Yes. I never considered going far from home for college until Jasper left. And I miss you guys so much too. I'm really torn as to what to do." She handed me a deep blue blouse and winked.

"Alice, I know you have a big decision to make as far as schools go, but I want you to know that if you decide on UW there's a bedroom waiting for you in our house."

She smiled wide and gave me a hug. "Thank you, Bella. I was hoping you'd say that!"

The weeks passed quickly and before I knew it the month was over. I only talked to Edward a few times in January. It was mostly text messages and a few short phone calls but seemed like things between us were the same as ever. Rose was itching to get back to Seattle so it I agreed to leave a few days earlier than planned. As we set out on the three hour drive to the city I realized I was excited to get back there too. I still hadn't hatched a plan to deal with my feelings for Edward, but I had new determination to move forward with my life. In what direction I wasn't sure, but I couldn't help but wonder what surprises were in store for me this semester.


	6. Chapter 5: Moving Forward

CHAPTER 5: MOVING FORWARD

It was the last week of January and the students were beginning to filter back into campus. Rose and I had arrived a week before classes started and we spent the entire time lounging around the house watching television and talking. It was a great way to prepare for the stresses of another semester. Emmett and Edward arrived the weekend before the official start to the semester. Although Emmett had become good friends with his roommate from the fall, he agreed to rescue Edward from his nightmare situation with Mark, and so they were living together this semester. They were assigned to the Chestnut dorm, which is where Edward had lived with Mark. Emmett had plans to rush a fraternity that semester so their time together might be limited but Edward didn't seem to mind being left with a room to himself.

When the spring semester began I had two classes with Edward. I couldn't believe we'd never compared schedules after selecting our classes but there he was on the first day of European Lit, walking through the door like a male model, tousled hair and all, smiling at me with a relieved expression on his face.

"Hello, miss. Do you mind if I sit next to you?" he said jokingly.

"Why, no sir. Please do," I responded.

"How did I not know we had a class together, Bells?" he asked.

"I have no idea. You have the rest of you schedule with you?"

He nodded and pulled a folded piece of paper out of his notebook. I compared it to mine and laughed.

"Looks like we also have Early American Poetry on Tuesday nights."

"Oh, thank God. You can kick me every time I start to fall asleep," he said.

"Don't even think about slacking off just because I'm going to be there with you! I'm not gonna do any of your work just because you hate poetry," I said teasingly.

He started to respond when the teacher walked in and introduced himself. I could hardly pay attention to our new professor explaining the syllabus and introducing the course material. All I could think about was the anticipation of our first homework assignment to be announced. If I were lucky this middle aged man with a moustache would give us some pages to read on our first day. I hoped Edward's difficulty with poetry would lead to an increased number of study sessions in his room like we had in the fall with Modern Lit. I missed that quiet, private time I spent with Edward when we were studying together. It was seriously unhealthy, but for those few hours I could pretend he was mine.

We didn't get another chance to talk until the hour was over. As everyone was gathering their books and departing he turned to me and asked, "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow night?" referring to our poetry course. Two and a half hours of sitting next to Edward, watching him take notes in his beautiful script, smelling his cologne, watching him tap his pencil on the desk. Tuesday was my new favorite day of the week.

I smiled and nodded, unable to speak a coherent thought.

"Oh, you know how Emmett's rushing Sigma Phi Epsilon, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, he's so excited about it," I replied. We stood up and started walking out of the class.

"Well, the frat is hosting a big welcome back party and I thought you should come. He told me this morning that Rose is going," he said.

"Yeah, sure, if Emmett wants us there to support him, I'm in."

"Well, it's actually me who needs the support. Em's trying to get me to rush too," he admitted. We were in the hall now and I laughed out loud.

"You? A fraternity brother?" I asked.

"I know… it's not my scene. But Emmett really wants us to do this together. You know me better than anyone, Bella. If you come see the house and meet the guys you can tell me if it's a big waste of time," he explained.

Comments like that were what drove me insane. Edward had no idea how that simple comment, "you know me better than anyone," would leave me pondering for days what exactly he meant.

"Sure," I finally said. "If it means that much to you, I'll sniff the place out and give you my opinion."

"Thanks," he said grinning widely. "I gotta get to my next class. See you tomorrow."

"Adios," I said as he took off in the other direction.

As much as I wanted to take Angela's advice, after the first few weeks back in my familiar surroundings, I realized I just couldn't. I'd never had the confidence to tell Edward how I felt before; I didn't know why I thought I could now. Our friendship was just too important to risk the inevitable weirdness that I was sure would follow any kind of admission of love on my part. I decided patience was a virtue and I would continue to wait for him to wise up.

It should be no surprise then that my love for Edward blossomed that spring. The longer I knew Edward the more I loved him. My reasons for loving him became more concrete. I loved his face, his body, and the smell of his cologne, but I also loved the relationship he had with his family, the effort he put into his studies, and the loyalty he showed towards his friends. Then there were new little things I was learning about him. Edward never cursed, which was apparently rare for college-aged men. He absolutely always returned the grocery cart to the designated place, and he ate the food on his plate in order of tastiness. Vegetables came first, and then the starch, saving the meat for last.

He was also more organized than I gave him credit for. His bedroom at home and the dorm he'd shared with Mark were both what I'd call rather messy. But he always turned papers and homework in on time, he was diligent about dirty dishes, and he was trying to impress healthier eating habits on Emmett.

I was in Edward's room our fourth week into the semester and working on our Longfellow assignment. Edward insisted I be the one to read this time.

"All was ended now, the hope, and the fear, and the sorrow,

All the aching of heart, the restless, unsatisfied longing,

All the dull, deep pain, and constant anguish of patience!

And, as she pressed once more the lifeless head to her bosom,

Meekly she bowed her own, and murmured, Father, I thank thee"

"That's enough Longfellow," Edward whined, interrupting my recitation. "Can we please do something else for a while?"

"You didn't think that was beautiful?" I asked.

He shot me a look. "Bells, I may be an English major, but I'm still a guy. Evangeline goes on way too long about her dead lover."

Careful not to reveal my own connection to the words I'd read I simply placed my bookmark on the page and closed the book in my lap. His face brightened considerably.

"What do you want to do instead?" I challenged.

"I've been meaning to tell you that I think Rosalie and Emmett are officially dating," he said with a knowing grin.

"No way, she would have told me!" I replied.

"Well, that's what all the Sigma Phi guys are telling me."

"That doesn't mean anything. I wouldn't trust a word those goons said," I huffed.

Edward took me to the Sigma Phi Epsilon party the first week of the semester. He stayed close to me the whole evening, in the corner of the house's living room. We critiqued each person who passed through the party and I gave him my honest opinion at the end of the night. Although I knew Edward took my advice seriously, he still decided to rush with Emmett. I wasn't too pleased with his decision and he knew it. My reservations revolved entirely around the amount of time he'd have to devote to the fraternity, and not an aversion to Greek life, like Edward assumed. I simply didn't want to have to share him with twenty beer guzzling frat boys.

He scowled at me. "I know I may be getting in over my head but I promised Emmett. I want to at least give it a chance," he explained. I shrugged.

"If nothing else, rushing Sigma Phi will help me meet lots of sorority girls," he said winking.

I stuck my finger in my mouth to illustrate how that thought made me nauseous, which it did, but then I tried to hide my jealously with an equally teasing comment.

"Well, fine, but you better use your connections to introduce me to all your single brothers."

"Don't get ahead of yourself there, Bells. Let's see if any of them can make it through my rigorous screening process first," he replied.

"There's a screening process?" I asked.

"Oh yes. Not just any frat boy is good enough for you, Bella."

I was picking apart his statement in my head when he spoke again.

"My only real concern with rushing is the amount of commitment they expect. I still want enough time to study for classes, go to Mass on Sundays, and visit my mom whenever Alice needs me. Fraternities tend to monopolize their brothers' weekends."

"Holy crow," I said. "Edward Cullen goes to church every Sunday? How did I not know this?"

"It's a rather new development, that's why," he replied looking guarded.

"Oh," I said. I didn't like feeling as though Edward had been keeping a part of himself from me.

"It was my father's idea. I talked to him on the phone almost every day last fall to check on my mom. I told him how helpless I felt being three hours away worrying about her, knowing there was nothing I could do about it. He suggested I go to church and I was surprised to feel better after spending a little time there."

"My childhood was basically godless, but I think I'm technically Lutheran," I admitted.

"My parents took Alice and me to church every once in a while but never forced us to do CCD or anything like that. I think they were torn about how to raise us because of the adoption. They knew our birth parents weren't Catholic," he explained.

"Every time I've tried praying I end up feeling silly, like I'm just talking to myself," I said. I worried my honestly would make him think less of me. I hated that feeling.

"I know what you mean, but I feel good in church. Like I'm in the presence of something awesome. It's confusing," he responded softly.

"So you're like me? You don't know what to believe?" I asked hoping that was the case.

"I feel like it's okay to just have faith sometimes if you're not sure what to believe. Following the ten commandments and the golden rule can only make you a better person, right?"

I smiled at him. "You're amazing to me, Edward."

He playfully kicked my foot with his a couple times and then left it next to mine, slightly touching. I looked at the clock and realized how late it was.

"I should get going. I get scared walking home late at night. I wonder where Emmett is?" I said, my differing thoughts rushing out in one breath.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm going to drive you. And I bet when we reach your house we'll find out where Emmett's been all night," he said smirking.

I woke up the next morning and went downstairs to confront Rose. Edward had been right about Emmett being in my house. I found Rose in the living room doing her Pilates tape. She'd pushed all the furniture out of her way. I knew there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell it would be placed back the way it had been, but I reminded myself that wasn't important right now. I flopped down on the sofa and watched her.

"What's up?" she finally asked.

"I was just wondering when you were going to tell me you and Emmett were together?"

She stopped the exercise she was doing and looked at me over her shoulder. "You look pissed," she accused.

"Well, to be honest Rose, I am a little. I thought you said you didn't want to be tied down with a boyfriend right now?"

"I know, I know," she huffed, lying back on the floor. "You know I've always had a hard time resisting him. He just sprung it on me the other day and I didn't want to hurt him so I figured it was worth a try. I really do care about him, Bella."

"How did he spring being your boyfriend on you?" I asked aggravated.

"I mean he just asked me to be exclusive with him with no discussion beforehand."

"You know he's crazy about you, Rose. He always has been," I warned her.

"I understand that, Bella. I don't intend on hurting him, you know. Every relationship carries the risk of an eventual breakup. He could end up breaking my heart too," she challenged.

"I know," I sighed. "I just see it being much more likely the other way around."

"He makes me happy," she said. "Please give me the benefit of the doubt that I can be a good girlfriend."

"Alright, Rose. I'm sorry," I replied.

"Thank you. Now, what about you?" she asked turning the tables on me.

"What about me?" I asked, feeling my cheeks turn pinker.

"I thought you and Jacob would have found your way together by now," she said.

"Oh, well we don't have any classes together this semester. I've only seen him a couple times."

"So? He lives on campus, doesn't he?" she asked.

"Yes." I actually had been thinking about Jacob lately. I still didn't know if I wanted to date him, but it would be nice to hang out once in a while.

"So, I thought you liked him? Why don't you just call him? See if he wants to hang out with us again," she suggested.

"I do like him. I think. I don't know," I mumbled.

"Bella," she said laughing. "I'm not telling you to marry the guy. This Jacob kid is the first boy I've ever seen you remotely interested in! Just invite him out somewhere and see where things go."

If Jacob was truly the first instance where she saw me get excited about a boy then she obviously has never paid much attention to me before. Every time I was around Edward I felt like my body was screaming out to him to take me wherever we happened to be.

"Yeah, Jacob's sweet," I said casually. "Maybe I'll see if he wants to get lunch with us this week."

"Praise the Lord!" Rose replied sarcastically.

"Moving forward," I mumbled under my breath.

I made myself some cereal and took it upstairs to my room. I checked my e-mail while I ate and responded to one message from Angela and two from my mother. When I was done I took my time in the shower and slowly got dressed. It was nearly eleven am and I figured it was safe to call Jacob. I had many classmates who considered noon too early to wake up but I hoped Jacob wasn't one of them. For some reason I was getting excited about hearing his voice. I scrolled through my phone until I found his number and hit send before I could change my mind.

"Bella?" he answered after only one ring. Real smooth, Jacob, real smooth. I laughed under my breath.

"Yeah, hey," I replied. "How are you?"

"Um, good. I got a good schedule this year, no early classes. What about you?"

"About the same. I have an 8am history class but I'm off Fridays," I said.

"Niiice" was his only reply.

"Jake, I was wondering if you'd want to grab lunch with me and my friends later this week? We usually go to Anna's on Thursdays," I said.

There was a pause on the other end of the phone as if he was considering my offer, or maybe trying to figure out why I was asking him to get together all of a sudden. Edward's comment about sorority girls wafted through my mind as I waited for a response.

"Sure, I know where that is," he answered.

"Okay. I thought it would be nice to hang out, you know, since we didn't get any classes together this semester," I explained nervously.

"Yeah, I'm glad you did," he replied, a more serious tone to his voice.

"Me too," I said. "I'll see you Thursday. Around 12:30?"

"Yeah. See you then," he said and hung up.

That was easy. I had successfully scheduled a lunch date with Jacob Black. We'd enjoy a meal where he'd get to talk to my friends outside of a noisy crowded bar. Lunch… with Rose and Emmett, UW's newest couple… and Edward, the man of my dreams. Hmmm, Thursday I would have lunch with my first college semi-crush and the man of my dreams.

Yeah… this was a great idea.


	7. Chapter 6: Hospital

CHAPTER 6: HOSPITAL

The next few days seemed to drag on forever. I was troubled by the predicament I found myself in. On one hand, I hadn't seen Jacob in a couple weeks and was eager to spend some time with him. As my mind wandered that Wednesday night I made additional plans in my head to ask Jacob to walk me home after our lunch outing, assuming it went well. On the other hand, it had been nearly 24 hours since I'd seen Edward and I was starting to get antsy. I thought about him frequently throughout each and every day. I missed his smile, his voice, and simply being in his presence.

I was worried there was a new woman on his radar. The last time we saw each other was the night before in class and his phone repeatedly lit up from incoming text messages. He was slick not to allow the professor to notice each time he smiled and sent a response. Not too long ago I heard him mention someone named Victoria. He was speaking guy language to Emmett at the time, so I didn't know who she was or where he met her, only that she was tall, thin, and had fiery red hair. That was enough for me to start worrying.

Rose and I had dinner together that night and discussed normal everyday topics. She updated me on her relationship with Emmett which was still sailing smoothly. In fact, he was expected to arrive at our house not long after I turned in for the night. I lay in bed trying to fall asleep when I heard the front door open and Emmett call out for Rose. I thought about how Edward would have the dorm room he shared with Emmett to himself that night. I hoped he truly was there alone. I told myself I shouldn't care. He had a right to be happy as much as I did. I tried to focus on seeing Jacob's bright happy face the following day and at some point sleep claimed me.

Thursday at noon Rosalie and I started walking towards the tiny town on the north side of campus. It was about a fifteen minute walk to Anna's and the weather was cold but uncharacteristically dry. College students are conditioned to walk just about anywhere, even in winter. We were wearing heavy coats and carried our umbrellas just in case bad weather should strike. As we approached the café I saw Edward had already arrived. So had Jacob. What a way to start this get together. I couldn't tell if they had exchanged many words as both were silent and watching me approach. Jacob greeted me with a bear hug and Edward held the door open ushering us all inside. We took a booth near the window; Jacob sliding in next to me. Rose asked Edward to take the inside seat, unintentionally situating him across the table from me. We began looking over the menus and before the waitress was back with our drinks Emmett made his appearance. He pulled up a chair from a nearby table and made himself comfortable at the head of the table. He pecked Rose on the cheek and she grinned.

Conversation flowed smoothly for a while. Rose and Emmett are both outgoing people. She did her best to make Jacob feel welcome, including him in discussions on the quality of food in the student cafeteria and which local hangouts were best. Emmett started telling us about the experiences he and Edward were having with Sigma Phi but Jacob seemed disinterested.

"You ever consider Greek life?" Emmett asked him conversationally.

"No," Jacob replied. "I'm not into all that."

Emmett tried not to look offended but his silence gave him away. Jacob backpedaled.

"I don't have anything against people joining frats and sororities. They're just not my idea of fun," he said politely.

"I didn't believe Edward when he said he was joining," I added.

Rose laughed and said, "Rush week was hilarious."

"They made us do some dumb shit, wait on the brothers, make them dinner, do their laundry, stuff like that," Emmett explained.

"It was not my idea of fun at first, either," Edward said addressing Jacob. "But once hell week is over you're treated as family and it has been a good experience."

Jacob nodded but didn't have anything to say in return. I didn't see the thrill in going Greek either. I was rather pleased to know I wouldn't have to deal with all that from Jacob if we were to see more of each other.

The conversation shifted and soon our lunches arrived. Emmett ate and talked at the same time, expressing his excitement for baseball season. Jacob seemed to perk up at this topic and began rattling off comments about the Mariners' preseason. I had a vision in my head of him and my father lounging on the sofas at home in Forks watching a game together.

"Do you like baseball, Bella?" Jacob asked me innocently enough. My three friends laughed simultaneously.

"I've never really paid much attention, honestly. My dad's a big Mariner's fan though," I said hoping that would satisfy him.

"We should go to a game this season. If you want to, that is."

"Sure. Sounds like fun," I replied. I glanced over to Edward who was looking at me in disbelief. Emmett and he had tried to get us all to go to a few games in high school and Rose, Alice, and I had always adamantly refused. For some reason I wanted to accept Jacob's invitation, and I imagined myself in the ball park, enjoying a hotdog and soda, while Jacob explained the rules of the game to me.

I was finally starting to feel relaxed as we finished our meals. Those of us in the booth leaned back against the padded seats in no hurry to leave. Rose and I ordered coffee and we continued talking for a while longer. Edward filled us in on what Alice was up to back home, and Emmett tried to drum up ideas for spring break. I told him I didn't have money to go anywhere and Edward said he was going home that week. As we finally made our way out to the street Rose, not so subtly, made an excuse for why she wasn't headed right home. So, I got my Wednesday night wish when Jacob offered to walk me to the house. Edward offered to drive me but I was actually looking forward to talking to Jacob alone so I smiled at him and declined his offer.

Jacob and I walked slowly despite the cold air stinging our faces. We talked about our classes and recent parties we'd attended. While I was forced to go to fraternity parties and the underage bars with Rose, Jacob spent his weekends at floor parties in the dorms. I liked the casual sound of a floor party. I bet the girls didn't wear unbearably high heels to those gatherings. Jacob was a biology major. He told me how he wanted to study wolves in the wild after graduation. I asked him if that meant he'd be one of those National Geographic guys living in the forest trying to be accepted into the animal's pack. He laughed loudly and then said it was something like that.

"The state funds research projects to learn more about their natural habitat, diet, and breeding practices so they can control population and protect their environments from human development."

"Oh, that sounds important," I replied. "I don't know what I want to do with my life yet."

"You have plenty of time," he said reassuringly. "Most freshman either don't know or change their majors at some point anyway."

As we approached the house I wondered how long Rose would be gone. Was Jacob expecting me to invite him in? Before I could decide what to do Jacob stopped in the driveway and waited for me to turn around to face him.

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you ask me to lunch today?" he asked cautiously.

I thought over my options and decided the almost-whole truth would be best. "I want us to be friends."

"Just friends?" he pushed, apparently hoping for a different answer.

"I don't know. Maybe more. I just wanted to get to know you better, get you to meet my friends again, and see what happens between us," I confessed. Except for the part about desperately trying to get over my best friend slash eternal crush, it was the truth. Jacob's features relaxed a bit and he took a step towards me.

"I want to get to know you more too," he said in a husky voice. Our eyes met as he grasped my hand in his and gently squeezed it. "If you need to be friends first, then I can accept that."

I sighed in relief and gave him a warm smile.

"I just need you to know that I don't need time to make up my mind about you. And I won't stop trying to win you over." He said it confidently, and still holding my hand, leaned in and kissed my cheek. His lips felt as good as the last time they touched me. When he let go of me and took a step back I knew I was smiling.

"I'll talk to you soon," I said.

"Bye, Bella," he replied.

I couldn't stop smiling as I walked into the house. I needed to clear my head so I went into the kitchen looking for my cleaning supplies. I was about to start wiping down the table and counters when I heard my phone ringing upstairs. I hadn't even realized I'd left it at home. I ran up the stairs to try to beat the rings from going to voicemail but I lost the race. Looking at the call history I saw two missed calls from Edward and four from Alice. I had left Edward not twenty minutes earlier. I quickly dialed him back without listening to the messages.

"Bella," he answered with obvious anxiety in his voice. I felt the hairs stand up on my arms and the back of my neck. It was that feeling you get when you just know something is wrong without knowing what it might be.

"What's going on Edward?" I asked.

"Alice has been trying to reach you. It's your dad. He was shot on duty and is in the hospital." I sunk to the floor in a heap. My whole life I'd been waiting for this call. Even in a small town like Forks, my father had a dangerous job. Edward continued without pause, "He's okay, Bella. Are you listening to me? Don't panic. He was shot in the shoulder and needs surgery. My dad's treating him. He's going to be okay."

"I need to go home," I said softly, tears welling up in my eyes. I wouldn't believe Charlie was alive and safe until I saw for myself.

"I figured you'd say that. I'm coming to get you. You hear me? You're home right?" he asked.

"Yes, but-" I said, my voice rough and weak.

"Don't argue. I'm coming now," he declared.

"Okay."

As promised, Edward arrived not fifteen minutes later. I still had a few tears escaping but had managed to get a few necessary items packed in an overnight bag and met him outside the house. He hugged me and inspected my facial expression. He opened the passenger door for me and tossed my bag in the backseat. I must have looked like hell because he held my hand most of the ride. Edward's lunatic driving had us back in Forks in just over two hours. He wasn't trying to get me to Charlie faster; Edward always drove like he had a death wish.

We arrived at the hospital a little after 4pm and I was very grateful to have the surgeon's son as my guide. We found Charlie's room quickly but the nurse at the front desk stopped us from entering.

"Doctor Cullen is with him now. Just have a seat over here and he'll be right out, dear" she addressed me. "How are you, Edward?" she added.

"We're a little shaken, Meg. Is there anything you can tell us?" he asked. I didn't realize Edward would be on a first names basis with the nursing staff. It made me feel a little better for some reason.

"Your father gave him some pain killers so he's pretty out of it. He was sleeping when I checked on him earlier. Dr. Cullen's reviewing his chart now. He'll be able to tell you more."

"Thanks," Edward said. He took me by the shoulders and sat in me in a chair closest to the hall. I worried about my father being scared and in pain. I wanted to know what happened to him. Why did he need surgery and what was going to happen to him after? I felt guilty for not being here for him when he was admitted. I hated that Edward, Alice, and Carlisle all knew before me.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Edward said after taking the seat next to me.

"I'm just worried," I replied. Edward reached for my hand again. He stared down the hall waiting for Carlisle to appear, absentmindedly rubbing circles over the back of my hand.

After five excruciating minutes Carlisle exited Charlie's room and walked toward us. I jumped up and met him halfway, throwing my arms around him instinctively. He hugged me and spoke in my ear, "He's going to be fine, honey. Do you want to see him?"

I pulled back and wiped a stray tear from my cheek. "Yes, please." I turned to make sure Edward was next to me and saw he was a few feet back. I waved him forward. I didn't want to face this without him. I couldn't. Carlisle led us into the room where my father lay, still and unconscious in one of those hospital beds with metal railings. I went to his side and took his hand; relieved to feel his warmth.

"He's been asleep for a while. We gave him some medicine for the pain. The bullet did some damage to the muscle but could have been much worse. I'm going to perform the surgery myself tomorrow morning, and expect him to regain full use of his arm. He was very lucky, Bella," Carlisle told me.

Edward cleared his throat and asked," Did the police tell you what happened?"

"Convenience store robbery. Charlie was having breakfast next door at the diner and heard the cashier shouting for help. He chased the man into the alley and that's when the robber fired his gun. He made it to his car but the deputy caught up with him a few blocks away. He's in custody."

Edward pulled a chair to the bedside for me. I sat and closed my eyes listening to the buzz of the machines. Carlisle said he had to continue his rounds but would talk to me in the morning before Charlie went in for surgery. He said I'd be able to talk to my father before they began. I saw Edward hug his father and thank him. After Carlisle left Edward stood against the wall and didn't say a word.

We stayed another fifteen minutes or so until I accepted that Charlie wasn't going to wake up while I was there. Edward offered to take me to his house for the night but I said I'd really rather be in the home I shared with Charlie. He understood and didn't push me. We drove back to my dad's house and Edward walked me inside. I felt exhausted and must have looked a mess. I thoroughly expected Edward to help me settle in and then go home to his family's house.

"You'll pick me up early tomorrow, right? So I have some time with him before surgery?" I asked.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I'm going to make you dinner and then see to it that you get some sleep."

I smiled, unable to think of any words to express my thanks to him. "What about Esme? Shouldn't you visit her while you're in town?"

"I'll go over sometime tomorrow. Don't worry about it," he replied.

I nodded my head. He smiled back at me and went into the kitchen. I heard him opening cabinet doors and banging the pots and pans as I trekked up the stairs to my room. Luckily I hadn't packed my every possession when I moved to school so I still had most of what I'd need there in the house. I took my familiar bathroom bag across the hall and took a glance at myself in the mirror. Just as I expected, my eyes were red and my hair in tangles. I enjoyed a long shower and dressed in the sleepwear I'd packed before leaving Seattle. I did my best to get the knots out of my wet hair and rubbed some lotion on my hands and elbows.

As I descended the stairs I felt a little better. I was clean and more relaxed. Edward was sitting on the couch with an old movie on the television. He nodded proudly towards the grilled cheese sandwiches and hot chocolate he'd prepared. I smiled wide in appreciation and joined him on the couch. We enjoyed our dinner and watched the movie to the end. Alice dropped by to check on me and I did my best to act cheerful. She brought Edward a change of clothes and toothbrush. We both thanked her and she promised to stop by the hospital to see us before she went to school.

The events of the day replayed in my mind as I did our dishes from dinner. I was still alright as I made my way up the stairs for bed and brushed my teeth. I looked in the linen closet for a clean pillow for Edward and couldn't find one so I went into my father's room. His bed was loosely made and there were clothes hung about; his nice watch was on the dresser. The room wasn't messy, it looked lived in. I walked over to the bed and saw all the missing pillows piled up against the headboard. The realization of how close I came to losing my father that day came crashing down on me and I started to cry.

Edward came looking for me and found my pathetic self curled up on Charlie's bed. He crossed the room quickly and lay down beside me, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. He didn't say a word as I struggled to regain control of my emotions. When I finally wiped the last tear away he brushed the hair off my shoulder to see my face.

"Sorry," I said weakly.

"What are you apologizing for?" he asked softly.

"I just came in here for pillows," I tried to explain.

"And you cried because you found them?" he asked jokingly.

"No. I just thought about how I only really started getting to know my dad when I moved here. It hasn't been enough time."

"You have more time, Bells. I promise you," he whispered. His face was in my hair. I felt silly for breaking down in front of him. At the same time I wanted to prolong this moment because Edward was touching me. The embarrassment and puffy eyes were worth this physical contact I craved. I took a few deep breaths and tried to memorize Edward's scent. I eventually sat up and Edward released his hold on me.

"Can you fall asleep?" he asked.

"I think so, but I want to go into my room."

He smiled and nodded. "Alright. I'll just grab one of these for the couch, okay?" he said reaching for one of Charlie's pillows.

"No," I said. He dropped the pillow back in its place. "No, I mean, don't sleep on the couch," I clarified.

"Bells, I don't want to sleep in the chief's bed. The couch is just fine."

"Stay in my room. Please?" I asked.

I was afraid he would say no but I didn't want to be alone just yet. Downstairs was too far away. I had fantasized about asking Edward into my bed a hundred times before but I never would have thought this was how it would happen. My request was innocent, nonsexual. I needed the support of my best friend to help me make it through the night.

He nodded, seeming to understand, and kissed my forehead. Normally, that would have sent my heart racing but I was too emotionally overloaded to react. He followed me into my bedroom and jumped backwards onto my worn mattress. He playfully tossed and turned like he couldn't get comfortable and I shot him a dirty look. I pulled back the covers and slipped between the comfortable sheets. Edward stood up to use the bathroom and came back a few minutes later wearing a t-shirt and lounge pants.

He got into my small bed and I felt his leg brush mine. I turned on my side to face away from him, leaving him enough room to sleep comfortably. He leaned over me to check my face, probably expecting more tears. He smelled like soap and toothpaste.

"You have enough room?" I asked.

"Just enough," he responded as he shifted around on his back. I closed my eyes and was soon asleep. It was a restless night and I know I woke up more than once. Each time I'd forget where I was and get startled when I realized Edward was next to me. Then I'd smile to myself and rest either an arm or leg against his warm body letting the comfort of his presence put me back asleep.

I don't know how long Edward had been awake but when my alarm went off in the morning he was not next to me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I'd set the alarm for 7am and I felt drowsy. I really needed to relieve my bladder but I heard the water running in the shower. That solved the mystery of where Edward had gone. I ran my fingers through my hair and fixed the ponytail. I heard the water shut off so I hopped out of bed and padded over to my dresser to grab some fresh underwear and clothes.

Edward startled me when he came into the room. I turned around to greet him and my jaw dropped at the sight of him. He was clad only in a towel, his messy hair still dripping wet. Edward wearing nothing but a towel was a beautiful thing. I couldn't help my staring. I wouldn't mind mornings so much if this was what I could wake up to every day.

"You're awake," he stated. I nodded, still shamelessly ogling his muscular chest. "I left my clothes in here," he explained taking the few steps needed to reach my desk. He grabbed his jeans and shirt from the desk with one hand, the other carefully gripping the towel around his waist. He grinned at me bashfully and turned back towards the bathroom. Once he was behind the closed door my hands rushed to cover my face and with no clue how to process what I'd just seen, I laughed. It was the kind of involuntary response your body has when it's either too stressed or overloaded with emotion to sort out an appropriate response. There was truly nothing funny about the perfection that is Edward's body. I shut my eyes tight and tried to picture him in my mind, committing the details of his glorious body to memory.

We had a quick breakfast and hurried back to the hospital. Alice was sitting with Charlie when we walked into his room. A little piece of me was mad at her for getting to him before I did. To her credit, Alice hopped up from the chair when she saw me and let me have a moment with him. Edward followed his sister out of the room and winked at me before shutting the door.

"Hey, Dad," I said.

"Bella," he replied. He sounded different, tired. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Dad. Come on. I'm just glad you're okay."

"I shouldn't have chased him behind the store. I should have assumed he was armed."

I shushed him and took his hand. It had been easier to do when he was unconscious. Neither Charlie nor I were big on expressing our feelings. It was a genetic social glitch we shared. I told him I'd stay for the surgery and visit with him after. He was concerned about my missing classes but I told him not to worry. No classes on Fridays. He seemed relieved to hear that.

"You picked a good day of the week to get shot," I teased.

He chuckled lightly and then complained about pain in his shoulder. I stayed with him until it was time for the nurses to wheel him away for surgery. Edward sat with me in the waiting room while Carlisle operated on my father. After about an hour and a half a nurse came out to update us that all went well and I could see him in recovery in about thirty minutes. I hugged Edward and he placed another kiss on my forehead.

Sue Clearwater came to the hospital later that night to see Charlie. Sue and her husband Harry were good friends of my father's. She told me that she wanted to help him recover once I went back to school. I told her I could stay until Sunday as long as Edward agreed and she assured me she'd help my dad after that. Charlie was released on Saturday and it was difficult getting him set up at home. I quickly learned her was not a good patient and thanked Sue repeatedly for offering to help.

The drive back to UW Sunday morning was a little awkward. I thought about everything that had happened in the past few days. Edward had taken very good care of me through the whole frightening ordeal. He'd acted more like a boyfriend than a friend. I thought about the multiple forehead kisses I'd received, the hugs, and the sharing of my bed. Under similar conditions I doubted Emmett would have spent the night in my bed.

Edward glanced over at me as he drove and caught me blushing. "What are you thinking about, Bells?"

"Everything. How good you are to me," I answered honestly.

He smiled and looked back to the road. "I've been thinking about you too," he said. "I'm glad I was able to be here with you, Bella. I mean, that I was able to make you feel better, because you've done the same for me so many times. It was nice to return the favor for once."

"That's why we're best friends, right?" I asked sighing.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," he admitted.

"Same here," I said softly.

If only he knew just how much I meant it.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you to everyone who's reading OBR! Don't forget to review!**


	8. Chapter 7: Little Frat of Horrors

**A/N: Ok, so this is the first chapter that gets a little lemony. Remember Bella's only recently had her first kiss so she's not ready for a whole lot yet. If anyone's wondering, I use a lot of my own college experiences in this story. Bella's description of the frat house is taken from the one and only party I went to at a fraternity. **

**Thanks for reading!**

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><p>CHAPTER 7: LITTLE FRAT OF HORRORS<p>

The next few weeks were relatively calm. I made a point to call my father every few days to get an update on his recovery and he promised me he was on the mend. Harry had taken him fishing a few times and he was returning to work next Monday. I promised to cook him some of the fish he caught when I came home for spring break which was only two weeks away.

It was late March and Sigma Phi was hosting a party (big surprise) for their new brothers the Saturday night prior to midterms. I thought it was a ridiculous time to throw a party but reluctantly agreed to attend. I was very impressed with Rose since she and Emmett started dating. She treated him well and they were cute together. She drove us to the fraternity since it was just a tad too far to walk. In addition, we were both in heels and it was cold and windy outside. Rose looked amazing in a short red dress she bought for the occasion. I was wearing a green top that had spaghetti straps and an open back with a short flowing skirt that matched.

We arrived at the house fashionably late and Emmett was waiting for us (Rose) on the porch. I diverted my eyes as they kissed hello. There were people standing on the porch and on the lawn talking and drinking from red plastic cups. Was the house that crowded that people were opting to stay outside in the cold?

"I'm glad you're here," Emmett said to both of us.

"We're excited for your first party as an official brother!" Rose exclaimed. "Right, Bella?" She glanced at me sternly.

"Right," I repeated, forcing a smile. Stupid frats.

Emmett ushered us inside and much to my displeasure, I saw that I was right about the sheer number of people squeezed into the house. It was a serious fire code violation for sure. I decided to do the only thing that could cure my sour mood which was finding Edward. We were standing in what once served as a formal dining room but was now keg headquarters. Emmett poured Rose and I drinks and we accepted graciously. I knew as long as I held this cup all night everyone would assume I was drinking my fair share.

"So where's Edward?" I asked.

"Um, I last saw him in the living room," Emmett responded.

I nodded him my thanks and bid the happy couple farewell. Making my way through the narrow hall I saw lots of girls wearing minimal clothing and Marti Gras beads. Classy. There were even more people in the living room, sitting on couches and chairs, others were dancing to the music that seemed to flow through every room in the house. I had to admit there were a lot of attractive guys at this party, but so far no Edward. I exited from a different doorway and passed the bathroom and laundry room. I took a peek in the backyard from the window over the washing machine. There was a circle of people all smoking on one side of the yard and what appeared to be a major beer pong competition on the other. I hoped to God Edward wasn't out there. I retraced my steps back to the dining room but Emmett and Rose were gone. I checked the kitchen, but still no Edward.

The door to the basement was open and people kept coming and going from the lower level. It was dark but I heard different music, dance music, drifting up the staircase. If my best friend wasn't down there then the only place left to check were the bedrooms upstairs and I wasn't ready to consider that possibility so I made my way down the dimly lit steps. Christmas lights were strung along the banister and continued across every beam that made up the ceiling. I knew the basement had a dirt floor because my heels were open-toed and I could feel the loose dirt invading between my toes. Ick.

I looked around the room and found people dancing and grinding in the center of the room. A few people were holding up the walls, plastic cups in hand. My eyes inspected the partygoers looking for a glimpse of messy bronze hair or piercing green eyes. Finally, I spotted Edward. What should have been my moment of intense relief quickly became my most feared nightmare. Edward was pressing a skinny sorority girl up against the wall, kissing her fervently. He was running his hands all over her body, down her arms, up her thighs. She lifted her leg off the ground and he slid his hand up under her skirt all along the back of her thigh. Her hands were clenching his ass, pulling him closer. It was like two teenagers who'd forgotten to close the door during their seven minutes in heaven. I could clearly see their tongues wrestling as they kissed.

Even if I lived forever I would never get that vision out of my brain. But it was like a car wreck in that I couldn't look away. I watched the seductive and inappropriate way they were touching each other. I felt my heart crumble away into a pile of dust. I'd known Edward had dated girls in high school. I even saw him kiss them on several occasions. At the time it made me jealous of the girls for getting his attention in that way. I'd known since college began that Edward was dating girls. I knew he'd slept with a few of them. Again it made me jealous of them, and reminded me how much I wanted him. But this public groping was another kind of pain. I was disgusted that Edward would act in such a way in front of strangers. I was enraged that this promiscuous slut would allow herself to be manhandled in public. Most of all, I found myself angry at her for thinking she could swoop in and steal something that belonged to me. I hated myself for feeling possessive of Edward. He was not mine, and it was growing increasingly likely that he never would be. I couldn't bear to watch him do these sensual things to some strange girl when I knew deep inside he should be doing them with me; in a much more private venue.

I raced up the steps, tripping once and scraping my knee. I took a napkin from the kitchen counter and dabbed my eyes. I made my way back to the living room hoping to find Rose and Emmett. They were there, chatting with some people I recognized but whose names I couldn't recall. Rose waved me over to them and noticed my blotchy eyes.

"What happened to you?"

"Oh, just got something stuck in my eye," I lied.

She raised her eyebrow at me in disbelief but I could tell she was at least one beer past her ability to care. She peered into my cup to see that there was liquid inside and then clinked plastic cups with me.

"You ever find Edward?" she asked. My stomach knotted up at the sound of his name.

"Yes, but he's entertaining a lady friend," I said coldly.

"Really? Who?"

"I don't know. Some red headed bimbo that likes to engage in PDA," I said.

As soon as the words passed my lips I knew the girls' name. It had to be that Victoria woman Edward was texting during our class, the one he had discussed with Emmett weeks earlier. Somehow it hurt even more to know this wasn't some random girl he met tonight but someone he'd been pursuing all semester. I thought about the weekend he spent with me in Forks when my dad was shot. Had he talked to her while we were there? Did he text her while he was staying in my house? I felt nauseous.

"Rose, I want to go home."

"What? We only just got here? You're not having fun?"

"It's not that. I just don't feel that good," I replied.

"Oh. Well, I can't drive right now, Bella. This is my second drink. You can take my car; I'll have Edward drive me home when he's done with the bimbo." She winked as if Edward's current activities were amusing to her.

I sighed. "Thanks, Rose, but I can't drive a stick, remember?"

She couldn't think of another solution. "I'll just go sit outside for a minute and get some fresh air," I suggested. She seemed satisfied with that idea and patted my shoulder before turning back to Emmett.

On the porch I looked up into the sky and tried to calm myself. The stars were all blocked by clouds and the light pollution from the streetlamps. Edward with another woman had never hurt me this badly before. Maybe I felt different after having spent that weekend with him in Forks. Maybe it was seeing him with someone up close and way too personal that suddenly made it real for me. Whatever the reason, I needed to get my mind off Edward Cullen and fast. I pulled my phone out of my tiny little evening bag and dialed the first person that came to mind.

I felt very guilty for calling Jacob to come rescue me. It wasn't right the way I only sought out his company when my relationship with Edward was strained. Although I regretted taking advantage of his crush on me when I needed a distraction from Edward, I considered this an emergency. I was about to break down in despair and needed a life raft.

I hadn't seen Jacob since our lunch date except for once in the student center. We'd just run into one another there and I agreed to eat with him. We had a good time together. I opened up to him about my father's injury and he was very sympathetic. Jacob was an easy person to talk to and I liked that about him. We'd exchanged text messages a number of times since then but they never resulted in us getting together. My mind had been so muddled after my father's injury, between worrying about him and trying to make sense of my friendship with Edward that I suppose Jacob realized I was going through a rough patch.

The phone rang a few times before he picked up. "Hello?"

"Hi Jacob" I said, trying to sound normal.

"Bella, hey. What's up?"

"I'm at Sigma Phi with Rose. What about you?"

"You're calling me from a frat house?" he asked stunned.

"Well, yes. I was actually hoping you'd come and rescue me. I feel really out of place here and Rose is too drunk to drive me home." I tried to make it seem like he'd be helping a damsel in distress. I was a terrible person.

"Let me just tell my friends I'm leaving and I'll be there soon, okay?"

"Thank you, Jake." I replied.

"Sure, sure."

That was easier than I thought. I went back inside to wait for him. It was just too cold out on the porch. I stood in the entryway, still holding that damn beer I'd never even sipped. It was time to give it a taste. I saw a girl from one of my classes so I started a conversation with her about our recent assignment. After a few minutes someone tapped on my shoulder. It was Edward.

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you," he greeted me with a smile.

"Really?" I said sarcastically. I was angry with him for making me feel so terrible. "You weren't missing me too much down in the basement."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I saw you. I thought we were going to hang out? Isn't that why you begged me to come here tonight?" I said bitterly.

"I do want to hang out with you. I just didn't know Victoria was going to be here. I've been trying to get her to go out with me for months," he explained, confirming all my fears.

"Well, don't let me stop you from scoring. I'm about to leave anyway."

"What? Where are you going?" he asked surprised.

"Jacob's picking me up and we're going back to his place," I embellished. It was partly true at least.

"I thought you didn't like him?" he questioned.

"Tonight I do," I said and started walking to the front door. There was red lipstick on the corner of his mouth and if I had to look at it much longer the wall I had built around myself was going to crumble.

"Bella, what has gotten into you?" he demanded. I looked around and noticed a few people were starting to take notice of our argument.

"What has gotten into_ you_!" I shouted. "You tell me to come here even though we both have exams we should be studying for. And I can tell you're drinking. Since when do you drink? And excuse me if I have better things to do than stand here watching you dry hump sorority girls!"

I turned for the doorknob but the door was already open. I looked up to see Jacob standing in the doorway.

"Hey" was all he said.

"See? Jacob's here, so good night," I said and stormed out of the house. Jacob followed me out and down the walkway to the street. His car was parked a few yards down and he opened the passenger door for me without saying a word. I was still fuming as I got into Jacob's car, too mad to cry at that point. I heard my phone beep once. I pulled it out of my bag and checked the text message. It was from Edward. The message was two short words.

_Be Safe. _

I shut the phone off and tossed it back in my bag. Jacob got behind the wheel and turned the ignition, but left the car in park.

"Everything okay?" he asked cautiously.

"How much did you hear?" I asked nervously.

"Just the part about his drinking and humping sorority girls," he replied.

"Well, that about sums it up. Can we go now?" I asked, still annoyed.

"Sure."

He pulled away from the curb and turned left at the stop sign.

"No, don't take me home. Can we go to your place? I've never seen where you live," I asked trying to make my voice sound even and calm again.

"Um, yeah. My roommates will probably be out at the bar for a while," he said. "But I need to ask you something first."

"Shoot."

"Are you and Edward dating? I mean, did you two just break up back there?"

I scoffed at his question. "No! He's just an asshole, that's all. He ruined my evening and spending the remainder of it with you was the only way I could think to salvage the night."

That was apparently enough explanation for Jacob because he was silent the rest of the drive to his dorm. He lived on the second floor of Oak Hall with a roommate and two suitemates that had the adjoining room. He opened the door and let me go in ahead of him. The dorm was typical for eighteen year old boys. Life-size poster of Megan Fox, check. Mini fridge filled with nothing but Redbull and take-out cartons, check. Clothes, books, and various other personal items strewn about, check.

"You're a slob," I blurted. He laughed out loud.

"I'm a college freshman living with my three best friends. How much do you expect from me?" he grinned.

"You live with your friends? The ones I met last semester?"

"Yep. Quil, Embry, and Jared."

"Looks like you guys have a lot of fun here," I assumed. I couldn't help but notice the laundry basket in the corner. Completely empty.

"Yeah, we've had some good times. Last semester we pulled a prank on Quil. He's the smallest of us, of course. He came home from taking his last exam a few nights before everyone was scheduled to move out. We ambushed him in the hall, tied him to a chair with Christmas lights Embry found downstairs in the rec room, and sat him in the front window all lit up."

"You didn't," I asked laughing.

"It was epic," Jacob replied proudly. We laughed together at his story. Jacob asked me if I wanted a drink and pulled two bottles of water out of his desk drawer. He told me more stories about his friends while I idly tidied up his room. What can I say, cleaning is therapeutic. When the clothes were off the floor and his books back on the shelf I felt much more relaxed. I sat on his bed with a satisfied grin on my face.

"I've never had a maid before. This is nice," he joked.

"I'll trade a frat party rescue for a little housekeeping work any day."

He came over and sat next to me, a little closer than I was comfortable with. When I had asked Jacob to bring me to his dorm I was still very angry at Edward and wanted to hurt him. At the time I though messing around a little with Jacob would make me feel less rejected. Or at least help release some of the tension I had built up. Here alone in his room I reminded myself that Jacob genuinely liked me and he was a good person. It was wrong to lead him on. He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through my hair. It felt nice.

"Jake, you remember what I said outside my house last month, right?"

"Yes. You're not sure how you feel about me. You remember what _I_ said outside your house?"

I smiled. "You said you weren't going to give up," I answered softly.

"I can't seem to figure you out, Bella. But like I said, I'm not giving up," he said confidently.

And then he kissed me. My first thought was of Edward. I thought of him kissing Victoria and I quickly filled with rage. I tried to evict Edward from my brain because something was happening here. Jacob's kiss was not like the two previous kisses. He must have given up on the soft peck approach because this kiss was more intense; urgent. I decided not to think anymore and just let my instincts guide me for once. To my surprise, my body was telling me to respond. I kissed Jacob back, parting my lips and allowing his tongue entrance. He moaned quietly and set one hand on my knee. His other hand gently held the back of my head. I noticed how considerate Jacob was being with me as we continued kissing, being careful not to touch me anywhere that might make me uncomfortable. He was treating me with more gentleness and respect than I saw from any of the guys at the frat house that night. It made me want him a little bit more.

The moment I decided to move a step further with Jacob I felt a thrill of excitement shoot through my body and it surprised me. I placed my hand on his shoulder and felt the muscles through his shirt. My hand traveled up the side of his neck and I laced my fingers in his hair. I slowly pulled him towards me as I lay back on his bed. Jacob's body tensed slightly as he realized what I was doing. He lay down beside me, supporting his weight on his elbow, and leaned over me to connect his lips with mine again.

His legs were straddling my left leg and his free hand was caressing my cheek. Suddenly Jacob turned my head to the side and attacked my neck with his lips. What tickled at first soon turned into an amazing new sensation. I wrapped my arms around his back and explored the musculature there. I was impressed by his physique and had the urge to see it. Without stopping to think I slipped my hands under the hem of his t-shirt and felt his smooth hot skin with my fingertips. Jake groaned in satisfaction and trailed a line of kisses from my ear to my collarbone, up and down repeatedly. I did a little moaning myself and he chuckled under his breath. I retaliated by pulling his shirt up towards his neck and he ducked down so I could pull it over his head.

Jacob was staring into my eyes with a curious look on his face, like he was trying to read my mind. I realized that since we met I'd sent him a lot of mixed signals. I wasn't playing games with him, I truly was that mixed up. He rolled onto his side so he was no longer pressing against me. His left hand brushed a stray hair from my cheek and traveled down to my bare shoulder. I was afraid he would try to slip the thin strap of my shirt down. I was really enjoying Jake's shirt being on the floor but I wasn't ready for mine to join it there.

To my relief that wasn't what Jacob had in mind. He softly brushed his hand over my collarbone and traced the curve of my breast. He continued down my side and squeezed my hip. I ran my hand over his chest and felt a twinge of desire between my legs. It surprised the hell out of me.

"Kiss me," I whispered. He complied immediately and we spent the next few minutes kissing and touching. I pulled back slightly to catch my breath and he said, "God, Bella. You've got me so hard."

I couldn't help glancing down for visual confirmation. I'd never been this close to anyone before and his confession excited me. I was very aroused as well but was too embarrassed to tell him. Instead of speaking I decided to be bold in another way. I raised my hand that was resting on his waist and moved it to the front of his jeans. Slowly I cupped the bulge, unable to look Jacob in the eyes. I heard him groan and tense up. I pressed two fingers against the hardness I found and rubbed them up and down his length. I chanced a peek at his face and saw his eyes were shut. I wrapped my hand around him again as best I could, considering the layer of denim in the way. He moaned again and rolled over, completely covering my body with his.

He began kissing me intensely again and pressed his hips against me. I gasped at the sensations I felt as he pressed his hardness between my legs. I was so overcome with desire I barely noticed the door opening.

"Whoa, Jake, sorry!"

Jacob disengaged and we both quickly scrambled into a sitting position. I felt my face heat up. I looked at the two boys that had entered the room and recognized them as Quil and Embry.

"What are you doing back so soon?" Jacob asked, clearly embarrassed.

"It's after midnight, dude" one of them said. I couldn't remember which boy was which at the moment.

"We didn't expect you to have company," the other one said chuckling.

"Seriously. This is the first time we've walked in on Jakey with a girl," the smaller one assured me. He must have been Quil.

"Okay, shut up," Jacob said to both of them. "Maybe I should drive you home now," he said to me. I nodded and gave him a small smile.

Jacob apologized for the intrusion once we were in his car. I told him it was no big deal and that I actually thought it was sort of funny. As we pulled into my driveway I noticed a strange feeling come over me. I didn't want Jacob to leave. I was quiet for a moment, trying to make sense of everything that happened that night. Jacob looked morose, as if he was expecting me to tell him I thought we'd made a mistake.

"Do you want to get together again after midterms are over?" I asked.

"Yeah. We could see a movie or something?" he suggested, his face now beaming.

"I'd like that," I said smiling.

He leaned over and kissed my mouth. I leaned into his kiss and felt his warmth surround me. He pulled back and I got that nagging feeling again that I didn't want to leave him. Reluctantly, I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the car door. I waved goodbye before entering my house. He beeped the horn as he pulled out into the street and drove away.

Rose's car was still missing from the driveway so I knew I was alone. I went up to my room and stripped off my clothes without even turning on my light. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. I thought about how upset I'd been from catching Edward with a girl. The visual still made me queasy. I had to admit to myself that half my anger sprang from jealously which I had no right to feel. But he did ditch me for that chick with obviously fake red hair knowing the only reason I went to the party at all was to make him happy. I decided not to talk to him until we were forced together in class on Monday.

I turned my attention to my memories of Jacob in the dorm room. I thought about how different I felt when he'd kissed me tonight and how much I was disappointed when we were interrupted. I knew I wouldn't have let him go much further than the point we were at when his roommates came home, but I was still disappointed that our make out session was cut short.

I felt myself getting wet again as I replayed my unexpectedly enjoyable evening with Jacob. It was nearly 12:30 in the morning and I was tired. Before I fell asleep I did something I was not in the habit of doing. Alone in my dark bedroom I brought myself to orgasm. Even more surprising than my desire to do it was realizing once I was done that I hadn't pictured Edward once. Images of Jacob were what made me come.

That night was significant in many ways. Despite my constant insistence to the contrary, I was starting to feel an emotional connection with Jacob. I felt as though a shift had occurred inside me, like the seasons were changing, and it frightened me. I had to wipe a few tears away before I was overcome by sleep.


	9. Chapter 8: Dinner Plans

CHAPTER 8: DINNER PLANS

I wasn't going to be able to see Jacob the following week like we'd planned. I'd forgotten that after exams we had spring break and I was supposed to be going home to Forks. I explained the dilemma to Jacob over the phone Sunday afternoon. I was overstressing myself with studying and finishing terms papers and told him I couldn't find time to meet up before heading home. I suggested we get together over the break since the Makah Reservation was only an hour or so from Forks. He seemed relieved I made the attempt to see him over spring break but explained that he was taking a road trip with his friends. Their plan was to drive east for three days with no destination in mind and then turn around and take a different route home in order to see as much of the country as possible. I laughed at his "no plan" plan and said I hoped he would have fun.

We still had a month of classes left to see each other when we both returned. Then it would be summer break again which held a number of opportunities to spend time together. He told me that he'd been offered a kind of internship with the rangers who worked for the Olympic National Park. He said it was a big opportunity for him to learn about his future profession and it meant staying in Seattle most of the summer. That was good news to me since I'd been hoping to find a summer job in the city. The thought of an entire summer in Forks was just too much. Before we hung up he told me he was looking forward to seeing me again, whenever that might be, and I told him the same.

As for Edward, I couldn't be angry with him for long. He came into class Monday morning with sad eyes and his head hung low and I forgave him the second the "I'm sorry" passed his pouting lips. We sat outside the English building for a little while after class and we both got our apologies off our chests.

"Everything you said to me Saturday was right, Bells. I don't know what got into me."

"You seemed to be a little drunker than I'm used to seeing," I pointed out.

"I know. I wasn't paying attention to how many beers I had."

"Because of that girl?" I asked nervously.

"Victoria," he pronounced her name like she was the darn queen. "You ever meet someone who has, like, a power over you? Leaving you unable to think straight when he's around?"

I nodded slightly. "I think I know what you mean."

"That's what it's like with Victoria. It's… intense," he explained.

I couldn't take anymore of this. "Well, I forgive you for being a stupid frat boy that night. And I'm sorry I overreacted. I ended up having a good time with Jake," I said.

"Jake?" He said it like he didn't know who I was talking about.

"Jacob. My friend that you've met on several occasions," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. What did you guys do?"

I blushed trying to think how to respond. "We hung out in his room for a while…" I let me voice trail off.

"Bella!"

"It wasn't like that," I assured him. He raised one eyebrow. "We talked and stuff," I explained vaguely.

"So I guess you like him, huh?" he asked. He sounded more curious than jealous or upset.

"Yeah, I do." I replied with a little smile.

It was bittersweet for me to admit that to him. A small part of me was excited that this could be the push I needed to move on while the rest of me was hanging on for dear life. Our exam for European Lit was Wednesday and Poetry was Tuesday night so we agreed to meet up around dinnertime to study together.

"I'll make you that meal I've been promising you. I need to use up some of the perishable food before the weekend anyway," I offered.

"Thanks, Bells," he said smiling. We parted after that and I headed to the library to do some last minute cramming before my afternoon exam. The library was packed with students that afternoon. It was like a department store the week before Christmas. I realized I wasn't going to get any peace and quiet there so I went straight to my afternoon class and sat in the empty room to reread my notes and quiz myself on the material. I felt confident after taking the test and was able to set my mind to the next task at hand- a home cooked meal for my friends.

I stopped at the convenience store across the street from the house and picked up a few items I needed. Rose wasn't home when I got back so I sent her a quick text to let her know Edward would be over for dinner and to invite Emmett too. I prepped the chicken cutlets and peeled the potatoes quickly. There was just enough time to run upstairs to take a quick shower and change into some fresh clothes before I needed to start cooking. Back in the kitchen I saw on the oven clock I had about half an hour until Edward would arrive. After setting the potatoes on the stove to boil I reached for my phone to see if Rose had text me back yet. I saw I had a voicemail and I listened to it anxiously. Ever since my dad's incident I got nervous listening to voicemails.

It was Rose. She and Emmett had planned to go out to eat and she was letting me know she wouldn't be home until late. Perfect. Food for four and it would be just Edward and me. It was too late to pack it up and save in the refrigerator for another day so I went ahead as planned. I just about had dinner finished when Edward knocked at the door. He greeted me with a friendly smile and a plate of cookies.

"I would have baked them if I had an oven, but I don't, so they're Chips Ahoy," he said as I took the plate from him.

"Thank you, Edward," I replied. "I have good news and bad news. Good news is Emmett and Rose won't be disturbing our study session tonight because they won't be here. Bad news is they're missing dinner too."

"What? Even after you told them you were cooking?" he asked.

"Well, I cook most nights for Rose. When she isn't here to eat with me she usually just hunts it down in the fridge later," I explained.

"Maybe it's for the best for my GPA," he said with a chuckle. "I'm not looking forward to this poetry exam."

"Have no fear, I will get you through Longfellow," I said reassuringly.

I slapped his hand away from the plate of cookies and then turned back to the skillet where my cutlets were starting to brown. He muttered a sarcastic "sorry, mom" under his breath.

It was rather enjoyable having a quiet dinner with Edward. We talked about school and our plans for spring break. He told me how Forks High School was on break this week so unfortunately Alice would have class the week we were home. I was disappointed that I wouldn't have a lot of time to spend with her. Aside from Angela, I missed spending time with Alice the most.

"She still wants to come here next year," Edward mentioned during dinner.

"Really? I figured she would be losing her mind separated from Jasper this long."

Edward scooped more mashed potatoes onto his plate and said, "I think she's afraid to be that far from home without knowing anyone there. Even though she'd have Jazz in Philadelphia, my sister would still get homesick."

"I'm sure Jasper will be disappointed if she changes her plans like that."

"Probably, considering he's spent a fortune flying home to visit her every chance he gets. He can't keep that up for another three years," Edward chuckled.

"Do you think Alice's decision has something to do with your mom?" I asked cautiously. I didn't know if he'd be up for a mom talk but I was curious. He hadn't mentioned Esme in a while.

"I don't think so. She's been better lately. My parents even decided to open the house up to another foster child. They're just waiting for paperwork to go through in the next few weeks."

"What? Why?" was all I could think in my moment of utter shock.

"Well, with Alice and me leaving the nest I think they both feel the house will be too empty. They want to help another child since they have the means to do it," he answered.

"That should make for an interesting summer," I said. Edward smiled.

"Yes. Alice is excited since it will be a girl. And she sees the change in our mother's attitude since they made the decision. Even over the phone I can hear the difference in her voice."

"That's wonderful then. Should I say congratulations or something?" I really had no idea what would be appropriate.

"I suppose. It is definitely something for the young girl to celebrate. She's coming to the two best parents any of us could ask for."

It struck me that when Edward said "us" he was grouping himself in with that large population of foster children. I didn't realize he still thought of himself that way considering how young he had been when he was adopted. I knew how much love and admiration Edward had for Carlisle and Esme. Much more than a teenager normally has for his parents. It only made sense to me after he told me how Alice and he came to live with them. He was right that this new member of the family would be very fortunate.

"Do you know anything about her?" I asked.

"Her name is Bree Tanner and she's fifteen. I'll find out the rest in May when the semester ends. You'll have to come over to meet her."

I stood up and took a few empty dishes to the sink. The longer they sat on the table, the longer I scrubbed with the sponge. I was facing the counter when I responded, "I'll have to make a point to come home one weekend then."

"You won't be home this summer?" he asked. I could hear the surprise in his voice. I turned around and sat back down across from him.

"No, I just found out today that I got the job I applied for and it starts in May. Right after classes are over."

"How come you didn't tell me you were applying for summer jobs?" he asked sounding offended.

"I applied for at least a dozen positions in coffee shops, department stores, even the dang bowling alley. I didn't want to say anything until I was finally hired somewhere. And that was today," I said.

He furrowed his brow and questioned, "Okay. So what's the job?"

"UW is building a daycare facility for college moms who need someone to watch their babies while they're in class. I'm going to help them setup the rooms and get everything ready for summer semester. And then I'll be one of the babysitters."

"Wow. I had no idea you were interested in something like that," he said somewhat baffled.

"It doesn't pay that well but I think it's a great service to have for single mothers who don't want to have to put off school because they can't afford daycare. UW is offering a reduced rate and flexible hours so the moms can drop their baby off throughout the day and pick them up after class," I informed him.

"I think that's a great idea. But Bells? If you're that hard up for a summer job why not just look for one in Forks?"

"Yeah, maybe I can work for our good friend Mike Newton at the sporting goods store helping sweaty guys decide which kayak to buy," I said sarcastically. "What makes you think I must be desperate to work for a daycare?" I asked slightly offended.

"I never pegged you for the type to enjoy changing diapers and holding infants all day," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I'm excited about getting to be around all those cute babies! I didn't have little siblings or cousins growing up. I babysat in high school and was really sad when the parents didn't need me anymore."

I was taken aback at Edward assumption that I disliked infants. "Why do you seem so surprised?"

"Like you said, you're an only child. You never talk about wanting to get married or having kids one day. I mean, you're not even really dating. And you get nervous when I talk about being a foster kid."

"That's because I don't want to force you to dredge up painful memories. And I do want to have a family someday. I want to have lots of kids. I don't want them being lonely growing up like I was. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I don't look forward to it."

I never talked about it because I was always envisioning little bronze haired children playing the piano when I thought about my future children. I was a little miffed he assumed I wanted to stay single forever. I came back from my internal rant when I heard Edward laugh.

"What's so funny?" I snapped.

"Nothing. It's just that you're always surprising me, Bella."

I blushed and stood up to hide my face from him, taking the remaining dishes to the sink. Edward elbowed me in the ribs playfully and I took a step to the side to steady myself. He stepped into the space in front of the sink and took the sponge from my hand. I smiled to myself as he took over the washing.

I dried each dish as he handed them to me one by one. Again I felt completely at peace doing such an ordinary everyday chore. Being next to Edward was all it ever took to improve my mood and I was already feeling much happier. We made our way into the living room and sat down on the hardwood floors where my books were spread out across the coffee table.

We'd been reading over our notes for about fifteen minutes when Edward abruptly said, "I don't think you should be alone here all summer."

"What? Why not?" I asked.

"It's a big city and you just shouldn't be living here all alone. What if something happens to you? I don't like the sound of it."

"Edward, I'm a big girl and I don't mind being alone. Living with Charlie is practically like having my own place anyway. And besides, I won't be here without friends. Jacob is staying on campus through July."

Edward's crinkled brow didn't relax any at the mention of Jake. A small part of me enjoyed that.

"Why is he going to be here?"

"He's taking a summer course and has a big project to complete with the National Park service as part of the curriculum. It needs to be in the summer."

"That sounds like a lame excuse to me," Edward said unimpressed.

"An excuse for what?"

"Being alone with you, obviously. Did he come up with this before or after you told him you'd be in Seattle all summer?" he accused.

"Before, dumbass," I responded. "Jacob is a biology major. He wants to study wolves after graduation so he's going to be learning about them from the rangers."

Edward threw his head back and laughed. It really irritated me. He played the piano in his spare time and was currently here to study for his poetry midterm, but had the nerve to laugh at Jacob's interests. I kicked his foot as hard as I could under the table.

"Ow," he said, coming down from his laughing fit. I scowled at him.

"I'm sorry, Bells. Really," he said. I almost believed him. I kicked him again, more gently that time and opened my book back to the poem we had been reviewing. The hard floor was starting to hurt so I stood up and took a seat on the sofa. Edward sighed and joined me before turning his attention back to our study session without another word about Jacob.

I woke up to the sound of the front door opening and closing.

"What the hell is this?" Rose exclaimed.

I rubbed my eyes and slowly opened them, taking in my surroundings. I was nestled into Edward's side, my leg flung over his. His arm was around my waist. I sat up immediately and scooted away from Edward's body. My fingers ran through my hair and found a mess of knots and tangles. Still disoriented, my heart now pounding, I looked back at Rosalie. She had a oversized grim on her face as if she'd just caught her two friends having sex instead of passed out on the couch.

"Well, well," she said loudly.

"Shhhh! Don't wake him up. What time is it?" I asked.

"Honey, he's already awake. You can't fool me, Edward. I see that smirk on your face. Don't even try to hide from me!"

Edward's mouth turned up at both ends and he opened his eyes. "Hello, Rose."

"So is this what you two are up to when you tell me you're at Edward's "studying?" she chuckled.

"Leave Bella alone," Edward warned. "We obviously fell asleep. What's the big deal?"

"It seems to me I missed a bit more tonight than a meal," Rose said, her voice highly suggestive. "I'd love to hear all about it right now but I'm exhausted."

With that she shuffled down the hall to her room and shut the door.

"Sorry," I mumbled, looking at Edward out of the corner of my eye. I was overwhelmed with embarrassment, but at the same time couldn't stop thinking about how I could still smell him on my shirt and in my hair. It was a smell uniquely Edward and my heart fluttered at the reminder of how his scent got on me.

"It's my fault," he said groggily. "You fell asleep sitting up and I didn't have the heart to wake you."

I turned to face him and saw the sleepy smile on his face. Even moments after being woken from a deep sleep Edward was painfully beautiful. I was reminded of how I must look and quickly stood up and glanced at the time on the cable box.

"Crap, it's one in the morning! We need to get some real sleep before morning," I said.

Edward started feeling around his pockets for his keys and finally found them on the coffee table.

"No, you shouldn't drive. You're too tired," I protested.

"I'll be fine," he insisted. "I don't wanna spend the night on the couch."

"Then sleep in my room. I don't want you getting in an accident."

He smirked and replied, "Thanks for the offer. I'd just _love_ to hear what Rose would have to say about that in the morning." His sarcastic tone reminded me of what Rose had said only minutes before. Embarrassment washed over me again, not only at her comments, but at the fact that I'd just invited Edward into my bed. What was I thinking?

"Fine, but you have to call me as soon as you get home so I know you made it safely," I compromised.

"I will," he said and took a step towards me, cupping the back of my head in his hand and kissing my forehead. "Thanks for dinner. And helping me cram."

I felt my cheeks flush again as he walked to the door, my forehead burning from his touch. I ran up to my room once he'd left and quickly brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back into a messy bun. I sat in the middle of my bed for ten minutes waiting for Edward to call me. Finally, as I was about to panic and call him, I received a text.

_Home safe. Now go to bed._

I smiled and sent a reply.

_Thx. Goodnight._

And I was out before my head hit the pillow.


	10. Chapter 9: Summer Lovin'

**A/N: Alright, here it is... the first real lemony chapter of this story. My goal in writing this was not to have one lemon after another... but I don't do "fade to black" scenes... they irritate me (cough breaking dawn honeymoon scene cough). **

**I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 9: SUMMER LOVIN'<p>

My skin tingled as his rough fingers ghosted up my arms. I felt his lips on my neck and held my breath as they swept across my collarbone to the other side. I slid my hand up his solid back and gripped the hair at the back of his head, pulling his lips to mine. He tried to subtly push me gently against the sofa cushions and position himself over me. When I resisted for the third time that evening Jacob groaned in frustration.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

"Rose is going to be home soon," I lied. She'd been spending so much time at Sigma Phi I wouldn't be surprised if they let her become the first female member.

"We could always go upstairs," he suggested softly, pressing his lips to the sensitive skin behind my ear.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I replied.

I'd spent every weekend with Jacob since we returned from Spring Break, and I purposely never let him linger in my bedroom. I knew I was beginning to develop feelings for Jacob and wanted to take our relationship slow. Edward had been spending a lot of time with Victoria recently. So much that I'd barely even seen him outside of class for the past month. I was aware of how badly I'd reacted to him dating in the past and didn't want to get intimate with Jacob simply because I was upset over Edward.

I was afraid if I opened up too much to Jacob that he would ask me to be his girlfriend. I'd never been anyone's girlfriend before and just the thought of it scared me. I was afraid to commit myself to Jacob and was ashamed to admit even to myself the reason why. I hadn't actively pursued a relationship with him because I didn't want to appear unavailable in case Edward suddenly came to his senses. I didn't want to lose my window of opportunity to be with him because he saw me happy with someone else and decided not to act. It was pathetic, and I knew it. Especially considering the way his relationship with Victoria seemed to be progressing. I felt like my own relationship with Edward was still evolving and strengthening but still hadn't crossed the line from friendship into something more. I didn't have much hope it ever would and I was beginning to feel myself being drawn to Jacob more each time we were together.

"I want to, I really do. But we have the whole summer to make our way upstairs," I said gently.

Just then Rose burst through the front door proving my white lie to be correct after all. I could tell instantly that something was wrong, just from the way she'd entered the house. When she stepped into the living room I saw the tears running down her cheeks smearing her makeup. I unwrapped myself from Jacob's arms and went to her.

"Rose? What happened?" I asked.

"I broke up with Emmett. And before you even say anything, you were right, okay? I couldn't be a good enough girlfriend to him. Please don't say I told you so," Rose whimpered.

I looked back at Jacob, hoping he would understand that I needed to be with Rosalie. He stood up and walked towards us.

"I'll give you girls some privacy. Call me later?" he said.

I nodded and reached up on my toes to kiss his cheek. I was a little grateful that a roommate emergency had come up and I could avoid having the talk with Jacob that I felt looming on the horizon moments ago. I could worry about that another day.

I dragged Rose to the sofa and said, "Tell me everything."

"We were talking about our plans for the summer and he mentioned how he needed to stay on campus for football. I didn't believe that the team would start practice right after finals but apparently they do. He's not going home to Forks at all! I told him that I didn't want us to be separated for that long. Jasper's going to be with Alice, you're going to be here, what am I supposed to do in Forks by myself for three months? Then he called me selfish. Said I didn't understand how important playing football was to him and I told him he was right. I _don't _get what's so important about it. Then he said I didn't understand him and that I needed to care more about other people's needs."

She took a breath and wiped a tear from her cheek. I encouraged her to continue.

"So then he tells me that he would miss me and maybe I could stay here in the house too so he and I would still be together for the summer. I told him I'd promised my parents I'd come home and they planned a cruise for July I didn't want to miss. Then he called me a spoiled brat and said maybe a few months apart would be good for us. So I got mad and told him maybe we should just break up instead."

"Oh, Rose," I said sympathetically. "It sounds like you two just let your emotions get the better of you. Once you both calm down I'm sure you can work something out."

"I don't think so. Now that I know what he really thinks of me. And honestly, it's true that I don't like him putting football ahead of me. I want someone who'll put me first."

I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. Sometimes Rose could be a little egotistical and selfish. But Emmett's known that about Rose for years and he's still always had feelings for her. I didn't particularly think three months apart was the end of the world, but for someone like Rose it was. I rubbed her shoulder and told her everything would be alright.

We spent the next few hours watching movies and finishing off all the sweets in the house. Rose seemed to be feeling a little better by the time I finally decided to call it a night. She thanked me for listening and not judging her.

"Rose, you and Emmett are both close friends of mine and I love you. He's been crazy about you forever. If it's meant to be then you'll find a way back to each other. Just give it some time," I said.

"Thanks, Bella."

"Anytime."

The first week of summer vacation was absolutely crazy. Saturday I bid farewell to Rosalie and Edward who were on their way back to Forks. I was shocked when Edward dropped his car keys in my hand and told me to be gentle with his "baby." He told me that since neither Emmett nor I had a car in Seattle he was left with no choice but leave his shiny Volvo with us. He didn't want me taking public transportation. I couldn't argue with that and thanked him. I hugged them both goodbye and watched as they drove off in Rose's red convertible.

The next morning Emmett moved in. It only made sense to have him stay with me since he needed a place and I had two empty rooms. He refused to sleep in Rose's room since the breakup was still in effect so he was sleeping in the small third bedroom upstairs next to mine. It was a little inconvenient to not be able to walk around in my underwear upstairs like I was accustomed to doing but I had to admit I was happy to have a roommate again.

I started my job at the UW daycare the following Monday. Together with four other students we washed the room from floor to ceiling and assembled cribs and changing tables. The room we were in was on the second floor of the Rec center. One of the girls I'd be working with throughout the summer was named Carrie. She was an art major and offered to paint a mural on one of the cinderblock walls. I was fascinated by her talent and watched as she transformed an old aerobics classroom into a welcoming place for children to play. By the end of our first week you would never know that room hadn't been built with the intention of housing babies and toddlers.

I spent every night with Emmett, watching TV or playing video games. He was teaching me how to play Geometry Wars since I refused to play the first person shooters he loved. We hadn't spent this much time together since high school. I'd forgotten how much fun he could be. I made him dinner every night and he was excessively grateful for the mothering. We didn't speak of Rose. I figured if he wanted to talk about her then he would bring it up. She hadn't even called me since leaving with Edward the previous week. Rose hadn't liked the idea of Emmett living in the house while she was gone but thankfully she was mature enough not to pitch a real fit about it.

I hadn't heard from Edward either, except a text to say they made it home safe. I knew he'd been planning to spend some of summer vacation with Victoria and the longer I went without getting a call or text from him the more I was afraid he'd run off to Northern California where she lived. On the other hand, I didn't think I could handle any more of Edward's descriptions of how "sexy" and "intense" she was so maybe it was best he hadn't called. I figured if he had gone to California Alice would have dialed me pronto to find out what I thought of her.

I wondered how his family was adjusting to having Bree in the house. I sent a few messages back and forth with Alice on Facebook and commented on the pictures she posted of her and Bree. From what I could tell she was a petite girl with long brunette hair and an attractive young face. They both looked happy to have each other's company and I was looking forward to meeting her. I had to wait until July 4th when I was going home to visit Charlie.

My second week at work everyone focused on collecting toys and books to fill the shelves. Another coworker, Derek, installed child safe locks on the cabinets and doors. Carrie's mural was coming along nicely. I kept myself busy by washing all the incoming donated items such as bouncy seats, high chairs, and bottles. I cleaned the bathroom thoroughly and disinfected the toys. On the Wednesday afternoon of that week I was checking my phone and saw I had a missed call from Jacob. I listened to the voicemail with a smile on my face. I could tell by the tone of his voice he was anxious to see me.

_Hi Bella. I wanted to see what you were doing the rest of the day. We couldn't go out into the field today on account of all the rain so I'm on my way back to campus. If I don't hear from you I'm gonna go over to the Rec center's pool for a while. Um, hope you're having a good day. Bye._

His call came only an hour earlier so he was probably still in the building. I quickly finished what I was working on and said goodbye to Carrie and the others. I hadn't been to the swimming pool since the campus tour during orientation so I made a few wrong turns on my way. Finally, the smell of chlorine led me into the massive room that housed the university's pool.

There were only a few people there and I spotted Jacob right away. He was swimming laps on the far end of the Olympic sized pool. I walked over to his lane and watched his head bobbing in and out of the water. He spotted me from the middle of the lane and waved. When he reached the side of the pool he pulled off his goggles and ran his hand over his face.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" he asked cheerfully and a little out of breath.

"I got your message while I was upstairs so I thought I'd come meet you. Still up for hanging out with me?" I replied.

"Absolutely. I didn't know you were going to be here," he said.

"Yeah, the daycare I'm working for is on the second floor," I gestured towards the ceiling.

"Sweet. Well, I'm done here so just back up so you don't get wet," he warned.

Jake gripped the concrete wall of the pool and lifted himself out in one effortless motion. He towered over me, water running down his skin. I was suddenly privy to a much better view of his body than the night we fooled around in his dorm room when I had been too nervous to really look. I tried not to gawk at his body now but failed miserably. I was eye level with his chest which was smooth and muscular. He had just a sprinkling of dark black hair between his nipples and abdominal muscles to die for. The droplets of water clung to his skin and it was difficult to hold back from reaching out with my tongue to lick them off.

"Bella?" he said, trying to get my attention. He was grinning at me, obviously pleased by my reaction to him.

"You never told me you were a, ah, swimmer," I said awkwardly.

I finally blinked and focused on his face which made him laugh. "I prefer the beach but this will have to do for now," he said.

Jake leaned over and shook out his hair like a dog would after coming in from the rain. I jumped back from the spray of water drops and he took a step towards me playfully.

"Jake, stop!" I giggled.

He stood up straight and said, "Give a few minutes to change and I'll meet you outside the locker room, okay?"

I told him to take his time and went out to the hall to wait. He was there to meet me in just a few minutes and we walked out the main entrance together. He hadn't been kidding about the rain. It was coming down in buckets. We scurried across campus huddled under his umbrella to his dorm room. It was really eerie to be in campus housing knowing practically every room was empty. Jake had to live in a different room than he had last time I visited him. All the summer residents were staying in Laurel, the smallest of the dorms.

Jacob shook out his umbrella in the hall and fumbled with the key in the lock. This room looked similar to all the others on campus but it was a single. One bed meant there wouldn't be any interruptions from friends or roommates this time. The space was a bit of a mess but I let it go. I was more worried at the moment about what Jake had envisioned earlier when he invited me to "hang out." He pulled off his sweatshirt and I was relieved to see a black t-shirt underneath.

"Are you hungry? We can order a pizza. I have zero food in here," he said apologetically.

I smiled and said, "Yeah, a pizza sounds good."

Jake ruffled my damp hair as he passed me to get to the Little Tony's menu on his desk. I took my shoes and socks off since they were soaking wet and curled up on his bed. After ordering our dinner Jake turned the heater up a little and snuggled next to me. I was cold so the heat from his body was welcomed. He had a little television balancing on a milk crate and was flipping through the channels with the remote looking for something to watch. When he stopped on the baseball game he looked over at me for approval. I smiled and nodded.

"Do you really wanna watch the Mariners? I wasn't sure if you were placating me when you said you liked baseball," he said.

I blushed slightly and replied, "Well, maybe a little. I'd like to watch it with you though. Can you help me understand what's going on?"

His expression told me he was excited by the idea of teaching me about baseball. We spent the next few hours enjoying the pizza, the game, and each others' company. I sat between his legs with my back supported by his chest. He wrapped his arms around my middle and spoke softly into my ear.

"So, you see the little picture of the baseball diamond in the top left corner of the screen? The yellow dot there means a player is on second base. Now he's in scoring position if his teammate can get a hit," Jacob explained. "The numbers next to the diamond that say 3-2, that's the count. So there have been three balls thrown and two strikes. A 3-2 is a full count. The next pitch is either going to strike out the batter or walk him."

We watched the next pitch get thrown and the batter, who I learned was Felix Hernandez, hit the ball back into the stands.

"Was that a ball or a strike?" I asked.

Jacob chuckled and said, "Okay I stand corrected. He swung but hit the ball foul so there has to be another pitch."

I groaned and leaned my head back on his shoulder looking up at his face. "This is confusing, Jake."

He kissed my cheek and said, "We can watch something else, honey. I don't want to bore you."

I was taken by surprise to hear him use a pet name with me. I could hear the affection in his voice and I liked it.

"I'm not bored," I said honestly. "Maybe just in need of a temporary distraction?"

I found myself inching closer to his neck and placing a kiss there. His skin was soft and he smelled like cologne and chlorine. He turned his head towards me, his lips drawn to mine like a magnet. He kissed me gently, and I sensed his momentum building slowly. I tensed up when Jacob's hands started wandering from their resting place around my waist. He felt his way to my thighs, rubbing his hands along the denim of my jeans. We turned toward each other to allow our kiss to continue more comfortably and he pulled his left hand under himself for support. His other hand kept exploring and I unintentionally moaned when he squeezed my inner thigh.

I wished I could read his mind or somehow figure out what he expected me to do. I reached my hand up to his face and felt the rough stubble with my fingertips. His wandering hand was now cupping me between my legs and it was arousing me. I raised my hips slightly to increase the pressure from his hand and he responded eagerly by gripping me tighter. I gasped. He pulled my shoulders back with his left hand so I was once again leaning against his chest and attacked my neck with his mouth. His fingers rubbed circles between my legs where I was starting to feel the familiar ache that had never been produced by anything but my own hand. I let my head fall back on his shoulder and took a deep breath. I felt Jacob's erection poking me in the back. I was nervous that I was letting him get too excited, although I was pleased that he was as affected by our activity as me.

I was humiliated by my inexperience and didn't know what to do but lay there and allow him to take the lead. My arms lay limp at my sides so I turned my palms inward and placed both hands on the sides of his thighs, squeezing and rubbing the way he had done to mine. He let out a little moan and slung his left hand over my chest and grasped my breast. My chest puffed out as I breathed in deep and he tightened his grip. It felt better than I could have imagined and just as I was summoning up the courage to tell him so, his hand slipped under the low collar of my shirt and pinched my bare nipple. I wasn't expecting him to be that bold but I didn't push him away. It felt too good. He wasn't trying to remove my shirt or unhook my bra for which I was thankful. He didn't need to either, because the way he was currently touching me was enough to get him the response he was obviously looking for. I was self-conscious about the sounds that were pouring out of my mouth but couldn't stop them. Jacob suddenly released my breast in favor of bringing his hands together to work the fly of my jeans. My rebuff caught in my throat as he whispered, "I want to make you come, Bella." It was hard to argue with that.

He unzipped my pants and slipped them down just enough to ease his right hand inside and massage the wet spot on my panties. We moaned in unison as he pushed the fabric aside and worked my body over like I'd never experienced before. I started panting as his finger slid inside me bringing me closer to orgasm. His other hand found its way back to my breast which he drew out from the security of my shirt supplying him full access.

"Oh, Bella," he moaned as I raised my arms over my head and linked my fingers behind his neck.

The hand fondling my breast began pinching and twisting the hard nipple as his fingers sped up their ministrations between my legs. As I thought about how uninhibited I was being, and how much I enjoyed allowing him to touch me in these new places I felt my orgasm approaching. My breathing became heavier and I started rocking gently with the motions of his hands. I'd never come in front of anyone before but there was suddenly nothing I wanted more than to find release.

Jacob's whispers in my ear coaxing me to come for him threw me over the edge. I yelled out as the waves of passion rolled over me and I felt my muscles clenching around his fingers. I had never come so hard and it left me breathless and limp in his arms. He kissed my cheek and neck as I slowly recovered. I felt shy from my erotic performance and discretely inserted my boob back into place. I turned around to face him, hugging him tightly to hide my face from his gaze. I was reminded of the bulge in his pants and wondered what I should do. Did I have the courage to reciprocate the pleasure Jacob just brought me?

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

I slowly pulled back to look into his eyes. They were wide and hungry, but he made no movements to encourage me to touch him. I felt relieved that Jacob wasn't expecting anything specific from me. I half expected him to glance down at his cock suggestively or brazenly take my hand and place it on his crotch, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn't thinking those thoughts. He was patient and respectful, and was looking at me with nothing but adoration. I felt safe with Jacob and realized I wasn't as afraid to take the next step with him as I had been a few months before. I was still reeling from what he had just done to me and felt myself eager to see him experience the same sensation.

"Jacob, lay back," I instructed softly.

We shuffled down the bed so we were lying side by side. I lightly grazed my fingernails down his chest and fisted the loose end of his t-shirt in my hand. I pushed his shirt up his torso exposing those glorious abs once again. I traced the lines over his stomach until I reached the place they disappeared under his pants. I leaned my head in to kiss his lips while my fingers stumbled over the buttons on his jeans and slid down the zipper. His erection was straining against the fabric of his boxers and I slowly wrapped my fingers around him, freeing his length through the opening. I was fascinated by the texture and warmth of this strange new part of Jacob. Now that I had him in my hand I froze.

I looked at him and said shyly, "Tell me what to do."

Without speaking he guided my hand up and down a few times, and made a twisting motion. I nodded to tell him I understood and I wanted him to let go. Jacob laid one hand to rest on his chest and the other stroked my hair. When I started making the motions without his guidance his eyes shut tightly and he groaned. I liked that sound very much and it gave me the confidence to keep going. I stroked his shaft repeatedly, squeezing at the base and circling the tip with my thumb with each pass. Jake's audible response was becoming more urgent and intense as I quickened my pace. Just as my arm was beginning to tire Jake gripped the mattress with one hand and my back with the other.

"I'm coming," he warned. "Don't stop."

He lifted his head off the pillow and looked down at his cock just as his semen shot out in spurts all over his stomach. I hadn't thought about where it would go and was glad I'd pulled his shirt up so high. Jake cursed under his breath and groaned once more as his body relaxed and fell back against the mattress. He slowly opened his eyes and grinned at me. I snuggled back down in the crook of his arm and he sighed.

"You're amazing, Bella. Do you know that?" he asked.

I smiled shaking my head to his flattery. I'm sure my cheeks gave away my embarrassment. We lay there for a minute before Jacob sat up enough to pull his t-shirt over his head and wipe his stomach with it. I made a grossed out face and he smirked at me, throwing the shirt in his laundry basket. He pulled a fresh one from his drawer and slipped it over his head. I sat up on the bed, feeling slightly awkward. Jake came over to me and sat back down, pulling me back into his arms.

"What? Seattle's losing now?" he complained, looking at the television.

I giggled. "Are they? I hadn't even noticed."

He hugged me a little tighter and placed a kiss on my cheek. We finished watching the game that way and when it finally ended I stood up to stretch.

"I should get home before Emmett starts to worry about me," I said.

Jake looked out the little window over his desk. "It's still raining hard. Let me drive you home."

"Thanks, Jake, but I drove to work this morning," I replied.

"Oh, I didn't know you had a car on campus."

"I don't, but Edward left me his before he went home," I explained.

Jacob raised one eyebrow. "Edward just… left his car with you for the whole summer?" he questioned.

"Yeah. He didn't want me taking public transportation in the city. I told him he could drive my truck since no one's using it but he said he wouldn't be caught dead behind the wheel of that monster." I laughed remembering the disgusted expression on his face when I offered him the key to my truck.

"Okay, then. Can I walk you to_ Edward's_ car?" he asked.

"Yes," I smiled and he took my hand as we made our way down the hall to the stairwell.

He kissed me goodbye in the parking lot of the Rec center and watched as I drove away. I thought about Jacob the entire way home. I'd spent more time with him since summer began than in the whole time I'd known him. I was starting to miss his company on days I knew I wouldn't see him. What was even more shocking was that I realized I hadn't spoken to Edward in almost three weeks and I wasn't losing my mind yet. Maybe it was because I was pretty sure he was with that Victoria and I really didn't want to think about how they were spending their time together.

Or, maybe it was actually possible that I could care for another person the way I did for Edward?


	11. Chapter 10: Independence Day

CHAPTER 10: INDEPEDENCE DAY

As I pulled into the first parking space outside the house I noticed Emmett had left the light on for me. I ran up the front steps and found the door unlocked.

"Em? I'm home," I called out.

He came around the corner from the living room with his cell in his hand.

"There you are. I guess I can call off the hounds."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I dropped my purse on the kitchen table and slipped my shoes off.

"Didn't you get off work at 4? Edward's been trying to call you. He said you weren't picking up your phone."

I reached into my purse and checked my phone. Two missed calls from Edward and one from Emmett.

"I always put my phone on silent when I'm at work. I just forgot to set it back to the ringer," I explained holding it out for Emmett to see.

"Where have you been since then? It's almost 8 o'clock," he demanded.

I blushed and turned towards the refrigerator. I was still full of Little Tony's pizza but I figured Emmett was famished. In the three weeks we'd been roomies he'd come to expect me to make dinner every night.

"I was with Jacob," I told the fridge. I pulled out leftovers from the night before.

"Again? You're spending a lot of time with that guy, Bella."

With Emmett in the house there was never much in the way of food left over, but tonight it would do if I just made myself a small salad to go with this chicken. I turned around to face my friend. His brows were raised and he was waiting for my response.

"Yes. I like being with him. Are you hungry?"

"Of course," he answered. "So are you and Jacob…" he asked pumping his fist out suggestively.

I swatted the air in front of me. "No, no. We haven't slept together," I answered defensively.

I dealt out the chicken and rice on two plates and started one rotating in the microwave. I poured myself some iced tea and took a seat at the table. Emmett grabbed a Coke from the fridge and joined me.

"You should call Edward before he starts to panic."

"What does he want?" I asked. I typed a quick text to Edward letting him know I was home and would call after dinner.

"I think he wants to plan Fourth of July. If I hadn't already promised to go I would just stay here. I have no interest in seeing Rose yet," he said bitterly.

The microwave dinged so I stood up, patting Emmett's hand before stepping over to the counter. I took his plate out and set it on the table in front of him. After I put my plate in the microwave I made myself a bowl of lettuce and some green peppers I'd chopped the night before. Emmett made a face when I offered him some. I took my warmed plate back to the table and for a few minutes we ate in silence.

My phone beeped and I read the reply from Edward. _Glad to hear ur home. Feed Em, then call._

"Why was Edward worried about me anyway? I thought he was busy hanging out with Victoria," I asked, rolling my eyes when I said her name.

He snorted. "Not a big fan of Victoria, huh Bells?"

Gee, what gave that away? "I don't like the way he acts around her. He's like a different person," I said flatly.

"What do you mean? Love sick? Happy?"

"No... Like how he drinks more, practically fornicating in front of other people, and ignoring his friends."

I took another bite of my food. I was dying to know if my suspicions were right and Edward really had been with Victoria all this time.

"Bella, don't get mad, but you sound a little jealous," Emmett accused, pointing his fork at me.

"I am not!" I shot back, but my pale skin started to burn bright red.

"Really…" He smiled. "So it wouldn't bother you to know that she's been staying with him in Forks? That they've been _fucking_ every day in his parents' house?"

It was even worse than I'd feared. No wonder I hadn't heard from him in nearly three weeks. With her around he forgot all about me. I couldn't stand the thought of her in Edward's bedroom, the same place where I used to spend so much time; talking to him, laughing, building our friendship. Now _she_ was in there instead of me. I thought about how upset this information made me even after spending an amazing afternoon with Jacob. Maybe I hadn't made as much progress as I'd hoped. I felt the tear streak down my face before I remembered I wasn't alone. I couldn't contain my heartache and the floodgates opened. I quickly grabbed my napkin and tried to mop up my traitor tears.

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry," Emmett said. "I'm an insensitive jerk."

"It's okay," I whimpered. "I know I shouldn't care."

"But you do, don't you?" he said.

I nodded, sniffling. I dabbed the last of the tears from my humiliating outburst. There was no use trying to hide it now, and I needed someone to talk to. I didn't want to bother Angela, and it was nearly 11pm on the east coast.

"I'm a mess, Em," I said. "I'm sort of dating Jacob, I suppose. We haven't put a label on it yet. But I just can't get over this pathetic crush I have on Edward. I'm so in love with him it hurts. I know he doesn't feel the same, but I just can't get past it no matter how hard I try."

"I had no idea, Bells." He shifted his chair closer to me and put his arm around my shoulder. "Have you ever told him?"

I shook my head forcefully. "No, and you can't say anything," I begged.

"I'd never do that. But if you feel so strongly maybe you should just tell him how you feel."

"Does Rose know the truth about how you feel?" I countered.

"That's different," he replied defensively.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I've thought about telling Edward a thousand times, but I wouldn't be able to stand it if things got weird between us. I need him too much. If he felt the same way wouldn't he have told me by now? And I can't tell him now anyways. He's with Victoria."

"I guess we've both gotten ourselves into messes, haven't we?" he said.

I laughed and nodded my head. "Yeah, I guess we have. Thanks for being so nice, Em."

"No problem. How about I even do the dishes tonight?" he offered.

I must really look in bad shape. "Wow. I should have breakdowns more often," I teased.

He playfully whipped me with the dishtowel. I rubbed my face with both hands, mentally preparing myself for what I had to do now. I owed Edward a phone call, and had to make sure I sounded upbeat and normal. I thanked Emmett again for doing the dishes and went up to my room for some privacy. I changed out of my clothes and slipped on a tank top and terry cloth shorts. With a long sigh I dialed Edward's number and sat down on the floor by my bed.

"Bella," he said after one ring.

"Hey stranger," I answered, hoping he couldn't see through my fake enthusiasm.

"Where have you been? Emmett said you should have been home hours ago?"

"Sorry I worried you. I didn't know anyone was waiting up for me. I was with Jacob and my phone was on silent," I said pleasantly.

"Oh." There was a pause. "What were you doing with him that you didn't want phone calls interrupting?"

"Edward, I thought you might have been calling about Fourth of July plans?" I said, desperate to change the subject. If I told him about Jake then I know I'd ask about Victoria and I'd end up regretting it.

"Yes, my mother wants to know if Renee's going to be in town. I remember you mentioning her coming out to see you. We're trying to get a head count for the party."

"Yep, mom and Phil are coming the whole week so they will be there. Charlie too," I said.

"Great, thanks. So, how's the job going?"

"I love it so far. We haven't gotten any babies there yet; we're still preparing the room. Next week we have two scheduled to start so I'm excited about that. What about you? How's Bree?"

"We've having fun together. I think she really likes living with us. She hasn't talked much about her previous foster family or her real parents, but that's to be expected. Alice takes her shopping often," he said, chuckling.

I missed the sound of Edward's laughter. We talked for another half hour about Esme and Bree, more about my job, how I've been treating his car, and about Emmett and Rose. Edward said he'd hung out with her just a few times since being home and she hadn't wanted to discuss Emmett at all. I told him I hadn't had much luck getting Emmett to budge either.

Our conversation did unfortunately make its way back to Jacob when Edward asked me what I'd been doing in my spare time. I was honest and said I'd been hanging out with Jake a lot lately. That provided him an opportunity to mention Victoria. He started telling me how she was getting along with Alice and I had to fake an incoming call to save myself from the torture of hearing about my friend bonding with that girl.

"Edward, my mom is calling. Can I talk to you more later?" I lied.

"Sure, tell her I said hi," he replied casually.

"I will. See you on the 4th."

"See you then. Bye."

I hung up the phone and tossed it on my bed. I could hear Emmett next door playing video games so I went into his room to watch, just to have some company.

"Hey you. How'd your call go?" he asked without looking away from his flat screen.

"Just super. Can I play? I feel like shooting something."

"You want to play Gears of War?" he asked incredulously.

I shot him a dirty look and he handed me the controller. For the next few hours Emmett and I worked together to save the planet from monster locusts and after a while I felt better.

If it wasn't for my mother flying three thousand miles to see me I wouldn't have had the strength to drag myself out of bed that morning and drive the three hours back to Forks. Emmett was whining even worse that I was by the time we crossed into the city limits. I dropped him off at his parent's house and told him I'd be back the next day at three to take him to the Cullens' party. Emmett's parents weren't coming, though they had been invited. Em didn't exactly get along with his parents and was only slightly more enthused to see them than he was about seeing Rosalie.

I spent the night in Charlie's house catching up with my parents and Phil. I was relieved that after five years of marriage my father was finally tolerant of Phil's and Renee's relationship. It had taken him a long time to accept the divorce and even longer for him to accept my mom's new husband. My parents never fought over me the way some parents did after a separation or divorce. Although I would have preferred to grow up in a home with both my mother and father, the truth was their marriage was over before I was old enough to remember and I'd always felt loved by them both so I couldn't complain.

Renee and Phil were staying in a hotel and Charlie was going to pick them up on his way to the Cullen's the next day. I kissed them all goodnight around eleven and headed up to my old bedroom. I wasn't used to sleeping in the bed any longer and I had difficulty falling asleep. I kept remembering how the last time I'd slept here Edward had been laying next to me. I tried desperately to fight off visions of him in his bedroom across town, spooning another woman as I lay here daydreaming about him. Eventually I fell asleep and didn't wake until nearly ten the next morning.

I made myself useful around the house, dusting and vacuuming each room until I was satisfied it was clean. I made a decent lunch for Charlie and myself and then headed upstairs to get ready for the party. No matter the occasion, the Cullen's went overboard with their parties. I wanted to look extra good if I was forced to be in the same room as Victoria. I knew I couldn't compete but I felt as though I should at least try. I pulled out a new dress I'd bought only days earlier, dark blue with a halter neckline. I did my best to set a loose curl in my hair and put on a little makeup. Hopefully I'd done Alice proud. After all, she was the one who gave me hair and makeup lessons in high school.

I text Emmett to make sure he was ready and then I got behind the wheel of my old red truck and made my way over to his house. It felt good to be driving it again, though I had to admit the ride was awfully bumpy compared to the Volvo. Emmett and I arrived at Edward's house and pulled around back to park in their cavernous garage. I thought about how presumptuous it was for me to assume I could park there when all the other guests were leaving their cars out front along the long gravel driveway that lead up to the home's front porch. Emmett didn't seem surprised about my parking there because it's what I'd done practically every weekend in high school. Carlisle and Esme treated us like we were their own children and I'd always felt as comfortable with them as in my own home. We came into the house from the garage and saw Esme buzzing around the kitchen. She hugged us both.

"I'm so glad you two could make it! Emmett, you look like you've put on some muscle since I last saw you. That football coach isn't working you too hard, I hope," she said.

"No, Mrs. Cullen. It's been great, actually," he replied.

"And Bella, you look more beautiful every day," Esme said, looking me up and down. "Are your parents with you?"

"My father's picking them up on his way. I'm sure they'll be here soon."

She took a step towards me to whisper something under her breath. "Bella, sweetie, I'm afraid I need you to do me the same favor you did on New Years. At least get him to eat something for me."

My first reaction was to be horrified at her request. I knew she was asking me to drag Edward out from his bedroom where he was hiding like he always did during big parties like this. I imagined walking in on Edward and Victoria doing God knows what up there. Then, I realized Esme wouldn't send me up to a room that smelled of sex and sorority girl so the scenario must not be as I imagined. I'm sure I looked confused as I stared at her unable to speak.

"He needs his best friend," she replied and patted my shoulder. That was apparently all the information I was going to get as Esme turned back to her food preparation.

I told Emmett to go talk to Carlisle who was most likely manning the grill in the back yard. I figured that was probably the last place he'd find Rose and Emmett nodded in agreement. I made my way through the house to the grand staircase in the Cullen's living room. Jessica and Mike were looking mighty cozy sitting on the sofa talking to Alice. I waved hello and pointed up the staircase with a shrug of my shoulders. They all knew Edward well enough to figure out where I was headed.

Edward's door was closed when I reached the familiar room at the end of the hall. He preferred to stay upstairs during big parties but he usually left the door open to visitors. I knocked and listened for a response. I still expected to find him with company but when he opened the door it was obvious from his face that he was alone. When he saw it was me he opened the door wider, but turned and retreated back to his bed where he must have been laying. I followed him and pulled his desk chair up next to his bed.

"Edward, why aren't you down at the party? What's wrong?" I asked gently.

"Ironic how everyone's celebrating their independence today. America's celebrating her independence from Great Britain, and Victoria's celebrating her independence from me."

"Victoria left?" I asked; the shock obvious in my tone.

"Ran is more like it," he replied darkly. "Said I was smothering her, that we were moving too fast. Apparently she isn't looking for a long term relationship."

"I'm sorry, Edward." And I was. No matter how much I hated seeing him with another woman, especially _that_ one; I never wanted him to experience any kind of pain. And I could tell my friend was hurting now.

"I told my mother I wasn't in the mood for socializing. Victoria left yesterday. I still feel like sulking. I need time to think," he said.

He looked so sad I couldn't resist reaching out to touch him. I put my hand on his forearm and rubbed my thumb over his skin.

"Did you love her, Edward?" I asked. Please say no, please say no, I thought to myself.

"I don't know. I don't think so. Though, it felt like it could be something special. I thought I was doing the right thing, waiting until after high school to get serious about a girl. But I'm starting to realize that girls in high school always wanted to be my girlfriend and in college all they want is to screw around."

I grimaced at his words. How stupid college girls were! Anyone who would run from Edward because he wanted _more_ than just sex from her was seriously demented.

"Victoria was an idiot. If she couldn't see how smart, and funny, and kind you are then it's her loss," I told him. He didn't respond, continuing to stare at the wall behind me. "Edward, listen to me. She missed out big time. If any of those girls had taken the time to get to know you the way I know you… well, they'd be lining up to be your girlfriend."

He grinned in embarrassment at my accolades and tugged on my wrists until I lifted out of my seat and lay down on the bed facing him.

"I don't know if I believe you, but thanks," he replied.

"It's the truth. Maybe you should avoid dating sorority girls for a while," I suggested, trying to formulate some coherent thoughts. Close proximity to Edward always made it hard to think clearly.

"You know what I mean? Maybe try meeting a girl in class or at the library instead of Sigma Phi's Wet T-shirt Night."

He chuckled. "That's good advice. Maybe I'll give that a try."

"Just a suggestion," I said smiling.

"Thanks, Bells. I don't know what I'd do without you," he sighed.

"You say that a lot," I reminded him.

"I know. Still true though."

He looked down at my hand which he was currently doodling with, tracing my lifelines and rubbing his thumb up and down my fingers one at a time. I had no idea my hand was directly connected to my hootchie but apparently it was. I closed my eyes and tried to slow my heart rate.

"You really should come downstairs," I encouraged. I smiled at him and pulled my hand away before I exploded.

"My mother thinks if I don't eat every six hours I'll keel over and die," he grumbled.

"She loves you," I reminded him. "Besides, I want you to introduce me to this new sister of yours."

"She's probably with Alice. Go down and ask her to introduce you. I'll be down before the fireworks start. I promise."

I sighed in frustration. "Fine, Edward. I will leave you alone to brood. But if you don't come downstairs before your dad breaks out those glow stick things you're in big trouble, okay?"

"Before the glow stick things," he promised.

I closed his bedroom door behind me as I exited and walked slowly back to the party. My mind was racing with everything that had happened in the past week. First, I go to third base with Jacob. Then, I reveal my eternal flame for Edward during a humiliating outburst in front of Emmett. And now Victoria is finally out of Edward's life. And here I am giving him tips on how to meet a nice girl who'd appreciate what he has to offer instead of telling him how I feel. I knew Emmett was right that if I had any hope of either being with Edward or getting over him I had to come clean and just tell him how I felt. Angela had given me the same advice and I chickened out. Even if I had the courage to follow through this time, he had just broken up with a girl he cared about. He needed time to recover before I dropped a bomb like that on him.

As Edward predicted, Alice was still downstairs with Jessica and Mike and was now joined by a cute little brunette who had to be their new foster sister, Bree. I noticed Rose and Jasper were missing from the room and hoped Emmett wasn't being ganged up on somewhere by Rose and her protective twin brother. I made my way over to the sofas and sat in one of the cozy chairs by the fireplace. Alice introduced us and we spent the next hour or so talking about old times in high school and a variety of other things. Bree was nervous about starting her sophomore year in September, especially with Alice leaving before her first day. Those two were obviously already joined at the hip. We all gave Bree some pointers for specific teachers and told her funny stories about our time at Forks High.

Everyone gathered in the Cullen's back yard a little before dusk for burgers and hot dogs and lots of other summer barbeque staples. My parents chatted with Edward's parents around the picnic table and we "kids" laid out blankets in the soft grass to watch the fireworks through the clearing of trees that led down to the stream behind the house. Emmett and Rose put as much distance between them as possible, occasionally shooting each other dirty looks. Alice bombarded me with questions about UW and our house, since she was planning her move into the third bedroom that Emmett was currently occupying.

Just as the mosquitoes started biting and the noise of the fireworks began, Edward emerged through the glass doors of the living room carrying a handful of glow sticks and the ones shaped like a big ring. Carlisle eyes lit up as he thanked him and starting dealing out the sticks to everyone. Edward smirked when he saw I was staring at him and came to sit beside me, placing a glowing ring around my neck.

"Thanks," I said grinning.

"I'm only out here because it's the polite thing to do," he whispered in my ear.

So that was how it was gonna be for a while then. Rose and Emmett were still incapable of being in the same room together. Edward was broken hearted and mopey. Alice was definitely moving into our house, ridding me of my private second floor sanctuary. And Jacob and I were on our way to becoming a couple. Sophomore year sure seemed like it was shaping up to be a doozy.


	12. Chapter 11: Seperation Anxiety

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading OBR.! I love reading your reivews. Another lemon in this chapter, just to warn you. Hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 11: SEPERATION ANXIETY<p>

The remainder of the summer seemed to pass by quickly. I was busy working at the daycare almost every day. We had a few more kids than we expected and by the end of July there were seven. I really enjoyed taking care of the little kids. We had a two year old and a one year old who played together well and were so fun to watch. I enjoyed playing with them the most. The university kept Carrie and me on to do the babysitting. Derek was a temporary hire to help with the renovations and setup of the center. He wasn't interested in being a nanny so he was more than happy to bow out when the number of employees needed to be cut down. Carrie and I counted Derek as a friend by the time he left and I hoped we'd get to see each other throughout the semester. I was excited at the prospect of having a small group of college friends outside of my hometown circle.

And then there was Jacob. I spent a lot of time with him the month of July, watching movies, eating out at local restaurants, and swimming at the Rec center. Almost every time I called Jake to hang out he was either on his way to the gym or already there. I should have known God didn't grace Jacob with those abs at birth. He worked hard for them. I attempted to keep him company by using an elliptical machine while he ran the treadmill or lifted weights. It was fun being with him, doing something together that he enjoyed, but the gym and I did not get along. I just didn't have the coordination for indoor simulated skiing. After a few near fatal falls off the machines Jacob agreed that we should have more sessions in the pool. Swimming I could handle, plus I actually got to see him shirtless there.

With Edward heartbroken over Victoria and showing no signs of asking me to fill the void in his love life I decided to take advantage of the nearly two months I had to spend away from him. I wanted to clear my head and focus on Jacob, who was quickly becoming very important to me. Just when I was starting to get used to having an attractive man around whom cared for me and could satisfy my needs, he threw cold water on me. Well, more like luke warm, but it was still confusing. I just expected that Jacob, being a guy, would take off like a bullet once I gave him the green light. This is what I did, right after my return from Forks. Only Jake hadn't tried to push our boundaries any further than the day we watched that Mariners game in his room.

I shouldn't be complaining about the lack of physical intimacy between us considering how long I made him wait to get to where we were. The most exciting time we shared together was actually in the rec center the day after Jacob's internship with the Park Service ended in late July. He was leaving the next day to go home for the remainder of the summer and we had plans to swim for a while and then get dinner. As we exited the pool Jake grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me. He rubbed me up and down, warming me with his touch. There was no one else in the pool room that day, what with it being the middle of summer and late in the day. Jake pulled me close to him and kissed me passionately, right there by the diving board.

I was shocked when we started walking towards the locker rooms and Jake took my hand and pulled me through the men's door. I gasped from surprise but Jacob wouldn't let go of me. He peeked around the corner of the wall that led to the lockers and when he was sure no one was in there he dragged me into the center of the room.

"What are you doing, Jake?" I whispered.

"Acting out every male's fantasy," he answered before pulling me into a long kiss.

When we separated for air I said, "You fantasize about men's locker rooms?"

He rolled his eyes and took a step towards one of the lockers, opening it and pulling out a bottle of shampoo and bar of soap. "No, Bella. Bringing a girl into the showers."

He kissed me before I could reply and we slowly made our way around another corner to an open room with shower heads attached to the ceiling. There were curtain rods all around but no curtains. To say I felt a little exposed in that room would be an understatement. Jacob turned on one of the streams of water and the heat from the water started to soothe my tension. Steam rose up all around us as Jake massaged shampoo into my hair and gently rinsed it out. We kissed feverishly, our tongues moving together, catching the water running down our faces.

As I soaped up his bare chest and arms, Jacob groped my bikini clad body. He licked my skin and bit my earlobe, his arms wrapped around me. I'd never enjoyed a shower so much in my life. Once we were clean Jacob's hands settled on my hips. His lips trailed along my neck and I could feel his erection press against my body. I remember that was the first time I absolutely wanted to have sex with him; that I felt ready for sex. For once I didn't have any doubts or contradicting feelings, just a burning need bubbling deep inside my body. The added risk of possibly being caught together this way was exciting me in ways I hadn't known possible. I wanted more.

"Oh, God, Jake, touch me," I demanded.

I was expecting him to attempt to peel off my bathing suit but he never did. I wasn't sure if it was because of the lack of privacy in the room or if something else was stopping him. Instead, he slipped his hand down between my legs and cupped my sex. When I moaned and tightened my grip on his shoulders Jake pushed the spandex of my swimsuit aside and slid two fingers inside me. He was pressing exactly where I needed him to be and I inched my feet further apart to increase the pleasure.

I kept one hand on Jacob's shoulder to steady myself and lowered my other to his waist pushing his swim trunks down his thighs just low enough to free his length. He moaned my name as I tightened my grip around him and began pumping, keeping in time with the thrusting of his fingers. We stared at each other through lust filled eyes with such intensity that I had to look away. He bent forward to kiss my mouth. When he pulled back to breathe his lips moved to my neck. His empty hand slid up from my waist to my breasts where he began pinching my erect nipples through my suit. In a moment of reckless desire I released his cock long enough to unhook the clasp to my bikini top. The material fell away from my body and I felt the pelting water droplets hitting my skin.

"Holy fuck, Bella," Jake moaned as he took in my bare chest. His fingers sped up inside me and his mouth lowered to my chest as he took one nipple sucking it hard. I reclaimed his length with my hand and teased the tip with my fingers before wrapping every one around him pumping as fast as I could. I arched my back as his mouth switched breasts, keeping my face out of the direct stream of water.

"I'm going to make you come, Bella. You're standing here, practically naked in the men's locker room, and I'm not stopping until you come for me," he commanded, his voice filled with desire.

"I want to come for you, Jake," I whimpered.

I tried very hard to continue stroking him while my orgasm drew closer and closer.

"I'm gonna come soon, baby. Don't stop," he moaned.

He rotated his fingers inside me and started rubbing my sensitive nub with his thumb. I yelled out from the intense pleasure it brought me. Jake moaned too and I opened my eyes to see his face. When I realized he was coming it sparked my own orgasm and I came with him. We gradually slowed are ministrations until we were both silent. I held the back of his neck for support as our foreheads pressed together. When our breathing returned to normal Jake shut off the water, his forehead still leaning against mine, and he chuckled.

"I swear I didn't plan all that."

"Sure, you didn't," I teased.

He tucked himself back into his pants and bent down to pick up my top. As I was slipping my arms through the straps an older man passed by the shower room and stopped in front of a locker in direct view of Jacob and me. I gasped when I saw him and Jacob stepped in front of me to shield me from sight. The man turned at the sound I made and I heard him say, "oh, sorry. Um, excuse me."

I swiftly secured the clasp behind my back, my eyes wide as saucers when Jacob turned to look at my face. His equally stunned expression made me burst into laughter, covering my mouth with my hands to muffle to sound.

He smiled wide and said, "Shhhhh, we better get out of here, quick."

I nodded and grabbed the towel from the bench before scampering out the door on the other end of the room to avoid seeing our unexpected guest again. I was afraid the man might tell someone I'd been in the locker room so I threw my clothes on over my wet suit and met Jake out in the hall a minute later. We hurried out one of the side exits of the building and giggled all the way to the parking lot to make our getaway.

That was the last evening I spent with Jacob before he had to go home. It was a thrilling end to our summer together, one I thought about often on the nights I spent alone throughout August. I was once again incredibly grateful to have Emmett living with me, especially now that he knew about my feelings for Edward.

After Jacob left I spent every night at home with Emmett. To my surprise he finally opened up to me about his breakup with Rose. It might have been my confession about Edward that made him feel he could trust me with his own secrets. I told him how much I've cared for Edward ever since we were sixteen. No matter how close I got to Jacob or how much distance I put between myself and Edward, the second I was with him again all my efforts were washed away with just one look. I tried to describe my relationship with Jacob, and how I felt like a different person around him, stronger and independent.

"I like the way Jacob makes me feel," I told him one night over ice cream and a "Die Hard" marathon on TBS. "I really want to be able to focus on Jake, but it's like I gave such a huge piece of my heart to Edward so long ago that I can't get it back. And honestly, I don't know if I want to."

Emmett smirked and looked at the TV as he replied, "I get how you feel, Bells. You know I've always had a thing for Rose. Finally being with her was just so amazing that I can't stand the thought of having to go back to the way things were. I can't get past my feelings any better than you. I'm going to end up following her around like a lap dog forever," he scowled.

"At least you got to be with her. My situation with Edward hasn't changed in four years and I don't see that it's ever going to change, which is why I'm trying like hell to focus my efforts on Jake."

"I seriously don't know how you stand watching Edward with other women. Just the thought of Rose and another guy makes my skin crawl."

"I'm used to seeing him with other women," I said bitterly. "At least you know Rose cares about you, even if you two didn't work as a couple."

"Bella, Rose basically told me she didn't want to waste the summer waiting around for me. And that if we just broke up she could enjoy the summer meeting other guys. I hardly think that means she _cares_ about me" he said.

I turned my head to him and said, "She does, Em. I know she does."

He smiled and sighed. "For what it's worth, Edward would be lost without you. You have no idea how much he values your friendship."

It was my turn to sigh. "I know. Which is why I can't ruin it by confessing my undying love..."

Before I knew it the last week of August was coming to a close and students were beginning to arrive on campus. I helped Emmett move into his room at Sigma Phi. He was so excited to be finally living in the frat house with his brothers. Edward had decided to stick with the fraternity but would continue living in the dorm he'd shared with Emmett. Once we had Em's stuff all unpacked I headed back to the house to clean. I wanted to dust and vacuum the third bedroom before Alice arrived. That was my next big goal- getting little Alice moved into the house and make her feel at home. She was already missing Jasper so much that he had to change his flight out to Philadelphia to a departure from Seattle so he could drive out here with her and help her settle in. Rose and Edward were driving back the same day, which was tomorrow.

After spending so much time with Emmett I felt like a traitor to be living with Rosalie again in 24 short hours. She was one of my best friends too and I loved her no matter what, but I finally understood that rock and a hard place metaphor. I was being squashed between Emmett and Rose.

Then there was Edward, who had been much more attentive with his calls and texts throughout July and August. Since little miss redhead was gone I was back on his speed dial. He laughed when I made that comment to him, but then apologized profusely for his behavior. I told him to let it go, I knew he hadn't meant to hurt my feelings. I understood all too well how a person can occupy your every thought and turn your brain to Jell-O.

So, yeah, I was on emotional overload as I dusted, swept, and washed the linens. I reorganized the kitchen, making room in the cabinets for Alice. Rose and I split the bill for groceries like milk and eggs but each kept a shelf to ourselves for things like cereal or snacks. The system worked rather well. I found one of Jacob's Mariners caps under the couch as I was cleaning the living room. I sat on the sofa a long time staring at it. I thought about that first game we watched together, and every other date we'd shared since. I'd talked to Jake mostly through text messages while he was home. I was a little surprised he hadn't asked me to define our relationship yet, considering the way we were headed before he left Seattle in July. At the time I was relieved he didn't, and I worried about what this semester would hold for us. Whether or not we used the words boyfriend and girlfriend, we were certainly in that territory. It had been so much easier to be with Jake when Edward wasn't around. I really didn't know how I was going to handle his return.

Jake texted me the day before to let me know he'd be back September 5th. He was cutting it close, considering classes started on the 6th. Sitting there holding his hat I realized I was nervous about seeing him again. I was used to being alone while Edward dated girl after girl. There had never been a situation before when I had a steady relationship and Edward was single, which I expected him to be for some time considering his last comment regarding his love life was about how he was swearing off women for a while.

I finished in the living room and made my way into the downstairs bathroom. When I was satisfied with the cleanliness of the bathroom I went back to the kitchen to scrub my hands. It was only about seven o'clock and I didn't know what to do with myself on my last night of peace before the gang returned. I decided to make cookies which would keep me busy and be a nice surprise for my friends.

I had to make the peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kiss in the middle, those were Alice's favorite, and snicker doodle's for Edward. I thought about making sugar cookies decorated like footballs for Emmett but then decided Rose might take that to mean I was siding with him since football seemed to be the lynchpin that drove them apart. Or at least the catalyst. So oatmeal cookies for the Rock, since I knew the Hard Place liked them too. I had to run across the street to the convenience store to buy Hershey kisses but the rest of the ingredients were in the house already. I baked my little heart out and by nine o'clock my feet hurt from standing at the kitchen counter so long.

I packed my cookies into tins to keep them fresh and retreated to my bedroom. Half an hour later I was reading over my favorite parts of Pride and Prejudice when my phone buzzed. It was Jacob.

"Hey, Jake," I answered cheerfully.

"Hey, Bella. How are you?" he greeted.

"Good. It's so quiet here since Emmett moved out."

"Your roommates are coming back tomorrow, right?"

"Yep, in the afternoon."

"So what have you been doing with the place all to yourself?" he asked.

"Well, I cleaned the whole house. I found your Mariners cap-"

"Nice," he chimed in.

"Then I spent hours baking everyone's favorite cookies for their arrival. Peanut Butter kisses for Alice, oatmeal for Em and Rose, and snicker doodles for Edward. Though, I don't know if he actually likes cinnamon as much as he likes hearing me say the word snicker doodle."

"So, did you make me any cookies," he asked in a teasing tone.

I took a moment to answer because I hadn't actually thought of making any for him.

"You won't be back till Monday. They wouldn't have been fresh by then," I lied.

"Do you even know what my favorite cookie is?" he replied, the lighthearted tone from his voice all but gone.

"No," I said in a small voice. "Why are going getting upset over the kinds of cookies I made?"

"Because you made snicker whatevers for Edward, but didn't make anything for me."

"Jake, don't be ridiculous. I'll make you whatever cookies you'd like when you get here, okay?" I offered.

There was nothing but silence for a moment and I was afraid the line might have gone dead. "Bella, I wanted to come back to campus and give you and me a real try at being a couple. But then the last month passed with barely any contact from you at all. I know you have a crush or something on Edward, but I feel like you're more excited about him coming back than me."

I didn't know what to say. His accusations blindsided me. And he wasn't entirely wrong. My silence spoke volumes to Jacob.

"That's what I thought," he whispered. "Bella, I really think we could have something together. But I can't keep seeing you knowing that you'd really rather be with someone else."

"Jake, please. I care about you. I haven't been lying to you about that."

"But what about Edward? Am I wrong about that?" he countered.

I knew that my honesty would convince Jake he was doing the right thing by letting me go, but the truth was the only right answer I could give. I owed Jacob that much. "You're not wrong. I've had feelings for Edward since high school, and they're as strong now as ever. I'm sorry." A tear leaked from my eye, taking me by surprise. I had no idea Jake suspected my darkest secret and I suddenly felt horribly exposed.

"That's what I was afraid of. Look, honey, I_ want_ to be with you but I can't set myself up to get burned. I'll always be expecting you to break up with me one day when Edward finally wakes up. Until you are really ready to move on I just can't see us together." He sounded devastated, as if he was the one getting dumped.

I told him I understood and tried to hide the fact that I was crying. We exchanged a few more words and then said goodbye. We made no plans to see each other in the near future. I sat on my bed for what seemed like hours and allowed myself to grieve. Not only were my feelings for Edward making me miserable, now they were preventing me from living my life, and making other people miserable too. I hated knowing that I had hurt Jacob. Even worse was the fact that he had to call me out on it. I didn't have the courage to face the problem myself and take responsibility for whatever happened as a result.

Once I had finished crying I went down to the kitchen and opened the tin of snicker doodles, staring at them as my mind thought over everything Jacob had said. My emotions were hard to describe. I felt the sting of rejection in his words. What I didn't feel was the despair of lost love. I wasn't desperate to get him back or make him change his mind. It did hurt to know Jacob wanted to stop seeing me. I wasn't exactly relieved, not by far, but my subconscious knew the distinction between Jacob and Edward. The love of my life hadn't broken up with me, Jacob did, and that was more tolerable than had it been rejection coming from Edward. And in that realization, I knew Jake was right. I didn't deserve him and I was thankful he had the courage to walk away before we got more serious, or God forbid slept together.

I ended the night by tossing all three tins of cookies into the garbage and taking the trash can out to the curb. I had only twelve hours or so to get myself together before Edward, Rose, Alice, and Jasper showed up at the front door.


	13. Chapter 12: It Was Alice's Fault

**A/N: Ok, here we are... my favorite chapter so far. Jacob finally had enough of Bella's crush on Edward... lets see what happens once they're all back at school! Thanks for reading!**

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><p>CHAPTER 12: IT WAS ALICE'S FAULT<p>

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"No, baby. You're doing the right thing. We're going to be fine, I promise. Thanksgiving isn't that far away," Jasper insisted as Alice clung to him by the front door.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Alice whispered.

Jazz picked her up off the floor and kissed her passionately. He didn't seem to care we were all staring at them. When he finally set her back on her feet he said, "I'm gonna miss you too. But, sweetie, I really have to go or I'll miss this flight too."

For heaven's sake, he wasn't going off to war, it was just Philadelphia. Alice sniffled back her tears and slowly nodded her head. Rose hugged her brother and told him to have a safe flight; then we all waved as he drove away in the airport shuttle van. Edward put his arms around his little sister and tried to comfort her as she watched her boyfriend disappear down the road.

I had about all the tears and sad goodbyes I could handle. Not one of us was optimistic or excited about the fall semester at UW. Alice was a weepy mess. Rose and Emmett were still to hurt and stubborn to talk to one another. Edward still thought all women were out to screw him over and didn't even want to take Alice out for her first night in Seattle. And me, well, no one knew about my breakup with Jacob yet. Could I even call it a breakup since we were never technically a couple? Good grief.

"You know what we all need?" I said. "Ice cream. Let's all walk down to Scoopy's and get some."

Rose scoffed and muttered something about having spent all summer working off her freshman fifteen. Emmett rolled his eyes and said he needed to get back to the frat to help some of his brothers move in.

"I'll go," Edward said with a smile. He kissed the top of Alice's head. "What do you say, Al? Wanna see a bit of the town?"

Before she could reply I added, "By the time we get back Jasper should be at the airport and you can call him to make sure he found his way to the right gate."

"Fine, but one of you is buying," she agreed with a grin. Edward playfully jabbed her ribs and she giggled.

Alice was turning out to be a great roommate. I had no idea how helpful she was around the house, doing the dishes and picking up after herself all the time. It was refreshing. I loved Alice and it was great having her back in my everyday life. My one grievance was her unrelenting energy. She was more exhausting than the two year olds I babysat at the Rec center. During our first week of class Alice dragged me to the welcome freshman party in the student center, a poetry reading the next day, a comedy show the day after, and movie night in the student lounge on Thursday. She was well on her way to freshman burnout and it was only Friday, September 10th. The only reason I didn't fight her more was because the busy schedule was helping me keep my mind off Jacob.

"Bella, please? It will be so much fun!" Alice begged.

I was lying on the large sofa with my arm across my face, trying to get a few moments of peace. I'd had class at 8am and then worked all afternoon. I'd been sneezed on, got poop on my shirt, and had a mild headache from the two toddlers' screaming contest. I was not in the mood for any more excitement today.

"Alice, why don't you see if your brother is going to Sigma Phi tonight? Maybe he can pick you up on his way there," I suggested.

She shook her head. "Nope, Edward said he's not doing any frat parties for a while. He only goes there for meetings and fundraisers now, the mandatory stuff."

I sighed. I knew Rose wouldn't be up for a Friday night at Emmett's fraternity. And Emmett couldn't come pick her up since he didn't have a car.

"How about we skip the frat house tonight and we throw our own party next weekend?" I said.

Alice's eyes lit up at the prospect of planning her own party. I knew her weaknesses. "I can make some food, and you can decorate. We'll invite Emmett and his friends, maybe my friends from work?" I encouraged.

"Okay, fine," Alice said. "So next Saturday night we'll throw a big party here? And I get to put it together?"

"Sure. We should just check with Rose first," I replied.

My brilliant plan to get Alice off my back that night turned into a much bigger commitment than I'd anticipated. I don't know what I was thinking, letting a Cullen throw a party in my house! Rose was on board with the idea and didn't even object to inviting Emmett and his friends. I was in charge of food so I had to go out shopping after work the following Thursday to get everything I needed. I was going to make pepperoni pinwheels, a veggie tray, nachos with homemade salsa, and bite size cheesecakes. There would be no cookies at this party; I still couldn't stand the sight of them. Emmett's Big agreed to bring beer and vodka. I wasn't sure if I felt comfortable drinking while hosting a party but we had to have it for guests. Rose and Alice strung up tiny white Christmas lights outside the house along the porch railings and down the mailbox.

When Saturday night arrived the house looked amazing. Alice fluttered around fluffing pillows and straightening the pictures on the walls while I set out all the food and sodas.

"When is everyone supposed to get here?" asked Rose.

"Anytime now," Alice said looking at her watch. It was almost nine o'clock.

By ten the house was buzzing with conversation and music from the stereo. Edward came with Emmett and some of their frat brothers arrived shortly after. Carrie and Derek were there too. Alice had invited a few new friends from class who all showed up together. True to form, the frat boys started drinking immediately. Emmett's Big, Riley, brought enough booze to get every one of us trashed and I suspected that was his goal.

"Welcome to UW, Alice," Emmett said, clinking bottles with her at the kitchen table.

"Take it easy, Al, you're a light weight," Edward warned. Alice stuck her tongue out at him and took another swig.

"Alrighty," Emmett said loudly, clapping his hands together once like was preparing to get to work on something important. He pulled a deck of cards out of his hoodie pocket and slammed them down on the table. "I'm gonna teach you how to play Asshole."

Alice smiled and sat up straight in her chair, eager to learn. Carrie, Rose, and one of Alice's friends came into the kitchen wanting to join the game. I went upstairs to get my desk chair and Edward fetched Rose's from her room. It was a tight squeeze around our little kitchen table but somehow we managed to get everyone situated.

"Sit down, Bella-boo. You're playing too," Emmett commanded with a wink.

"No way," I complained. "Not unless Edward plays too."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me. "Bells, this is a drinking game. I think I need to supervise."

"Oh, come on. We both need to have some fun so I say we're playing. Please?" I begged with a big smile I knew he couldn't resist.

He finally agreed and everyone shifted their chairs to make room for us around the table. Emmett was explaining the rules to Alice and she looked completely lost.

"If you have to pass because you've got nothing to play then you have to drink," Emmett explained.

"If two of the same cards are put down in a row, like I throw down a jack and then Carrie throws another Jack then that means it skips you. So you drink."

Alice laughed. "Okay, I think I understand now. Let's play!"

Poor little Alice didn't quite get the strategy for a few rounds and was the asshole three times in a row. We were all having fun and we were all drinking. After a while Carrie and Rose left the game to go sit in the living room and two of Emmett's buddies took their places. Being Asshole experts, it wasn't long before they claimed the president and vice president titles.

"Anyone wanna switch to poker?" Riley asked.

"I'm going to go sit with my friends and Rose," Alice declared. She stood up and wobbled a little.

Edward jumped up to help her. "I think you've drank enough," he said taking the bottle from her hands. She agreed and he helped her into the living room. Rose was in there chatting with one of Emmett's frat brothers. I got up to find something that would work for poker chips and took a few bottles out to the recycling bin. As I was coming back inside I ran into Edward in the hall. Like, literally ran into him.

"Oh, sorry. I guess Alice isn't the only one who's had enough to drink," I chuckled.

"Don't try to blame you clumsiness on the alcohol. You're not fooling anyone," he teased.

I gave him a dirty look and he said, "Are you going to play with us?"

"Sure, I guess so," I replied. He smiled and grabbed my hand to tow me back into the kitchen.

We played poker for a long time and I realized the house was growing quieter as the game progressed. By the time our game was down to three players, Edward, Derek, and myself, Edward had the most macaroni noodle poker chips in front of him.

"I'm out," Derek declared after Edward revealed his full house. "I need to get back to my room, it's really late."

"Are you going to be okay getting back?" I asked. "You're welcome to crash here."

"Thanks, but I didn't drink very much and I walked here. Besides, I don't think there's anywhere left to crash."

I looked around the living room as I walked Derek to the door. Emmett and his friends were passed out on the floor, each with a throw pillow under their heads. Rose's door was closed. Alice and Carrie were also asleep, one on each sofa.

"I guess you're right," I said smiling. "I'm glad you came, Derek."

"Thanks for having me. I'll see you around."

I returned to the kitchen table to find Edward shuffling the deck of cards.

"How can we play with just the two of us?" I asked.

He looked up with his brilliant smile and replied, "How about a little rummy?"

I laughed and took another beer from the counter. "You deal. I'm going to go change my clothes," I said. I ran up the stairs and traded in my jeans and dressy sweater for a new pair of sweatpants and a comfy long sleeved tee. Edward was still dishing out cards when I sat down across from him.

"So we're the last two standing?" Edward asked as he began dealing out the playing cards.

"Looks that way. Does that make us the winners or the losers?" I wondered aloud.

"Well, we're not the ones sleeping on the floor so I say we're the winners," he said.

"Or did we just not drink enough?" I challenged.

"I don't know about you, but I got a pretty good buzz going. That's enough for me."

I snorted and pushed my bottle across the table to him. "No, not enough, Edward."

He smiled and finished dishing out the cards before reaching for my bottle and taking a long sip.

We played two hands of rummy, talking about our classes and how we thought Alice was adjusting to college life. Then he caught me off guard by asking about Jacob. I really didn't want to discuss my relationship woes after I'd been drinking but I knew telling Edward that I didn't want to talk about it would only make him push me to talk more.

"We're not exactly seeing each other anymore," I answered as casually as I could.

Edward eyed me curiously and said, "You okay with that?"

"Yeah," I sighed. I obviously couldn't tell him the whole truth so I had to tweak our issues a little.

"We could never get the timing right, you know? We just aren't in the same place right now. And he wouldn't sleep with me."

Edward looked up immediately and said, "Excuse me?"

I blushed; disbelieving that actually came out of my mouth. "What?" I asked defensively. "All summer I kept waiting for him to make _the move_ but he never did."

"So you're not upset that you guys broke up… but that he wouldn't sleep with you first?" he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"No, I'm disappointed that Jake and I couldn't work things out. But I'm ready to start that next phase of my life. I want to move forward."

Move forward, in other words, get over you, I thought to myself.

"And why Jacob?"

"Why not?" I replied. "He treated me good. He's nice, and sweet. I like him a lot, mostly… sort of."

"No Bella, I'm sorry but you can't waste your first time on someone you only sort of like. It should be someone who really cares about you and you're comfortable with; someone you trust completely."

"Well there's no one like that around, and I'm about to turn twenty. I have needs, Edward. I'm tired of waiting," I blurted. How many beers did I have tonight?

"Hello… what about me?" he asked, shooting me a sultry look I'd seen from him in the past, only it had never been directed at me before.

"What about you?" I snapped back, a little too loud. He held his hands out to the sides and briefly looked up and down his chest telling me with body language to consider him an option.

"You're crazy," I said. My heart started beating faster.

"What's so crazy about it? You know I respect and care about you. I know you better than anyone and you can trust my discretion. We shared so many other experiences, why not this? Plus, you know I'd show you a good time."

"Oh, is that so?"

He just grinned wide and cocked his eyebrow.

I was convinced he must have drunk more than he was letting on to suggest such a thing to me out of nowhere like that. Edward was acting much like he did the night I caught him with Victoria at Sigma Phi, only this time his flirting was directed at me. It probably has something to do with the fact I was the only girl in the house still awake. We played another round of cards in silence. He got up for another beer and I pressed my cards against my chest so he couldn't sneak a peek at my awesome hand.

Edward sat back down and twisted the cap off his bottle. He took a drink and then said, "You know another reason why we should sleep together?"

I just stared at him as my cheeks flushed again. They were going to be permanently rosy after tonight.

"You're a beautiful girl and I've always wanted to see those amazing tits."

I couldn't believe he said that! He was teasing me, but something told me he was dead serious about his offer. I pretended to be offended by his remark and he laughed.

"Hmmm, if a comment like that makes you nervous maybe you're not ready for sex," he pondered aloud.

"I am so," I countered, sounding like a child.

"Prove it," he said with a suspicious smile on his face. "Ask me anything about yourself. If I know the answer, you take off your shirt."

"No way. I'm not playing strip-gin rummy with you!"

"Bells, this is more like strip-twenty questions… and if you can't even take off your shirt how do you expect us to have sex?" he questioned. He laid his cards on the table face down and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I _don't_ expect us to have sex!"

"The color in your cheeks suggests otherwise," he teased. It wasn't just my face that felt hot. His flirting was having a serious effect on my body.

"Fine," I said. "But we'll both answer questions in exchange for clothing."

"Deal."

I gulped down some more of my drink. How had our casual game of gin rummy turn into this? Edward sat there, leaning back in his chair confidently, waiting for me to speak. I had to come up with a difficult question. My long-sleeved tee depended on it.

"What extracurricular activity did my mother make me join to help with my lack of coordination?"

He smirked like he was already seeing my breasts in his mind.

"Ballet," he answered easily. "Shit," I whispered.

"Shirt, Swan" he demanded. I tugged at the cuff of my sleeve and slid one arm out, then the other. I raised my arms and freed myself of the soft cotton that had protected me so well. Thank God I was wearing a pretty bra.

"If anyone from the living room wakes up I swear I'll kill you," I threatened.

Edward ignored me and stared freely at my cleavage.

"My turn," he said as his eyes slowly, finally, drifted back to my face. "Who did I take to homecoming sophomore year?"

"Alice," I said immediately. "You guys had just moved to town and neither of you knew anyone. Even Rose could have answered that one." I frowned. "You're purposely trying to get naked," I accused.

He just smiled brightly and said, "Your turn" as he started unbuttoning his collared shirt. He wasn't wearing anything underneath and his chest was just as smooth and muscular as I remembered. I ached for him. Edward tossed the shirt onto an empty chair, his eyes never leaving mine. I knew I was wearing pajama shorts under my sweatpants so I wasn't too worried about my next question. I was more determined to get through it so it would be Edward's turn again.

"Who's my favorite Austen character?" I challenged. _Good luck, Edward_, I thought to myself.

"Elizabeth Bennet," he answered after a moment. When I nodded sourly, he leaned forward in his chair to look at my legs under the table. I could see him taking inventory. No shoes. No socks.

"This is so cliché I could hurl," I said, annoyed.

"I think it's more likely you hurl from the booze," he replied smoothly.

"I'm not really that drunk," I assured him.

"Good to know," he replied with that look again. The one that made my stomach do flips.

I stood up and slid my sweatpants down to my ankles and stepped out of them. He took in my appearance much like he did after my shirt disappeared; only this time he obviously had been expecting more skin.

"That's hardly fair," he said, leaning back in his chair. "Those are gym shorts."

"They're pajama shorts and they cover less than your boxers do so suck it up," I snapped.

"How do you know I wear boxers?" he asked amused.

"Is that your question for me?"

"Sure," he replied casually.

"I know because your dorm is a mess, and you leave clothes lying around even when you have company over, so I know you're partial to plaid cotton boxers," I said confidently. Only someone as infatuated as I was would have noticed that.

"Let's see if you're right," he sighed. Edward stood up and very slowly unbuttoned his jeans and slid the zipper down as far as it would go. He was having fun with this. There was an annoying sensation starting to buzz between my legs. I took a deep breath and tried not to blink so I wouldn't miss any part of Edward's pants dropping to the floor. He wore blue and white plaid boxers. I'd even seen them before, crumpled up in a ball on the floor next to his laundry basket.

I was too embarrassed to ogle him the way he did to me but I did notice a very important part of Edward was at half mast. He chuckled nervously and sat back down. Seeing him in this state of undress reminded me how little I was wearing. I crossed my arms over my chest as I tried to think of another question. I refused to take off anything else so if he guessed correctly this round I'd have to declare the game over.

"Who was my biggest crush back in high school?" I blurted.

Maybe I should have taken longer to consider my question.

"Shit. I know it wasn't Newton," he pondered out loud.

He honestly didn't know? All this time I worried about how transparent I had been. He was racking his brain and coming up empty.

"Emmett?" he finally guessed.

"No, dumbass. You," I retorted. Beer manufacturers really ought to put a label on their products that says: Warning- May cause loss of inhibitions and ability to keep own secrets.

"Really?" he asked. I couldn't believe I'd just admitted that to him! "You had a thing for me back in high school?"

I nodded. Men are so dense. If he assumed my "crush" was limited to Forks High then so be it. I wasn't about to correct him. He chuckled, clearly pleased, and it looked like I just boosted his already inflated ego a notch higher.

"Oh, man. That settles it. We are sooo deflowering you tonight. Come on."

He stood up and reached for my hand. I was reluctant to take it, my knees were shaking and I felt goose bumps all over my exposed skin. My brain was telling me this decision would be the worst I'd made all night. My heart thumped so loudly it drowned out all remotely intelligible thoughts. I told my brain to shut the F up and I took his hand. He was dragging me up the stairs when I again wondered exactly how in the hell I got to this point and how I would feel about it in the morning.

As we walked into my bedroom and he shut the door behind us I didn't give twp craps about how I would feel tomorrow. I wanted him more than I could possibly explain, and it seemed like he wanted me too. In the moment, that was all I cared about.

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><p><strong>AN: Cliffhanger! The chapter would have just been way too long... so the rest of the evening will come next chapter!**


	14. Chapter 13: A Night to Remember

**A/N: Okay, just a warning, this chapter is basically one big lemon. :-) Don't forget to leave your reviews!**

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><p>CHAPTER 13: A NIGHT TO REMEMBER<p>

Edward was still grasping my wrist as he shut my bedroom door quietly behind us.

"Are you okay," he asked. He was checking to see if I wanted to back out. I'd never wanted anything more in my life than to keep going so I nodded and gave a tiny smile. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I still didn't know how this happened. It felt like a dream. The best damn dream I'd ever had in my life. As I watched Edward step towards me and return my smile with one of his own I knew that I would never be the same after this.

His hands moved to my waist, steadying me in front of him, and then he kissed me. This was our real first kiss. I realized then just how reserved and careful with his lips Edward had been on New Year's Eve. When he kissed me now it was with all the passion and energy I could possibly handle. I felt him pull back slightly to judge my reaction and when I didn't pull away he pounced on my lips again. His hands slowly explored my waist and hips, and then slid up my back. His lips moved to my neck and I felt his breath on my skin.

"Put your hands on me, Bells," he whispered.

I was embarrassed that he needed to give me instructions but it wasn't until that moment did I realize my hands were still hanging straight at my sides. I did as I was told and raised my fingertips to his shoulders. His skin was soft and smooth like silk. My hands made their way gently down his chest and around his back. It felt strong and firm and another wave of desire washed over me. I hid my face in the crook of his neck. I touched him everywhere I could reach and when my hands settled on his hips, I finally looked up into his eyes. He seemed reluctant to separate his lips from my shoulder but he pulled back enough to see my face.

"Still okay?" he asked, a little surer of my answer this time.

Something inside me that had dreamt about this moment took over and I lost my ability to second-guess my every move. I responded by kissing him deeply, quickly sweeping my tongue into his mouth to get a taste of him. It was like a switch deep inside me flipped on and my body was now controlled by the Bella in my fantasies, the one who was never too nervous to act on her impulses. It was the first time I had initiated the contact between us. He was certainly pleased by my reply because his hands quickly gripped the back of my thighs and lifted me off the ground, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist. He pushed me up against the back of the door and pressed his body against mine without even breaking the kiss. My arms went around his neck and I grabbed his bronze hair in my fists. In my more risqué fantasies Edward would have fucked me against that wall but in the real situation I realized it would have been rather difficult, and we were also still wearing our underwear. As much as I wanted to try that position, and every position, this was my first time and wanted it to be a little more traditional.

"Do you feel that?" he said, his voice somewhat strained. "Can you tell how you're making me feel?"

I wasn't sure what he meant at first. But then he pushed his hips harder against me and rubbed up and down. And I felt it, his erection. Kissing me had given Edward an erection. I could hardly believe I wasn't dreaming this whole scene, but even my sexually repressed mind couldn't conjure up something as wonderful as this felt. He was waiting for me to respond. I realized I hadn't spoken a single word since we were down in the kitchen. I wanted to say something reassuring, something to show him how much I was enjoying this.

I tightened my legs around him, grinding up on his hardness and breathed, "Bed."

It was a one word plea that told Edward everything he was waiting to hear. He took a few steps backwards and fell onto the bed taking me with him. I landed on him with an "oof" and he laughed. His hands cupped my cheeks and he placed another string of kisses on my lips. I braced myself with my hands on either side of his head and straddled over him. I nearly lost my mind when the part of my body that was screaming for attention settled over him, perfectly aligned. His hands moved to my back and set to work on unhooking my bra. I was suddenly self conscious about him seeing my breasts but I didn't have time to react before he was sliding the fabric down my arms. I bravely sat up so he could see, slowly tossing my lacy covering aside. My skin was suddenly covered in goose bumps; my nipples erect.

His fingertips dug into my hips as he got a good long look at me. "I can't believe you've been hiding this gorgeous body from me all this time," he whispered. I felt my face blush.

He brought his hands together over my stomach, my skin tingling as he slid them up between my breasts to either side of my neck and then back down again. I made a moaning noise as each hand covered a breast and gently squeezed. I had never been touched quite like this and it was the most exhilarating feeling I'd ever experienced. I was scared to move and completely unaware of what he expected me to do now. I just stayed perfectly still as he acquainted himself with my upper body. I blushed tomato red at the realization he would soon be shifting his exploration lower. Despite the dim light in the room Edward noticed the deep color in my face and smiled.

I cowered away from his touch and moved myself so I was lying down on my bed facing him. He raised one eyebrow at me and I looked away from his gaze.

I'm fine," I said before he could ask.

I reached out with my hand to stroke Edward's cheek with my fingertips and he closed his eyes in response. I'd wanted to touch his face since the day I met him. I felt the stubble on his chin and smiled. My hand moved down to his chest; he was still flat on his back. My peripheral vision caught sight of the tension in his boxers and I slowed my hand on its decent down his chest to buy me some more time. I wanted badly to taste him but was also extremely worried about doing it wrong. I was embarrassed and aroused at the same time. The two emotions fought for control as my hand reached his stomach. I inched my way down the mattress until my face hovered over his stomach.

He must have sensed my apprehension because he opened his eyes and grinned. "First time?" he asked, with a quick glance down to his, um, length.

"A lot of firsts for me tonight," I replied softly.

Edward surprised me by not laughing at my admittance. He'd seemed to have found everything else amusing up to this point. He slowly reached for my hand that was still hovering over his abdomen and rubbed the back of it with his thumb. His other hand lowered to his boxers and he slowly released himself from the confines through the opening in the fabric. I smiled up at his face and then kissed his stomach. He fidgeted nervously.

"You don't have to," he said very softly. He tugged on my hand as if trying to coax me back up the bed.

I looked down to his long hard cock and really wanted to have it in my mouth. Before I could lose my nerve I closed my lips around him. I swirled my tongue, wetting every inch of his length. Edward let out a long guttural moan. It was the best sound I'd ever heard. I sucked him deeper into my mouth. He tasted so good. I repeated the motions over and over and watched for changes in Edward's expression. He liked it when my tongue crossed the tip.

He opened his eyes and sat up slightly, supported by his elbow. "You're making me crazy," he said in a seductive voice.

He pulled me up to him and kissed me hard. As our lips danced together I felt him pushing his boxers down his legs. I tried to sneak a peek at him completely undressed and he caught me. With a chuckle Edward pushed me back against the mattress and knelt between my legs. I was suddenly consumed by Edward, his face hanging over mine, his body completely covering me. He held up most of his weight but applied enough pressure for me to feel his control over me. It was quite the turn on.

"I want your panties," he demanded, his voice full of impatience. He was staring into my eyes with a hunger I'd never seen in him before.

"Then take them," I begged.

I stole another kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck. He kissed me back feverishly and then trailed his kisses down along my neck to my collarbone. When his lips reached my breast I tightened my grip on his back. He sucked my nipple into his mouth and I gasped.

"Liked that, did you?" he asked amused. His mood had shifted to playful and teasing.

Edward's hand ran down my side and started tugging my panties down my thighs. I felt like there was no turning back when I lifted myself up to help him remove the last piece of clothing between us. He tossed them over his shoulder and I giggled. He gave me his golden smile and I relaxed a little more. I always felt safe with Edward and this was no exception.

Edward pressed more of his weight on me and was touching and kissing me everywhere at once. His lips were searching my skin frantically, suckling and nipping as they went. They caressed over my breasts again and then my stomach. Not sure what he was planning to do, I was ready to push Edward off me when he reached my pelvic bone. He simply kissed a horizontal line from one hip across to the other and then retreated back up to align his face with mine once again.

The foreplay was over, the time for becoming familiar with one another's bodies accomplished. I was ready for him to take me. Edward pressed his hardness against my mound and I moaned. I was surer than I had ever been that I could never want anyone else as much as I wanted him, in every way a woman could want a man. Though right then I was focused on one very specific want.

And then he rolled off of me. I felt the loss of his warmth immediately, puzzled by what just happened. Then I saw him reach to the floor for his jeans and fish his wallet from the pocket. He flipped it open and took out a condom. I sighed quietly; relieved to know he would soon be on top of me again. I watched as he rolled the latex over his length and gave me a nervous smile. I was surprised to see the anticipation in his eyes. Finally, he settled himself back over me, and I kissed his shoulder when it was close enough to reach.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes," I said breathlessly.

Edward spread my legs wider with his knees and swiveled his hips until his cock found the right place. I expected him to push very gently until he was sure I was okay. But Edward was not the type of person who pulled band-aids off slowly. He found my entrance and thrust inside.

"Ow, you poked me!" I called out.

He pulled out the few inches he seemed to have gone and gave a husky laugh.

"Bella, what did expect this to feel like?" he asked, amused.

"I don't know… shut up," I said defensively.

He laughed out loud and then asked more seriously, "Are you hurting?" He brushed the hair from my forehead.

And there he was. The overprotective friend I was expecting. "No, you just startled me. Try again," I encouraged.

He was kissing my neck and ear and I could feel the smile spread across his face.

"Oh, believe me; I'm going to do it again. I just want to warn you that it usually does hurt a little the first time."

I weaved my fingers through his hair tightly. "I know that, smartass. Please, I need you inside me… now."

"Fuck, Bella. Say that again," he whispered. He thrust forward.

I'd never heard him say fuck before. It was insanely hot. I wanted to see him react that way again. I was starting to feel the discomfort I'd expected as he pushed and stretched his cock into me, slower this time. I'd twisted my ankle countless times, banged my head on doors and tables, and stubbed my toes daily. I wasn't a stranger to a little pain. I focused my attention on the way Edward's body felt rubbing against mine and wanting to make him respond to me the way he did a moment ago.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned, "More. I can take it. I want more!"

He pulled his head back and looked me in the eye, pausing for just a moment. The expression on his face was unreadable. And then he plunged deeper inside me than the times before. I shrieked as I felt him slip inside completely. His hips bumped against mine and he moaned.

"You… hurt?" he whispered breathlessly.

"It's not so bad. Please don't stop. You feel so good."

He seemed surprised that I was telling him it felt good. Truthfully, his size was making me uncomfortable and I could tell I was getting sore in a strange new way but I hadn't lied. I'd never felt so good in my life. I was as close and connected to Edward as I had ever dreamed of being. He was mine, for the next few minutes, or maybe hours, I didn't know. All I knew was that I was changed forever and Edward would always be a part of that; of me.

His breath was heavy and irregular as he moved above me. I was beginning to feel more pleasure and less pain as the moments passed and my body relaxed. I stretched my arms up over my head and spread my legs wider. This enabled Edward to change his angle and I gasped as I felt him reach deeper than before. His mouth covered mine and took my breath away. I turned my head for air and he attacked my neck with kisses. My hands twisted into his hair tightly. I recognized the sensations that were slowly building inside me now each time Edward thrust into me but I couldn't seem to reach a point where it would accelerate to a release.

To my extreme surprise Edward pushed himself off me pulling my body with him as he sat back on his heels. My hips were elevated, resting on his thighs. He tightened his grip on my hip and he pumped into me over and over. Suddenly, Edward brought his other hand down between our bodies and rubbed my wet clit. I moaned loudly and felt the telltale signs of my impending orgasm. I was embarrassed to speak my thoughts out loud but when he looked at me I whimpered, "I'm gonna come soon."

"Me too. I want you to come for me," he groaned.

I stared at his angelic face in the throes of passion and I lost all control. I felt my orgasm rip through my body as my inner walls clenched around his cock. My back arched off the bed and I moaned through the waves of unstoppable pleasure. I tried to steady my breathing after my release subsided but Edward was pounding into me faster and harder than before.

"Oh, shit. Fuck," Edward muttered as his face changed and tensed up confirming what I thought. Edward was coming. I watched his expressions change until I saw exhaustion and elation in his eyes. He collapsed on me, burying his face into my hair.

After a minute or two Edward slowly pulled out and laid beside me. He made a pained face as he slid the condom off and made a knot in the end, dropping it off the side of the bed. I was afraid at any moment one of us would start to regret what just happened. I waited for his smile to turn into a worried frown but he surprised me by wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing my forehead. I had never been happier in my life. I had no idea what was going to happen later but right then I didn't care. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. I couldn't believe I'd just watched Edward have an orgasm. Because of me. _In_ me.

He held me in his arms a long time, neither of us speaking a word. I listened to the soft sounds of his breathing and felt the rise and fall of his chest against my body. I had never felt so peaceful in my life and wanted to commit every part of this experience to memory. Eventually we both drifted off to sleep, our bodies still tangled together in the sheets.

I woke the next morning to find Edward in bed next to me. Naked. I peeked under the sheets and when I saw that I too was completely bare I remembered the events of the night before. I started panicking, wondering what in the world I was supposed to say to him.

Edward sat up when he realized I was awake and reached over the side of the bed for his clothes. He awkwardly slid his boxers on and stood up, looking around at the floor. He laughed nervously and ran his hand through his tangled hair.

"Bella, we left our clothes downstairs," he reminded me.

My eyes popped open. How would we explain that to our friends? Were they awake yet? What time was it?

"Crap," I said, my voice still full of sleep. "Open my second drawer and get me a t-shirt, please." He tossed me a shirt and then opened the drawer below and found me a pair of shorts.

"Thanks," I replied. I quickly dressed the same way he had and sprang out of the bed. I crept to my bedroom door and carefully opened it a crack, listening for voices downstairs. I heard muffled sounds floating up the stairwell unable to make out any words. It sounded like whoever was down there was intentionally speaking in a low volume.

"Double crap," I sighed.

Edward was standing right behind me. "What do you want to do?" he asked.

"Crawl back into my bed and never come out again," I replied sarcastically.

He smirked in reply and then said, "Bella, I know I promised you discretion but it looks like that isn't going to happen. I'm sorry." I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off. "I hope that doesn't make you regret what happened last night, because I don't."

He smoothed my tangled hair with his hand and my heart rate increased. I didn't regret sleeping with Edward. Our night together had been everything I ever expected for my first time and more. And it had been with Edward, as I had always dreamt it would be. My only fear was that now our relationship would go back to the way it had been, leaving me as love sick as ever, only now I knew exactly what I was missing.

"I don't regret anything about last night," I assured him. "I just wish there was a way for our friends to not find out."

"Well, if I go down there in my boxers or worse yet dressed in your clothes, it will be hard for me to convince them of anything else," he pointed out.

"And if I go down there my face will turn beat red and they'll know immediately!"

He thought for a moment and said, "Okay. We'll go down together, as if nothing is different. I'll tell them the truth about losing our clothes during the card came. I'll say we stopped when you got embarrassed. That will explain your red face. I'll say you let me sleep in your bed since there was nowhere else to crash. Give me a pair of your sweat pants so they think I slept in them all night," he said.

I hurried to my dresser and fished out a pair. "Do you really think they'll believe that?"

"Yes," he replied confidently. He reached out and touched my cheek with his hand and I closed my eyes, trying to relax my body. "Thank you for last night. I'm glad you chose me instead of… someone else," he whispered. I wanted him to lean forward and kiss me but he didn't.

I opened my eyes to study his face. He looked complacent and calm. I saw no remaining traces of the lust that filled his eyes the night before. My heart sank as I slowly accepted that a repeat performance was probably not in our future. I was a practical person and hadn't expected Edward to wake up this morning in love with me, but it still stung.

His hand slowly fell away from my face and he said, "Ready for this?"

I nodded and followed him out into the hall. As we descended the stairs I recognized the muffled voices as Alice and Emmett. Alice was holding up our clothes in her hands as we entered the kitchen. Emmett stared at me with a knowing grin and Alice never took her eyes off her brother.

"Edward? What the hell?" she demanded, shaking the clothes in her tiny fists.

"Calm down sis," he said firmly. "It's not what you think."

"Oh, no? Well, um, Edward why don't you tell me why yours and Bella's clothes were on the kitchen floor this morning and you're just now coming down from her bedroom wearing nothing but her ratty old sweats!" Then she turned to me and added, "And Bella, I thought I told you to throw those nasty things away!"

I rolled my eyes and sank into the seat next to Emmett.

"Bella and I were playing cards after you all passed out in the other room. We had a lot to drink as well and I admit it was me who suggested we make the game more interesting by playing for articles of clothing." Right on cue, I felt my face warming.

"Bella quit the game when we down to underwear, because she's a wuss," he winked at me, "and we both decided to call it a night. You were all passed out over every inch of the living room so Bella let me sleep in her room. The end."

Edward crossed the room to the coffee pot and poured two cups. He handed one to me and sat down on the other side of Emmett. I knew Em doubted this story but thankfully he was a good friend and kept his mouth shut. If I hadn't of been so open with him over the summer he may not have been able to keep a straight face. Alice was still standing against the counter eying us suspiciously.

"If that is true then why didn't you sleep in my bed?" she questioned him.

Shit. I hadn't thought of that. Alice slept downstairs all night so her room was empty. Edward looked at me for an answer.

"I don't know, Al, I guess I was too drunk to think about that. I'm still not used to there being a bed in your room," I fibbed.

Alice scowled at her brother, still reluctant to believe our story. Finally, her face relaxed and she tossed Edward his shirt.

"Put this back on," she mumbled. "People are trying to eat in here." Then she giggled and glided off into the living room.

Edward and I both sighed in relief and Emmett chuckled under his breath. We both snapped our heads up towards him and he whispered, "Don't worry love birds. Your secret is safe with me."


	15. Chapter 14: Football and Friends

CHAPTER 14: FOOTBALL AND FRIENDS

"Go, Emmett! Sack him! Whoooo!" we shouted together.

"Come on, Rose. Show some school spirit," Alice yelled over the crowd.

"I've been clapping," she retorted.

"Yeah, but we're out here freezing our tushies off to cheer for Emmett. He's still your friend, isn't he?" she whined.

Rose huffed loudly and was about to reply when I interrupted, "Of course they are still friends. Rose just isn't one for participating in rowdy sporting events, right?"

"Exactly," she said. "Speaking of Emmett's friends, where's Edward?"

"Finishing a paper on Chaucer," I responded. I had been with Edward earlier, studying and working on my own paper. Although I was the one with a part time job, I was just about done the assignment and he had only just started. And it was due before we left for Thanksgiving.

Edward was right that having sex wouldn't affect our friendship. Life after Alice's party went back to normal, my time split between classes, work, and study sessions in his dorm. But he was dead wrong if he thought sex with him wouldn't affect _me_. Every night when I lay down in my bed I thought about how empty it felt without him. I'd close my eyes and could still see his perfect naked body in my memory. I yearned for him more strongly than I ever had before, my desires escalated to near maddening levels. I was officially losing it.

"Well, he better get his ass here before half-time or Emmett's gonna realize he's late," Alice said.

We'd all missed at least one of Emmett's games for various reasons but this game was different. It was the homecoming game. Emmett's parents hadn't once made the three hour trip to see him play last year and when it appeared the same would happen this time around we all promised to always be there supporting him.

"Flag! False start, right there!" I yelled to the ref. Spending three months with Emmett certainly left me more informed on the rules of the game. Since my knowledge had improved I found myself enjoying watching Emmett play. And I was off baseball indefinitely.

"Geez, Bella. When did you become such a fanatic?" Rose asked.

I laughed. "After hearing the play by play of every practice game over dinner all summer long."

"You guys got pretty close, didn't you?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, you could say that. There's a lot more to Emmett than just football and fraternities."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Well, Bella, maybe _you_ should date him then," she spat. She was so irrational when she was jealous.

"Come on, Rose don't be like that. You know he'll never be anything more than a brother to me," I chided. "And he spent most of the summer going on about _you_ so don't worry about me stepping on your toes."

"Really? What did he say?" her tone softened.

"I can't repeat what he said to me in confidence. But I'm telling you, I don't think it's over between you two," I hinted.

"I agree," chimed in Alice. "He hasn't even dated anyone else since you two broke up."

Rose looked down at her hands, her body language guarded. "So, Edward hasn't dated anyone either. You think that means he still has feelings for that Victoria girl?"

My body tensed up at the mention of her name. Blood boiled in my veins as I waited anxiously for Alice to respond.

"I don't know… maybe we should ask Bella?" she replied.

Rose turned to me with one brow raised. "What?" I asked innocently.

Alice snickered and said, "He doesn't tell me anything since I'm his little sister. So you tell us, what's going on with him?"

"Yeah," Rose encouraged. "He went from dating every girl in sight to practically joining the priesthood. What gives?"

"Well, except for his half naked sleepover with Bella," Alice amended. "Don't forget that."

Rose chuckled. "Please don't gang up on me you two," I pleaded. "I've told you a million times, nothing happened. We're best friends, that's it."

I was a terrible liar and as the words came out of my mouth I knew how forced they sounded. Luckily, the Huskies scored a touchdown and the crowd went wild, rendering our conversation closed.

As half-time began we all got up from the freezing bleachers and make a bee-line for the restrooms. We got hot chocolate from the snack stand and made our way out of the crowd of people over to the sidelines of the field so Emmett would see us when the team came back out for the second half.

"When does Jasper get in?" I asked, hoping to prevent either of them from starting in on me and Edward again. I couldn't handle the questions I asked myself about that night, let alone answer theirs.

"Three more days!" Alice sang.

"He's coming in on Tuesday?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, I asked him to fly into Seattle after his class ends so we could have Tuesday night and Wednesday together here before going back home."

"That doesn't make any sense. He's going to fly all the way from Philadelphia to Seattle and then drive another three hours to Forks? Why don't you just go home Tuesday and be there when he gets in?"

I smiled at Rose's naivety. She was usually better at stuff like this. Maybe the fact that Jasper was her brother caused her to have blinders on.

"Rose, Alice is looking forward to welcoming home her long distance boyfriend without parental supervision," I said gently.

Rose crinkled her nose like she was smelling something foul. "I really did not need that mental image, Bella! Thank you. Now I need to change my plans so I won't be in the house while Alice is screwing my brother!"

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable, Rose. It's just that with Bree at my house we're not going to get any privacy there, and you know how your parents are," Alice said.

"I know, sweetie. I understand. I just don't like thinking about that." Rose said, patting Alice on the shoulder. "I don't mind giving you some privacy, just next time give me more notice, okay?"

Alice agreed and smiled like a kid in a toy store. It was sweet how giddy she was at the thought of her boyfriend coming home. "And I do know how you feel, being the sister I mean. I was totally freaking out when I thought that Bella and Edward had slept together after our party." She purposely shivered as if the thought gave her the creeps.

"I'm still not convinced we got the full story there," Rose said winking at me.

I turned my face away from them to hide my embarrassment. Was this football game ever going to resume?

"No offense to Bella, of course. I don't like thinking about my brother with any girl. You should have heard the noises he and Victoria made last summer. I could barely look at him," she went on. "Just because mom and dad can't hear him up there on the third floor doesn't mean I can't from my room!"

They both laughed. I wanted to crawl under the bleachers and die. I'd had firsthand experience with getting Edward to make some of those noises and my body had been craving them ever since. I pretended I saw someone I knew and excused myself from my friends. Hiding behind the restrooms I took a few deep breaths, letting the frigid air burn my lungs. I heard my phone buzz so I pulled it out of my pocket to see who it was from. Edward.

_What's the score? – E_

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the phone. Someone must have writers block. I typed as quickly as I could and shoved my freezing hands back into my pockets.

_17-14 Huskies. RU coming?_

It felt like it was getting colder, probably going to snow. I hated snow. My phone buzzed again.

_That's kind of a personal question, Bells ;-)_

I laughed out loud. Edward made a dirty joke. That wasn't like him at all. I didn't know how to respond. Should I play along? Would he consider that flirting? Was _he_ flirting? I started sweating despite the cold trying to decide how to respond. Just as I was about to reply someone tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped.

"Jacob!"

"Hey Bella," he said smiling.

"How are you?" I murmured unsteadily. Jacob looked to be doing very well. There was a beautiful girl standing next to him, her arm linked tightly in his as if close proximity would keep her warm. She had dark hair like his and the same color skin. I could only assume he'd met her back home. The girl was stunning and I was surprised to find myself wildly jealous that she was touching my Jacob.

"I've been good," he confirmed. "This is my sister, Rachel."

I smiled wide when he said the word sister. Of course. I could see the resemblance in their smiles.

"Hi, Rachel, it's nice to meet you," I said politely.

"You too. Jacob's told me a lot about you," was her reply. That threw me for a loop. I hadn't seen or even spoken to him in months. I wondered if either of them saw the relief on my face when Jacob told me she was his sister?

"Rachel's a senior at Washington State so she came down to watch the Huskies crush her team," he joked.

She mock punched his arm with her free hand and he chuckled. They were so cute. I felt increasingly awkward as the seconds ticked by. I didn't know what else to say.

"Are you here with anyone?" Jake asked.

"Alice and Rose," I replied. "Our friend Emmett's on the team," I explained to Rachel.

"Oh, how exciting!" she said enthusiastically. "Looks like it will be a close game."

Jake seemed pleased at my answer. I thought maybe he feared I was with Edward. Just then I remembered I was in the middle of a texting conversation with him and anxiety rushed through my body.

"I should get back to my friends," I said. "Half-time must be almost over by now. It was nice meeting you, Rachel."

"You too, Bella."

"Bye, Jake," I said smiling.

"Bye, Bella," he said, staring at me like he was trying to convey a secret message with his eyes. I turned and jogged back to where I'd left Alice and Rosalie.

I found them on the bleachers and quickly took a spot next to them. I whipped out my phone and saw I had another message.

_Bella?_

Crap. I quickly typed my explanation of where I'd been and shoved the phone into my jeans pocket.

_Sorry. Ran into a friend. Wish u were here._

"Where did you go?" Rose asked me.

"I ran into Jacob," I admitted.

"How did that go?" she replied.

"A little awkward. He was with his sister and she said Jacob told her all about me."

"I still don't understand what happened between you guys," Rose said shaking her head.

"It's a very long story. Let's just watch the game."

I tried very hard to sleep the following Tuesday night. Why, oh why hadn't I agreed to ride home with Rosalie when she offered earlier that day? Right, because I was a pathetic loser who didn't want to give up a three hour car ride with the man I fanaticized about daily.

I pulled the pillow over my head and tried to drown out the moans coming from the next room.

"Yes, Jasper, right there."

"Like that, baby?"

"Ah, ah, ah!"

I had to get out of there. I went down to the living room where I could barely hear them anymore, just a faint sound of the headboard hitting the wall. I still felt like a voyeur. I could call Edward but didn't know how to explain my reason for needing to get out of the house at nine o'clock at night without telling him what his sister was doing. So I called Emmett.

"Yo, Bella!" he answered

"Hey, Em. Whatcha doing?"

"Hanging out with Riley and some of the other guys."

"I need a favor, buddy," I said in a playful tone. "Alice and Jazz are, shall we say, reuniting and I need to get out of here before I get sick."

I heard his deep hearty chuckle on the other end of the line. "Well, you're more than welcome to come over, Bella, but how are you going to get here? You need me to get one of the guys to pick you up?" he asked.

"No, I was thinking I'd just take Alice's car. Something tells me she won't be needing it."

"Okay, well come on over whenever."

"Thank you," I said and hung up the phone. I quickly scribbled a note to Alice letting her know I took her car and that if she needed it back right away to just call me. Then I grabbed my purse and took off for the sanctuary of Sigma Phi.

Emmett answered the door when I arrived and gave me a big bear hug. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces in the living room all lounging around and drinking beer. Typical. The only person I recognized was Riley and I waved hello. He tipped his beer to me with a smile.

"Want to chill in my room, Bells?" Emmett asked. I nodded and followed him up the stairs. He took them two at a time so I had to run to keep up. The laces on my tennis shoe were untied and I tripped on the final stair, catching myself with my hands on the landing. Emmett chuckled and held out his hand to help me up.

"Never gets old," he joked about my clumsiness.

Emmett shared his room with a guy I think was named Max but I'd never met him. From the looks of it Max had already left for home. His bed was stripped down to the mattress and his pillow gone. I was guessing his mother would be doing laundry this Thanksgiving. Emmett's side of the room contained his football gear, video games hooked up to a small TV, and a lot of sports memorabilia. I noticed a picture of Rosalie on his dresser but quickly glanced away so he wouldn't think I noticed it. I took a seat in his desk chair.

"So, Alice and Jazz are getting it on, huh?" he joked.

"God, yes. They are really making up for lost time. Rose had the right idea leaving before Alice even picked him up from the airport."

"And here I thought she left early to avoid me."

"No, Em. Not at all. Rose isn't as angry as she used to be. I think she might be starting to miss you," I offered him.

He didn't want to talk about Rose so he turned the conversation to me. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" he guessed.

"What makes you think I came here to talk about something?"

"Because it's been over two months since you hooked up with Edward and somehow I'm still the only one who knows about it," he smirked. "I figured you'd be dying to talk by now."

"I am. I just wish it would be with him," I sighed.

"You two haven't talked about it at all? So you haven't done it again?"

"No and no. He promised having sex wouldn't affect our friendship and you know Edward always keeps his promises. He hasn't said anything to you?"

Emmett shook his head. "I tried to ask him about it the first time we were alone after the party. I grinned at him and said, 'duuuude…' but he just shot me a pissed off look and told me we were not going to discuss it."

"That sounds like him," I agreed.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked.

"What can I do? He obviously only finds me attractive after a couple of beers. What do they say about alcohol? Helping ugly girls have sex since 1864," I said sarcastically.

"Whoa, Bells. First, you are not ugly, you're a beautiful girl. That's not an opinion, that's a fact. If I wasn't pathetically in love with your friend and sort of thought of you like a sister, I would totally tap that." He winked at me and I blushed.

"Thanks, Em. Same here," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"How are you dealing with being just his friend now that you've _made love_?"

I sighed. "Apparently I was making love, but he was having sex." It hurt talking about this subject but if anyone could understand it was Emmett.

"I really think you're underestimating your appeal to him. I could try to get some information out of him, get him talking about girls and somewhere slip in your name and see what he says," he offered.

"No way, I don't want to start plotting."

"Do you want me to ride home in Alice's car tomorrow? You could have three hours to talk some sense into that boy."

I considered that for a moment but then said, "No, please. If I do talk to Edward it isn't going to be when I'm trapped in a car with no escape route."

He laughed but then agreed. We talked about him and Rose for a while, about how she acted jealous when Alice suggested I date him and that seemed to boost his spirits a little. He told me he planned to confront her over winter break when football and finals were over. I told him I thought that was a great idea. Rosalie hadn't talked to me much about Emmett since the semester began but I knew her very well. Although she talked about meeting guys and went out on dates she never brought them home. I didn't think she'd had a guy sleep over since Emmett. I wouldn't betray her confidence any more than I would Emmett's so I had to bite my tongue.

"I'm not going to beg her to take me back. I'm going to apologize for the jabs during our huge fight and tell her exactly how I feel. I just need her to know. She can decide what to do after that."

"I wish I had your courage, Emmett. Maybe once you get Rose back I'll follow your lead and to the same with Edward," I thought out loud.

"He'd be a fool not to say yes to you, Bella," he said sweetly.

"Aw, shucks, Em," I joked.

While Emmett would be home in Forks over winter break I would be exiled to Jacksonville for the whole month. Renee had refused to take no for an answer when she invited me to stay with her and Phil for Christmas and the weeks following. I'd finally agreed when she threatened to cry if I didn't stay. I was actually looking forward to spending some real time with my mother. I missed her very much, but the thought of being thousands of miles away from Edward made my stomach queasy. It was strange how the way I missed my mother differed from how I missed Edward. With my mom it was a dull ache and sometimes more pronounced when I needed her the most, but the way I missed Edward even when he was only across campus felt like I had the weight of the world on my back, like I couldn't breathe.

I finally left Emmett's place around one am. When I arrived back at the house my note to Alice was in the same place I left it and there were no sounds coming from her room. I opted to sleep on the couch anyway, pulling a throw blanket over my legs and curling up with a pillow. I flipped through the channels on TV and settled on a new cleaning product infomercial that promised to remove old stains in less than twenty seconds. I drifted off to sleep somewhere between my thoughts of Edward's lips on mine and the endless possibilities of the OrangeGlo 2000.


	16. Chapter 15: Vacation Plans

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's been reading OBR! **

**I just wanna address a few concerns I've noticed in the reviews: **

**1) Some readers have been getting the impression that Edward is kind of a manwhore, sleeping with lots of women. Remember, this story is totally from BELLA'S perpective and though she sees Edward dating a lot of girls she really has no idea how many he's slept with, and of course assumes the worst. She knows there was at least one freshman year because of the opened box of condoms she found, and Emmett confirmed Edward slept with Victoria. Other than those two, and Bella herself, she can't be sure if there's been any others.**

**2) If some of you are confused about what the heck Edward is thinking... well Bella's wondering that too. I promise Edward will do a lot of explaining as the story progresses. **

**Feel free to ask me questions, I love getting messages and reviews. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 15: VACATION PLANS<p>

"Just pick one, it doesn't matter which one we get her."

"Edward, of course it matters. Haven't you ever _met_ your sister!" I said sarcastically.

It was four days before Christmas and I was at the mall helping Edward do all of his gift buying. We'd just taken our last exams that morning and with the pressure of school off his shoulders he finally realized he needed to buy his family gifts. The only person I knew who despised shopping more than me was Edward, which is how I got dragged into the trip to the mall. Every department store we entered was a madhouse and I'd been pushed, crowded, and nearly run over by shopping carts more times that I could count.

"This one is more expensive because it's real leather," I considered out loud. "But this one looks more practical." I held the purses out so I could examine them side by side.

Edward snatched the leather bag out of my hand. "Haven't _you _ever met Alice?" he teased. "More expensive. Genuine leather. This is the one."

I rolled my eyes but followed him down the aisle as he darted around the frantic shoppers to find a cashier. Alice was the last person on his list and once this transaction was complete we were free to go. For once, I wasn't in a hurry to leave a shopping center. Our arrival back at campus would only mark the beginning of our month long separation and I was already dreading it. Rose was driving me back to Forks tomorrow to spend a day with Charlie before my plane left for Jacksonville.

As I watched Edward tap his foot impatiently I wondered to myself whether he was at all distressed by our impending goodbye. If he was it didn't show. He swiped Carlisle's American Express and we were on our way. The Volvo was parked at the other end of the mall so we had to traipse back through the mobs in order to leave. As we passed the food court my stomach alarm went off and I stopped walking. We'd been here all afternoon and I hadn't eaten since before my morning exam. Edward turned back when he'd noticed I wasn't following close behind him anymore.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Your personal shopper is hungry," I replied, giving him my best pout. He flashed me that perfect smile.

"I suppose I do owe you a meal after saving me today. What would you like?"

I pointed to the Charlie's Subs and we made our way over to the counter. After deciding what I wanted I went to find a clean table while he stood in line for the food. I watched him intently as he conversed with the person behind the counter, trying to memorize the unique color to his and the elegance in his mannerisms. I committed to memory the way his ass looked in his jeans. He was chatting politely with the girl at the cash register as she filled the drinks. The cup spilled over as she gazed dreamy-eyed at him. I couldn't laugh at her Edward induced trance; I'd seen it many times before. Hell, I spent my life under his spell. Emmett couldn't understand why I'd gone so long without telling Edward how I felt. It was because of this scene right here. A part of me was content to sit in the middle of the crowded food court and stare at him all day; it relaxed me to watch his perfection. I considered myself lucky just to have him in my life.

Edward sat across from me and placed the tray between us. "How do you think you did on the English 2 exam?"

"Slam dunk. I studied all the right material," I replied smugly.

"You didn't think the questions about Chaucer were difficult?" he questioned.

I laughed. "What is with your aversion to Chaucer?"

"The professor spent so much time on The Canterbury Tales I thought I was going to fall asleep half the time. I couldn't get into it," he explained.

"I thought every tale was beautiful," I replied. "It's amazing to think you're reading something that was created over six hundred years ago; that it's still being taught today."

He smirked at me and said, "I admire you passion for literature. It's surreal."

"Why are you an English major, Edward? So far you've hated all the poetry, Chaucer, Shakespeare, and the Bronte sisters. What excited you about this field of study?"

"Honestly, I'm waiting for the Creative Writing courses to start next year. That's what I might want to do with my life," he shrugged.

I took a sip of my soda. "I had no idea you wanted to be a writer? How come you never talk about it?"

"I don't know if I'm any good," he chuckled. "It seemed like a good undergraduate degree, in case I decide to go that direction. My long term plan is still NYU to study family law."

I tried very hard not to think about Edward's plans for graduate school on the east coast. The very thought of him moving away, to be even further away than Jasper, made me uneasy. I ate a french fry, deciding what to say.

"Have you finished writing anything yet?" I asked, pulling the conversation back to a career path where Edward would stay in state.

"Yes, I've written a number of short stories. I won't let anyone read them though."

"Why not, I'd love to read your stories?" I pressed.

"If I ever publish you can have a first edition," he promised.

I grinned. "Well, I'm planning to become a book editor. Maybe some Cullen stories will one day cross my desk."

He smiled in response and said, "God help me if you're my editor. I can't imagine you with that kind of power."

I kicked him under the table and took a big bite of my sub.

"So what do you have planned for your trip to see your mother?" he asked ignoring my kick.

"Probably a lot of time lying on the beach if I know Renee," I answered unenthusiastically.

"You poor thing," he teased. "It sounds like you'll be tortured the whole time."

That was about how I felt, being separated from him for so long. "It will be nice to see the sun for a change," I admitted.

We finished our food and started walking through the crowds to the parking lot. The ride home passed too quickly and when he pulled into the parking space next to Alice's car my stomach was churning from the anxiety of saying goodbye.

"I had fun," I said nervously as I unbuckled my seatbelt and prepared to pry myself away from him. His expression didn't look the least bit pained to see me go.

"I'm coming in with you, Bells. You have to help me wrap these things," he grinned.

I sighed, secretly relived our time together would last a little longer. "Are you telling me Edward Cullen doesn't know how to wrap presents?" I teased.

"No, I'm telling you Edward Cullen doesn't have any wrapping paper in his dorm. But I know _you_ do," he replied, his smile stretching further across his face.

"Of course I do, because my gifts have been wrapped for weeks! Come on," I said as I got out of his car. He followed me into the house and up to my bedroom.

I pulled the tubes of paper out of my closet and laid them on the bed. Edward sat on the edge and set to work pulling his gifts out of the bags and removing price tags. My mind wandered back to the last time Edward and I shared this bed and I blushed. He still had not mentioned a word about our night together, keeping his promise about it not affecting our friendship. At least he didn't regret it. Had he felt that way I'm sure he would have tried to apologize to me by now. I noticed Edward didn't talk about girls as much as he used to and not once did he bring a date to any of the parties we'd all attended that semester. It might have been the result of his breakup with Victoria but I couldn't help but wonder if the reason had anything to do with our sleeping together. I didn't want to linger on that possibility while I was with him so I distracted myself by going to get scissors and scotch tape from my desk.

Together Edward and I wrapped the presents one by one. I sized each piece of wrapping paper and made the cut, then passed it off to him to wrap. Occasionally, our fingers would touch or his arm would brush against me. Each hint of contact sent my hormones raging and at least once I had visions of Edward sweeping all the items off the bed and throwing me down on it.

He looked over at me and saw the hint of pink in my cheeks.

"Why are you blushing, Bella?" he asked curiously.

Damn my cheeks! "I was just thinking something a little embarrassing," I admitted.

He raised one brow waiting for me to elaborate. I deliberated for a moment, thinking how I could put my thoughts into words without giving away too much information.

"I was just thinking about going to Florida, and how much I'm going to miss this," I said, gesturing between our bodies with my hand.

He smirked but didn't give me any audible response. He went across the hall and knocked on Alice's door. "Sis, you gonna be ready to head out around noon tomorrow?"

I heard Alice reply through the door, "I'll be ready, bro!" Alice was eager to get home to her family after her first semester away. Even having Edward here with her she was still homesick.

I walked Edward to the front door, worried I'd said too much. I hated that I was already missing him and he hadn't even left yet. I knew why it was harder for me to be away from him this time than it had been in the past. Ever since we'd slept together I felt connected to him on a new level, and I liked it. I was afraid that if I was apart from him physically that wonderful feeling of being linked to him might disappear.

I wished him a Merry Christmas and told him to send my love to Esme, Carlisle, and Bree. He smiled wide; one foot out the doorway. Then, he hesitated and turned back towards me to say something.

"I'm gonna miss you too, Bells," he said softly and then he kissed my cheek.

I had to admit that Florida was a nice place to be in January. I was enjoying my mother's company and she was so happy having me there. I'd forgotten how good it felt to spend hours talking to Renee about anything and everything. She and Phil worked hard to make me feel welcome in their home. I'd been there a few times but never for this long. My mother made up the spare bedroom to look like my old room in Phoenix. Her heart was in the right place and I greatly appreciated the effort but it only reminded me that spread across this country I had four separate bedrooms and didn't feel like any of them were truly my home.

I was Skyping with Jessica late one night the third week of January. She was going on about Mike Newton and how wonderful he had turned out to be. They were spending the summer together in Forks, as were all of my friends. The only part of my Floridian paradise that I hated was being separated from everyone. Even Angela was home for the summer and I was missing my chance to catch up with her. I'd been keeping in close contact with Edward and Rose through emails and the occasional call. I was still waiting to hear if Emmett followed through with his confrontation with Rosalie. It was cowardly of me but I was anxious to see the results of his gesture before I did something similar with Edward.

I'd been thinking about it more and more since coming out here, especially after the send off kiss to the cheek Edward had given me. I felt like the time away from school and everyone I knew was actually a good thing since it gave me a chance to clear my head and gain a little perspective. It finally occurred to me that if I did decide to broach the subject of my feelings with Edward I didn't need to go all out and declare my everlasting love for him. Of course I was head over heels, over the moon, blah blah blah… but there was no reason to tell_ him_ that. No, what I needed to do was casually suggest that we try going out on a date. I would admit that I was still thinking about our night together and since we were such good friends I wanted to see if taking it the next level was something he'd ever consider.

How bad could his response be? I was already suffering silently. If I didn't admit how deep my feelings were then it would be easier for him to let me down easy or laugh it off as a silly idea. He seemed perfectly able to get passed seeing me naked and shoving his cock deep inside me; he should be able to recover from my suggesting one little date, right?

Jessica was still rambling on and on when a second window popped up on my screen.

_Cullen1991: hey bells_

Yikes. I felt like Edward must have known I was just thinking about him…

_HoneyBells: hey stranger_

_Cullen1991: what u doing up so late?_

_HoneyBells: Jessica is dating Newton and I'm getting TMI :-P_

_Cullen1991: sry to hear that _

_HoneyBells: hows forks?_

_Cullen1991: exciting as ever, we miss u. Emmett and I went out drinking. He told rose he still likes her_

Finally! I prayed that she was kind to him. I tapped my foot nervously.

_HoneyBells: and?_

_Cullen1991: she told him she had to think about it. Hence the drinking… _

Oh, Rose! That was not what was supposed to happen. I'm surprised she hadn't called me by now. Maybe she was talking to Alice?

_HoneyBells: Oh no. where did you underage fools get alcohol?_

_Cullen1991: sorry chief swan. Don't arrest me ;-)_

_PrincessJess: bella, u still there_?

Crap.

_HoneyBells: Sorry Jess, I gtg. Talk later?_

_PrincessJess: um… ok… ttyl_

_PrincessJess has signed off_

I closed the chat window and pulled Edward's back up.

_HoneyBells: you deserve to be locked away…_

I grinned as I waited for his reply. I could tell he was tipsy if not worse. His response was delayed.

_Cullen1991: you can frisk me if you want_

Okay, so he was definitely drunk. I hadn't gotten a flirty message like that since the homecoming game he missed. Running into Jacob saved me from having to send back a clever response that time. Now I had to decide whether I'd reprimand him or play along. My courage came from the late hour and the thousands of miles between us.

_HoneyBells: don't tempt me. It's awfully lonely out here_

_Cullen1991: come over, I'll keep you company beautiful_

What was he doing to me? Was his semester long celibacy starting to affect him or did he actually want me? I couldn't resist typing the next line. I had to throw it out there, see if he took the bait.

_HoneyBells: wow u are drunk lol What will we do if I come…?_

_Cullen1991: if u flew back right now we would both cum :-o_

Okay, I was starting to get hot and bothered. I briefly considered my options. I could shut this down now, tell him to go sleep it off and make him think I wasn't interested, which was not the message I wanted to send. Or, I could play along and let him see once again the effect his flirting had on me. He might be able to use alcohol as an excuse later, but what would I be able to say? Maybe he wouldn't even remember in the morning. If he did remember and reacted badly, I'd have to say that I was messing with him in his drunken state.

Like the night of Alice's party, I couldn't help myself.

_HoneyBells: talking like that is giving me dirty thoughts_

_Cullen1991: tell me what ur thinking_

_HoneyBells: remembering your hands all over me… felt so good_

_Cullen1991: I wanna touch you again, ur breasts_

_HoneyBells: I'm imagining that you are. _

_Cullen1991: I wanna touch you everywhere_

_HoneyBells: I want you in my mouth. Are u hard? _

I couldn't believe I was doing this. Every time I hit send I had to cover my eyes until I heard the next ping from my computer.

_Cullen1991: fuck yes. Suck me hard baby_

_HoneyBells: mmm… you taste so good_

_Cullen1991: are you touching yourself? I want you to come_

_HoneyBells: yes, I want to come for you so bad_

I lied. I wasn't even touching myself. I hadn't done that since I came to Florida. I was not going to either, not with my mother and Phil in the next room. I was also concentrating too hard on what I was typing to be able to do both.

_Cullen1991: you make me so hot_

_HoneyBells: take off ur clothes_

_Cullen1991: ok… now urs_

I couldn't resist. I pulled my t-shirt off and massaged my right breast a little.

_HoneyBells: I wish you were inside me right now_

_Cullen1991: put your fingers inside and fuck yourself like it was me._

_HoneyBells: it feels so good. Please fuck me_

_Cullen1991: I am baby, I'm fucking you so hard_

_HoneyBells: faster, don't stop. _

_Cullen1991: shit I wish I could feel you come around me again _

_HoneyBells: U will. I'm gonna come…_

I was so aroused that it wasn't far from the truth.

_Cullen1991: me toooo_

_Cullen1991: fuckkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkk kk kk k_

There was a long pause when neither of us typed anything. I felt the same after-sex awkwardness come over me that I had felt the morning I woke up with Edward in my bed. I wondered what he was doing.

_Cullen1991: that was hot bells_

_HoneyBells: ditto_

_Cullen1991: so…. Lol _

_HoneyBells: so….._

_Cullen1991: id kiss you if you were here_

_HoneyBells: I'd like that_

_Cullen1991: Bella…_

_HoneyBells: yes, Edward…_

_Cullen1991: I am tired. u wore me out_

_HoneyBells: lol u should sleep then _

_Cullen1991: my head hurts_

_HoneyBells: another reason to sleep_

_Cullen1991: ok... ttys_

_HoneyBells: nite Edward_

_Cullen1991: nite beautiful_

_Cullen1991 has signed off_

I sat in front of my computer for a long time after Edward went to bed, reading and rereading his words. People say alcohol makes you lose your inhibitions and say things you wouldn't normally admit. I was proof of that when I told Edward I'd had a crush on him in high school. It was a truth that I would never have admitted sober. Could what had just transpired between Edward and me be something he'd thought about only never said out loud?

_I want to touch you again. You make me so hot. I'd kiss you if you were here._

I got goose bumps at the thought. I could hardly wait until morning when Edward's drunken stupor had worn off. I wondered if he'd remember it or not. Would he bring it up or wait for me to? I wanted to ask Emmett what happened while they were drinking. Maybe he had mentioned me and that was why he logged on when he got home. I remembered what Edward told me about Emmett. The poor guy was probably a mess right now. I took my phone from the little desk I sat at and sent Em a text message.

_Edward told me what happ. Call me if u want to talk_

I copied and pasted my Skype conversation with Edward into a Word document and saved it to my desktop. It was really sad that I wanted to save it but couldn't help myself.

Emmett called the next morning as I was coming back from a walk with Renee. I ran into my bedroom as I took the call.

"Hey," I answered, slightly out of breathe.

"Hey. So you talked to Edward, huh?" He didn't sound very upbeat this morning.

"Yes, I'm sorry. What did she say? Edward was a little out of it last night when he told me what happened."

He scoffed. "You could say that. Um, well I did what I told you I was planning. She agreed to meet me and I gave her two roses when she got to my house. I told her the yellow rose was for the time in high school when I fell for her when we were friends, and the pink one was for the time I fell for her in college when we started dating. Then I pulled a red rose from behind my back and told her I hoped this one would represent a new beginning for us, when we would finally get it right."

"Em, that is so romantic," I praised.

"She told me that it reminded her of how many times we've already tried being a couple," he moaned.

"That bitch," I gasped. Emmett laughed.

"We talked a little bit, I followed through with telling her everything. You know, getting it all off my chest. She said she wanted some time to think… that she didn't want to put us both through that again unless she was sure."

"She would be crazy to turn you down, buddy," I replied.

I hoped my simple encouragement would lift his spirits. I wondered how long she would make him wait. I wondered how long I would be waiting. When Emmett's silence told me he was done talking about Rose I asked him about Edward.

"So, Edward was really hammered last night, wasn't he," I said nonchalantly.

Emmett snickered. "That boy is such a lightweight I can't believe Sigma doesn't kick him out."

I smiled momentarily and then asked, "He didn't mention me last night, did he?"

"No, but it seemed like something was bothering him. He wouldn't tell me," Emmett replied.

"So is he okay then? Have you talked to him?"

Emmett replied, "I don't know. He wouldn't pick up his phone when I called."

"Okay, I'm gonna try calling him then; make sure he's alright."

"You bet. I'll catch ya later."

I hung up the phone and anxiously dialed Edward's cell. I was nervous as to how this conversation would play out and even more so that he wouldn't pick up. He always had his phone on him and it concerned me that he hadn't answered for Emmett earlier. He better not be screening my calls too.

I held on as the rings went to voicemail and hung up right before it started to record. I waited a few seconds and hit redial. On my third attempt Edward answered.

"Hi," he said in a small voice. I could already tell he didn't want to talk to me.

"Thanks for picking up. I, uh, wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you drank a lot last night."

"Yes, I certainly drank a lot. I'm fine, Bella," he said my name with difficulty.

"Excuse me, grumpy," I said sarcastically. "I wasn't sure you'd even remember last night…"

"Well, I do. And I owe you an apology. Alcohol is no excuse for me crossing the line with you like that. Again."

He was apologizing. So he did regret it. My stomach knotted instantly as I felt a shiver in my spine. I had been sure that if Edward remembered our indecent little web chat that he would try to blame the alcohol. I didn't expect for him to sound so remorseful. His words sounded like he was admitting that he had taken advantage of me. All of a sudden that was exactly how I felt. Was he so ashamed of his behavior because he knows how I feel about him and he doesn't feel the same? I couldn't bear to hear him say he didn't feel that way about me.

"Don't get down on yourself, Edward. I shouldn't have let you go on like that, you were just so entertaining," I replied with as much confidence as I could muster.

"So you were what, just playing with me that whole time?" he asked sounding stunned.

I hated lying to my best friend. Even more, I hated embarrassing him to save my secret. What else could I say? The only other option I could think of was to admit I meant every word, which would only have made him apologize again for crossing invisible lines and leading me on. No thank you.

"I wasn't trying to be mean, I just like Drunk Edward, and didn't know what else to do once it got… intense," I lied.

He was quiet for at least a minute. "So last night meant nothing to you." He said it not so much a question, but a statement.

That seemed to be the position he had taken, whether he was lying I didn't know. My only choice was to claim the same. I bit my lower lip as I took a deep breath to steady my voice. "No. Sorry. I didn't take last night seriously."

He cleared his throat and replied, "Okay, then. I am sorry about being so disrespectful last night. I shouldn't treat my friends like 1-900 numbers."

He sounded guarded, perhaps a little disappointed even? I ignored the throbbing pain in my heart that was telling me I was blowing my chance to lay my cards on the table; to tell him I'd always wanted him and last night was no exception.

"No harm. You were more entertaining than Conan," I joked. My heart clenched as the words passed my lips.

He didn't laugh. He didn't say anything at all. I couldn't let this be the end of our conversation but no new topics were coming to mind. All I wanted to do was take back my lies and make him admit the truth that he felt something for me somewhere in that beautiful head of his. But I just wasn't sure.

"So, do you have a massive headache?" I guessed.

"Nah, I took two Advil with a Gatorade before I fell asleep. It actually worked."

"Good, maybe you can go kick Rose's butt for me today then."

He laughed lightly. "I don't think it's wise for me to get mixed up in their drama. I figured you would have talked to her by now anyway."

"Yeah, well I'm a little out of touch here. Rose and your sister have barely talked to me in weeks," I whined.

"Don't worry. Your sentence is almost up and then you can come home," he said.

"One more week," I agreed. "I love being with my mom, I just wish she lived in Washington."

"Are you sure? It's raining and thirty degrees here right now. I hear it might snow today."

"Ew."

He laughed. "I knew that would get you..."

"You know me so well," I replied, sighing.

We were both silent for a moment. Edward said he needed to go make an appearance downstairs since he was still in his room. It seemed like an excuse to get off the phone but I was just as eager to hang up as he seemed to be. We said goodbye awkwardly and I was left in the dark room, my head resting in my hands. If it was even possible I was now more confused about my relationship with Edward than ever.


	17. Chapter 16: New Friend

CHAPTER 16: NEW FRIEND

Spring semester started like any other. The only real change was in my relationship with Edward. I felt like we were growing apart since the embarrassing cyber sex incident. I noticed the way he looked at me was different. We should have talked more about what happened between us but it seemed like neither of us wanted to initiate that awkward conversation. I desperately needed to fix whatever was broken, but I didn't know what to say that didn't lead to me confessing my feelings. And I couldn't tell him the truth the way things were right now. I didn't understand how actual sex- virginity losing sex- didn't affect our friendship, but internet sex did. Something had changed and I couldn't put my finger on it.

I had just one class with Edward in the spring. Given our current circumstances it was almost one too many. I was surprised to find that I also I had a class with Jacob. It was a little uncomfortable the first few sessions, not knowing whether to sit by him or find the chair furthest away. By our third class Jacob was coming to sit next to me and I was glad to be on good terms with him again.

In one of my other classes I befriended a boisterous girl named Tanya. My intentions were purely to have someone in the class to contact in case I ever had a question regarding an assignment or if I missed a class, but Tanya was very easy to talk to and she seemed like a lot of fun. I decided one Thursday to invite her to join us for karaoke at the bowling alley. I used to enjoy bowling night when Edward and I were joined at the hip, best friends forever, but now I could use someone else there to talk to. It would make Edward's ignoring me a little less obvious and painful.

Thursday night was the official start to the weekend around UW. Only a few suckers had 8am classes on Fridays. I happened to be one of them, but it didn't stop me from going out anyway. As I looked around I saw a number of students from my Earth Science course who would no doubt be suffering alongside me the following morning.

Rose, Emmett, and Edward were already at the bowling alley when Tanya and I arrived that night. They had secured a lane near the snack stand and were getting their shoes on as we walked up. I introduced my new friend as everyone stared in disbelief. Was it really so strange that Bella Swan could make a new friend? I was still mildly insulted as I took a seat and began entering our names into the computer.

Rose and Emmett were getting along well since coming back to campus. She had made Emmett wait ten excruciating days before giving him an answer about getting back together. She told him right before they left Forks that she was willing to start fresh. She said she wasn't going to pursue any other guys but she didn't want to feel tied down. They were taking their new relationship slowly, trying to prevent the same problems from creeping up on them again. Emmett was finally happy again and so was Rose.

It turned out Tanya was friends with one of the guys at the little bar in the bowling alley so none of us were carded all night. I only had one drink but Edward and Emmett were knocking them back like the frat boys they were. Edward was careful not to make direct eye contact with me most of the night. He spoke when necessary, but something with him was still off. He just wasn't his normal, charming self, and it was driving me crazy.

Tanya let it be known early on in the evening that she was single. When she didn't get a response from Emmett she turned to my best friend. I was surprised by how openly Edward flirted with her in front of me. It was as if my presence was no different than Rose and Emmett's. I started thinking maybe he had been honest when he said his actions online were nothing but alcohol induced stupidity. I did my best to conceal my hurt feelings. I was more so angry at myself than anything else.

Tanya and Edward hit it off immediately. I didn't see that coming since they had nothing in common, but you know what they say about opposites. I wouldn't have expected Edward to go for Tanya though. She was chatty, and blunt, and laughed at her own jokes. She did have a pretty face, but she was blonde. Edward usually preferred brunettes. If I had known I'd be inadvertently playing matchmaker that night I might not have ever introduced myself to her at all. Perhaps that was what those looks from my friends were all about when we arrived.

We bowled two games and then Rose dragged us into the karaoke bar. She had a good voice and the alcohol certainly helped with her stage fright. The rest of us just watched her in awe. Karaoke wasn't my thing. She did finally drag Emmett up on stage once he was good and sloshed. They were really cute together, singing a rendition of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart."

"Are you going to get up there, Edward?" Tanya asked. The three of us were sitting at a table near the back of the bar. I had my eyes glued to Rose and Emmett while Tanya was far more fascinated by Edward.

"I don't really sing. If there was a piano you might be able to get me to play," he replied.

"You can play piano?" she asked leaning over the table giving him a better view of her cleavage.

Edward smiled. "Yeah, I took lessons as a kid. I've written a couple songs too."

"Wow, you must be very talented," she said sounding impressed. "I wonder what other _talents_ you have?"

I rolled my eyes and looked back towards the stage. Rose was bowing for her performance and Emmett was gesturing for the crowd to continue clapping. Tanya's shameless flirting with Edward was beginning to make me feel like a fifth wheel. I excused myself to the ladies room, not that they would even notice me leave.

I was slowly wandering my way back to the karaoke bar, watching people bowl and playing arcade games. Everyone around me seemed so happy. I stopped at the bar and considered getting another drink. I wasn't even buzzed; one more mixed drink shouldn't make me do anything too crazy, right? I was the most sober of the five of us and given the way I was feeling, the most deserving of a little more alcohol. Rose scared me as she poked my shoulder from behind.

"What are you doing out here? I thought you were in the middle of a concert?" I teased.

She shot me a dirty look and said, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seem kinda out of it tonight."

"I didn't realize bringing Tanya would make me the outcast of the group," I replied.

"What were you thinking bringing her here?" she chuckled. "I mean, she's nice and all, but I figured you'd want to hog Edward all to yourself, especially after a month away from him."

I blushed and she continued, "You really didn't think Edward might want to get to know the hot blonde?"

Before I could find my voice a tear escaped my eye. I wiped it quickly but there was no hope of Rose missing it. I looked up at my friend and the shock on her face only made me feel worse.

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "You've got a _thing_ for Edward, don't you?"

"Shhhh! It's complicated. Please don't make me talk about it right now. I can't," I murmured.

"Fine, but we're talking about it later," she demanded. She smiled at me sympathetically and I shooed her back into the karaoke bar. Rose was expecting to get some fun gossip out of me later. I didn't think she realized what a sorry state I was in.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself to face whatever was happening at our table. Instead, Edward exited the double doors and walked in my direction. I plastered a smile on my face as he approached.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he repeated, looking at me briefly and then down at the empty glass in his hand.

"Everything okay?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I was just getting Tanya another drink," he replied. I nodded choosing not to comment that Tanya seemed to have had plenty to drink already. "Is everything okay with you?" he asked.

"Things have been kind of weird since I got back," I said softly. "Since… you know."

"It's not a big deal. We're both sorry, right?" he said quickly knowing exactly what I was referring to.

"Right," I said.

His expression was serious and guarded. He almost looked hurt. Was it his ego that had been wounded over winter break; was he still angry at himself for saying those things to me? And if so, was he angry because he didn't mean to say them or because he did? I still didn't know. I wanted to admit that I'd lied before. To say to his face that what we shared over Skype was special and it hadn't been a game to me. But I couldn't be the first to do it. Especially not there in the bowling alley while he held another woman's empty glass that needed freshening.

"Can we agree not to talk about it anymore? I need to get back inside," he said tersely.

"Sure. Tanya's waiting," I said sullenly. His mouth turned up into a brief grin and then he walked passed me to the snack stand. I hurried inside the karaoke bar where Rose was hopefully sitting at our table. I needed her to run interference between me and my new "friend".

It was later during Rose and Em's performance of "I Will Survive" that I started to feel like I _wouldn't_. Tanya scooted her chair closer to Edward and put her hand on his thigh. How many times had I dreamt about doing that and here she is touching him without hesitation on the day they meet. They began whispering back and forth to one another, but both being drunk, they were hardly quiet. I could hear every word.

"Edward, do you think you could walk me home tonight?" Tanya asked him. She leaned toward him, twirling her hair around one finger.

He looked a little surprised. "How far do you live?" he asked. I didn't like where this was going.

"In Magnolia." That was the name of one of the dorms near Edward's.

"That's right on my way. I live in Chestnut," Edward said and gave her a smile. My favorite smile.

She leaned in impossibly closer and tugged his earlobe down to mere inches away from her mouth. "Edward, if you walk me home… I'll give you a hummer," she said, right before she started kissing his neck.

I was almost certain she wasn't referring to the tank-like cars with the bad gas mileage. Edward smiled sheepishly and leaned closer to her saying something in her ear that actually was a whisper. She giggled in response to whatever he said and I had finally had enough. I got up from the table abruptly and Edward looked up at me in confusion.

I looked him directly in the eyes and impolitely said, "I'm going home now. You two have a good night," and walked back into the bowling alley.

Rose came out to find me a few minutes later and I told her I was ready to go whenever she was. I waited outside by Rose's car even though it was drizzling. I needed the fresh air. We drove Emmett home and then went back to our house. I assumed Edward did walk Tanya to her dorm room.

"Okay, Bella. We are getting some junk food and a good movie and you are going to tell me everything," Rose started the second we walked through the front door.

"Haven't you had a lot to drink, Rose? Maybe we should do this later?" I suggested.

"Ha, no way! I've known you for over five years, Isabella, and this is the first time you've ever had boy troubles worth discussing. You owe me some details."

I figured it wasn't worth trying to fight her. I pulled some cookies out of the cupboard and got us two glasses of skim milk. Rose was already curled up on the couch ready for me to start talking. I wondered where Alice might be. I knew she missed bowling in favor of her nightly call with Jasper but her car was missing when we'd gotten home. It was nearly eleven o'clock. I slunk down into the easy chair and bit into a cookie. Rose stared at me expectantly.

"You are right, I have a _thing_ for Edward. I have _always_ had a thing for Edward. The problem is he has never, ever had a _thing_ for me. He has been my best friend for years and I know I'm his best friend too. I can't do anything to risk that friendship because I'd be completely lost without him. I feel completely lost now. Because something stupid happened over winter break and Edward is treating me different. He's shutting me out and I don't know what to do. The whole reason I never told him how I feel is to avoid this exact scenario. I didn't even get my chance to declare my feelings for him and yet he's acting awkward and avoiding me as if I had done just that!"

I sucked in a deep breath and rested my head back on the couch. It felt liberating to finally tell Rosalie about my suffering. Emmett had been great and all, but I needed a female perspective.

"So what happened over winter break?" she asked, enthralled by my story like my life was a juicy soap opera.

I groaned and lifted my head off the back of the couch. "He came home drunk from a night out with Emmett and started chatting with me online." I blew out a deep breath and scowled at my roommate.

"If you tell anyone this, including Emmett, I will never forgive you." She nodded.

"He started flirting with me and even though I knew he was drunk I flirted back. He's done something similar once before and it was just so amazing to have him act like that with me again I couldn't stop myself. We kept it going until we were both saying really dirty things, I knew he was touching himself, and then… he orgasmed. He told me I was hot. And that he'd kiss me if I were there with him."

Rose's mouth hung open, just as I'd expected. She had no comment.

"So, what does that mean?" I asked, desperate for her to explain it to me. "The next morning he apologized for 'taking advantage of me' and I had to pretend I had been joking around with him to save my dignity. It obviously didn't mean anything to him. Ever since then he's been acting weird."

Rose finally composed herself and said, "I can't believe you, little Bella. I'm impressed." She winked at me. "So, now you don't know why things are weird between you two? Maybe he's still embarrassed?"

I nodded. "Yeah maybe. But like I said, we had another occurrence before that and he didn't act nearly as weird. He promised it wouldn't affect our friendship."

"This other time, did you talk about it afterwards like the day after your internet sex?" she asked grinning.

I thought back for a moment and answered, "The next morning he told me he was fine and that it wouldn't ruin our friendship. He was totally normal for months."

"The next morning? Bella, what happened during your first encounter?" she asked.

"It was better than the cyber sex, but don't think you're getting any more details, missy!" I snapped.

"Bella, something's going on between you two," she said confidently. "I had my suspicions before, but after hearing all of this, I am sure of it."

"Right, so I'm in love with him. Now you know. What do I do about it? I basically ruined my relationship with Jacob because I couldn't get over Edward. He has had plenty of opportunities to progress our friendship into something more and he hasn't. Now he's off with Tanya doing God knows what!"

Rose raised her eyebrow in confusion and I filled her in on the exchange I'd overheard right before we left the bowling alley. Thinking about Tanya's proposition again made me sick to my stomach.

"If you've felt this way all this time but kept it to yourself, how can you be certain Edward isn't hiding his own feelings for the same reasons?" she asked.

I shrugged and rubbed my hands over my face. I felt a migrane coming on. "I guess I don't have any idea what he's thinking," I admitted. "Sometimes Rose, I see this look in his eyes and I'm sure there's something there, and other times like tonight he treats me the same as he would you or Alice."

"Bella, I'm sure you've considered this before, but you need to tell him how you feel. You know he cares about you. You know he values you being in his life. If he's already slipped twice and blurred those lines between friendship and lover, what makes you think he'd react _so_ badly to your honest feelings that you'd lose him forever?"

I ate another cookie as I pondered Rose's logic. My reasons came down to fear and lack of self esteem, which is what I told her.

"Look at what Emmett did. He put himself on the line and it made such an impression on me I reconsidered our relationship. I never thought we'd get back together."

I smiled. "Emmett cares about you so much, Rose. You're a lucky girl."

She returned the smile and said, "Yeah, I know. But it took him sitting me down and spelling it out for me to finally get it. Maybe Edward needs the same slap in the face approach."

Just as I was about to asked her what she recommended I do, Alice burst through the front door. She had a small plastic bag in her hand and her phone tight against her ear. She glanced at us momentarily before dashing up the stairs and slamming her door. Rose and I looked at each other and shrugged.

"What was that about?" she asked me.

"I don't know, but I've never seen Alice so worked up."

"Maybe we should go up there to check on her?" Rose suggested.

We climbed the stairs quietly, listening to Alice yell into her phone. She was in the bathroom with the door shut. We stood in the upstairs hall and listened to her side of the conversation.

"Just hold on a second, Jazz! I don't know what I'm doing," she whined. "I don't know okay, like a week maybe? Well, I'm sorry I'm not marking it down on a calendar for future reference!"

I looked at Rose and she silently put up her hands to say she didn't know what was going on either.

"Don't you dare blame me for this, Jasper! I'm not the one who couldn't wait any longer."

We heard Alice urinate and we both took a step back. Our eavesdropping had just crossed a line. Then we heard Alice yell, "I don't know, it takes a few minutes. Just stop talking!"

I motioned with my hand for Rose to follow me into my bedroom so Alice wouldn't hear us. She looked white as a sheet and I knew Rose had put the pieces together the same time as me.

"Alice is pregnant?" we whispered in unison.

"What else could it be?" I whispered.

"And you thought you had problems," Rose replied.

I slapped her arm lightly and said, "Stop that. What are we supposed to do?"

I considered going back downstairs until Alice was off the phone but it felt wrong. I also really wanted to hear her read the test results to Jasper. Rose seemed to have the same idea as we crept back into the hall. I heard Alice ask Jasper how long it had been. My guess was about a minute. Rose and I continued to stare at the closed door.

What would Alice do if the test came out positive? Would she go home to Forks? Would Jasper have to leave Drexel? Edward was going to be furious with her. I briefly worried that Esme might be jealous; or would she be excited to finally have a baby around? What a mess. How long had it been now? I was going insane with all my questions. I realized I could hear Alice crying.

"It's time? Okay, here goes. One line is a no, two lines is a yes," Alice said in a shaky voice. "Jazz, there's two lines. I'm pregnant."


	18. Chapter 17: Confrontations

**A/N: I know some of you are getting frustrated with Bella and Edward. Remember, no one expects the characters in any good romantic movie to get together in the middle of it! When Harry Met Sally… at the end. Bridget Jones' Diary… at the end. Sweet Home Alabama… at the end. Now, I promise I'm not gonna pull a "Ross and Rachel" on you guys, where they don't get together until the last ten minutes (oh, that really pissed me off!). So I hope you enjoy the next few chapters when the sexual tension really starts building. I have the whole story written already and now I'm just reviewing each chapter before I post… so I promise there will be many chapters of them together, and I hope you enjoy reading how it happens.**

**On a totally different note… I happened to find "Little Ashes" at my library this weekend and um, yeah… my husband is going to tease me about it forever! Have you seen this? It was weird and artsy and the Dali hairdo and moustache were hard to get past. It was rated R so I thought, oh good, maybe there will be a hot sex scene or something… I was not expecting it to be the European Brokeback Mountain! I'll admit that Rob kissing a guy was kinda hot. And if you ever watch the Volterra scene in New Moon and wish Rob's pants would just slide down a few more inches then watch Little Ashes because this movie comes as close to a full frontal as you can get without actually being one. Did it make watching the movie worth it? Hell Yes... but just barely.**

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><p>Chapter 17: CONFRONTATIONS<p>

I retreated to my bedroom and Rosalie tiptoed in after me. Neither of us spoke; we were waiting for Alice to stop crying. I wanted to go in there and hug her so she knew everything was going to be alright. I couldn't take the stress as the minutes ticked by. Eventually, her sobbing ended and I heard her agreeing to something Jasper was saying.

"Okay. I will. I'll call them first thing tomorrow. I love you too. I know. I will. Bye."

Rose and I froze as the bathroom door slowly opened. Alice jumped when she saw us standing in my doorway.

"Oh, my gosh, girls. You scared me!" she shrieked.

She must have been able to tell by our expressions that her secret was out. "You overheard that?"

We both nodded. "I'm so sorry, Alice. If you don't want to talk about it we understand," I said.

"I'll kick my brother's ass for you if you want," Rose added. Gosh, I didn't realize how much more significant this news was for Rose. She and Edward were both related to this baby.

"No, please don't do anything like that. He feels bad enough already, being so far away. He wanted to book a flight for tomorrow but I told him not to. He has a big project due next week; he can't afford to spend the whole weekend here. There's nothing he can do at this point anyway."

"Do you need one of us to take you somewhere? A doctor or a… you know?" Rose asked.

"A doctor," Alice answered softly. "Definitely a doctor. I told Jazz I'd call for an appointment tomorrow," she sniffled. Tears had started forming in her eyes again.

"Okay, honey," Rose said, putting her arm around Alice's tiny shoulder. "You let me know when it is and I'll drive you."

"Is there anything we can do for you? How do you feel?" I asked.

"Um, I'm okay. Just really tired. Promise me you won't say anything to Edward or Emmett? I want to see the OBGYN first. Then I'll tell my brother," Alice murmured.

"Sure, of course," I said. "Sweetie, do you know when it happened? I mean, how late are you?"

Her tears spilled over before she could answer. "Th-that's the problem! My stupid birth control advertized how great it w-was, how it only gave you four periods a year! Well, now I have no idea when I missed it. I t-think it happened over Thanksgiving."

"Thanksgiving!" Rose exclaimed. I quickly did the math in my head.

"You might be eight or nine weeks then," I announced.

"That would explain why I've been so hungry and sleepy lately. I thought it was just stress."

"Don't worry, Al. We're going to help you. I promise," Rose told her.

"Thank you, girls," she sighed. "I'm gonna go lay down now I think." Alice hugged us both and then went into her bedroom and shut the door. Rose and I exchanged stunned glances. A lot had happened in the past few hours.

The following Wednesday the professor was late to class. To everyone else in the room it was a welcomed delay but for me it was pure Hell.

"Your friend Edward is so great," Tanya told me again. "I can't believe he doesn't already have a girlfriend. We had such a good time this weekend. He took me to a fancy restaurant and then for ride on the ferry. I'm not from Seattle and he couldn't believe I'd never been on a ferry!" she giggled.

I smiled back at her, feeling just the slightest bit comforted by the description of her date with Edward. I happened to know dinner and a ferry ride was the first date routine Edward used on just about every girl he's dated since we got to Seattle. Maybe Tanya would be a quick fling like all the others Edward had dated before Victoria. Once she was off his radar I could put forward my plan to confront him.

"And it's so nice that he doesn't have to share his dorm," she continued. "You're spoiled with that house you rent, Bella. I can't tell you how convenient it is to go back to a guy's room and _not_ have to deal with a roommate!"

Son of a bitch. So Edward's had Tanya in his room? I didn't like the level of enthusiasm Tanya was displaying on this subject. I wanted to punch her in those perfectly white, straight teeth of hers.

"He's such a good kisser, too. I mean…. whoa!" she said, fanning herself with her hand. "We're going out again tomorrow night. That reminds me, I need to make an appointment for my bikini waxing after class if this professor ever shows up. You wanna come? They do eyebrows."

That was it. I stood up and gathered my books. I couldn't sit there any longer. I lied and told Tanya I suddenly remembered there was something I needed to do right away. I left my paper with her and asked her to hand it in when the teacher asked for them. She nodded, looking a little dazed by my abrupt departure, but I didn't care. I raced out of the building and headed for the library. It was the only place where I felt like I could sit alone and not be bothered by anyone.

I got comfortable in the cozy chairs that lined the hall on the third floor. It was the research floor and hardly anyone came up here. The only person I saw was a guy with combat boots taking a nap in a chair a few rows down from me. I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. I decided to count in my head until I felt calm again. I reached one thousand seventy two before that happened.

Once I cooled down I thought about Alice. She'd had her doctor appointment on Monday and Rose and I both went with her. The doctor confirmed her suspicion about conceiving over Thanksgiving break. He placed her due date for August 18th. We were all amazed when the doctor did a sonogram and we saw the baby on the black and white computer screen. We even heard the heartbeat. Alice cried again, but she swore that time they were happy tears. She even took a picture of the monitor with her phone and sent it to Jasper.

Alice was working up the courage to tell Edward about the baby. She figured he'd be the practice run for telling Carlisle and Esme. She was planning on asking Edward to come over later in the week so she could give him the news in person. I wasn't sure that I wanted to be there since Edward and I weren't the best of friends these days but Alice insisted. I wasn't going to do anything that upset her right now so I agreed to make everyone dinner.

I sat in the library for close to an hour listening to the soothing silence and faint sounds of pages rustling around me. The plan I had devised over winter break to confront Edward looked to be on the backburner now that Tanya was dating him. Let's face it, there was a good chance I wouldn't have mustered up the courage to tell him about my feelings anyway. But I did need to repair our friendship. I couldn't stand his standoffish behavior much longer. By the time I got up to leave I still didn't know what to do about Edward.

By Friday Alice was a complete mess. She was so afraid of Edward's reaction to her pregnancy she tried to cancel our dinner plans at least three times. Rose and I were the only ones who knew so far, besides Jasper of course. Edward and Emmett were coming over that night around six o'clock. I was already elbow deep in my meatloaf when Alice came into the kitchen begging me to postpone the dinner.

"I just need more time to figure out how to say it," she began.

"Alice Cullen, you'll never be able to think of an easy way to tell Edward you got knocked up your first semester of college. You just have to spit it out, and you have to do it tonight. You already have Rose and me on your side. Don't worry."

She huffed and dropped into one of the chairs behind me.

"What about Tanya? I don't want her judging me. She's going to think I'm a whore," she whined.

"Alice, no one could ever think that of you," I responded. "What does Tanya have to do with tonight anyway?"

"Edward asked me if he could bring her because he doesn't know I'm planning an announcement. I couldn't tell him no, she's his girlfriend now."

I cringed at the word. They had only met a week ago and already they were official? "Oh. Right. Well, I'm glad I made enough food. How are you feeling? You need a snack before dinner?" I asked, trying to keep my mind off the new unwelcome dinner guest.

Alice shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm too nauseous to eat right now."

"Maybe you should go lie down until everyone gets here. Watch TV and try to relax," I suggested.

Alice agreed and I got her to lay on the couch with a blanket. I turned on Project Runway for her and went back to my food preparations.

Rose and Emmett came in a little before six and helped me set the table. Sure enough Edward arrived with Tanya just as I was taking the food out of the oven. Everyone came to the table and we began dinner like any other night. Alice wanted to wait until after dinner was over to drop her bomb. No one seemed to suspect anything strange despite the way Alice was bouncing her legs nervously under the table. When I got up to start clearing dishes she really started to look distressed.

"Are you okay, Alice?" Edward asked her. I quickly set a few plates into the sink and rejoined my friends at the table. I took Alice's hand that was gripping the side of her chair and squeezed it tightly.

"I'm a little nervous. I have something to tell you," she hedged.

Edward sat up straight and looked at me. What did I have to do with this? His expression became confused as he turned his attention back to his sister.

"What is it, Alice?" he asked gently.

Rose leaned in close to her and whispered, "You can do it. It's just Edward. We'll defend you."

Edward raised his eyebrows waiting for Alice to speak.

"Please don't be angry with me, Edward. What I have to say is, about a week ago Jasper and I found out that, um… we're having a baby."

Emmett's eyes bugged out of his head and Tanya looked extremely embarrassed. I could see anger in Edward's face but he was trying very hard to control himself.

"You're serious?" he asked.

"I don't need you to pass judgment on me or tell me how I've screwed up my life. We weren't careful enough and we made a mistake. I'm accepting the consequences of my choices the best I can. I don't need you to punish me. I feel punished every time I throw up my breakfast. Jasper and I have talked a lot about what to do and we have a plan. I'm not quitting school and neither is he. So all I'm asking is for you to still love me."

I had to hand it to Alice. She knew how her brother's brain worked even better than I did. Everyone was speechless as we eyed Edward. After a few moments he got up from his seat and came around the table to Alice. She had stood the same time he did and looked like she was about to cry. Edward wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and hugged her tightly.

"Don't ever think I wouldn't love you, Alice," he said softly. They slowly released each other and Alice wiped a tear from her cheek. "You're keeping it, right?" he asked, suddenly alarmed.

"Yes, of course," she sniffled.

"Are you okay? Have you seen a doctor yet? What does Jasper think?" he rushed his words.

"I'm okay. I went to the doctor Monday." She reached into her back pocket and pulled out one of her ultrasound pictures. "Here he is," she whispered handing Edward the photo.

He still looked stunned and angry as he took the photo from her hands and held it out to view. He looked at the little peanut shaped image for over a minute before finally speaking in a lighter tone than before.

"You think it's a he?"

She smiled in relief. "Yes, that's what Jasper thinks anyway. I'm nine weeks. He's due August 18th."

Edward sighed. "What are you going to do about school?"

"I'll have the baby over summer break and either stay in Forks for a semester or stay in Seattle with Jasper. He thinks he can do a semester online at Drexel so we can get an apartment together here. Then he'll transfer to UW. I'll start back next spring so I won't be too far behind. Bella says the campus daycare program is really good."

Edward turned to look at me again. I smiled at him and nodded my head. "Baby Hale will get special treatment as long as I work there," I assured him.

"Are you and Jasper getting married?" he asked.

"Yes, we'd already talked about it before this happened. We're going to wait a while though," she replied.

"So what can I do, Alice? I want to help you," Edward said.

She chuckled. "Help me tell mom and dad?"

Edward's expression looked worried again. "How do you think mom will handle it?"

"I want to wait until I'm past twelve weeks, Edward. I'll tell her after that."

I remembered Edward told me the baby Esme lost last year was about eleven weeks. She probably had one of these sonogram pictures like Edward was still holding in his hand. How awful it must have been for her to lose that baby.

Edward hugged Alice again and the tension in the room started to subside. Tanya politely asked Alice how her symptoms have been affecting her. Alice was more than happy to talk about it with her. I finished clearing the table and Edward helped me wash the dishes. He'd barely spoken to me all evening, even before Alice's big news. I decided to attempt a civil conversation with him.

"Thank you for being so accepting with this. You don't know how much she worried about telling you," I said softly.

"She's my sister. She should know she can tell me anything," he said sounding somewhat offended.

"So, you and Tanya are an item now, huh?"

"Yes, she's really great. Thank you for introducing us," he said graciously.

I laughed at the absurdity of that statement. He couldn't have thought it had been my intention to find him a suitable female companion, could he? "Well, I'm glad to see you happy again," I replied.

He nodded and took another plate from the drying rack. I looked over my shoulder to see Alice and Rose discussing things the baby will need. Tanya was staring at me when I made eye contact with her and she didn't avert her eyes. It was almost like she wanted me to know she was watching me. I turned back to the sink and didn't say another word until the dishes were all washed. We hung out in the living room for a while and when Emmett said he needed to get home Edward and Tanya stood up to leave with him.

Emmett hugged Alice goodbye and patted her head. He gave Rosalie a kiss goodbye and then came over to hug me. Whispering in my ear, he asked me if I was okay. I assumed he was referring to Tanya and I subtly nodded that I was fine. It was far from the truth but I wasn't in the mood to dwell on my problems that night. I was still relieved by the ease at which Alice's secret had been revealed to the guys and I wanted to enjoy it.

After they left Alice let out a huge sigh of relief.

"See, I told you he wouldn't freak out," Rose said.

"I'm so happy right now. I feel like this might actually turn out okay," Alice replied.

"Of course it will," I added. I picked up her ultrasound picture from the kitchen table and walked over to the refrigerator. "No reason we can't hang baby's first picture now."

Alice and Rose came over to where I stuck the sonogram photo to the refrigerator door and we all admired it.

It was about a week and a half later when I next spoke to Edward. According to Emmett he'd been going out with Tanya every night. I sat next to him in class twice a week but our conversations were limited to the course material and Alice. He hadn't offered to host a study session since the semester began. It was now the third week of February and I'd had just about enough of this silent treatment. I missed him and the way things used to be. When the professor dismissed the class I decided it was time to confront him.

We walked out together, both headed in the direction of the dorms. I had to be at the daycare in about an hour.

"Can we talk for a few minutes?" I asked hesitantly as we walked.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not exactly. I seem to have lost something rather important to me," I hinted.

He looked puzzled. "What did you lose?"

"My best friend." I stopped walking.

"What do you mean?" His voice sounded a little irritated.

"I mean what is going on with you, Edward?" I demanded. He looked me in the eye but didn't respond to my question. "Why are you shutting me out? Ever since I got back from Florida you've been acting weird around me. We're not as close as we used to be and I hate it," I said.

I silently celebrated my mini victory for having had the nerve to confront him about his behavior. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. He really didn't want to be having this conversation.

When he didn't speak I added, "And don't tell me it's because you've been busy with Tanya. I know that's not what's different. This is because of Skype."

A harsh expression claimed his face. "I thought we were going to forget about that."

"I thought you were always honest with people about your feelings," I reminded him.

"What makes you think there were _feelings_ involved?" he asked curtly.

I paused for a moment because what he said hurt. I thought about Emmett and Alice and how brave they have both been facing unpleasant situations. Surely I had as much courage as they. If I didn't address my problems with Edward then I might really lose what was special between us. I had to try everything I could to save it so I pressed on.

"You told me it meant nothing to you but I don't believe that anymore. Why did you sign on to talk to me in the first place?" I asked.

"You're the one who readily agreed it meant nothing to you either," he reminded me.

"Then what's going on with us? Why is it so hard for you to get past this?"

He thought for a minute staring at the ground; my question lingering in the air. Finally he looked at me.

"Maybe I did mean what I said. But if you didn't feel the same why didn't you just sign off?" he countered.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was that an admission or a hypothetical? And he hadn't answered my question. The next words spilled out of my mouth like a fountain.

"You've initiated some form of sex with me twice now. And I responded gladly each time. Why does that keep happening with us?"

He looked stunned by my brazen question. He suddenly became very interested in the ground again and was staring at it when he said, "I don't know."

I almost didn't hear him he spoke so softly. "I wasn't using you... I meant every word. But you said it was all a joke to you."

I sighed. "I only said that because your apology the next morning made me think you regretted… what we did."

"You were just embarrassed," he said to himself, like he finally understood the truth.

My heart thundered in my chest. I felt my palms start to sweat. "So when you said you wished you could kiss me…" I didn't have the strength to finish the sentence. I thought I might pass out.

"Yes, that was the truth," he sighed. "I often think about how good it felt to kiss you that night in your room. But I know it's wrong; I don't know why I get those thoughts."

Huh? Didn't it mean he liked me? Wanted me in a sexual way at least? How could he be so confused? That was my role in our relationship. I never had a chance to respond. He quickly filled my silence with words that cut me like a knife.

"I don't know what it means that I think those things about you sometimes. All I know is that you're my best friend and I need you. Being with Tanya is so easy. It's not complicated. Not like this."

He looked at me again and said, "You're right that I've been distant and I am sorry. I have so much going on with Alice and my mother, I- I need everything else to be simple. I need you to be my best friend."

I stared at him in disbelief. Could he really be doing this to me? In a roundabout way he just admitted he felt something for me, but he wants to ignore it and just keep things the way they are? So he's choosing Tanya because she's the less complicated option?

"I'm still your best friend, Edward, always. I can't say I haven't ever thought about being more… but I understand that it's not the right time," I whispered.

I did understand what he was saying. I needed his friendship too. That's what got me into this twisted mess. If nothing else we'd acknowledged there was something brewing between us. That had to mean something. If I didn't agree to his request we would only grow further apart. He'd probably lean on Tanya for support instead of me when Alice told their parents about the baby. He'd ask Tanya to spend the holidays with the family, spend the summer with them too, and before I knew it he wouldn't need me anymore. He'd ask her to marry him, they'd move to NYU for his post grad, and they'd be married with a dozen babies before I knew what happened. I couldn't deal with that. I had to protect my place in his life, regardless if there were plutonic boundaries to obey. I _had_ to matter to him.

"As long as we still get to have the relationship we've always had then I can accept that," I said sourly.

"You're really okay with that?" he asked, appearing as though he was afraid of my response.

I slowly nodded my head, staring deep into his eyes. I felt as though I could see the potential for our relationship slipping away. I was heartbroken. I didn't want him to see it in my expression so I closed the distance between us and hugged him close. He hugged me back tightly. So much was being said without words in that one embrace. We were expressing how much we needed each other. It felt like our bodies were connected for hours.

"Thank you, Bells," he whispered. I felt his lips brush against my hair. Then he pulled away.

I continued my walk to work in a daze. I was truly stunned by what Edward had asked of me. I hadn't really been expecting him to come clean like that so in a way I felt relieved. I'd addressed my feelings regarding the online chat and the misunderstandings the following morning. It was something that had been bothering me for a long time so I was glad we talked about it, however briefly. I could understand why Edward was so conflicted. But what did he mean about his feelings for me being _wrong_? It seemed any further discussion would have to wait until Alice told their parents about the baby and Tanya's infatuation wore off. I opened the door to the rec center pushing all my conflicting emotions to the back of my mind. I made the decision to focus on my classes, work, friends, and family until Edward chose to deal with his issues. I made the effort to bridge the gap between us and I wasn't going to cling to his every word anymore. I had a life to live.


	19. Chapter 18: Charity Car Wash

**A/N: Poor Edward, he is not a manwhore! He has slept with 4 women: an unnamed girl their first semester of college, Victoria, Bella, and now Tanya. I know I'm getting old, but when did "dating" become synonymous with "fucking"? Don't people still use "hooking up" to mean sex? Edward has dated a lot of girls, he doesn't sleep with them all! We can't assume every date on the ferry boat ended in sex. He may be confused about his feelings for Bella and trying desperately to ignore them but it doesn't mean he's a bad person… he's just a man! **

**Ok, rant over. Enjoy the chapter. Please review!**

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><p>Chapter 18: CHARITY CAR WASH<p>

Sigma Phi Epsilon was hosting their 17th Annual car wash in mid March. Rose elicited my help in setting up for the fundraiser. We woke up early that Saturday morning and dragged our sleepy butts over to the parking lot near the house to meet the guys. When we arrived Emmett and Riley were already there. They helped us set up the large poster board signs Rose made. I laid out the snacks and drinks I'd brought for the guys on a little folding table.

A few more brothers arrived, all dressed in jeans and white t-shirts with their Greek symbols on the back. Every one of them had cut the sleeves off their tees to expose impressive biceps.

Not quite able to take my eyes off the guys I leaned closer to Rose and whispered, "Now I see why you volunteered for this particular fundraiser."

She snorted and replied, "Hell yeah."

A particularly strapping young man with curly brown hair approached us a moment later and asked me where I wanted his stereo. I told him Riley's jeep had an outlet where he could plug it in. He exclaimed, "Excellent!" and stalked off towards the vehicle.

"That's Max," Rose explained.

"Oh, Emmett's roommate. Interesting."

"He's got a girlfriend," she warned.

I rolled my eyes at her. "I was just enjoying the view, Rose." She laughed and patted my arm.

I had been feeling slightly better in the past few weeks. You might think admitting my feelings to the man I loved and being rejected would make me more depressed, but I wouldn't allow myself to think about my conversation with Edward in that way. I was proud of myself for calling Edward out on his behavior ever since winter break. He admitted he was confused about his feelings for me, so at least that meant he _had_ feelings. And things between us had gotten significantly better after we talked. I knew Edward was concerned for his sister. Even though Alice had all of us supporting it wasn't easy for her being pregnant at eighteen with her boyfriend on the other side of the country. Every time Alice needed crackers, or Tums, or ice cream late at night Edward would bring it to her. He was also worried about how Esme would react to the news. He and Alice were both afraid that this baby would be a painful reminder of the child she lost. Esme had made so much progress in the last year, practically back to her old self, and moving on from her grief. I understood Edward was dealing with a lot and I hoped he knew that I was there for him.

I wasn't thrilled he was still dating Tanya. I thought that would have fizzled out by now. I wanted badly to make Edward face those feelings he admitted he had for me, but with Tanya in the picture I knew he would continue to avoid them. I was happier because at least our friendship was slowly being repaired. I could choose to give him more time to deal with his family's issues and his own if that's what he needed… but I was aware that Edward hadn't actually asked me to wait for him, and so I had no intentions of doing so. I didn't know what my plan was exactly, other than that day it was to enjoy watching some very attractive fraternity brothers wash cars.

Rose and I sat in lawn chairs by the food and stereo and handled the money while the guys did the washing and drying of the cars. It was turning out to be more fun than I had expected. About an hour after the car wash officially began Edward pulled up next to Riley's jeep. Tanya was with him and they both came over to us to say hello. Edward was dressed in the same attire as his brothers and I tried very hard not to stare.

"We were wondering when you two were going to show up," Rose greeted them.

"Sorry we're late. I couldn't decide what to wear," Tanya explained, pulling up a chair to sit next to me.

"Where's my sister?" Edward asked.

"She was still sound asleep when we left," I answered. Alice did a lot of sleeping these days. She was just about done her first trimester, which meant she would need to make that trip home to Forks soon to finally tell Carlisle and Esme about the baby.

Riley called out Edward's name and just as he turned toward the sound, Emmett launched a soapy wet sponge at Edward. He caught it against his chest soaking through his white shirt. Water drops landed on Rosalie and she shrieked, "Emmett, you ass! You got me all wet!"

The guys all laughed at her statement which only made her angrier.

"Sorry, Rosie," Emmett called out over the laughter and he flashed his great smile. She huffed in response but smiled back at him.

Edward hustled over to his brothers and began soaping up a big SUV that had just pulled into the lot.

Tanya sighed and said, "Those boys just never grow up do they?"

Rose groaned, wiping water off her arms and face. "No, they do not. They are all very lucky they're pretty."

Tanya chuckled and said, "Yeah, well I certainly see why you wanted to get here early. Front row seats for gawking."

"We're not gawking, we're admiring," I protested.

Tanya laughed. "Whatever you say ladies. I can't blame you."

The three of us sat and chatted for a while. There was a steady stream of cars the first few hours which kept everyone busy. The more time went by the more the guys began goofing around and it wasn't long before all their shirts were as wet as Edward's. I tried really hard not to be aroused by the view but it was extremely difficult. Eight attractive fraternity brothers working together in wet t-shirts soaping up vehicles, bending over to reach the tires. Oh boy. An old song came on the radio that provided perfect background music for my fantasies. I reclined a little in my chair and dipped my sunglasses down the bridge of my nose.

_Boom boom boom boom. I want you in my room. Let's spend the night together. From now until forever. Boom boom boom boom. I wanna double boom. Let's spend the night together. Together in my room._

Rosalie caught my feet tapping and began singing along, dancing in her chair. Tanya followed her lead and rocked back and forth with the beat. I shook my head smiling, refusing to embarrass myself. Rose wouldn't let me off that easy and came to stand in front of me with her hand outstretched. She wiggled her hips and sang even louder, purposely trying to make a scene. I reluctantly took her hand. Our dancing caught the attention of the guys who hooted and hollered their appreciation. I felt Edward's eyes on me and dared to glance over at him. I was correct that he was staring at me and I felt my face blush. I know it was me he was looking at because when I smiled nervously at him he returned my smile immediately.

When the song finally ended we received a round of applause from the guys. I sunk back to my chair as fast as I could. Emmett walked over to Rose with a big grin on his face and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her passionately.

"Mmm, baby. You make me wanna call it a day and take you home right now. You are so damn sexy," he said.

Tanya and I averted our eyes and snickered. Rose followed Emmett back to the line of cars leaving Tanya and me alone. I wasn't comfortable around her and usually avoided this kind of situation. For the sake of my friendship with Edward I knew I had to be sociable.

"So are you seeing anyone right now, Bella?" she asked conversationally.

"Um, no. Not right now."

"I thought I noticed someone staring at you earlier," she said nodding toward the guys.

I blushed and fumbled for the right words. The only person I'd had a stare down with today was Edward. Had he told her anything about our conversation? I couldn't believe that he had.

"I think Riley might have a little crush on you," she clarified sensing my agitation.

"Oh," I gave a nervous laugh. "What makes you say that?"

"He's come over here four times for something to drink, Bella. How thirsty do you think he is?" she asked giggling. "And he's tried to talk to you every time."

"Huh. I guess I'm not good at reading the signals."

"Well I am, so trust me. He's into you. You should get Emmett to fix you up," she suggested.

"I just don't think he's my type. Every time he finishes one of those sodas he crushes the can on his forehead."

"That's a shame because he's really cute," she replied.

"Yeah, he's very good looking," I agreed.

"Not as attractive as Edward, of course," she said smiling.

"That's for sure," I blurted without thinking. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I didn't know what to say.

"You said you've known Edward since high school, right?" she asked.

I nodded. "That's right."

"You must tell me, did he have a lot of girlfriends in high school?" she asked curiously.

"No one serious; he dated a lot though. All the girls had crushes on Edward."

"Including you?"

I blushed furiously. Why was she asking me this? Did it really matter? She's been dating Edward for a month now. It was pretty obvious who his choice was.

"I'm sorry to pry, Bella, it's just that… I like Edward a lot and I'm a little worried. The way you two talk about each other and…" She looked down at her hands as if this was hard for her to say. "I've noticed that you look at him the same way that I do."

"Oh. Well, Tanya, you don't have anything to worry about there. Edward and I are just friends," I assured her.

"So you two have never… kissed or anything?" she asked doubtfully.

I knew I was a terrible liar. I paused just a moment debating how to respond. "Maybe you should be talking to Edward about this," I said. It clearly wasn't the answer she was hoping for.

"Okay, so that is a yes," she replied with a slight edge to her voice. "So you two have kissed. Is there anything else I should know about, Bella?"

I stood up and nervously shoved my hands in my jeans pockets. "I should really go get the guys some lunch," I said. "These brownies aren't going to hold them over much longer."

I knew she would read my actions as fleeing her questions but I couldn't think of anything else to do. I jogged over to Rose and asked her to take me to the sandwich shop around the corner to get some hoagies for everyone. She told me Alice was bringing lunch and should be there any minute. I was desperate to get out of there, and as I stared at the parking lot entrance wishing Alice to appear, someone tapped me on the back. I swung around to find Edward standing behind me. He was smiling and, damn him, his shirt was even wetter than before. The fabric clung to his skin leaving me weak in the knees.

"You and Tanya getting along?" he asked hopeful. I knew he wanted us to be friends. He looked over at her, still sitting by the snack table, and waved.

"Yeah, Edward. Um, did you tell Tanya about… you know, what happened after Alice's party?" I whispered.

"No, Bella. I promised you no one would find out. Why would you ask that?" He had taken my arm and pulled me a little further away from the others. I looked back at Tanya and her expression was not exactly pleased.

"Because, Edward, she knows," I replied angrily.

"Bella, how would she possibly know that?"

"She was fishing for information about 'us.' She put me on the spot and when I refused to answer her questions I basically confirmed her suspicions. You need to talk to her."

He groaned and I sighed in relief. Alice had arrived.

"I'm sorry if I caused any problems with you two. I didn't mean to, I swear." I looked over at Alice pulling bags of food from her passenger seat. "I've got to get out of here. I'm gonna have Alice drive me home."

He looked confused and didn't say anything more, so I turned away from him and ran over to Alice.

"Hey Bella!" she sang.

"Hey, Alice. Thank you so much for bringing lunch!"

"Oh, sure. I'm sorry I missed the fun this morning. Rose said you've had a lot of people come through."

"Yes, it's been a good turnout," I replied. "Al, I know you want to stay a while but can you do me a huge favor and drive me back to campus first? I need to do some stuff."

She gave me a funny look but agreed. I had her drop me off on campus, a good fifteen minute walk to the house. I wanted to give myself a chance to gather my thoughts and I figured a walk might help clear my head. Alice looked concerned as I stepped out of her car.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine," I assured her.

"You know you can talk to me if something is wrong. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't handle hearing about your problems. If you need someone to talk to I'm here," she reminded me.

Everyone had been walking on eggshells around Alice lately. We didn't want to cause her any additional stress. Even without her current situation, I doubted she would want to help me sort out my unfortunate and intense desire to bed her brother again.

I thanked her for the ride and shut the door. I started walking in the direction of our house but after a few minutes decided I was enjoying the walk and wanted to prolong it, so I took the long way around the student center and science building. Along the way I thought about Tanya's probing questions. Was I really that transparent to her? She said she noticed something in the way Edward and I interacted with one another. How had she figured it out in a little over a month's time? It took Rose and Emmett years to figure out my feelings for him. Little Alice was still clueless. And honestly, so was Edward himself. Maybe Tanya could sense my feelings for her boyfriend because she felt the same way for him? Perhaps only another girl who was as infatuated with Edward as I was could notice the signs.

I was pondering this theory as I passed the entrance to the science building. I was looking ahead of me when I heard someone call my name. I glanced over my shoulder to find Jacob coming out the double doors of the building and waving to me. I wasn't really thrilled to see him just because I was in the middle of a spectacular sulk-fest and wasn't nearly done. He closed the distance between us and greeted me with a classic Jake smile, ear to ear. I put on my best happy face.

"Hey, Jake!"

"What are you doing on campus on a Saturday? You working?"

"No, I was actually walking back from the Sigma Phi car wash. What about you?"

"Oh, I had to work on a project with my lab partner," he explained. "Can I walk with you?"

I chuckled at his enthusiasm. "Jake, you live over there. You'd be going completely out of your way."

"I know," he shrugged. "It's just nice to see you."

He took a step forward and motioned for me to follow. I smiled at him and complied with his request. It was hard saying no to Jacob.

"I have to warn you, I'm not in a very good mood."

"Why? What happened?" he asked sounding concerned.

I shouldn't have said anything because I certainly didn't want to burden Jacob with my Edward problems, but Jake was so easy to talk to I found myself actually wanting to open up a little. That had been one of the best parts of my short, confusing relationship with him; his loving, open, pure soul.

"I'm just having a bad day. That's why I left the car wash early," I said.

"No one offered to drive you home?"

"Alice drove me part of the way. I asked her to let me walk so I could think."

"Sounds bad," he replied. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

I smiled at him. "No. Thanks. This is good, just walking with you."

I changed the subject by asking about his sister. He told me how she was finishing up her final semester of college and planning to move home to help take care of their father. Jake hadn't told me much about his life on the reservation so I asked about his friends and family, anything to keep him talking so that I didn't have to. He filled me in on what Quil and Embry were doing this semester, and told me a little about his father joining the tribal council. I had a lot of questions about that and it kept Jake chatting all the way to my doorstep.

"Thanks for walking me home, Jake," I said sincerely.

"Sure, sure. See you in class."

He turned to leave and I stuck my key into the lock.

"Hey, Bella?"

I turned around. "Yeah?"

"Do you wanna do something with me tonight? We could get dinner and then go see a movie?"

I hesitated for a moment. Hadn't I put this poor guy through enough?

"Just as friends," he amended. "I was just thinking if we went out and had fun tonight maybe we could salvage the crappy day you're having."

I grinned at him and nodded. "Okay, I could use some fun." That was the understatement of the year.

"I thought so. Pick you up around 7?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Jake."

He said, "See you tonight," and walked down the driveway headed back the direction we had come.

I let myself into the house and was thankful it was empty. I assumed my roommates would be at the car wash for at least another hour. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went upstairs to my room. I tossed my clothes into the hamper and walked across the hall to the bathroom. I hadn't showered that morning since we left so early and the hot water felt good on my neck and shoulders. I made sure to shave my legs and all the other important places. Smooth legs were not my top concern after Edward started seeing Tanya. I washed my hair with my favorite strawberry scented shampoo. With nothing better to do and the house to myself I took extra time in the bathroom, painting my toenails a deep pink and plucking my eyebrows. After experimenting with Alice's makeup I shoved it all back in the medicine cabinet and flopped down on my bed, one towel around my body and another on my head.

I don't know how long I lay there thinking about Edward and Tanya, and Alice, and Jake. At some point I looked over at the clock and it was after three so I must have fallen asleep. My hair was still damp having been wrapped in the towel so I shook it out and ran my comb through it until the tangles were gone. Finding something to wear on my non-date with Jake proved to be difficult. Browsing through the Alice-approved side of my closet, I picked out a teal v-neck sweater that looked modest enough and would look good with jeans. I didn't remember buying it and wondered how it even came to be in my closet. I pulled the sweater on over a plain white bra and draped a couple long silver necklaces around my neck. I squeezed into my dark blue jeans and chose black shoes with a slight heel, taking Jake's height into consideration.

I grabbed my assigned reading for English 2 and got comfortable on the couch. Before I knew it the clock read 6:45 so I hopped up and did a final check of my appearance in the bathroom mirror. I had no idea where Rose and Alice were. I thought for sure they would have come home by now. I sent them both a text to find out where they were and let them know I wasn't going to be home when they got back. My social calendar was so bare that if they came home to find me gone they'd probably assume I'd been abducted by aliens. Even to me that seemed more likely an explanation than my being out on a date. I mean a non-date. I received a text from Alice a few minutes later telling me they went back to Sigma Phi to hang out with the guys. I thought about asking her if Edward and Tanya were there too but couldn't think of a legitimate reason for my curiosity so I didn't respond.

Jake was right on time and we left in his car to a restaurant he picked in downtown Seattle. He had the windows down halfway despite the rain that had started to drizzle. I noticed the rain had started mixing with the asphalt giving off that tar smell. Jake was making small talk about the old car he was hoping to finish restoring over summer break. I had a mental image of Jake shirtless in his garage back home, leaning against that car, wiping the grease from his hands. I breathed deep as the smell of the asphalt combined with Jake's familiar cologne inside the car making my fantasy that much more appealing. I had to quickly think about something else to chase away the vision. I chided myself, thankful Jacob was still going on about engine parts.

I was more comfortable during dinner because Jacob was talkative and cheerful the whole night. He appeared to be more relaxed during our dinner conversation than even while we were dating. He wanted to hear about how my friends and family were doing. I told him all about Alice and the baby. Jake had never met Alice but I'd talked about her often enough that he knew how important she was to me. Our discussion on Alice inevitably led to Edward.

For the first time that evening Jake looked nervous as he asked me if anything had transpired between me and Edward in the last six months. I felt comfortable and excited about the newfound ability for Jake and me to be friends that semester so I wanted to be upfront and honest with him. I worried that my honesty would be hard for him to handle but I was determined not to hide my real feelings from him anymore. So, I admitted that I had slept with Edward. Jake's face twisted in mild disgust as I briefly recapped the events of Alice's party and how I wound up with Edward in my bed. He was angry and accused Edward of using me for his own pleasure, but I assured him that wasn't the case. Although it had been Edward's idea to have sex that night it was me who mentioned I was ready to have sex in the first place. I remembered how disturbed Edward had looked when I told him I'd been hoping Jake would be the one.

"I don't understand then, Bella. You two didn't get together after that?" he questioned.

I shook my head. "We agreed it was something we'd share as friends. I think he might have some kind of feelings for me though. We sort of discussed it not too long ago but he had just met someone else. And he's choosing to be with her right now."

Jake actually looked sympathetic for the first time since Edward's name came up. "I'm sorry, Bella." He reached out and covered my hand in his. "Have you dated anyone else?"

I smirked and said, "No. You?"

He shrugged. "I've asked a few girls out but nothing serious. Enough about dating, I'm supposed to be cheering you up tonight," he reminded me.

Jacob paid the bill refusing to let me contribute at all and then we walked to the movie theater. Rain was falling in a light sprinkle so we huddled closely under Jake's small umbrella. I could still smell his light cologne as we walked and heat was radiating from his body. I recalled from our time together how Jake always seemed to be warm. We chose a suspense movie, one of those that always leads you to believe something is going to happen and then surprises you at the end. Jake's arm brushed mine on a few occasions as we both attempted to claim the armrest that separated us. He snickered each time he successfully elbowed my arm out of his way.

We reviewed the movie all the way back to Jake's car. He claimed to have known what the surprise twist was from the very beginning and I told him he was full of shit. He laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to shield me from the rain that was now falling steadily around us. His umbrella was doing little to keep us dry the way the wind was gusting the rain at an angle. I had to maintain a light jog to keep up with Jake's wide strides as we approached the parking garage near the restaurant. Once we were safely inside the garage Jake let go of my shoulder and shook out the umbrella. He looked at me intensely as he held the passenger door open, like there was something he wanted to get off his chest.

The ride home was filled with more lighthearted discussion. He talked sports and current events. He even asked what books I was reading for my literature courses. As his car was approaching my house I was silently convincing myself that Jake and I could be friends. We may have missed our chance at being a couple but that didn't mean other parts of our relationship didn't work. I really enjoyed being with Jake and I was surprised at how easy it had been to spend time with him again. He had been the one to end our relationship when it became too hard to ignore our problems, but was also the one who had decided to sit next to me in our class and invited me out tonight. I would feel so much better about everything I did that caused him pain if in the end we became good friends.

I noticed Alice's and Rose's cars were both parked out front of our house as Jake pulled up. He had to park on the street since both parking spaces were taken. He shifted the car into park and turned the engine off.

"I had fun tonight, Bella."

"I owe you, Jake. You really did make me feel better."

"I'd do anything for you... I've missed hanging out with you," he replied.

"So have I." I wanted to say something about how I thought we could be good friends now that our attempt at being a couple was behind us, but before I could gather my thoughts Jake spoke again.

"I never stopped wanting you, all this time we've been apart. I thought I was doing the right thing by breaking it off when we got back to school but the truth is that being away from you has just made me miserable for a long time."

"Jake," I said, trying to stop him there.

"No, let me get this out. I still want you, Bella. I know nothing's changed for you, but things haven't changed for me either. I still care about you and I want a chance to make you happy. Even if it doesn't work out between us I'll know I gave it my best shot."

"I care about you a lot too, Jacob. That's why I can't do anything that would hurt you."

"I'm already hurting, Bella. Running into you at the football game was so fucking painful. I hated that we stopped talking to each other. I've been hurting since the semester began. Sitting next to you in class, but not being able to reach over and take your hand." Jake's arm crossed the center console and his fingers intertwined with mine. "And now this… we're here together, but so far apart. The worst part is I know you feel something for me. I can tell how I make you feel."

"How do you make me feel?" I challenged him in a whisper.

"I make you nervous," he grinned, his dark eyes smoldering at me.

I grumbled, trying to hide my blush. The man had a point. I did get nervous when he looked at me that way.

"Jake, you're right that I still have feelings for you. But how could you want to be with me knowing that I'm in love with someone else?" I asked.

Jake leaned his body closer to me and his forehead touched my temple. "Because this time you won't be hiding yourself from me. No more secrets. Cullen's off the market right now and I'm going to prove to you I'm better for you than he is. I know what I'm up against. And you… you've got nothing to lose in accepting my offer. You deserve happiness too, Bella. Let me have a real shot at making you happy."

I took a deep breath as my mind tried to process everything Jacob had said. It was a lot of information in a short period of time, and his hot breath on my neck was not helping me think clearly. I wanted very badly to touch him. He was crazy for wanting to try a relationship with me knowing how I felt about Edward. He had to be! Slowly, my brain began to recognize the irony of this situation. Jacob's plea was not that much unlike the one I'd conjured up in my mind to use on Edward. How many times had I had this same conversation with Edward in my head? Jacob's asking me to give him a chance even though I'd warned him my feelings for him were something less than love. Wasn't I still wishing Edward would give me the same chance in hopes of us becoming something more than close friends?

If I turned Jacob down it would be like destroying the hope I'd been clinging to for years. How could I ever expect Edward to take that chance with me if in the same position I wasn't willing to do the same? I wanted to be happy and I thought if anyone had the ability to help me with that it would be Jake. So I promised myself I'd try. I'd give Jacob the answer I had hoped to hear myself. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of Jacob breathing. I was desperately afraid of hurting him again. But at the same time was getting excited at the thought of telling him yes. I had nothing to lose, and like Jacob said, he knew what he was getting himself into. If, sadly, I found I could never love Jacob the way he loved me at least I would know I tried my best to open my heart to him.

"I do want to be happy, Jacob. I want to try to be happy," I finally whispered.

I felt his smile against the side of my face. "Is that a yes?"

I nodded. "I've missed you, Jake. It feels good to be here with you again."

"I'm going to make you happy, Bella. I promise," he replied, trailing a line of kisses along my neck.

I smiled at his confidence and slowly turned my head towards him until our lips connected.

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><p><strong>AN: OK, before anyone complains, I chose to use Jacob again for two reasons. 1) I didn't want to introduce a new person and somehow make Bella develop feelings for him. It would take too long to make them realistic. You all can't wait that long! And 2) I like Jake! I never really chose a Team… IMO Bella's a damn lucky girl to snag either of those men!**

**If anyone thinks Jacob is a little pathetic for wanting to be with her despite her feelings for Edward just remember how he is in New Moon and Eclipse. He knows Bella is in love with Edward in both those books but wants to try to win her over anyway, so I think it's plausible in keeping in line with his character. He truly believes he's better for her.**

**Next post will be Saturday!**


	20. Chapter 19: Jacob

**A/N: Okay, okay… I give up. Some of you hate my Edward. I decided it's fine… it means more for me ;-) **

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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><p>Chapter 19: JACOB<p>

I stayed in Jacob's car that night for over an hour; kissing and touching and talking. Somewhere, in the middle of all that he asked me if I would finally consider him my boyfriend. I chuckled at the doubt in his voice and agreed that we were officially a couple. It felt wrong after everything we'd been through that night to simply exit his car and go into my house alone. So I invited him in.

That night I shared my bed with Jacob Black, my boyfriend. It felt strange to think of myself as someone's girlfriend. We didn't have sex that night, much to Jacob's disappointment, but we came close. I had honestly missed the way Jake's hands felt caressing my skin, the sweet terms of endearment he whispered to me as we lay wrapped in each other's arms. I hadn't realized how terribly lonely I had been all this time until I woke up the next morning to find Jake still cuddled up against my side. I smiled and hugged his arm closer around my waist.

It was Sunday morning and I had nowhere in particular to be that day. I lay in bed for a long time, thinking about everything that happened the day before, and listening to Jake's soft steady breathing. I wondered if I was crazy for doing this; letting Jake back into my life this way. Was I capable of loving another man the way I loved Edward? As this new love grew could it become even stronger? The thought that feelings for Jake might slowly replace the space in my heart marked for Edward scared me and thrilled me at the same time.

"You haven't changed your mind yet?" I asked him once I felt him starting to wake.

He kissed my neck and replied, "Bella, waking up with you in my arms this morning has already made this whole thing worthwhile to me."

I turned myself around and pressed my face against his bare chest.

"So what do we do now?" I asked hesitantly. Jake and I had been through so much since we'd met but this was the first time I felt like I didn't have control. I was putting myself in Jacob's hands, quite literally, and hoping for the best. He gently brushed the hair off my forehead and kissed it.

"I'd like to spend the day with you if that's alright. Do you have any plans for today?" he said, his lips still touching my forehead. I sighed in contentment. It felt amazing to be close to someone in this way.

"Mmm, I need to do some food shopping. What about you?"

"I want to lay here and hold you all day," he whispered, scrunching down in the bed to be eye level with me and taking my face in his hand. He kissed me deeply and his other hand wandered over my backside.

For a moment I thought about the one and only time I'd ever woken up next to a man. That morning with Edward was confusing, embarrassing, and left me feeling more empty than I'd ever felt before. This morning I knew without a doubt that the man next to me wanted to be here. Not only that, he didn't want to get up. I realized that I didn't either.

"God, I missed kissing you," he said into my neck. He rolled on top of me and began assaulting my exposed skin with kisses and playful nips with his teeth. I giggled when he tickled the spot behind my ear with his tongue. I felt his morning wood press against my thigh and momentarily wished I hadn't made him sleep in his jeans. The boy was seriously horny last night and if I'd let him strip down to boxers I probably would have found myself being mauled in the middle of the night.

I moaned as his mouth descended over my right breast. I was wearing a long sleeved tee but had lost my bra at some point while we were messing around the night before. I raked my fingernails over his back and tugged on his hair. He groaned into my chest, his lips wrapped around my pert cotton covered nipple. I pushed his shoulders back and tried to sit up. He allowed this but as soon as I was sitting he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down on top of him, straddling his hips.

"You are so bad," I said in a playful tone.

"I want to be bad with you, Bella," he replied gripping my hips and thrusting his erection against me.

I wanted to respond to Jake's less than subtle advances. My body was practically screaming for him, but I wanted to give myself at least a few days before I caved in to my feminine desires. I was hesitant to allow myself to feel something for him again. A part of me was still expecting to regret my decision to accept Jacob's offer. Or worse, he could still change his mind and retract it.

"Let's get cleaned up and have breakfast, Jake," I suggested leaning down to kiss his lips. "I'm not going to make you wait forever, but we've only been back together for twelve hours."

He rolled his eyes and smiled at me. "And we've been unconscious for about seven of them," he added reluctantly.

"Exactly. Let's go downstairs and watch my roommates eyes pop out of their heads when they see you."

"That sounds like fun," he said grinning.

I showered quickly and dressed while Jake took his turn in the bathroom. I thought about the shower we shared at the rec center and had to recite the state capitols in my head in order to keep myself from going back into the bathroom to join his shower. I lent him a clean oversized t-shirt that just fit his broad shoulders. After a little more kissing I pried myself away from him and hurried down the stairs. I wasn't sure if Rose and Alice had heard Jake and I talking earlier, but they must have noticed the water turning on twice.

The girls were in the living room watching SoapNet when I emerged from the hall. There was no hiding Jake behind my back as he stood a full head taller than me. Rose looked shocked to see him and Alice's expression was downright giddy.

"Rose, you remember Jacob," I said.

"It's so nice to see you again," she replied, unable to hide her smirk. I blushed.

"And Jacob, this is my other friend, Alice."

Alice hopped up from the sofa and crossed the room to shake Jake's hand. "Hi, Jake. It's so great to finally meet you!" I assumed Alice's thrill in seeing Jacob was actually relief in learning my overnight guest wasn't her brother again. I felt a sharp pain in my side but ignored it.

"Well, now that everyone's been introduced we're just going to grab some breakfast in the kitchen," I stated.

I silently begged for my roommates to remain in the living room but they both ignored my eye bulges and subtle head nods. Rose flat out laughed as I tried to persuade them to go back to their television program. I pulled the cereal boxes out of my designated cabinet and Rose, Alice, and Jake all took seats around the kitchen table. Jacob looked a little uneasy with all the sudden attention. Thank God I gave him that shirt. Rose appeared particularly interested in this new development in my love life. As sympathetic and comforting as she has been since I confessed my feelings for Edward, I knew deep down she was loving the drama. I couldn't blame her for her interest this morning; I was still in shock myself.

"So, Jacob," she began. "What are your intensions with our dearest Bella?"

"Yes, we're very protective of our friend. We don't want to see her get hurt," Alice chimed in.

"Well, ladies. My intentions today are to take Bella grocery shopping. And then possibly studying at my place."

"Studying, huh. Is that what you call those noises we heard coming from Bella's room?" Rose asked.

Jacob actually blushed. It was really cute.

"Alright you two. Cut it out," I snapped. "If you must know, I ran into Jacob yesterday and we went out on a really nice date..." I looked over at Jake and smiled. Then I said, "And then we came back here and decided to give our relationship another try."

"I think you guys look really cute together," Alice said enthusiastically.

"Thank you, Alice," Jacob replied, his eyes transfixed on mine. "So do I."

The girls continued asking us questions throughout breakfast. Jacob and I didn't get any peace until after we'd left for the supermarket. As we were browsing the aisles I couldn't help but wonder what happened between Edward and Tanya after I left the car wash. I was dying to talk to Rose and find out what I missed since I didn't have an opportunity that morning at the house. My first inclination was to hide these thoughts from Jacob. Then I realized I needed to be more forthcoming with my feelings, if for nothing more than to remind Jake what he'd gotten himself into by dating me. I was still waiting for the running and the screaming.

"Do you mind if I tell you what had me upset yesterday afternoon?" I asked softly.

He seemed surprised that I wanted to discuss it. "Of course not, baby. You can tell me anything," he said gently rubbing my back with his palm.

"Thanks, I'm going to try to." I chose a loaf of bread from the shelf and placed it in the cart.

"So Tanya and I had a few moments to chat at the car wash yesterday. Tanya is Edward's girlfriend." Jake nodded. "Um, so she was asking me for information about him and backing me into a corner with personal questions she really didn't want to hear the answers to."

"I probably don't want to know the answers either then?" he asked. He caught on quick.

"Don't worry, you already know the answers because I've told you everything that happened. For some reason Edward didn't tell Tanya about me and him and that really made me angry. Not because he hid our little encounter but because I got stuck in the middle of their relationship. That's when I asked Alice to get me outta there," I explained.

"So, you are angry at Edward for _not_ telling his new girlfriend that he slept with one of his close friends?" Jake asked.

"Well, not really angry I guess. He gave me his word that no one would find out we hooked up, and he's kept it-"

"Then, why would you want him to tell Tanya?" he interrupted.

This was the part I was expecting Jacob not to like. "Because she could see it in my face. She knew something happened between him and me without anyone having to tell her. She guessed it and started questioning me right there in the damn parking lot with Edward, and Rose, and all the Sigma Phi guys barely out of earshot."

Jake looked down at the cart. "So you're mad that it's so noticeable?"

"I was mad that she confronted me and not Edward," I corrected him. "I didn't know what to tell her."

I placed my hand over his as it gripped the cart tightly. For a moment I worried this was going to be too complicated for Jake to handle after all; that he was having second thoughts. After a few seconds Jake seemed to relax a little, letting out a deep breath. He turned to me and smiled. "Come on, let's go check out the frozen foods."

I was alone in my room Tuesday afternoon working on a short paper due for one of my classes when my phone buzzed. I'd spent the entire day Sunday with Jacob and it had been wonderful. Monday I had classes and work at the daycare, then spent dinner and my evening with Jake. I was seriously behind on my school work. I took a brief break to check my phone since it was the third buzz in the past two hours I'd been studying.

_Please talk to me Bells. -E_

I sighed and closed the message to check the previous one.

_I'm sorry about what Tanya said. Can we talk? -E_

I rolled my eyes at the phone. Talking to Edward was the last thing I wanted to do. I wasn't ready for him to know about Jacob and I really didn't want to hear about how he patched things up with Tanya after the incident. I closed it to read the first message that had come through. This one was from Jacob.

_Hey beautiful, I know ur studying… just wanted u to know I'm thinking about you. 3_

I smiled and read his message a few times. When I closed it I realized I had a voicemail too. I opened the voice message and saw it was from Edward. It must have been earlier that day that he called.

_Bella, it's Edward. I was wondering why you weren't in class today. I feel like maybe you're avoiding me because of what Tanya said to you Saturday. It isn't any of her business what happened between you and me and I'm sorry that she upset you. Please call me so I know you're okay. You know how I worry... _

I changed the ringer volume to mute and turned my attention back to my paper.

A week later Jacob was bouncing up and down in his seat he was so excited. Emmett was over our house that Tuesday night watching TV in the living room. Jacob was also there as he had been almost every night since we got back together. Rose was helping me with the dishes from dinner as our men discussed the beginning of baseball season. That was when Emmett suggested the four of us go to the opening game for the Mariners.

"My father has season tickets and he asked me if I wanted them for Thursday's game," Emmett told Jacob. Rose and I giggled over the sink as we listened to Jacob shriek and express his appreciation.

"Em, what are you doing to my boyfriend in there?" I called.

"Sounds like he's having an orgasm," Rose added chuckling.

"Chicks," Jacob replied, dismissing our teasing. "They don't understand the thrill of the ball park, the enthusiasm of the crowd, the experience of the ultimate American pastime."

"We'll teach them," Emmett said reassuringly. I looked over my shoulder and saw Emmett pat Jacob on the back.

"It's really cute how they're getting along," I said quietly to Rose.

"You seem really happy with him this time around," she whispered.

I smiled. "It's been great so far. I'm not as stressed out as last time, you know, trying to pretend I'm not hurting. He's patient and attentive. We don't have any secrets."

"Wait, you told him about Edward?"

"Yes. Well, he already knew. He said he doesn't care. He wants to prove he's better for me."

"Wow," she mouthed.

"The craziest part is I'm beginning to think he's right," I admitted.

"Have you two had sex yet?"

"I'm ready to, I just need to find the right time," I replied.

"Need any pointers?" she said winking.

I never fully explained to Rose my sexual encounter with Edward so she thought I was still a virgin. I decided not to correct her assumption that it would be my first time. Answering no to her question would have been a bigger source of discussion than answering yes.

"What do you recommend?"

"I'd start missionary for sure. Once you've gotten past the discomfort roll him over and ride him like a pony."

We both laughed.

"What are you two talking about in here?" Jake asked, placing his hands on my hips and kissing my cheek.

"Bella's just been expressing her desire to go horseback riding," Rose said suggestively.

I glared at her and blushed. She was unbelievable.

"Oh, well I'd love to take you riding sometime, Bella," Jake replied sweetly.

"I bet," Rose blurted, laughing. I stomped on her foot and dragged Jacob out of the kitchen.

Two nights later we were at the opening game for the Mariners. Rose made me dress in blue and teal and wear my hair in pigtails. Jake's face when he picked us up was priceless. I thought he was going to mount me right there in the front hall. Every day I saw Jacob during the past week of our new and improved relationship I wanted him more than the last. After a few days I felt as though we'd picked up right where we had left off last summer, only minus the giant elephant in the room.

Emmett's tickets were good seats, according to the guys; along the third base line a few rows back. We took our seats just as the game began; hotdogs and sodas in hand. Jacob described to Rose and me what was happening as the game began. She had a better grasp on the rules than I did. Plus, I didn't realize how hard it would be to follow what was going on without the TV announcers explaining everything. Luckily, I had Jacob's husky voice filled that void. He'd whisper commentary like, "Did you see how Carp just stole second base?" and then discreetly brush his thumb across my breast. Or, he'd explain, "now if the batter can pop out into centerfield then the guy on third can slide on home…" while running his hand up my thigh. Who knew baseball was so arousing!

After the fifth inning Rose declared it was time for a visit to the ladies room. I followed her out of the stands and towards the concessions and restrooms. I tried telling Rose I'd meet her by the hotdog vendor but she insisted I be her tinkle buddy. I was making some minor adjustments to my pigtails when she came up next to me to wash her hands.

"I spoke to Edward this morning," she informed me in a serious tone, scrubbing her hands like a surgeon.

"And?" I replied a little stunned.

"These bathrooms are appalling! He was calling to check on you since you haven't returned his calls or texts all week. He seemed worried about you."

Oh. After Jake and I finally parted the previous Sunday I went straight home to find out from Rose what I'd missed after I left the Sigma Phi car wash the previous day. According to Rose, everyone was invited back to the fraternity after the fundraiser, which was where Rose and Alice were when Jake had taken me out that night. Rose said Edward and Tanya declined the offer to join them and had a little argument in the parking lot in front of everyone. She couldn't hear what it was about but I found out later from Alice that she heard them both say my name at least once.

Alice asked if I knew what Edward and Tanya were fighting about but I lied and said I didn't have any idea. She wanted me to call Edward after that and make sure he was alright. This took place barely 48 hours after I'd reunited with Jacob and I was too afraid that hearing Edward's voice might give me second thoughts. Furthermore, I didn't think I wanted to know the details. I could guess the content of their argument without even asking.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Edward since, never responding to his call or text messages. I regretted avoiding him for the past eleven days since I was determined to rebuild our friendship but I just didn't have the strength to face him then. I feared the minute I talked to him I would regret my decision to commit myself to Jacob. My time with Jake has been wonderful and I was happy, but I wasn't ready to put it to the test yet. I knew that if my relationship with Jake had any chance of working then I'd have to confront Edward soon, and they would have to accept each other.

"He said you were upset over something Tanya said the day of the fundraiser," Rose explained.

"Yes, I was. Only because she was asking me personal questions about Edward I didn't want to answer."

"Is that what they fought about?" she asked, excitement in her eyes. I nodded.

"I think so. I didn't want to be stuck in the middle of it so I left."

"So, why haven't you talked to him since then?" she pressed.

I shrugged. "Bella, I didn't realize you weren't speaking to one another so when he asked where you were I told him about Jacob."

"You did? What did he say?" I wasn't sure what I was hoping his reaction would be to the news. At first I hoped he would be jealous. Then, I realized how gut wrenching it would be to learn his feelings for me were strong enough to result in real jealousy. I felt my hands start shaking as I waited three incredibly long seconds for Rose to respond.

"He was shocked, Bella, and didn't hide it very well. He actually sounded hurt."

"What exactly did he say, Rose?" I asked irritated now. All of a sudden I felt like I needed to call Edward immediately. What must he be thinking right now?

"He asked me when you two got back together and I told him last Saturday. Don't worry, I left out the part about Jake sleeping over practically every night since. He didn't ask for details anyway, just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"God, I need to talk to him," I groaned. I couldn't put it off any longer.

"I'm sorry I forgot to tell you before the guys picked us up. That probably would have been a better time."

"No kidding," I replied. "I have to call him right now, Rose. I'll be thinking about this all night and Jake will get upset if he finds out."

"What happened to your, 'Jake and I are so open and honest with each other now' bull crap?" she mocked.

"I will tell him about it, but not until after I talk to Edward."

"Bella, I thought you two discussed your feelings for each other and Edward said he wanted to stay with Tanya?" I nodded. "Then why are you so worried about him finding out that you have someone now too?" she questioned.

"Did he _sound_ happy for me, Rose?" I replied angrily.

She thought for a minute. "No, he actually stuttered a little when he asked when it happened."

"Things are really complicated between us lately. So I need to call him. I don't want Edward thinking I got back together with Jake because I was upset over him!"

She raised one eyebrow. "Isn't that precisely why you got back together with Jacob?"

"No!" I refuted. "Please tell the guys I'm in line for French fries or something. I won't be long."

She laughed and wished me luck before exiting the ladies room. I whipped my phone out of my pocket and dialed Edward with shaking hands.

"Hello," he answered after a few rings.

"Hey, um, Rose said you wanted me to call you," I replied.

"You've been ignoring my calls all week, Bella," he said softly.

"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry."

"You've been busy," he offered. Crap.

"Yes. Rose told me she filled you in about Jacob."

"I was quite surprised," he said in a nervous laugh.

"I thought perhaps you'd be happy for me," I said in a snippy tone.

"I am, Bella. I want you to be happy." I wasn't sure if he was trying to convince me or himself with those words.

"Thank you, Edward. I wasn't expecting Jacob to come riding in on his horse to save me either. It just sort of happened."

As soon as I said it I wished I could take it back. I didn't want to sound weak.

"You felt like you needed to be saved?" he asked. I could hear the regret in his voice. He knew he'd been hurting me.

"No, not exactly. I'm just trying to say that Jake dropped back into my life at the right time," I amended.

There was silence between us a few moments and I wondered what Edward was thinking.

"I hated not seeing you all week. It's like my life is thrown out of balance without you in it," he said.

"I've missed hanging out with you too. I just needed some time to focus on Jacob… adjust to having a boyfriend," I explained. It was weird saying that word out loud but I liked it. Boyfriend.

"We need to spend some time together, just the two of us, like we did in high school," he said abruptly.

"Um, okay?" I answered stunned.

"Is it going to be hard for us to stay close now that we're both in relationships?" he asked, his voice sounding a little remorseful.

"Probably a little bit," I replied honestly. "But I think it's supposed to be that way."

"I feel like I'm losing you," he admitted. I laughed silently. Good. Now he knew how I'd been feeling all semester!

"Edward, that could never happen. You're too important to me. You know that."

There was a pause. "Regardless, we should get together soon."

I agreed to study for midterms with him on Sunday afternoon. It would be the first time in months we'd partake in one of our usual study sessions. Edward said he was going to an 11am mass and could come over when it ended. I thought it was noteworthy that he wanted to study at my house instead of the privacy of his dorm room. Did he not trust me alone with him in his room? Did he not trust himself? I realized it was probably the thought of Tanya finding out and getting the wrong impression that motivated his choice of location. He probably didn't want to piss her off again. Either way I felt better about seeing him at my house too, knowing Alice and Rose would be around.

I felt a little better as our phone call ended and I told him I needed to get back to our friends. It was good to have that awkward conversation about Jacob behind me. I was still nervous about the first time Jake and Edward would have to hang out together but I'd leave that dilemma for another day. I walked out of the ladies room taking in a deep breath of air.

Concentrate, Bella. Baseball. Mariners. Jacob. Boyfriend. Okay. Thinking of Jake calmed my nerves as I hurried back to the stands to find him.


	21. Chapter 20: Sex and Studying

**A/N: I love you all so much, thanks for the reviews! Thanks for sticking with me- all of you who are getting frustrated with these two! We're getting to the good stuff!**

**Lemon alert with this chapter...**

* * *

><p>Chapter 20: SEX AND STUDYING<p>

When I returned to the stadium seats Jacob smiled at me and took my hand in his. We watched the rest of the game that way, Jacob occasionally squeezing my hand affectionately. I relaxed from his touch and by the time we were leaving I'd forgotten all about my tense phone conversation with Edward.

Jacob's car was at our house so Rose dropped the two of us off there before she and Emmett went back to Sigma Phi. Alice was asleep when we entered the house so I put my finger over my lips to tell Jacob to be quiet.

"She's asleep?" Jake whispered. "It's only ten o'clock."

I chuckled as I tiptoed into the kitchen and told him pregnant women need more sleep than everyone else. I offered him a drink but he declined. I asked him if he was hungry and he shook his head, taking a step towards me. His eyes look ravenous, only not for food. I started to feel butterflies in my stomach from the way he was watching me. Jake closed the distance between us and took a firm grip of my hips backing me up against the counter roughly. I made a noise as my ass hit the cabinets but Jake's mouth covered mine before I could make another sound. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tugged at the short hair at the back of his head. He rewarded me with a growl. I gently pushed him back long enough to take a breath and his lips moved down to my neck. He pressed his body against mine, showing me how aroused he was.

"You can't dress like this and expect me not to want you," he whispered, lightly tugging on one of my pigtails.

I smiled and replied, "Those were Rose's idea."

Jake twirled both pigtails around his fingers and said, "Remind me to thank her later," before lifting my chin up to align my lips with his. I moaned into his mouth as his hands settled back on my hips, grinding me into the counter.

"Let's go upstairs," I whispered. He nodded and pulled me by the hand as he ran up the steps.

I closed my bedroom door quietly and Jake was standing right behind me with fire in his eyes. I greedily pulled his t-shirt over his head and pushed him backwards onto my bed. He sat on the edge, staring up at me. I wanted to reward Jacob for being a good little boy and patiently waiting for this moment for so long. I was thankful I'd worn my sexiest black undergarments just in case I felt like sleeping with Jacob for the first time tonight. I hadn't actively planned this but thought I might feel ready if the date went well.

I took a few small steps away from my bed and gave Jake a sexy smile as I began running my hands over my body. I unbuttoned my jeans and tugged the zipper down; shimmying the tight denim to my ankles and kicking them out of my way. I heard Jake clear his throat as his gaze shifted down to my panties. Next I focused on loosing the hair ties Rose had used on my pigtails, letting my hair fall down around my shoulders still in loose curls.

"Come here, Bella," Jake begged. I smiled wider and shook my head.

I turned around slowly so Jacob would see my panties were a thong. After I heard him say "shit" under his breath, I crossed my arms in front of me and seductively lifted the Mariners t-shirt over my head. I tossed it aside and took a deep breath before turning back around to face him.

There was no way in hell I'd have this much confidence had the man in front of me been anyone but Jake. Especially not if it had been that person who's name I refused to think about right now. My heart was pounding and I felt myself becoming more aroused as I stripped for him. Jake made me feel good about myself. He has always wanted me; when I was confused and standoffish with him freshman year, throughout the amazing summer we spent together, and even after I'd bared my bruised soul to him he still wanted me. Most importantly, I didn't have him up on a pedestal. I felt like his equal and his unwavering devotion to me gave me the strength to do this with him.

"I want you so bad, honey. God, you're making me crazy," he said in a low husky voice.

"That's the idea," I replied with a wink.

I took two deliberate steps towards him so that I was only inches from his knees. My hands reached behind my back to unhook the lacy bra and that's when Jake lost all control. He grabbed my waist and pulled me onto the bed landing on top of him. I giggled at his lack of restraint.

"I want to do that," he growled in my ear, his hands trailing up my back igniting my skin with his fingertips. I straddled his waist with my hands resting on the either side of his head. Jake unclasped my bra with once swift motion and tore the fabric away from my chest. My breasts sprang free and landed soft on his muscular chest. We both moaned as I sat up and he secured a hand over each one. I rubbed my body against his to gain some friction. I needed him more than I ever expected.

Jacob surprised me by flipping me over onto my back and attacking my neck with kisses. I giggled as he teased my sides with feather light touches. He smiled at my reaction to him, his ministrations intensifying as his mouth slowly moved from my neck to my chest, and then continued down my torso at an agonizing pace.

"Tease," I whined as Jacob's lips left the overheated skin of my pelvic bone and turned up into a devilish grin.

I reached my hands between our bodies and opened the fly to his jeans. I pushed his jeans and boxers down as far as I could reach and Jake helped shake them off the rest of the way. I wasted no time wrapping my hand around his hardened length and pumping him a few times. The hiss that passed his lips spurred me on as I rubbed his tip with my thumb. After releasing a few more groans Jake pulled away from my grasp and pushed my thighs apart with his hands. He knelt between my legs desperately close to where I ached for him. He ducked his head out of view and I felt him slide my panties down my thighs. He wasted no time in pressing his lips against my wet skin. My body quivered from the sensation of his tongue sliding through my folds. I moaned and thrashed as he licked and sucked my flesh.

Jake's tongue was an amazing thing. It circled my clit repeatedly, pausing only to take long strokes from my entrance all the way up again. I shuttered the first time he slipped it inside me. Jake moaned in response and reached his hands up to grasp my breasts. Another surprised moan came out of my mouth and I had to struggle to breath. His tongue darted in and out of my entrance as his fingers pinched and tugged at my hardened nipples.

He was making me feel so good that I wanted to hold out to prolong the pleasure he was giving me. But too soon I felt the pressure between my legs building as Jacob clenched his hands around my outer thighs. His hands holding me securely in place only heightened my need and I soon felt my release approaching. Jacob sensed it too because he removed one hand from my leg to plunge two fingers deep inside me and squeezed my clit between his soft lips. I tried not to scream as my orgasm hit and Jake quickened the speed of his fingers inside me. I panted and moaned as my sensitive areas were licked and suckled all while Jakes long fingers continued fucking me. As I gradually came down from the high and my heart rate began to slow Jake shot me a very satisfied grin and placed kisses on my inner thighs. I trembled from the aftershocks his kisses caused and his grin grew impossibly wider.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself," I teased him; trying to pull him back up to eye level.

He complied with my request and as I kissed him deeply I could taste myself on his tongue. I knew he was expecting me to take his cock in my hand again, or if he was lucky, my mouth. He hadn't pressured me for sex at all since we'd reunited. He'd hinted plenty of times, but never pressured.

"Do you have a condom?" I whispered.

I was right; he looked stunned by my question. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," I replied.

His face fell slightly and I had no idea why. "I didn't bring any. I didn't know you'd want to… you know."

I smiled and said, "Jacob, pull open my nightstand drawer."

He did, and after shifting around some of my junk he finally found the small box of prophylactics I'd purchased a few days earlier. He wasted no time opening the box and separating one of the foils from the others. Settling over me again he adorned my neck with open mouth kisses and pressed his erection against my thigh. I moaned from his touch; trying to elicit the same sounds from him. I loved hearing him vocalize. It made me feel powerful. Jake rolled the condom over his length and nudged my legs further apart with his knees.

He kissed my lips again, slow at first and then faster. When we broke apart to breathe I felt his cock slide inside me. He pulled out a few inches and then thrust himself deep inside. I felt a little pain that I wasn't expecting but it dissipated quickly and I was left with pure pleasure. Jake groaned as his hips hit mine faster and faster as he settled into a delectable rhythm. I raised my arms over my head and grasped the iron rungs of the headboard.

"Fuck, that's hot," he moaned, looking at my hands.

I was losing my senses with every thrust of his cock. The sensation of him filling me was amazing. A light sheen of sweat was forming on his forehead. Jake's eyes never left mine except when he reached down to kiss my lips or chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to rock my hips in sync with his.

"Harder, Jake," I begged.

He quickened his pace and I started to feel the familiar signs of an approaching release. I couldn't help the sounds I made as Jake pounded his cock inside me over and over. I could tell from his grunting that he was trying to hold out for me to come before him. I brought one of my hands between our bodies and rubbed circles around my clit. The added sensation was enough to throw me over the edge and I yelled out to him that I was coming.

"Shit, Bella… I can't-"

"Fuck, Jake. Come with me!"

We both moaned through our orgasms and then Jake collapsed on me. He was heavy but the feel of his weight was wonderful. I was completely satisfied. Jake's forehead was resting on my shoulder and he chuckled lightly as he raised his face to mine.

"You're noisy, Bella," he said teasingly.

I slapped his arm playfully, embarrassed by his words. He rolled to my side and pulled me close against his heated body.

"Do you think Alice heard us?" I asked nervously.

Jake shook his head, "Nah, I'm sure she was dead asleep," he assured me placing kisses on my temple.

For a long time we talked, kissed, and held each other close. His warm body against mine felt so comforting. When Jake started yawning I slipped into my pajamas and quietly crossed the hall to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. When I reentered my bedroom I found him curled up in my blankets fast asleep. I slipped under the cover next to him and smiled as his arm encircled my waist and he sighed in his sleep. I lay there listening to him softly snore for what seemed like hours before I finally drifted off, perfectly content.

I spent the next few days studying for midterms and working at the daycare. I didn't see Jake at all. We exchanged a number of text messages but he knew me well enough not to bother me before exams. I did call him Saturday night to make sure he was studying too, and I needed to let him know I'd be seeing Edward the next day. Jake wasn't thrilled with the idea but he appreciated my honesty. He felt slightly better after I promised him Rose and Alice would both be home the entire time and it was a study session like we'd been doing since our first semester of college.

By Sunday morning I was beginning to wonder what the hell I was thinking having Edward over to study. I used to spend every minute of every study session pining over him. If Edward started reading to me I knew I'd soak through my panties. It had practically become a Pavlovian type response in me last year. I made sure I was dressed casual and pulled my hair up into a messy bun. No makeup. I was ready.

Edward arrived right on time, at 12:30, armed with his study notes and two bags from Subway. I don't know what I expected when he walked through the door but I thought something would be different. He greeted me just as he always had, and looked the same too. Maybe it was me that had changed.

"Alice! Lunch!" he called out for his sister.

Rose came around the corner first and poked through the bags for her food.

"Hello, Rosalie," Edward greeted her playfully.

"Hello, Edward," she replied in the same tone. "Thanks for lunch."

"You're welcome. How's my sister doing?" he asked lowering his voice.

"She says she's feeling fine. Most of her morning sickness has passed, thank God. She's nervous about next weekend," Rose replied.

We all had to endure the next four days of mid terms and then Edward and Alice were going home to most likely have the worst spring break ever. They were breaking the news of Alice's pregnancy to Esme and Carlisle. Jasper was flying in to be there too. He hadn't been planning to be there due to financial constraints and a busy class schedule but when Edward found out he freaked. He called Jasper immediately and threatened to pound him into the ground if he didn't show up to face their parents like a man. His fury made him look insanely hot. At least that's what Rose told me.

"Hey there big bro!" Alice sang as she bounded down the stairs. She threw her arms around Edward and he lifted her off the ground as they hugged. "What'd you bring me?"

"Buffalo chicken sub with bacon and pickles on the side," he answered looking slightly green as she opened the thin paper wrapping and popped a slice of bacon and a pickle into her mouth at the same time.

"That's gross, Alice," we all said in unison.

"What?" she said with her mouth full. "It's good, you should try!"

I got drinks for everyone and we sat at the table to eat together. After a few minutes of awkward silence Edward was the first to speak.

"How's the heartburn been, Al?"

"Better. The Tums have been helping," she replied before popping another pickle into her mouth.

"Have you felt the baby kicking yet? It's supposed to feel like tiny butterfly wings around the 18th week," he replied.

Rose giggled. "Jesus, Edward. You sound like you've been reading _What to Expect When Your Expecting_."

Edward grinned, looking a little embarrassed, and glanced over at Alice.

"Oh my God, you have been, haven't you?" Rose pressed.

"Well, _someone_ needs to," Edward said defensively raising his eyebrows at Alice.

"What?" she asked innocently looking at all our faces. "I've breezed through most of it but had to stop after I skipped ahead to the ninth month. Some pretty scary stuff can happen at the end."

"What stuff, Alice?" I asked.

"Like false contractions making me think it's real labor. My water could break in the car or the supermarket. Or my blood pressure could spike and they'd have to take the baby out fast… I don't even wanna think about it."

"Jasper will be here with you before any of that stuff starts happening," Edward assured her.

He placed his hand over her small one and squeezed it three times. Edward had told me years ago about that hand gesture Esme used to do with them when they were younger. Three squeezes of the hand was their secret way to say I love you.

Alice sighed and said, "I just can't wait until he gets here."

Rose asked about their plans to tell her and Jasper's parents about the baby and eventually conversation flowed to lighter topics.

After we ate lunch Alice followed Rose into her room to do her hair for her big night out with Emmett. It was their three month anniversary so they had reservations at a fancy restaurant. I never saw those two studying. Ever. Edward and I settled down in the living room and cracked open the books. We traded notebooks and read over each others' Victorian Lit notes. After ten minutes or so Edward stretched out on the couch and laid his head back on a throw pillow.

"Watch your feet or you might knock over that soda," I scolded him.

"Sorry, mom," he said chuckling, but he moved his feet to the other side of the cushion like I asked.

"Okay, I'm too exhausted for silent reading. I'll read you our notes on Vanity Fair and then you do Wuthering Heights," he suggested.

"No!" I blurted. "I mean, you're tired so let me do the reading."

"Bells, I offered because it'll help me stay awake long enough to get through the material. What's wrong with you? I always kinda thought you liked it when I read to you…"

I blushed. "I do," I admitted. "That's the problem."

"Huh?" he asked totally confused.

I shook my head and grinned at him. "Never mind. Why are you so tired anyways?"

"Oh, uh, Tanya had me up half the night talking." He rolled his eyes.

"Is everything okay?" I asked trying to be a good friend. I really couldn't care less what was wrong with Tanya.

"She was kinda pissed about me coming over here today. I told her she was being ridiculous but that only made her angrier." He ran his hand through his already tousled hair making it even messier and I smirked.

"I told Jacob last night that I was seeing you and he was fine with it. Well, mostly… once I told him the girls would be here too."

"Well, Jacob doesn't know what Tanya knows or he'd probably be just as irrational. Unless it's just a chick thing..."

"Edward."

"Sorry," he said glancing over at my face. He flashed me that perfect smile. "She just won't let it go that I won't give her details. Now that she knows _something_ happened between you and me she's obsessed with knowing more. She didn't like it much when I told her it was none of her business."

I felt bad that Edward couldn't tell Tanya the truth because he was respecting my wishes it remain private. I thought about how much harder it would be for me and Jake right now if I wasn't able to be completely honest with him.

"You can tell her, Edward. I won't be upset. I actually did tell Jake so I understand the predicament you're in." I looked down at my wrist and fiddled with the silly bands I was wearing.

"You told him?" Edward sat up on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees.

"I had to be honest with him for us to have a fresh start," I explained. "He wasn't happy about it but he needed to know since you guys will be seeing each other a lot. You know, parties and stuff." I shrugged.

"Thanks, Bells. Maybe she'll be happier when I tell her it only happened once. Because you're right, we're not going to stop hanging out with each other so our significant others will just have to deal with it," he said lying back on the couch.

"Okay, problem solved," I said. Yeah, sure, Bella. "Now can we get back to studying before we have to take this exam?"

"Proceed," he replied wryly, closing his eyes as I cleared my throat and started in on Catherine and Heathcliff.

Edward lasted about half an hour before falling asleep with his hands rested beneath his head; his long lean body stretched out on my sofa. I quickly read through our notes on Vanity Fair to myself and then shut all our books. I decided to check up on my roomies who'd been unusually quiet for a special occasion make over.

Alice was standing behind Rose when I entered the bedroom. She was piling curly locks of hair on top of Rose's head and pinning each one into a delicate loop.

"You look stunning, Rose," I complimented.

"Thanks. You think Emmett will like it?"

"Of course he will. You look amazing and Emmett is so crazy about you I bet you could go to dinner in curlers and he wouldn't care," I replied.

"That is soooo not going to happen," Alice piped in.

"You really think he's crazy about me, Bells?" Rose asked.

"Positive. I'm so happy for you guys," I said honestly. Rose was so much less a bitch when she was in love and getting laid regularly.

"What have you done with my brother?" Alice asked me in the reflection of the mirror.

Rose tried to suppress a smile and I scowled at her briefly. "He passed out on the couch."

"That's strange. What were you guys studying for again?"

"Several pieces of Victorian literature and their significant contributions to today's writers," I recited from my syllabus.

"Okay, not so strange then," she amended. Rose snickered.

"I'm sorry we can't all be Fashion Merchandising majors, Al. I'm sure Edward would be all ears as you explained to him how the seventeenth century petticoat evolved into today's modern thong," I said sarcastically.

"I don't know, Bella, the history of the thong Edward might actually find interesting," Rose said, laughing again.

Alice covered her ears in mock disgust. "Gross, please don't mention my brother and thong in the same sentence! My gag reflexes are seriously heightened right now."

"Sorry, Alice," Rose said. "I'm sure Tanya's already taught him about thongs anyway."

Alice groaned and threatened to turn Rose's beautiful up-do into a bob if she didn't cut it out. Rose's eyes flashed to mine in the mirror and I saw her mouth "sorry." I turned the corners of my mouth up into a smile to show her I wasn't upset. I knew she just said it to get another rise out of Alice. I had to admit that it was worth it.


	22. Chapter 21: Butting Heads

Chapter 21: BUTTING HEADS

Thank you, God, exams were over. To celebrate another scholastic milestone Jacob took me out to dinner Friday night. We'd hardly seen each other the past week and I was itching for him. I missed his warm smile and the sound of his voice. I even missed how he could empty my refrigerator in one sitting.

We had plans to meet up with everyone at Sharky's after dinner since it was our last chance to get everybody together before spring break. I was so excited about my night out I even let Alice dress me. She chose a simple black dress with lace. She did my hair and makeup and was kind enough to pick out a wedge heel. I was proud of my willingness to wear a wider range of clothing than I had in high school; with Alice's guidance of course. She had me ready to go by the time Jake arrived. He was dressed up too, in the same dress shirt he'd worn on a number of occasions with khaki pants. I think it was the only dressy outfit he owned, and that only added to his charm. Alice snapped a picture of us before we left the house.

Dinner was really special. There was a lit candle on the table and Jacob held my hand while we waited for our food. We talked about what we wanted to do over spring break. Even though Jake's house was only about an hour from Forks we both had so much happening next week we didn't think we'd see each other at all. It only made that night more special to me; it being out last night together before heading to our separate homes. It felt good knowing that I was going to miss him. Jake insisted we order dessert so we shared a chocolate tiramisu. We took turns feeding the delicious treat to each other, mixed in with some kisses and teasing touches under the tablecloth. I never thought Jake and I would turn out to be one of _those_ couples…

Jake's friends were supposed to be meeting us and all of my friends at Sharky's. I hadn't seen Quil and Embry for a few weeks. I was reminded of the last time we were all out together. It was the night Jacob walked me home and kissed me on the doorstep.

"What are you smiling at?" he asked in the car when he noticed my expression.

"I was thinking about our first night together at this place. Or the walk home, actually."

Jacob smiled and placed his hand on my thigh giving it a light squeeze. "That was a good night," he agreed.

We walked into Sharky's about nine o'clock and immediately found Rose and Emmett over by the bar. Jake and Emmett pounded fists and I asked Rose who else was there.

"Edward's in the back showing Tanya and Alice how to shoot pool," she replied.

I nodded. "You should have seen Alice at the house, Bells. I had to practically drag her here."

"Why?"

"She thinks she doesn't belong in a bar with a baby bump," Rose replied rolling her eyes.

I laughed. "This place doesn't even serve alcohol."

"I tried telling her that. She's being extremely unreasonable."

Jake handed me a coke and the four of us decided to find a table closer to where our friends were shooting pool. I could see Edward was getting frustrated trying to teach his sister and it made me chuckle. If I knew Alice, she was probably playing worse than her actual ability just to see the crease that forms on Edward's forehead when he's upset. I know that's what I would have done. Quil and Embry arrived a few minutes later and greeted everyone at the table before heading over to the bar. Alice finally noticed Jake and me and waved. She put down her pool stick and glided over to us to say hello.

"Hey guys! When did you get here?" she asked me.

"About ten minutes ago. You seemed engrossed in your game," I said nodding in the direction of the pool tables.

"Oh, that. I don't think pool is really my thing," she shrugged. "I can't seem to hold the cue correctly. It is fun seeing Edward get angry when I mess up though."

I couldn't help but smile. "Well, sit down and join us then," I encouraged her.

We all talked for a few minutes but when the conversation turned to Alice's pregnancy symptoms and hormones Emmett stood up and pushed his chair in under the table.

"Come on, Jake. Let's go hang out with your friends at the bar. The game's on," he said.

Jake kissed my cheek and eagerly got up to follow Emmett. Rose and I exchanged an eye roll over our wussy men. By the time Edward and Tanya came to sit with us Alice was finished talking about constipation and itchy nipples. Tanya made a point to take the empty seat next to me, forcing Edward to walk around the table to sit where Emmett had been. I was nervous seeing her again. Our paths hadn't crossed outside the classroom since the car wash but I was hoping Edward had talked to her like I suggested and maybe she wouldn't be so cold to me. Or maybe she'd be worse?

"Hey, Bells," Edward said taking his seat across from Rose.

"Hey," I replied casually. I turned to Tanya in an attempt to break the ice, or at least determine her mindset for the evening. "How do you think you did on Cooper's midterm?"

She slowly turned to acknowledge me and said, "Good. It was easy if you focused your studying on his review notes." I didn't know what else to say about that so I nodded and turned my head to listen in on what Alice and Rose were talking about.

"I thought you were bringing Jacob tonight, Bella?" Edward asked.

"I did. He's hanging out with Emmett over there. The Mariners are having a night game." I pointed to the bar where the guys were slapping five. "We must have just scored a run," I added smiling.

"You like baseball, Tanya?" I asked politely.

"Not really," she replied. Okaaaay… this was going well.

Edward looked perplexed. "Emmett and Jacob are… friends now?"

"Yeah," Rose chimed in. "They're really cute together, aren't they Bella?"

"I really thought Jake was gonna kiss Emmett when he gave him those Mariner tickets," I said laughing.

Edward made a face. He didn't seem happy to hear that Emmett had accepted Jake so readily.

"Edward, seriously. You're the only one who has a problem with Jacob," I snapped.

"I'm sorry, who's Jacob?" Tanya asked me.

"My boyfriend."

Her face perked up a little at the word, but then it sunk back to its prior state as she glanced at Edward who was still frowning.

"I think he's adorable, Bella. And he's so smitten with you," said sweet oblivious Alice. I smiled at her in response.

Edward pushed back from the table and excused himself to the restroom. Tanya got up not a minute later and excused herself for the same purpose. The three of us looked at each other in confusion.

"Oh, God. Please don't let them be going back there to fornicate in the bathroom!" Alice whined.

Rose laughed and turned around to watch Tanya walk away. "It's okay Al, I think they're just fighting about something."

'Really? I wonder what about?" Alice said.

"Yes, I wonder…" Rose snickered. I kicked her under the table. Unable to stand it any longer I looked to where my friend's gazes were fixed and saw for myself that something was indeed brewing between Edward and Tanya. They were standing by the entrance to the restrooms and both were using hand gestures when they spoke. Edward glanced over at our table and all three of us quickly diverted our eyes. Peaking over my shoulder I saw him shake his head at something Tanya said and run his hands through his hair.

"What are you staring at?" Emmett whispered behind me causing all three of us to jump out of our skins.

"Jesus, Em, don't sneak up on people like that!" Rose scolded.

"Edward and Tanya are having an argument," Alice explained.

"I'm going to go talk to Jake," I announced. Emmett patted my shoulder as I passed him. Did everyone think I was some pathetic mess that couldn't handle seeing Edward with a girlfriend? It had happened before and I was just fi- okay, well, I dealt with it. Besides, everything was different now. I approached Jake and Quil who were sitting at the bar.

"Hey, boys," I said, leaning over Jake's shoulder to kiss his cheek. He turned around to face me and planted another kiss on my lips. I pulled away grinning and asked them where Embry had gone.

"He's over there with that girl. He walked right up to her and just started talking. I'm in awe," Quil explained.

I raised my eyebrow to Jake and he gave me a wide grin. "You see anyone you like, Quil?"

"Uh, no. Not really."

"Well, then you guys should come sit with us," I said. I motioned over to our table just in time to see Tanya gathering her purse and coat and waving goodbye to Rose and Alice. Edward was still talking to her but it looked like she was ignoring him.

"What's that all about?" Jake asked.

"I don't know," I replied honestly.

I took Jake's hand and tugged him in the direction of my friends; Quil following close behind. Edward had seated himself next to Alice and put his arm around her shoulder.

"Hey kiddos," Emmett greeted us. "You can have our seats. Rosie and I are going to go dance."

I looked at Rose and her face lit up as she took Emmett's hand and walked with him towards the dance floor. Quil and Jake took their seats immediately. I was about to pull up another chair when Jake grabbed me by the waist and sat me on his lap. Edward scoffed and looked away. I knew Jake was acting possessive on purpose and it made me a little mad. Tonight was supposed to be about everyone getting along. The plan hadn't gone so well for me and Tanya. I still held out hope that Jacob and Edward could be kind to one another.

"Is everything okay, Edward?" I asked sincerely.

He gave me a warm smile and said everything was fine. I knew it wasn't but didn't want to push him for details in front of everyone. Alice and I discussed what she was planning to tell Esme and Carlisle the next day and Jake was pointing out girls he thought Quil should hit on. When Rose and Emmett came back over Edward stood so she could have his seat.

Alice yawned, "Rosalie, can you take me home now, please?"

"Already?"

"I'm sleepy," she replied pouting.

"I'll take you home, tater tot," Emmett said.

"Thank you, Emmett. What a gentleman!" Alice sang.

"Any excuse to drive Rosie's BMW." He winked at her and held his hand out for the keys. "I'll drop her off and come back, babe," he whispered in Rose's ear. She mouthed a "thank you" to him and pecked him on the lips. They were so sweet it was almost sickening.

When Alice left I slipped off Jake's lap and took her chair. Edward was staring off into space it seemed. Rose was trying to get his attention but he ignored her, so she got up to get herself another virgin margarita. Jake was telling Quil a story about Embry that had them both cackling when Edward turned to me to speak.

"Dance with me, Bella," he said like a command instead of a request. My eyes shifted to Jake and I discretely shook my head. Edward reached across the table and rubbed his fingers across the back of my hand. "I need to talk to you. Dance with me," he repeated in his sensual velvety voice.

Jake took notice of our exchange and said, "Bella doesn't like dancing."

"What, do you speak for her now?" Edward said harshly, removing his hand from mine.

"If she's going to dance with anyone it'll be with me," Jacob spat in the same dark tone.

"Excuse me, you two, but I'm sitting right here. Edward, thank you for the offer but I don't feel like dancing right now," I said impartially.

I hoped that would be the end of it but Jacob spoke up again. "What makes you think it would be okay for you to dance with my girlfriend anyway?"

"She's never turned me down before," Edward replied suggestively.

"Okay, that's it. You!" I pointed my finger at Edward. "If you need to talk to me about what happened with Tanya I'd be more than happy to listen, but _not_ on the dance floor. Do not instigate with my boyfriend because you're in a pissy mood. And you!," I pointed to Jake. "Thank you for defending me but I can take care of myself. You need to trust me." I took a deep breath and continued. "You both better figure out how to be around each other or we're all going to be miserable." I folded my arms over my chest and leaned back in the chair.

Rose came back with her drink and said, "Whoa, what did I miss?"

"Nothing," I snapped. I knew she could tell from all our expressions that it was something. The tension exuding from all of us was hard to miss.

I looked at Jacob and said, "Stay here. I'll be right back, okay?"

He didn't want to let me go, I could tell, but nodded his head in agreement. I grabbed Edward's wrist and yanked him out of his seat. My hand didn't let go of his wrist until we were safely in the far corner of the bar. I felt as though I was dragging a naughty child from a department store.

"Talk to me," I said in an aggravated tone once I turned around to look into his striking green eyes.

"I'm sorry. That guy just rubs me the wrong way," he answered.

"Jacob is the sweetest guy I've ever met. You're just being difficult because something else is bothering you."

Edward crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. "That's not what it is. I got the same feeling about him last year. When he kissed you outside your house."

"How could I forget… the next morning you grilled me for details the same way you would have done had it been Alice," I replied. I was starting to get pissed off.

Edward tightened his arms and looked down at the floor. His lips pressed together as though he was trying to keep from saying something he'd regret.

"Edward, _please_ don't tell me that after all we've been through this past year that you still look at me like a _sister_…" I said letting out a long sigh.

"You're a lot of different things to me, Bells. Since high school I've felt like you were my family, like a sister. But you're also a beautiful girl. _And_ you're my best friend. No one understands me the way you do. The girls here, they only see what's on the outside. None of them want to discuss literature, or religion, or family matters with me."

"What does that have to do with you being a dick to Jacob tonight?" I asked confused.

"I'm trying to say that it scared me to think that you might start acting the way all the other girls do around me. I didn't want to lose what was different about us."

I didn't know how to respond to that. Had he started noticing a difference? I didn't think so.

"Well that's not going to happen," I said calmly. "And the issue is moot since we're both dating other people, right? I thought we were doing pretty well with just being friends recently..."

He didn't look like he agreed with that statement. "It's harder for me to see you with him than I expected," he admitted. "But that's not your fault. I'm sorry."

"Do you want to tell me about Tanya?" I asked.

He shook his head adamantly.

"Okay, another time. Let's not freak Jake out any more than we already have and just go try to enjoy our last night before we all go home, okay?"

Edward nodded slowly and followed me back to the table. Jake was watching me intently as we approached and I quickly sank back into my seat beside him.

"It's getting late. I'm going to head out," Edward announced.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him and frowned. Rose set her drink on the table in front of me.

"Come on, Edward. I'll walk with you. Bells, can you call Emmett and tell him to pick me up at the dorms?"

I nodded. Edward didn't argue with her and no one spoke until they had left. I put my hand over Jacob's so he would know I wasn't angry with him anymore.

"What a jackass," Quil mumbled. Jacob snickered.

"Maybe we should get going too," I said. "Quil, you wanna ride home with us?"

"Nah, I better make sure Embry's okay. I'm his wingman," he winked.

The ride home was an awkward silence. I told Jake I wanted to stay at his place that night and he didn't complain. I knew Quil would be coming back at some point but he was used to me sharing Jake's tiny bed once in a while. I had a modest pair of pajamas in their room and I wasn't in the mood to do anything with Jake but sleep. I didn't want to be at my house when Rose returned. There's no doubt in my mind that she tried to get Edward to talk on their walk home. If he told her anything Rose would make sure to fill me in asap. I just wouldn't be ready for it until morning.

Jake was still holding me tightly when I woke Saturday around eight o'clock. I needed to be ready to leave for Forks at ten so I gently released myself from his grasp and made my way to the bathroom. When I returned Jake was awake.

"Are we okay?" Jake asked concerned.

I nodded and came back to his side, kissing him sweetly. "Yes, we're okay."

He smiled sleepily and rolled over. "Jacob, sweetie, I need to get home to shower and change. I don't doubt Rose would leave without me if I weren't ready in time."

He stood up behind me kissing my neck, snaking his hands around my waist, and slipping them under the elastic of my pajama bottoms.

"Jake!" I protested and swatted his hand away playfully. He gave up and made his way to the bathroom as I turned to look at Quil; sleeping in his bed on the other side of the room. He had a stupid grin on his face that told me he wasn't sleeping either.

"Don't say a word, Quil," I grumbled.

Jake dropped me off in front of the house and it took us a few minutes of kissing to finally say goodbye. I was going to miss him. There were times here at school when we were both busy and didn't get to see one another for a few days, but it felt like this separation was going to be harder.

Rose had the car packed by ten and was tapping her foot by the door at 10:01. I grabbed my bag from my room and glanced around to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I reached behind the night stand and grabbed my cell phone charger. Okay, ready.

Rose was unusually quiet in the car and still hadn't spoken to me by the time we hit highway 101. It was beginning to get on my nerves. I didn't expect to have to ask her directly about Edward and Tanya's argument. She'd always been more than forthcoming with gossip in the past.

"You're killing me, Rosalie," I blurted. "He must have told you something last night. Out with it!"

"Tsk, Tsk, Bella. I never would have taken you for such a Nosey Nancy," she teased.

I groaned and looked out the window as the trees passed by at least 80mph. Did any of my friends obey speed restrictions? I checked the crash reflex of my seatbelt. It seemed to be in working order.

"Alright, alright, I'll tell you. Stop twisting my arm," Rose said a few minutes later. "They were fighting because Tanya didn't want to be at the bar last night. She apparently doesn't like hanging out with us. And by 'us' I mean 'you'."

"I don't understand why. I've never done anything but respect their relationship. She has no right to treat me so badly. I'm just his friend," I huffed.

"Bella, you have to think about this from Tanya's perspective for a minute. Here she is with this attractive, kind, decent guy and she's afraid of losing him. You're her prime competition."

I snorted. Yeah, sure, Rose. "Edward told me last night that Tanya feels threatened by you."

"She does?"

"Think of it this way, Bells. If you were Edward's ex-girlfriend then it might be weird for her to hang out with you but she'd know that you and Edward had your shot and it didn't work out. The fact that you've never actually dated him means that it's still a possibility. She's stuck watching you two make eyes at each other… and please don't try to tell me that you don't do that because you do… waiting for one of you to pull your head out of the sand."

I thought about what she said for a couple minutes and then replied, "She saw me there with Jacob. She knows I have someone."

"Sweetie, you had _two _someone's there last night. I'm surprised they didn't whip their dicks out and try to pee all around you."

I ignored that. "Did Edward say anything about Jake on the walk home?"

She shrugged "Just that he doesn't think Jake is good enough for you."

No surprise there. I felt like there was something Rose was holding back but I didn't push it. I was lost in thought, my mind whirling around Rose's theory that Edward and I had yet to have our chance. I didn't want to think about that. I was in the middle of exploring my chance with Jacob and I wanted to see it through. Another fifteen minutes passed before either of us spoke again. Finally, Rose cleared her throat.

"Edward was really upset when we left."

"Thank you for making sure he was okay, Rose."

"I don't know how you expect me to help you when you aren't honest with me," she snapped. "I thought you and Alice and me were close like sisters. That we didn't have any secrets."

"We are. And we don't," I replied, not sure where she was going.

"Then when were you planning on telling me that you and Edward fucked last semester?"

Shiiiiit.

"How did you know that?" I asked defensively.

"It was a hunch I had after you told me _something_ happened between you two. You just confirmed it for me," she said, sounding quite pleased by her master trickery.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you it's just I was embarrassed. It only happened once and we were sort of drunk at the time. I didn't want Alice finding out. We agreed it didn't mean anything," I rambled.

"Bella, how dumb are you? Of course it meant something. Edward has been acting strange for months and now it finally makes sense."

"You think he's been acting strange?" I asked.

"You're Edward's best friend, Bella. How could you think having sex together would ever be meaningless? How did it even happen?"

And so I spent the remainder of our trip giving Rose the whole story. I told her about Alice's party. About the poker game. About how Edward didn't want me to lose my virginity to just anyone. About the awkward morning after. And most importantly, about how Edward seemed to have no problem going back to the way things were pre-coitus.

"Oh, Bella. You and Edward are so retarded for each other," she chuckled. "Tanya is right to feel threatened by you."


	23. Chapter 22: Mixed Feelings

Chapter 22: MIXED FEELINGS

I wasn't there for the baby reveal but Alice assured me all had gone better than she hoped. She called me later that night to give me the good news that her parents hadn't gotten horribly upset with her announcement. Esme was tipped off that something was wrong when Alice walked through the front door and refused to take off her coat. Alice cried on the phone as she described her parents' faces when Jasper wrapped his arm around her and unzipped her jacket. Carlisle did shout at Jasper at first for knocking up his daughter. Alice said it was the hardest thing she's ever done, to admit to her parents she made such a big mistake, and then listen to her father berate her boyfriend. After Carlisle got that out of his system Edward stepped in and explained to their parents how great Jasper's been and how mature they've been in handling the situation. Alice said Edward's support really made a difference. Of course it would, he was the golden child.

We'd all been worried about Esme's reaction but Alice said once the initial shock wore off she flooded her with questions about the due date, the gender, and so on. She was already acting the part of the proud Nana. Carlisle insisted Alice go to the hospital while she was home and have an obstetrician friend of his give her an exam. She'd been to the doctor in Seattle but she wasn't about to argue with her father wanting to provide her more care. Jasper informed the Cullen's his intentions to leave Drexel and transfer to University of Washington in the fall. Carlisle gave them a little speech on the importance of continuing their educations which they had both agreed to do anyway.

I, on the other hand, spent the first two days in Forks cleaning up after my father. The house was a mess without me and I made a point to show him my efforts towards a true spring cleaning. I understood he was a bachelor, but it was _bad_. We watched a Mariners game together and he was blown away in my new interest in baseball. He was practically beaming every time I yelled at the TV. I don't think he'd ever been so proud of me. Charlie and I are not big talkers, tending to keep our emotions to ourselves, but when I saw how excited he was about my interest in baseball I started telling him about Jake. Talking about a guy was definitely new territory for us so I kept the details to a minimum. I told him how much fun I'd had at Safeco Field and what a huge fan Jake was of the team. Charlie seemed amused by my chattering on and on and even said he'd like to meet the boy who got his little Honeybell interested in sports.

I called Jacob that night and we talked for over an hour. Mostly we discussed trivial details of our vacations. He was spending time with this family who rarely got together anymore. He was so happy to have both sisters back home for a time. His sister Rebecca had moved to Hawaii not long after their mother died. Jake never talked much about his mom; I could hear the pain in his voice on the rare occasions when he did mention her. I vented a little about how much of a slob my father was becoming and Jake laughed at me. He joked around about what a mess his own house was and that I'd keel over if I saw it.

"Thanks, Jake. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight," I replied poking fun at my own idiosyncrasy.

His voice turned husky over the phone and said, "I know how I can help you sleep, Bella."

We proceeded to have the first phone sex I'd ever experienced. He talked dirty to me and described how he was stroking himself to the sound of my voice. I felt self-conscious trying to think of dirty things to say so I settled on describing my panties and how he was making me feel. All I can say is "wow". I was really starting to like this whole boyfriend thing.

Tuesday I had lunch plans with Mike and Jessica. The next night I went into Port Angeles with Angela and Ben to see a movie. Once we were there I really wished I'd asked Jake to come meet us. Ang and her boyfriend hadn't seen each other in months and they were all over each other in the theater. I was happy for them that despite the long distant, open relationship they were engaged in it didn't seem to be affecting their commitment to one another. But I didn't need to see that. I was definitely feeling like a third wheel. And so I did something stupid. Really stupid. I text Edward a 911.

_Sup, friend? What are you doing? – B_

I turned my attention back to the movie and tried to ignore the gropefest to my right. Edward sent me a message just a few minutes later.

_Teaching Bree some piano basics. You? – E_

_Sending you an SOS. At movies with Ang & Ben. Their make out session is gonna make it into Guinness. – B_

_LOL so you need saving? – E_

_Do you mind? We're supposed to have dinner after this. Help! – B_

_When does movie end? – E_

_Another hour at least. Plenty of time… I know how you drive ;-) – B_

_Har har. Meet you in the lobby in 45 – E_

I closed my phone and tried to concentrate on the movie. It occurred to me that I was asking a huge favor of Edward to drive all the way to Port Angeles to hang out with me and the happy couple. I could hardly thank him by making him drive back to Forks alone, which meant I just signed myself up for a long drive home alone in the car with Edward. Super. Good thinking Bella!

Forty seven minutes later I got a text from Edward saying that he'd arrived. Angela and Ben were still sucking face, and the movie sucked too, so I snuck out into the lobby to greet my savior. I found him out there staring at the new release posters. I'd half hoped that maybe he brought Bree or Alice with him but he was alone; looking amazingly sexy in blue jeans and a tan button down shirt with a tailored fit black leather jacket. He looked like a juicy apple. I could practically hear the snake in the tree telling me it would be fine to take just one little bite of his earlobe…

"Hey, Bells," he turned and greeted me. I shook my sinful fantasy away.

"Thank you so much, Edward."

"Are they still at it?" he asked flashing that beautiful crooked grin.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. They didn't even notice me leave."

"Did you want me to take you home, or…" he asked hesitantly.

"I don't want them to know they made me feel awkward. Angela would be so embarrassed. Have you eaten yet?"

"Do you want me to join you for dinner?"

"If you don't mind. Then we can head back. If that's okay with you, I mean."

"Sure. I wouldn't mind catching up with Ben. It's been a long time. Angela too," he replied.

I nodded and smiled. I didn't know what to do at that point. There was probably another twenty minutes left to the movie. I kept imagining flashing neon lights appear over Edward's head that read Tanya, Tanya, over and over. He must have noticed my unease.

"Do you wanna walk outside for a few minutes? It's not raining," he offered.

I gratefully accepted and we made our way to the street. I felt gentle pressure from Edward's fingertips on the small of my back as he guided me out the glass doors of the theater. I shivered and he thought it was from the cold causing him to shrug out of his jacket. I slipped it on without complaint and immediately wished I hadn't. I was suddenly smothered by the delicious scent that was 100% Edward. It was an intoxicating mixture of soap and cologne and new leather. We walked a few blocks in silence and then turned around. I was desperate to get him talking. The quiet was maddening.

"Are you enjoying spring break?" Lame, Bella, lame.

He chuckled. "It's a bit tense at home right now, but I'm not the one in hot water so it's been good."

"Right," I replied. "Al tells me your folks took the news surprisingly well."

"That's because my sister was convinced they'd be so angry she'd end up sleeping on the porch or something. The first day was the worst. My mother especially is starting to come around though."

"So the news didn't affect Esme as you feared?" I said hopeful.

"Thankfully, no. When Alice told my mother she and Jazz planned on getting an apartment in Seattle she started crying. She wants them to stay in Forks for the birth and spend the baby's first few months living with them. She's already taken Alice shopping for baby supplies."

"That's so great. I'm happy everything is working out for them. Your dad didn't demand they have a shotgun wedding or anything?" I asked jokingly.

"Ha, not yet at least. I'm sure he'll say something to poor Jazz sooner than later."

We had arrived back in front of the movie theater as people started exiting. Edward took my hand and pulled me against the brick wall by the ticket booth so we wouldn't be in their way. His eyes flickered to mine before releasing my hand with obvious reluctance. There were a few minutes of deafening silence while we waited for Angela and Ben to find us. My skin was still tingling from his touch when I saw them exit through the double doors.

"Bella! There you are. Hi… Edward! What a surprise!" Angela said enthusiastically.

"Hey, man!" Ben greeted Edward with a fist bump. "What happened to you in there, Bella?"

Sensing my hesitation, Edward cut in saying, "I called Bella to see what she was doing tonight and she was kind enough to invite me dinner. I hope that's okay."

"Of course! This is so fun. Are you hungry? We were thinking Bella Italia for dinner," Angela said.

Ugh. I hate this place, I thought to myself as we entered the restaurant. Every high school couple had their first date there except for me. You had to have a boy ask you out, and _then _you could have a date at Bella Italia. Edward pulled out my chair like the gentleman he was and Ben quickly followed suit. Angela and I giggled. How did I end up on a double date without my boyfriend?

Dinner conversation consisted mostly of college talk. Ben was transferring to St. John's University in the fall so he could be in New York with Angela. I couldn't believe we were almost done our second year already.

"I just hope I can make it until then," Angela said, leaning forward to kiss Ben.

Edward wanted to hear all about living on the east coast. Angela told him where all the best places to eat were and some of the experiences she's had living in the city. By the expression on Edward's face I could tell he really regretted missing the opportunity to attend NYU.

"I walked around for the first month with a map in front of my face. It was so embarrassing. But after a while you start to know your way around and now I can get everywhere on my own," Angela explained.

"I was so worried about her in the big bad city," Ben cooed.

Angela patted his cheek affectionately and replied, "I admit I was afraid to ride the subway alone for a long time!"

"It sounds so overwhelming, Ang," I said. "I'd love to come visit you sometime if I could convince Charlie or Renee to help me with airfare."

"Anytime you want, Bella. We would have so much fun there together!"

We finished dinner and ordered coffee before parting outside the restaurant. Just as I expected, Edward offered me a ride home and I had no choice but to accept. The evening had gone fairly well and I was thrilled to be spending time with my best friend again. Maybe the tiff we had in Sharky's was enough to set things right between us.

We talked about Alice some more on the ride back to Forks. I asked how Bree was adjusting to being a Cullen and Edward launched into a story about her first date to the spring dance.

"Esme found her a beautiful dress to wear. The dance was Saturday night so we made it home just in time for Alice to do Bree's hair and makeup and see her off. She was so nervous when the kid came to pick her up. She made Carlisle and me promise not to give him a hard time. It would have been too easy, anyway. His hands were shaking when he put on her corsage." Edward laughed, harder than I'd seen him do in a long time.

As we crossed into the Forks city limits I decided to do something really dumb, to top off my evening of bad choices, and I asked about Tanya. He hadn't mentioned her at all and I was too curious to let it go. Edward's hands tightened on the steering wheel and he didn't so much as look over at me until we reached Charlie's house. I sat there silently wondering what it was that made him go rigid at the mention of her name. Edward still hadn't responded after parking the car outside the house.

"Come inside. Charlie's not here, let's talk," I pleaded, tugging at his arm. I was still wearing his jacket and his skin felt cold.

He shook his head no, but moved to get out of the car when I tugged on his arm a second time. I unlocked the front door and we took a seat on the living room sofa. There was only a small reading lamp on in the room and my eyes were still adjusting to the darkness. I reached for the nearest lamp but Edward pulled me back.

"Don't," he said in a gloomy voice.

I hadn't seen him like this since… well, since Victoria up and abandoned him. I didn't know why Edward wanted to sit in the dark but his proximity to me was too close for comfort. I turned to face him on the couch and clapped my hands twice. Clap. Clap. The floor lamp by the television turned on in response to the noise and Edward let out a surprised laugh.

"Christmas of '92," I said with a bright smile. I watched as his matching grin faded back into the tense frown.

"I think Tanya's going to break up with me soon," he said quietly.

"What? Edward, why do you say that?" Without thinking I reached out to hold his hand. I felt him squeeze back lightly. His eyes were focused on my face.

"You remember when I told you that I didn't want to think about what I've been feeling for you lately?" he whispered.

I could only nod my head. I remembered that very well. There was no air in my lungs with which to speak. All I could think about was Edward's warm jacket surrounding my body and his cold hand in mine. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"It's like when someone tells you _not_ to think about the color red…" he said staring into my eyes with the most intense expression I'd ever seen on him. "And then that color is all you can think about."

I swallowed and bit my lower lip. "So now you're thinking about red?" I asked, though it came out as more of a whisper.

He placed his hand over my chest so the backs of his fingers lay against the exposed skin of my collarbone. "Your heart is red… your lips…" I blushed as his thumb grazed over my lower lip, pulling it free of my teeth.

"Your cheeks," he continued; the corners of his mouth pulling up into a slight smile. His hand gently cupped my face and I was sure he was feeling the warmth there. The heart he spoke of was pounding out of my chest.

I don't know what made me do it but I raised my right hand to my left shoulder, pushing his hand away from my cheek in the process. I carefully peeled off his jacket and pushed the collar of my t-shirt aside just enough to reveal the thin strap of the lacy bra I was wearing.

"More red," I breathed.

Edward's eyes shifted down to my bare skin and red bra; then slowly back to my eyes. "Bella, you're killing me," he moaned in a voice so quiet I hardly heard him.

I swiftly adjusted my clothing back into place and leaned away. I hadn't realized how close I had come to his perfect face.

"Edward, I don't know what you want from me."

"I'm not asking you for anything, Bella. All I can tell you is I'm confused." He sighed. "Lately I've been realizing that my best friend in the world is this amazing, intelligent, attractive woman. With breasts I can't stop staring at now."

I snorted. Good job, Bella. "You're saying you've just realized I have breasts?" I asked slightly offended. Surely he would have noticed that when we were having sex…

"No. Damn it. I meant that I'm like a fucking adolescent boy when you're around. Nothing I'm feeling makes sense."

"And Tanya's noticing?" I guessed.

He nodded. "I've tried to hide it from her. I tried explaining how I feel. She just gets more and more upset with me."

I wanted desperately to ask him what he felt. What had changed for him? And when? But my conscience reminded me of Jake. I was falling for Jake, I knew I was. And this, what I was doing here with Edward, was wrong. So, so wrong. My boyfriend trusted me and I couldn't betray him. I willed myself to stand up and back away from the person I loved most in the world.

"Tanya's right to want out," he continued. "I'm a complete mess. I care about her but my feelings for her are… stagnant. They're nothing compared to my feelings for you, which are increasing and intensifying every time I see you."

"I don't know how much you've figured out about how I feel about you," I said softly. "I've wanted you to see me _that_ _way_ for so long. And you're not the only one worried about ruining what we have, Edward. I am too. But I don't know what you want me to say. I mean, Jake actually makes me happy. I don't want to hurt him. I owe him more than that."

Edward nodded before standing up to leave and I followed him to the door. I handed him his jacket and he folded it over his arm. "I see that you're happy now, Bella."

"I don't deserve you," he whispered with his index finger under my chin, holding my eyes locked on his. "But I'm gonna get my act together and then I'll be waiting, hoping someday the timing will be right for us."

And he walked out the door, closing it gently behind him.

I don't think I slept at all that night. Not. At. All. I hate that feeling when your mind is busy sifting through information and you have absolutely no control over it. What Edward told me earlier felt like a dream come true and a nightmare at the same time. How was I supposed to sleep after what he said to me? I tried counting to 100, closing my eyes and focusing on the blackness, even listening to classical music. Nothing helped. It always happens at the most inopportune times when you know you have to wake up early for something important, like a graduation, or meeting your new boyfriend's entire family.

Jake and I hadn't planned on seeing one another that week but after Edward dropped that bomb on me I panicked and texted Jake immediately. I asked how he was doing and said I missed him. When he replied it was with an invitation to come to the Makah reservation to have dinner. He even invited Charlie. When my phone buzzed with Jake's text I was so relieved to find that it gave me butterflies. I was nervous and excited to be going to his home. Plus, it gave me something else to think about rather than... that other thing I wasn't letting myself think about.

The next day Charlie and I were on our way to see Jacob. We arrived in just over an hour to a cute little community called Neah Bay, forty eight miles from Forks. The Blacks lived in a modest cabin with flower boxes hanging from every window sill. It occurred to me to be afraid of how Charlie might react to Jake. I'd never brought a boy home before. I hoped that being on Jacob's turf might make Charlie drop the intimidating Chief of Police routine just for a little while.

Charlie is not what you'd call the most sociable person so I was surprised to see how easily he fell into conversation with Jacob's dad. Both men eyed Jake and me as they asked us basic question like where we met and how long we'd been dating. The grilling continued with Jake's sisters who had more personal questions to ask as I helped them prepare dinner. Usually, I loved to cook but the twins were a little intimidating. I wished I could go back to the living room and sit next to Jake as Billy and my dad talked baseball and fishing.

"So, Bella... how did our little brother ask you out?" Rebecca asked. If I remembered correctly, she was the sister who was married to a surfer. Hmm, how did Jake ask me out? Should I tell her about our first quasi-relationship, or this new _real_one? I chose the real.

"Jake and I had been friends for a while and we ran into each other on campus one day. I was having a bad day and he offered to take me out to cheer me up. We had a great time together and it just grew from there."

Both sisters awwwed. Maybe it was a twin thing.

"Is he really romantic with you?" Rachel asked. I blushed and they giggled. This was torture.

"Bella, you should know just how smitten Jakey is with you. The last time he was like this with a girl was, what? Middle school?" Rachel turned to her sister for confirmation.

Rebecca nodded. "Probably fifth grade. And he showed that girl how he felt by chasing her around the playground with worms!"

Wait, what. Jacob hadn't liked a girl since he was 10? "Hasn't Jake had any other girlfriends besides me?" I asked, horrified. He sure didn't act like I was his first. The boy knew what he was doing, if you know what I mean.

Rebecca shook her head, "Oh, no sweetie. He dated a couple girls in high school. We've just never seen him like _this_before." They started up their awwing and giggling again. I felt like I was with twin dark skinned Alice's.

Jake rescued me a few moments later by walking into the kitchen and draping his arm around my shoulder.

"My sisters aren't telling you any embarrassing stories are they?"

"We were saving them for after dinner," Rachel joked.

We all ate the food the girls had prepared and they did a fantastic job. Jake had three platefuls while going on and on about missing their cooking. It was cute to see him interacting with family. He was so much more open and Jake-like with them than he was when I dragged him to hang out with Rose, and Alice, and Edward.

After I'd helped Rachel and Rebecca clear the table I noticed Jake kick them out of the kitchen and start washing the dishes by himself. I smiled at the thought that Jake's mother must have taught him to help out in the kitchen after someone makes you a meal. I realized I'd never cooked for him in my house before. It was something I really looked forward to doing.

I was pulled from my daydream of cooking for Jake when I heard Billy mention a bonfire. Charlie might have just been trying to be polite, or maybe he was really enjoying himself, I wasn't sure, but he accepted the invite before I had a chance to interject. All the local families were gathering on the beach for a celebration and Billy had asked if we'd like to join. I looked over at Jake, elbow deep in soapy water, as he smiled at me over his shoulder. I approached him and wrapped my arms around his middle.

"I'm having a good time here. You're family is great," I whispered.

He dried his hands on a towel and turned around to face me. "I'm really glad you came," he replied, kissing my nose.

I offered to dry the dishes and together we finished cleaning up the kitchen. Half an hour later we were on the beach, under millions of stars, chatting with what seemed like every person Jake's ever met. Quil, Embry, and Jared were there. I finally got to meet the bad apple, Paul, who seemed to be courting Rachel. Jake groaned and rolled his eyes when I asked him about them. It was cute to see him protective of his older sister.

Charlie and Billy were having a debate over fishing tackle when Jake suddenly stood up and pulled me to my feet. He took my hand as he led me down the dark beach; the only light to guide us coming from the moon and stars. It was really beautiful there. The tall pine trees came up to where the beach mixed with the forest floor and the gentle waves from the sea were crashing in a soothing rhythm. Jake picked a spot out of sight from the bonfire and laid his jacket in the sand for us to sit on. I eagerly sat in his lap and we watched the waves roll in.

We sat together for a long time lost in our own thoughts. Jake was rubbing up and down my arms massaging my muscles. Occasionally he leaned into my neck and planted a kiss or two. I closed my eyes and reveled in the closeness we were sharing. My mind wandered over the events of the day. I thought about Jake chatting with my father and how natural their conversation seemed to flow. I remembered his sisters grilling me for details or our relationship; how much love for their brother shined in their expressions. I'd noticed there was a photo of Jake's mom with her arms around all three kids that still sat on the bookshelf in their living room. It made my heart break for the family's loss. I thought about how I felt like I'd lost my own mother. I could only imagine their pain as I had only lost my mother to a new husband and a new city, while Jake lost his mother to God. I silently chuckled to myself, surprised to find that I assumed Jake's mother was at peace with God. Perhaps I had more faith than I gave myself credit for. Maybe I just wanted to believe, like Edward had told me a long time ago. I started to think about some of the deeper, more meaningful discussions we'd had over the years. I cherished those conversations as much as he did.

I tensed at the unintentional thoughts of Edward. They hadn't been impure thoughts but I still felt guilty for my behavior the previous day. I was correct to think that as soon as I was immersed in Jacob's presence again I would realize that he was where I belonged. I was happy here; sitting in him arms, feeling his warmth surround me. The nagging guilt in the back of my mind gave way to the peace that came in knowing that my choice was made.

Slowly I began to turn my body around to face Jacob, pushing him down until his back hit the cool sand. I straddled his lap and offered him a deep passionate kiss. He finally broke it off, chuckling at my sudden aggressiveness. I shushed him and moved my attention to his neck, slightly rubbing my hips against his. He groaned at the contact and placed his hands on my waist. I wasn't brave enough to attempt sex out in the open even if we were in the dark and about a mile from the party. So, I settled for the next best thing. I needed to feel connected to my boyfriend. Show him how much I wanted him.

I slid my hand down his firm chest and fumbled with the button and fly of his jeans. He asked me what I was doing but I only shushed him again and turned my attention back to the bulge in his pants. I knelt between his legs and opened his fly just enough to grasp his length and free it from the confines of the boxers. Taking charge over Jake's body was igniting my own arousal. I heard Jacob quietly moan above me as I teased his cock with my fingertips. I kept my eyes locked on his as I lowered my mouth to him, swirling my tongue around the tip. I knew how crazy that made him. He watched me intently as I took more of him into my mouth. I tried to relax my throat and take as much of him as I could. Sucking hard, I moaned from my own lust as my tongue circled his length and I bobbed my head up and down with determination to make him cry out in pleasure.

I loved the feeling I got from making Jake lose control. I quickened my speed as his responses became more audible. I knew he was close when he started cursing and repeating my name. His hands were in my hair but not in a tight grasp. He was allowing me to keep all control. I moaned around his cock when he came, thrusting his hips forward so I would take him deeper. I swallowed his release and made him shudder as I licked the last of his cum off the tip. Jacob was breathing heavily as I tucked him back inside his jeans and he pulled me up to lay next to him.

"You are an amazing woman, Bella," he sighed. I smiled and nuzzled my face against his neck. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. We watched the tide roll in, neither of us speaking. The silence and his warm arms were equally comforting.

I felt guilty that I came a little too close to cheating on Jake when I talked so candidly with Edward the night before. There's other ways to be unfaithful to someone besides physical intimacy with another person. If you considered how I never fully committed myself emotionally to Jake you might say my infidelity was a constant variable in our relationship. It was one he said he was willing to accept.

I wasn't sure how to feel about Edward confessing that he couldn't stop thinking about me. I knew I should probably be angry. It bothered me that he only started admitting his feelings after I got back together with Jacob. He even said he was still confused. Out there on the beach, with the taste of Jake still on my tongue, I couldn't help but feel like my prior actions with him meant that I had further damaged my delicate relationship with Edward. It felt like in some small way I'd cheated on him too, and feeling that way scared the shit out of me more than everything else.


	24. Chapter 23: What Friends Are For

Chapter 23: WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

The week of spring break passed quickly and before I knew it I was packing my suitcase for the trip back to UW, where I would spend the next two months before flying out to Jacksonville. Again I was expected to spend part of the summer with my mother. It was exhausting thinking about my nomadic lifestyle. My whole childhood consisted of being shuffled around between parents. It hasn't seemed to get any easier as an adult. Every time I began to feel comfortable in my surroundings it was time to relocate again.

I decided not to share details of my conversation with Edward on the ride back to campus even though it was all I could think about. Rose didn't notice my silence since we had Emmett in the car. I listened to the two of them banter back and forth and stared out the window for the entire trip. Alice beat us back to the house and was already unpacked when we arrived. I found her in her room in tears, looking at a picture of Jasper. Alice's emotions were all over the place and having to say goodbye to Jazz proved much more difficult this time around. I hugged her until she got it all out, smoothing her hair away from her face.

"I'm going to be so fat the next time he sees me," she griped.

"Al, you will be more beautiful than ever," I promised her. "And remember today was the last goodbye you'll have to say. Once this semester is over you'll be together for good."

She sighed. "You're right. I can't wait for this stupid semester to end!"

"Have you two decided where you'll be living in the fall? I still think we can convince Rose to switch rooms if you and Jazz wanna stay here."

"Thanks, Bella. I don't want to cramp your style having an infant in your bachelorette pad," she giggled. "Besides, Jazz keeps hinting about getting engaged so I think we're going to find our own place," she said beaming.

"Really? It's about time," I teased. I knew Jasper would do right by her. Rose and Edward would kill him otherwise.

Alice shrugged. "It's my own fault. I told him not to even _think _about me getting into a wedding dress until I've lost the pregnancy weight!"

"Oh, Alice. You're five months pregnant and you're still way skinnier than I am."

"Well, that's true," she said, sticking her tongue out at me.

"Very mature, Mama," I teased.

I spent Sunday cleaning the house and doing some grocery shopping. I made my roommates a fancy dinner that night. I was doing anything I could think of to keep my mind occupied. Jake wasn't coming back until Monday afternoon so I had at least another day before I could see him. I called my friend Carrie and offered to take her Monday shift at the daycare. That would help me keep busy. I wondered how long I'd have to keep up this routine before I'd feel normal again. Then again, when exactly had I ever been normal?

My Monday class with Edward was awkward to say the least. He sat next to me as always but I was afraid to look into his dazzling green eyes. I was scared to death of what I might see in them if I looked. The second the professor dismissed class I shot out of my seat like a bullet before Edward had a chance to say a word to me. I didn't want to be giving him the silent treatment and that wasn't my plan. I just needed to see Jake first, settle back into our routine, and then everything would be fine.

Tuesday night I finally got to see my boyfriend. We ordered a pizza and hung out in his room with Quil and Embry. Wednesday night I had a shift at the daycare until 9 and then Jake came over to spend the night. By Thursday afternoon I was starting to relax. So much that I gathered the courage to contact Edward. I wanted him to know that we were okay. I knew he'd worry about how I'd ignored him in class that week. I sent him an innocent friendly text message Thursday afternoon between classes.

_E- Sorry about class this week. Just needed time. You're coming out with us Sat nite I hope? -B_

I settled into my usual seat in my Thursday afternoon class and waited for the professor to begin his lecture. I noticed that Tanya wasn't there. About ten minutes into the class the door opened and there she was. The closest seat from the door was the row next to me and as she hurried into it Tanya shot me a menacing glare. I briefly wondered if she had been with Edward when he received my text earlier. Did she know what Edward and I talked about over spring break? Tanya didn't talk to me during or after class. She didn't even look in my direction again. When did life get so complicated?

That night at the house I was finishing up some homework in my room when I heard Alice come home. She was making quite a commotion in the kitchen and I heard her call for me and Rose to come out of our rooms. I slammed my book shut and hurried down the stairs. My first thought was something was wrong with the baby. I rushed to her side just as Rose was coming from her room.

"What's wrong, Al?" I asked.

"We need to have a family meeting," she exclaimed.

Rose put her hands on her hips and said, "My idiot brother didn't propose to you over the phone, did he?"

Alice's expression lightened slightly. "No, don't be silly! This is about Edward."

"Okay," Rose replied. "What's wrong?"

Alice motioned for us to sit in the kitchen. Once we were seated she took her place at the head of the small table like she was conducting a board meeting. "I was on campus this morning in the Student Center when I ran into Abby. You know Abby, Bella. She's been hooking up with Edward's old roommate, Mark, for months."

"I don't know any Abby… Wait, Mark, as in the guy who only wears green?" I asked confused.

"That's the one!" Alice chirped. "Anyhoo, Abby told me that Mark ran into Edward this morning and he looked really green. No pun intended." She chuckled at her own bad joke. Rose looked at me, trying to suppress a laugh.

"Mark asked him if he was sick or something and according to Abby, Edward told Mark that he just broke up with his girlfriend…"

My eyes widened as I took in a deep breath of air. Alice continued, "Abby said Mark told her he thought the girl's name was Bella, so obviously they got some wires crossed there…"

Rose looked at me as I blushed. "So I called my dear brother immediately to find out what the hell was going on and he confirmed that Tanya dumped him last night! Can you believe that?"

We both shook our heads and pretended that it was shocking news. Meanwhile, all the progress I'd made the past week flew right out the freaking window.

Alice started pacing back and forth. "I met Edward for lunch and, Bella, you should see him. He barely said five words to me. And he looks terrible. I could tell he hadn't shaved this morning and he was wearing black shoes with brown socks. I trained him better than that! When you feel your worst you need to look your best."

"Alice, give Edward a break. His girlfriend left him, what, eighteen hours ago? How do you expect him to care about his clothes?" Rose spat.

"I'm just so worried about him. You guys saw him right after Victoria broke up with him. I'm telling you, this is worse! We have to do something ASAP to cheer him up."

"What do you have in mind?" Rose asked warily.

"Well, I know we were all planning on going out Saturday but this can't wait. I think we should plan something for tomorrow night. Maybe another house party!"

"No! No! No more house parties, Alice," I said, my words rushing out of my mouth. Rose snickered covering her mouth with her hand.

"How about just the five of us rent a movie or something? I'll make some food, we can watch together, and just hang out like old times?" I suggested.

Alice pondered that for a minute. "You're saying something low key would be better?"

"Yes. I know that's not _the Cullen way_," I replied making air quotes, "but it would probably be the most helpful to Edward right now. Don't you think?"

Alice glanced at Rose and she thankfully nodded in agreement.

"Okay then! Rose, you make sure Emmett is here. Bella, will you invite Jacob?"

"Um, Al. Maybe it would be more beneficial to him if it's just us Forks people," I hinted.

"Okey, dokey. Your call," she replied. "I'm going to call Edward to see how he's doing and tell him to make sure his ass is here tomorrow night, say eight o'clock?"

"Sounds good," I said. Alice scampered off to her room and I let my forehead fall flat on the table. Rose rubbed my shoulder kindly for a minute or two before silently retreating back to her bedroom.

The next morning I was sitting in the back row of my horrible 8am Earth Science class fiddling with my phone. Edward never responded to my message from the day before. At least I knew he had a good excuse not to. I wasn't in the mood to learn about igneous rock formations so I decided to send Jake a text.

_Wanna grab lunch? I have to cancel plans for tonight. _

I was surprised to get a reply immediately. Jake usually didn't wake up before ten if he could help it.

_Sure, sure, everything ok?_

_Yes, Alice is planning a Forks High get together for the five of us. My attendance is not optional. _

_Don't mess with the prego... I get it._

_Thx. Meet at your place at noon?_

_K, see you then, sexy. Mwah!_

I grinned and shoved my phone into my pocket.

Lunch was fun. We ate at a little diner off campus, the same one from the day my father was shot. I hated how that place would always remind me of that horrible day. Jake made me laugh throughout our meal which helped. He is a great story teller. On the walk back to campus I made the mistake of telling Jake the purpose to Alice's impromptu Forks High Reunion. I promised him I was only going to be there for friendly moral support and the idea behind the gathering was a throwback of our high school days. I think Jake was more upset that Edward was now single than the fact that he wasn't invited. I made sure to give him a long passionate kiss before I left him outside the dorm. I wanted to stay with Jacob longer but I needed to get home and make some food for Operation Cheer up Edward.

At a quarter to eight I had rice crispy treats, nachos and cheese, pizza bagels, and of course popcorn. I was setting everything out on the coffee table when Alice came down the stairs.

"Bella! I need you to go pick up Edward."

"No way. He has a car," I whined.

"He's refusing to leave him room. I know you're the only one who can get him here. Please?" she said pouting.

"Fine," I huffed. "But only because I made all this food and he is damn well going to eat it."

I took her car keys and drove over to Chestnut. I knocked on Edward's door and when he didn't respond I tried the doorknob. It was open so I let myself in. There were no lights on in the room, just the glow from the TV. Edward was lounging on his bed playing the Xbox. He glanced over to see who had entered.

"Since when do you play video games?" I demanded, hands on my hips.

"Emmett got me the system for Christmas so we could play online together," he said calmly.

"Well, haven't you noticed the time? You're supposed to be at our house right now. Let's go."

"I'm not in the mood, Bella. I told Alice that already."

I flicked on the light switch and he squinted.

"What is it with you and sitting in the dark lately?" I asked.

He shrugged and turned his attention back to his game. I could see then what Alice meant about his appearance. He obviously still hadn't shaved and was wearing a plain white t-shirt and sweat pants. I hated that even though his clothes and face were just as disheveled as his hair I still lusted for him.

"Damn it, Edward! I can't let your sister see you like this. You need to shower and change," I groaned.

"Doesn't matter. I'm not going anywhere," he replied.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, yes you are. Alice is in a fragile state right now and she is stressing herself out worrying about you. No one is saying that one movie with your friends is going to fix everything but please for one night try to feel a little bit better! Pretend if you have to, for your _pregnant_ sister's sake!"

He stopped pressing buttons on the controller and looked at me. "She's really that upset?" he asked.

I sighed thinking maybe I'd gotten through to him. "Yes, she's acting like you're about to slip into a catatonic state. Please just come hang out with us for a little while."

"Fine," he grumbled. I watched as he took a towel and change of clothes from his dresser and stalked towards his bathroom. "I'll be out in five minutes."

While Edward was showering I did whatever I could not to think about Edward showering. I cracked open the window to get a little ventilation into the room. I cleaned up the mess of potato chip bags and soda cans that were lying around. It wasn't like Edward to be so untidy. I had most of his clean clothes folded by the time he returned.

He was rubbing the towel over his head and looking for something on the dresser when I noticed his face was still scruffy.

"Edward. You have to shave. That's the first thing Alice is going to notice. She won't believe you're any better if she sees all that stubble," I scolded.

"Forget it," he protested.

"Edward, it's for Alice."

"I don't care."

"If _you_ don't shave your face _I_ will."

He stopped in the middle of applying deodorant and stared at me.

"I mean it," I said sternly.

"Well, I'm not doing it," he said casually, calling my bluff. He finished buttoning his shirt and attached a watch to his wrist.

"Then you leave me no choice. Come on," I waved for him to follow me into the bathroom.

He gave me a nervous smile and buttoned the cuff of his sleeve. There was a slight twinkle in his eye that I hadn't seen in weeks. I realized to shave Edward's face I would have to touch his face. Oh, how I loved to touch his face. I knew I was getting myself into trouble, but if he wanted to play games, I'd play games. I told myself I was only doing it for Alice.

I looked around the small bathroom for his razor but didn't see it anywhere. "Where's your razor?" I asked.

He picked up a small Bic off the sink and held it up in front of my face.

"You don't have an electric one?"

"It's busted," he answered frowning.

"Fine," I huffed. He stood in front of the sink and waited for me to take charge. The vanity had two sinks since Edward's room shared the bathroom with the dorm next door. He was at least five or six inches taller than me so I opted to hop onto the counter between the sinks to be closer to his face. Edward filled the sink in front of him with water and brought a can of shaving cream down from the medicine cabinet.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" he asked hesitating before handing me the razor.

"Hell, no. You better not squirm much or I might nick an artery," I warned. I was hoping that would scare him into doing it himself but he wasn't budging.

He furrowed his brow but stepped closer to the counter, standing just to the right of my legs that hung over the side. He squirted a good amount of shaving cream into the palm of my hand and said, "I trust you."

I spread the thick cream over Edward's cheeks and chin evenly. Using just one finger I applied some over his upper lip and used a second, clean finger to brush the excess from his lips. My heart was racing as I took his chiseled jaw in my hand and turned his face away from me. The water in the sink swooshed around as I wet the tip of the razor and brought it closer to his left cheek.

"Up or down?" I asked.

He looked worried and it made me smile. "Down," he stated. "And watch the sideburns, please."

I gently pressed the razor to his cheek and slid it down to the jawbone. I rinsed it in the sink again and took another pass along his cheek. He watched me intently as I worked, never taking his eyes from my face. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. There was a need starting to build inside me; one I knew only Edward could satisfy. I needed a distraction.

"This isn't so hard," I whispered. "You should try ankles. Now there's a real challenge."

"I bet," he replied, smiling.

I was very careful on his lip and chin. He only winced once. A tiny drop of blood appeared along his jaw and I dabbed it with toilet paper. When the razor pressed against the skin of his neck Edward surprised me by stilling my hand with his.

"Be careful. And here you stroke up," he said guiding the razor in my hand up his neck and under his jaw. I nodded and he let his hand fall away. He took in a slow deep breath and closed his eyes as I continued.

"You know this would be a lot easier of you did it yourself," I commented.

"Where's the fun in that?" he replied grinning. I rolled my eyes and let out a nervous laugh.

"This side is done, come around here so I can do the other," I instructed.

Instead of moving to the left side of my legs Edward gently parted my knees and settled himself between them. I breathed in sharply but didn't push him away. Edward's hands had settled on my thighs and I was paralyzed by desire. I swallowed the enormous lump in my throat and washed the razor in the now cloudy water. I didn't look him in the eye; I couldn't, but I felt his intense gaze on me.

The right side of his face went quicker than the left now that I had a little confidence in my ability. That is, until Edward's grip tightened slightly and his thumbs began to graze up and down my inner thighs. My body was screaming at me to pull him closer and wrap my legs around his waist. I pressed my lips into a thin line to prevent a moan from escaping. His touch was slowly driving me insane.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" I asked trying to sound displeased.

"Mmmm, I'm experimenting," he murmured.

"Experimenting?" I asked as I dragged the razor softly down his chin. Almost done, Bella. Almost done…

"Testing your different responses to me," he clarified. "This for instance…" he pressed his fingers deeper into the muscle of my thighs, "you seem to enjoy."

I cleared my throat and leaned my torso back against the medicine cabinet. Unintelligible babble spilled from my lips and Edward chuckled softly.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking," he whispered so quietly it might not have been meant for me to hear.

I wiped the excess cream from his face and inspected my work, turning his head from side to side. I allowed myself the pleasure of running my fingertips down his soft cheeks. Edward quietly groaned.

"All done," I said, finally allowing my eyes to align with his. He stared at me and for a moment I feared he would try to kiss me. I desperately wanted him to but prepared to turn my head if he tried. Instead, he let out a long sigh, his warm minty breath hitting my face. I was too close to him to think straight so I pulled back. Edward splashed water on his face and dried it with a nearby towel. I took the opportunity to jump down from the vanity and put some much needed space between us.

"Bella, wait..." he started to say, but I cut him off.

"We can go now. Everyone is expecting us," I replied walking back into his room. I took a few deep breathes to settle my nerves.

Edward grabbed a light jacket and held his dorm room door open for me as we exited. Neither of us spoke a word during the short car ride. Rose, Emmett, and Alice were arguing over movie selections when we arrived. Alice jumped up and hugged her brother when she saw us come in.

"Emmett, please tell me you brought some beer or something?" I called from the kitchen. I looked around but didn't see anything.

"In the fridge, little Bella," he replied.

I grabbed a can and joined the others in the living room.

"So have we decided yet, guys?" Rose whined.

"I vote for Breakfast Club," Alice said.

"You always vote for Breakfast Club, Alice," Emmett complained.

"Gone in Sixty Seconds," Rose said.

"Ew, yuck. Angelina's hair is so gross in that movie. I can't watch that," Alice replied shaking her head.

"How about Die Hard?" I suggested.

"Yippy ki-yay, mother fucker!" Emmett quoted, giving his seal of approval.

It was settled so I popped in the DVD. Rose was seated on the love seat with Emmett and Alice was in the middle of the long sofa. I sat on one side of her and Edward took the other. Per Alice's explicit instructions no one mentioned Tanya or asked Edward how he was holding up. What was bothering Edward was a bit more complicated than just getting dumped by his girlfriend but I couldn't explain that to Alice.

We watched the movie, making jokes about the eighties hair styles, and of course the fact that Bruce Willis still _had_ hair. I refilled the platters as everyone ate the food I had prepared. The beer was helping calm my nerves and I slowly relaxed enough to fully enjoy the company of my friends. We needed to get together like this more often.

At ten o'clock Alice excused herself to have her nightly phone call with Jasper. She went up to her room and never came back down.

"This is really a great Christmas movie," Emmett commented.

"What?" Rose asked.

"Yeah. We should really be watching this every year instead of that dumb 'It's A Wonderful Life'. I'm so tired of that crap."

I laughed. "How is this a better representation of the holiday spirit, Em?"

"Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho," he replied. "What more could you ask for?"

Rose playfully punched him and he grabbed her wrist in his hand. She giggled and tried to fight back but Emmett is made of muscle so she had no chance. He pulled her against him and kissed her hard. After a minute or so of watching them making out, Edward cleared his throat. Rose pulled away embarrassed and Emmett grinned from ear to ear.

"Um, Bells, I think we're going to call it a night," she said.

"Rose, the movie's almost over," I complained.

"I'm sorry. Are you guys gonna be okay?"

"Yes. Fine, just go," I replied waving my hand in dismissal.

"Thanks, Bella boo," Emmett whispered as they stood up. Emmett whacked her behind as they scurried down the hall.

"Animals," I commented to Edward who was no longer watching the movie either. He was staring at me again and I didn't know what to do.

"Cold?" I squeaked. Jumping up from the sofa I made my way to the recliner and pulled the afghan off the back. I settled back into my place on the sofa and Edward scooted over until he was dangerously close to my side. He helped spread the blanket out over our legs and I hugged the edge of it up against my body.

"I'll keep you warm," he joked, wagging his eyebrows at me.

I laughed and slapped his bicep.

"You better behave or I'm turning off Bruce," I warned.

"What color are you wearing, today?" he asked in a husky voice, ignoring my threat.

"What?"

He repeated himself slowly, his voice dripping with implication. "What _color _are you wearing today?" He pulled at the collar of my sweater gently until I understood. He wanted to know what color my bra was. I smiled and pulled the collar out of his fingers, not allowing him to see.

"Dark blue," I answered.

He smiled. "You seem to be favoring colors lately."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You were wearing white the night we spent together," he explained, looking me in the eye. My brain flashed to a memory of Edward naked in my bed. It made me dizzy.

"Oh. Rose took me shopping. I didn't have anyone to show them to back then."

"So let me see," he teased playfully.

"I meant I wear prettier bras now for my boyfriend," I simplified. Right, Bella. Remember Jacob?

He frowned; a little crease forming on his forehead.

"Jacob has seen this one?" he asked quietly.

"Edward. Jacob's seen them all…"

"Are you sleeping with him, Bella?"

It shouldn't have pained me to tell him the truth but it did. It hurt really badly. I was sure he already knew the answer but I felt a tear escape my eye as I nodded. He let out the breath he was holding and looked down at his hands.

"I can see myself falling in love with Jacob. I'm not there yet, mostly because of you, but I want to be. I care about him. I'm attracted to him. We get along so well," I whispered.

He was playing with the corner of the blanket, turning it over in his hands.

"I want you, Edward. I want you so much, but I have something real with Jake. I don't want to throw it away," I explained.

When Jacob and I got back together he'd expressed his only fear was that I would someday leave him for Edward. I'd promised us both that if we ever broke up it would be for our own reasons and not so I could rush into Edward's arms. I already knew I loved Edward, but I realized what I felt most for him in that moment was pure uncontainable lust. We already had a close friendship. The only element missing was sexual. And what I had with Jacob felt just as strong, only it was a complete, tangible relationship. I couldn't explain it to him in words. It was a feeling deep inside me.

"I feel like my heart is divided into two halves," I whispered.

Edward finally looked up as he cupped my cheek in his hand and brushed his thumb over my lower lip. I tucked it behind my front teeth.

"Am I too late, Bells?" he whispered, the pain in his eyes overwhelming me. My tears overflowed in that moment because I knew the answer to his question.

"Yes," I breathed. I never thought he could possibly be too late but somehow he was.

Edward held me for a long time as I let out all the emotions I'd been ignoring and trying to hide for so long. We hugged each other tightly and eventually fell asleep in one another's arms on the sofa. The next morning I woke up with a headache. That always happened to me after I cried too much. He was so warm and smelled so good that I lingered in my sleepy morning haze just to feel close to him a little longer. I felt his chest rise and fall against my face and listened to the soft sounds of his breathing. Alice pulled me from my new happy place much too soon.

"What are you guys doing?" she giggled. When I realized Edward's sister had caught us tangled up together on the couch I fully expected her to be upset. I suppose the fact that we weren't touching each other inappropriately and were fully clothed cushioned the blow. Edward still had his shoes on for goodness sakes.

"Uh, hey Al," I croaked, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. My movements roused my sleeping buddy and he peeked at Alice through heavy lids. Edward reached for my waist and tried to pull me back down to him.

"Easy, tiger. Let the poor girl get up," Alice chided.

He released me and I stood up to adjust my clothes.

"So what did I miss last night?" Alice asked grinning.

"Not much," I answered. "We finished the movie and fell asleep talking."

"You two have the strangest friendship I've ever seen," she commented, and then turned to walk into the kitchen.

I smiled at Edward as he sat up and wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm so sorry." I was supposed to be comforting him last night and instead I was the one who fell apart and cried myself to sleep in his arms. We both knew how important we were to each other, and I knew he didn't doubt how much I loved him.

"What are you sorry for, Bella?"

"You know what," I whispered. "You promise we're going to survive this, right?"

"Yes, Bells. I will always be here for you," he assured me.


	25. Chapter 24: Summer Surprises

Chapter 24: SUMMER SURPRISES

The first week of May had me excited for many reasons. The weather was turning warmer which put everyone in a good mood. Sophomore year was two weeks from ending and then I had the whole summer to spend with my family, friends, and Jacob. I was looking forward to spending more time in Neah Bay with him.

I planned on staying a week in Forks to visit Charlie, and then I'd fly down to Jacksonville to see my mother for a month, and then back to Forks for the remainder of the summer. Alice's baby was due in late August and I wanted to make sure I was in town when she went into labor. I fully expected to spend my time in Forks reconnecting with Jessica, Angela, and even Mike. Edward had respected my wishes and started acting like my friend again. He still flirted with me a little when we were alone but I tried to keep that alone time to a minimum for my own sanity. I felt confident that we'd be able to hang out together over the summer without the weirdness. Maybe it was the spring air but I was feeling giddy about the prospects of an amazing summer ahead.

My good mood only lasted through that first week of May. Then Jacob dropped a bomb on me that shattered all my plans. To be fair, we hadn't actually discussed spending the summer together, but after months of being inseparable I sort of assumed it was a given. So when Jacob told me he had to spend the entire summer in California for an internship I was really upset. How could he not tell me something so important? He'd just received word that he was going to Big Sandy Wildlife Area in southern California. I didn't want to be upset about something that was important for Jake's career, but what bothered me was he'd applied to a number of summer programs and every one took him out of state. Regardless of where he was assigned he knew he'd be gone all summer and didn't think to mention it to me. As a result, we had our first fight as a couple.

Jake and I reconciled after a few days of fighting and not speaking to one another. There was really nothing I could do. I understood why Jacob had to go, and it wasn't because he didn't want to spend his summer with me. He even asked me to fly down and visit him but I explained I'd already purchased tickets to Florida and couldn't afford another trip for a while. The only good thing that came out of our lover's quarrel was the makeup sex.

Jake left for his internship the day before I went home to Forks. It was difficult to say goodbye to him and I actually cried a little. Jacob looked pleased that I was going to miss him so much and I tried to blame my emotions on too much time around Alice. Jake chuckled at my lame excuse and kissed my forehead. He apologized again for leaving me for the entire summer and we shared a very passionate goodbye kiss.

When everyone arrived in Forks the girls were all summoned to the Cullen's house to plan Alice's surprise baby shower. Esme looked happier than I'd seen her in a long time. She was so excited to be a grandmother. She had lots of great ideas for the shower and needed each of us to handle some part of the planning. Angela, Rose, Jessica, and I were more than happy to help. I told everyone at the secret meeting that I was extending my visit to Florida into July. Without Jacob around I figured I should spend more time with my mother. I missed her and now that I had a boyfriend I felt like I had a lot more to talk to her about. Truthfully, I desperately needed her advice on a wide array of topics.

I left for Florida the last week of May. It was like a breath of fresh air seeing my mother. We spent so much time on the beach soaking up the sun and talking that after a few weeks I actually had tan lines for the first time since I left Arizona. My mother proved to contain a wealth of knowledge about men and dating. Rose and Angela are great, but only a girl's mother can stay honestly interested as you ramble on about every little detail of your life. I think Renee was ecstatic that I was finally opening up to her. Little by little over my stay there I explained to her everything about my relationships with both Edward and Jacob.

I felt lonely being away from Jake even though I was with my mother and Phil. We talked every few days while I was in Jacksonville but sometimes I got the feeling that he wanted our conversations to end before I did. I told myself it was because he was having such a good time in California. He told me about all the interesting things he was experiencing and learning there. It did sound like a beautiful place.

I called Edward on his birthday in June. I'd talked to him a few times since I'd left but it was mostly in reference to Alice's shower.

"Happy Birthday, Edward!" I said enthusiastically.

"Hey, Bells. Thank you," he replied. It was so good hearing his voice.

"So, 21, huh? You have big plans for tonight?"

He laughed. "Emmett and Jasper are making me buy them beer and the three of us are going to celebrate at Em's house."

"Well, that's what you get for being the first to turn 21. You end up supplying your underage friends with liquor on your birthday," I joked.

"Yeah, at least my parents are taking me out to dinner first."

"Yes, it's not wise to start drinking on an empty stomach," I agreed.

"That's for sure."

"I better not catch you on Skype later tonight," I chuckled.

Edward groaned but then laughed saying, "To be safe you better not sign on either."

I was glad we were in a place where we could finally joke about that night. We talked for a few more minutes before he had to go.

Fourth of July in Florida was spectacular. Renee took me someplace where the fireworks were shot off over the water. We had a great time but I really missed not being able to join the Cullen's annual party. I was happy to be heading home by the second week of July. I was practically bouncing out of my seat when the plane began its final descent. Partly because I couldn't wait to get off the plane, but mostly it was because I was eager to be back in Washington. I missed my bedroom at Charlie's place, the stupid green moss, and all my friends. It was time to put the second part of my summer plans into action. I wanted to see Angela and Ben, Jessica, and I was dying to see how big Alice's belly had gotten since I last saw her.

I called Jake from the airport to let him know my flight landed safely. We had another short conversation while I waited for my ride. Rose was picking me up since Charlie was working. As we were saying goodbye he told me that he missed me. I smiled into the phone and told him the same.

"Welcome home, Bells," Rose greeted me with a hug.

"Thank you for coming to get me. Charlie forgot what day I was flying in."

She laughed. "No problem. I have lots to catch you up on anyway," she said raising an eyebrow.

We talked all the way home from Port Angeles. We discussed baby shower arrangements for a few minutes since the party was three days away. My responsibility was invitations and RSVP's so I'd called Esme before I left Florida with the final head count. I asked Rose how the table centerpieces turned out and she gave me a quick description before getting down to the business of filling me in on all the town gossip.

"Jessica cheated on Mike! The whole town knows. Apparently this guy she's been seeing at CU posted pictures of them together on his Facebook page and tagged her in them. Mike saw them while he was at work and freaked out in front of customers."

"Oh my God," I said. "How could she do that to poor Mike?"

"I want to know how stupid that CU guy must be for posting the evidence online," Rose chuckled.

"Maybe Jessica never even told him she had a boyfriend back home," I suggested.

"Well, Mike dumped her, obviously. He's been hanging out with Edward a lot since it happened."

"Really?" That took me by surprise. We were all friends in high school but I knew Edward never thought very much of Mike. "I can't picture that," I replied.

Rose laughed again. "I know, right! They've been bonding over all their lost loves."

I groaned. "They haven't been talking about me, have they? I know Mike had a thing for me in high school."

"Not that I'm aware of but every time I mention your name their ears perk up," she warned.

Ugh. Why did Esme decide to have guys at Alice's shower? It would be so much easier if it was just going to be the girls there Saturday.

"So what other news do you have?" I asked eager to change the subject.

"Jasper's going to propose on Saturday," she said grinning ear to ear.

"At the shower?"

"Yep. He has it all planned out. I helped, of course. You can't tell anyone because only Jasper and Esme know besides me."

"I can keep a secret," I assured her. Now I understood why Edward and the other men were invited.

"How have your parents been handling the pregnancy?"

"Better than before. They're still angry Jasper's leaving Drexel. He's going to take online courses from UW in the fall so he can stay in Forks with Alice. I think he's moving into the Cullen's house once the baby's born," she explained.

"Do we know if it's a girl or boy yet? Last time I talked to Alice she still refused to find out."

"Nope, still a mystery. Jazz wants to know so bad," she laughed. "Alice wants to be surprised."

"Well, she's certainly going to get a surprise on Saturday!" I replied.

I was excited for the party. Alice was going to flip out when Jasper proposed. Rose dropped me off at Charlie's house and I thanked her again for the ride.

"Remember, be at the Cullen's house at 5 o'clock! Jasper's bringing her back to the house at 6 so we all have to be ready," she reminded me.

"Got it. See you then."

On Saturday I did some cleaning and went to the grocery store. I made Charlie a nice lunch and we talked a little. Jake called me around 2 o'clock and I ran upstairs to talk to him in private.

"Hey, Jake," I answered.

"Hey, Hun. How are you?"

"Good. I've been doing some chores around the house and tonight is Alice's surprise party."

"Oh, right," he said. "She hasn't figured it out yet?"

"I don't think so, but Alice is very perceptive. Even if she knows there's a party I'm still certain she'll end up being surprised," I said thinking about Jasper's plan to propose. I wanted to tell Jake since it was unlikely telling him would get back to Alice but I wasn't taking any chances.

"I'm sure it will be great," he replied. "I'm sorry I can't be there."

"I know. Everyone misses you." With one exception, I thought to myself.

"I bet," he laughed, reading my mind.

"So what are you working on down there? What's it like?" I asked, changing the subject.

"It's been awesome, Bella. We were studying the wild pigs here in the reserve for a few weeks. I had to examine their habitat and how they hunted. It's amazing how every animal has a purpose in their environment. Their diet keeps the vegetation under control, and the coyotes feed off the pigs, and all the animals that die return to the earth so new vegetation can grow."

I chuckled under my breath. Jake really did love his nature. "The circle of life, right?" I commented.

"Yep, pretty much. And you should see this place. It's gorgeous. I don't think it's rained once since I've been down here; so different than Washington."

"Sounds like you're diggin' southern Cali."

"I could see myself living here someday. The lifestyle's a lot like the res'. We're living in log cabins right in the heart of the park."

"Cabins? Like summer camp?"

He laughed. "Yeah, kinda. All the other interns are here in this little campsite with me. We've been having bonfires at night to keep ourselves entertained. The nearest movie theater is an hour away."

"No wonder I haven't heard much from you this summer," I said nonchalantly.

"I know. I haven't been the best boyfriend, have I?" he replied.

"It's okay, Jake. I just miss you a lot. It seems like you're having a really great experience down there. I'm happy for you."

"I am enjoying it, but Bella, you have no idea how much I miss you. Sometimes I'm so tempted to hop on the next flight home just so I can hold you."

"That sounds nice. I can't wait for you to get back, Jake. I miss having you sleep next to me."

"Me too, honey."

When I finally got off the phone with Jake I felt much better. It was good to hear him say he missed me. Sometimes a text message just doesn't cut it. I took a long hot shower and checked my email before getting dressed for the party. I decided to wear a skirt even though I despised them. I knew if Alice had known about the party beforehand she would have chosen something fancy for me to wear, so I decided to do her proud. I had a sleeveless green top that would work well with the only skirt hanging in my bedroom closet. Silver earrings and a necklace went nicely with the outfit and I had strappy sandals to match the khaki skirt.

A little after 4:30 I said goodbye to Charlie and drove over to the Cullen's in my old truck. I loved getting to drive again. I decided to pull around back and leave it where Edward's car was parked. Hopefully Jasper had enough sense to pull up in front of the house when he came back with Alice. I found Esme in the kitchen finishing up some appetizers so I helped her transfer them to serving platters. The living room was absolutely gorgeous; Esme and Angela transformed the Cullen's house into a banquet hall. There were small round tables with white linens and tea lights. White Christmas lights were strung up the banister that led to the second floor and all along the balcony railing.

I was surprised to see Edward downstairs in the main room for once. He was chatting with Mike and Ben. Angela, Rose, Emmett, Carlisle, Bree, and Mr. and Mrs. Hale were there also. I noticed the only person who seemed to be missing was Jessica. Rose saw me enter the room and rushed over to help me set down the platters in the right places. Every detail of this party had been carefully planned. I could only imagine how fancy Alice and Jasper's actual wedding would be.

I made my way over to Edward and said a quick hello before going to stand by Angela. Right at six o'clock we saw the headlights on Jasper's car winding down the road that led to the house. Esme turned off a couple lights and told everyone to be quiet. We all waited by the kitchen and dining room entranceways so Alice couldn't see us when she came into the house. The front door opened and closed loudly. That was our signal. Esme flipped all the lights back on.

"Surprise!" everyone shouted.

There was no doubt Alice had been fooled. She jumped at the sight of us all standing in her home and her eyes bugged out as she shrieked. Jasper laughed and put his arms around her to comfort her, kissing her cheek. She laughed with him and playfully slapped his arm. Esme came forward and gave her daughter a big hug, and Alice then greeted each of us with tears in her eyes.

The party was very successful. All the typical shower games were played and Alice received so many gifts it was staggering. Most of the guys hung out in the back of the room while the ladies participated in some of the sillier traditions. I decided to take a break myself when Rose announced we were going to have a contest to see who could draw the best baby on a paper plate on top of their head. I was getting antsy waiting for Jasper's big moment to take place. I still didn't know what he had planned; only that it was going to happen right before cake so none of the guests left before he could do it. I assumed I had a good ten minutes so I snuck off through the kitchen into the Cullen's obnoxiously large garage.

It was strange to think that in less than a month Alice and Jasper were going to be parents. And after that, they would be married. I felt like our lives were changing so fast. College was half over; we were going to be juniors this year. I was turning 21 in September and had a steady boyfriend. Before I knew it we would all be adults out in the real world. The notion was a little bit terrifying. I thought about how Jake said he wouldn't mind living in California someday. I tried to picture myself there too, in California or wherever he ended up getting a job offer. I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to do with my life but I did know that I wasn't busting my butt in school to let my education be wasted. It seemed that wherever Jake wound up it was likely to be out in the wilderness somewhere, miles from the nearest big city. I could probably find a job in publishing that allowed me to work from home but did I want that? Just me and a laptop alone at home never able to communicate with my coworkers in person? If I needed to be near a city and Jake had to be out in the woods where would we find a place to live that was close to both? This was of course all based on the assumption we'd still be together in two years. Would we?

I was turning all these questions over in my mind when I heard the door open behind me. I whirled around to find Edward entering the garage. It didn't feel like a good time to speak to Edward. I'd escaped to the garage to think privately. My heart was already responding to his warm smile with an increasing rhythm.

"What are you doing in here, Bells?" he asked curiously.

"Thinking about stuff," I replied shrugging my shoulders.

"Is everything okay?" He moved closer to where I stood leaning against Emmett's jeep. It was absurd how many cars fit in there. He placed his hand on the hood and waited for my reply.

"Yes. I was just thinking about what I want for my life. Jake is so focused. He knows exactly what road to take. Alice and Jasper have their path mapped out. Angela and Ben know what they're going to do after graduation. And I feel like I'm still stuck at the crossroads."

He smirked and said, "You wanna know what I see for you? I can picture you in a big office with a window overlooking the city, and you'll live in a nice high rise apartment that's ridiculously clean and organized. You're going to be a brilliant book editor, Bells. I just know you'll send all my manuscripts back covered in red ink."

I laughed at his vision of my future. It sounded delightful.

"What's making you worry about this now?" he asked.

"Alice's baby and future wedding just got me thinking I guess. Would I want to move to California or Oregon to be with Jake after graduation? I have no idea where his job might take him."

"He asked you to move away with him after next year?" Edward asked. I could tell by his face that the idea upset him.

I shook my head. "No, it's way too soon to be talking about that kind of thing. But it's inevitable if we're still together. I mean, what are the chances Jake can get a job in Olympic National Park? Every one of his classmates must be hoping to get a job there," I explained.

"Do you see yourself living with him in the future, Bella? Marrying him?"

I laughed because his question caught me completely off guard. I didn't want to be talking to Edward about this. He was staring at me without an ounce of humor in his expression. He looked serious and intense.

I decided I had to answer. "That's where I'm having difficulty, I'm afraid. I know what career I want. I know I want to get married and have kids. But whenever I've pictured my future in my head it has always been… with someone else," I said softly.

I hoped he'd understood what I was implying. I didn't think I could handle saying the actual words. Edward sucked in a breath and continued staring at me. When I didn't look away he took a step forward and dipped his head towards mine. Then I knew for sure that he'd understood. His eyes shifted down to my lips as he slowly inched his face closer to mine. Every hair on my neck stood up and I swore I could hear the blood pumping faster through my heart. I put my hand up to his chest to block his body from moving any closer, but didn't push him away. We froze only inches apart as our eyes locked on each other. Our breathing was erratic and my fingertips could feel the fast pace of his heart through his chest. It seemed to be keeping time with my own. If either of us moved forward a fraction of an inch our lips would be joined. I wanted to taste his mouth again. It had been far too long. I felt like my heart was calling out for him.

A noise in the kitchen startled us and I found the strength to pull away a few merciful inches. I sighed.

"Bells, why are you fighting this so hard?" he asked softly.

He hadn't even blinked as I slowly retreated from the gravitational pull of his body. I closed my eyes and repeated his question in my head. Why _was_ I fighting so hard against something Edward seemed to think was inevitable? Because dumping Jake like a ton of bricks was wrong! Because I cared about Jake and wanted to be with him! Because I didn't know if I trusted Edward's newfound feelings! I sighed and opened my eyes, focusing them on Edward's perfect face.

"Do you realize it's been almost a year since you and I had… were together?" I whispered.

"Too long," he replied reaching his hand out to stroke my cheek.

"It's starting to feel like it was only a dream," I admitted.

"Please don't say that," he begged. "It happened and it meant so much more than I understood at the time." The pain in his eyes was evident. His hand on my cheek started pulling me closer to him.

"This isn't right," I whispered. I gently freed my face from his soft hand.

"Someday it will be," he whispered in response.

"Don't promise me that."

"Why not?" he said brushing the hair away from my face.

"Edward, all this time I've wanted to be with you, and you never noticed. You never really wanted me until I had someone else."

He furrowed his brow and took a step back. "You don't think how I feel about you is real?"

"You said before that you were confused. What's changed? Are you sure you even know what you want?"

He huffed in frustration and ran his hand through his hair making it stand up in all directions. I used his silence to voice another of my concerns.

"I was there when you chose Victoria, and when you chose Tanya, and every other girl that came before. How do you know what you're feeling for me is different?"

He thought for a moment and replied, "Bella. I can't… it's different with you because you already know me better than anyone and I know you the same way. What's changed is now I can't help myself around you, I can't help _wanting _you. Friendship isn't enough for me anymore."

I took a step closer and placed my hands on Edward's cheeks. Pulling his face to mine, I gently rested our foreheads together. He didn't attempt to kiss me again so I let myself feel close to him, breathing in his heavenly scent.

"My feelings aren't confused anymore, Edward. I know I'm never going to stop feeling this way for you. I've learned to live with it. If something should happen between Jake and me then… I realize that I can't expect that you'll still feel this way," I murmured.

"I promise you I will," he breathed.

I pulled away from him again. "We should go back inside," I said.

Edward followed me silently into the house. We crept back into the party undetected just in time to see Jasper approach Alice and whisper something in her ear. She nodded her head and stood up with his assistance. Her belly had really gotten big in the two months I'd been gone.

"Jazz says he needs to talk to me about something alone," Alice explained to the circle of girls on the sofas. "I'll just be a minute."

There was only a porch light on in the backyard as Alice and Jasper went through the sliding glass doors. It had just gotten dark outside making it difficult to see them clearly. Once Jasper had led Alice into the middle of the Cullen's lawn Rose flipped the switches on the wall by the kitchen darkening the living room completely and Esme flipped the switch by the back door illuminating the entire yard in twinkle lights. They were wrapped around every ancient cedar in the yard, and hung from the branches like vines. I'd never seen anything more beautiful. Everyone in the house gasped and asked each other what was going on. Edward had a wide grin on his face. I knew he was in on it. He must have helped hang the lights.

Edward and I moved closer to the back wall of the house which was almost entirely made of glass. Jazz and Alice couldn't see us with the house lights out. It felt like they were on a stage and we were their audience. We couldn't hear them, of course, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. We all watched as Jasper took Alice's small hands in his and went down on one knee. Alice yanked her hands out of his and covered her mouth in surprise. She looked towards the house but I'm sure couldn't see any of us watching. Her attention turned back to Jasper and he started speaking to her. I could tell Alice was crying because she wiped tears from her eyes. Jasper pulled a little velvet box out of his pocket and showed her a ring. Everyone in the house applauded as he removed the ring from the box and slid it onto her finger. Jazz stood up, grinning like a fool and Alice threw her arms around him. They kissed passionately and then Alice wiped more tears. Rose gave them another moment or two alone before the lights inside the house came back on. Everyone inside hurried through the back door to congratulate the happy couple out in the yard.

Edward and I paused to smile at each other a moment before joining our family and friends outside.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	26. Chapter 25: The Birth

Chapter 25: THE BIRTH

A few weeks later I decided to visit Alice. Her baby was due any day and she was apparently getting rather cranky. Esme called me to see if I'd be willing to keep Alice company for a few hours and get her mind off the discomfort of being nine months pregnant. I laughed on the phone and told her I'd be right over. When I let myself in the front door I found Edward and Mike Newton hanging out in the living room. The two boys were quite a sight. Both were slouching on the sofa and staring at the widescreen TV hung over the mantle. Some kind of wilderness survival reality show was on and they were so absorbed in what they were watching that they didn't even hear me come in. There were food wrappers and potato chips all over the floor and in their laps. They reminded me of Charlie and Harry on Super bowl Sunday.

"What is going on in here?" I demanded. I'd never seen such a sorry sight. They turned towards me at the sound of my voice and appeared startled by my sudden presence.

"Oh, hey Bella," Mike said. I smiled at him and then looked at Edward.

"Is this what you boys have been doing all summer?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Edward said chuckling.

Rose had mentioned how Edward's spirits had been down lately, but this was ridiculous. I could understand how Mike must be feeling after the shock of what Jessica did to him only weeks earlier but Edward had broken up with Tanya over two months ago. He should be past this stage by now. I was certain his sour mood also had something to do with me and I couldn't deal with that right now.

"This is just sad," I said, kicking his foot off the coffee table. Edward shrugged. I turned to go upstairs to find Alice while they went back to what they were doing. I'd have to deal with their wallowing later; Alice was waiting for me. I found her in her bedroom pacing back and forth.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you holding up?"

Alice groaned and walked over to hug me. "I'm miserable, Bella. My back hurts. I can't sleep anymore. Look at my fat ankles! Ugh, I can't take this anymore."

We sat on the end of her bed and I took her hand. I didn't have much experience with pregnant women but I tried to comfort her as best I could. Jasper was due back later in the day. He was packing some of his things to bring them over to the Cullen's. He was moving in so he could live with Alice and the baby while they were in Forks. I helped Alice pack her hospital bag, rubbed her back, and talked to her about Jake while she paced back and forth. She said walking could help to induce labor. After a few hours I was starting to understand her pain and the pain of everyone that had to live with her. I excused myself to the bathroom and also stopped by the kitchen to get her some more pineapple, another possible labor inducer. I checked on Edward and noticed Mike had left. I wanted to go talk to him to see if he was alright but I didn't have any idea what I would say. As I started back up the stairs Alice screamed.

I dropped the bowl of pineapple and raced up the stairs. Esme and Bree were right behind me. We found Alice in her bathroom holding her stomach.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Owwww, really bad cramps. And I think my water broke," she replied.

Esme rushed past Bree and me to check Alice. I expected a puddle of water to be beneath her feet but instead it looked like Alice had wet herself. Esme got a towel off the rack and told Alice to sit on it, and then she called Carlisle. I could tell it was baby time by the sounds Alice was beginning to make as Esme talked on the phone. Bree looked scared so I gave her a warm smile and put my arm around her. Edward, who had been standing outside the room, poked his head into the bathroom cautiously and asked what was going on.

"Alice's water broke," I answered. He stepped into the doorway and glided over to his sister to hold her hand.

"We haven't timed the contractions yet, Carlisle. She hasn't had any since we've been on the phone. Right, I understand," Esme said calmly. "Okay, we're leaving for the hospital," she replied and hung up the phone.

"Dad says I need to go now?" Alice asked panicked.

"Yes, sweetie. Once the water breaks you need to go to the hospital regardless of contractions," Esme answered. I handed her the hospital bag from Alice's room.

"But I need to call Jasper. He's still at his parent's house," Alice argued.

"Then he'll meet us there. Bella, you'll call him for us?" Esme instructed.

I nodded my head. "Yes."

"Al, do you want us to come with you?" Edward asked. I was wondering the same thing.

"Thanks guys, but I'm gonna have mom and Jazz and his mom all there. Just call Jazz and tell him to get his ass to the hospital! You can come see us when it's all over."

Edward nodded and walked her out of the room and down the stairs. Esme grabbed the car keys and started the engine as Edward helped Alice into the passenger seat. We waved as they drove off and went back inside the house, not sure what to do now. I pulled out my phone and called Jasper's cell. I explained to him what happened and he took off for the hospital immediately. There wasn't much else I could do. I figured Jasper would tell Rose but I wanted to call her anyway. I didn't think Alice would let her be there either. After talking to Rose for a few minutes I grabbed my keys and turned to Edward and Bree to say goodbye.

"You aren't staying?" he asked.

"Oh, I uh, figured there wasn't much I could do to help here," I replied confused.

"Can you stay with us?" Bree asked.

She still looked a little shaken and I knew I couldn't leave her like that. I agreed to wait with them and sank into the chair by the fireplace. Edward smiled like he was just as happy at my willingness to stay as his little sister. I knew he would be worried for Alice and the baby until we got the call that both mommy and baby were happy and healthy. I made Edward clean up the mess in the living room and he did so reluctantly. Maybe I could use this time to snap Edward out of his current funk.

Bree found some cards on the bookshelf and asked us to play. I shuffled the cards and dealt them out around the coffee table. After a few rounds of Uno I decided to break the tension with a little conversation.

"Bree, I heard Edward's been teaching you to play his piano? How's that going?"

"Good, I think. He's working on a new song and letting me help," she replied happily.

I looked at Edward and his mouth turned up at the corners. "A new song?" I pressed him.

"I've had an idea in my head for a while. I thought it would be good for her to help since she's learning," he replied, mock punching her arm. I loved watching Edward interact with Bree. It was obvious how much she idolized him and how much he cherished her being part of his family.

"I like writing music with him. I can't wait to play it for everyone," she added.

"That's great. I'd love to hear your song when it's all done," I said to Bree. "Draw four, Edward."

He rolled his eyes at me and Bree laughed as he picked up the cards dramatically from the pile. It was hours before Esme called to give us an update. She said Alice was doing well and she was progressing at a good rate. The nurses still expected it to be a few more hours. Rose and Emmett showed up not long after Esme called. They didn't want to wait alone anymore. We were in the middle of what felt like our hundredth round of Uno when Jasper finally called Edward's phone.

"Jasper? Is Alice okay? Yeah, okay, hold on man, wait. I'm gonna put it on speaker."

Edward placed his phone in the center of the table and told Jasper to continue.

"We have a baby! It's a boy!" Jasper announced. We all clapped and congratulated him. "Alice did great. The baby is healthy. He's big too! 8lbs, 3oz."

"What does he look like, Jazz? What's his name?" Rose asked.

"He's got a little black hair and chubby cheeks. His name is Adam Henry Hale. I'm gonna send you all a photo text when I hang up."

"When can we come see him?" I asked.

"He's getting a bath right now and the nurse said she has to check his vitals again in a few minutes. Alice is gonna try to feed him too, so maybe like an hour?"

"Jazz," I laughed. "It's already nine o'clock. Maybe we should come tomorrow? Let Alice get some sleep?"

"Oh, is it that late? I lost track of time a while ago," Jasper chuckled.

"How does it feel to be a daddy?" Rose asked.

"It's amazing, Sis. Wait till you see him!"

"How's Alice?" Bree asked.

"She's just fine, kiddo. She's a little tired but so happy."

Bree smiled and Edward smoothed the hair at the back of her head with his hand. We all said congratulations to Jasper and he hung up. Twenty seconds later all our phones buzzed and we got our first look at baby Adam. We all said "aw" in unison.

"Okay, guys, I really need to go now," I announced. "I promised Jake I'd go see him if I wasn't going to be at the hospital tonight."

"He's back already?" Rose asked.

"Yeah. He got back yesterday but needed some time with his family. I was planning on going there earlier today before Al went into labor. I'll be back tomorrow morning though. Don't you dare go see that baby without me!"

"Thank you for staying with us, Bella," Edward said taking a few steps towards me.

I smiled and told him I'd been happy to. I gave him a brief hug and then did the same with Bree. We agreed to meet at Rose's house the following day at 10am. I already had a bag packed in my truck so I gave Jake a quick call to make sure our plans were still on and then headed off to the Makah Reservation to reunite with my boyfriend.

It was a little after ten when I pulled up outside Jacob's house. I was so happy to be back there. I knocked softly on the front door and when Jake answered he wasted no time wrapping his arms around me in a great big hug. I giggled as he assaulted my neck with his lips, inching their way down to my collarbone.

"Jake, how about a hello?" I protested while scratching the short hair at the base of his neck with my nails.

"Hello," he replied in a husky voice, not taking his mouth from my skin. "I missed you."

"I can see that. I really missed you too," I said.

Jake pulled me inside his house and released me long enough for us to look each other over.

"You look almost tan," he noticed with a big grin on his face.

"You look taller," I countered. He shook his head and pulled me close for another kiss. "And what is that?" I asked, pointing to the marking on his right arm.

"Oh, it's a tattoo. All the guys got them to show their commitment to the project."

I ran my fingers over the artfully drawn pattern on his upper bicep. I wasn't very fond of tattoos but this one suited him well. I worried maybe we'd drifted apart over the summer even more than I'd feared. He'd made a very permanent commitment to his life's passion while he was away. Although I was extremely relieved he hadn't come home with my name etched into his flesh it did make me feel just a little bit further removed from his world.

"My dad's asleep. Are you hungry?" he asked.

"No thanks. I grabbed something on the way."

I was so happy to finally be with Jake again. I spent most of the summer feeling like something was off between us. I needed to erase the time we spent apart by reconnecting mind, body, and soul. I wandered over to Jacob's bedroom and peered inside.

"You made the bed?" I asked amazed. "I've never seen you make your bed before."

"It's a habit I picked up in Big Sandy," he shrugged.

"I think it's very sexy," I said smirking.

"Oh yeah? Maybe we should go ruffle the sheets up so I can demonstrate how I tuck and fold?"

I laughed and took Jacob's hands in mine, luring him into his room. He shut the door quietly and followed me over to his bed. He took my face in his hands and kissed me feverishly. We removed each other's clothes piece by piece until we were standing together naked in the dim light from the desk lamp. I stepped closer until our bodies were touching. I reveled in the warmth of his skin, my face pressed against his chest.

"It was harder to be away from you than I thought it would," he admitted. "I kept worrying about what could happen while I was gone." Jake's hands were on my waist and he slowly stroked his fingers up and down the length of my spine.

"What do you mean?"

"Have you spent a lot of time with him since you've been back?" he asked. I knew who he meant.

"I spent _some_ time with him. He's a close friend, Jake."

"I understand that. I just felt like, you know, 'out of sight out of mind'..." he whispered. My arms tightened instinctively around his torso.

"Maybe we were crazy to think this would be easy," I sighed, looking up into his eyes. "I missed you so much this summer, but I'm always going to care about him and miss him when he's not around too. I can't help it."

Jake moved his hands down my bare back and settled them on my hips. "Bella, I could really love you if you'd let me," he said softly, "If you could love me back."

He stared at me, waiting for my response. I could tell by the anxious expression on his face that my answer would surprise him. To be honest, it surprised me too.

"I think I already do love you, Jake. My stupid heart is just always going to be torn in two."

"Your heart is not stupid, it's beautiful," he whispered.

I leaned forward to kiss him deeply, not wanting to talk anymore. Jake moaned and lowered us to his bed. My body was aching for him to be inside me but he was kissing me slowly; concentrating on one part of my body at a time. I realized that to Jake tonight wasn't about a much needed release after months of sexual frustration. He was showing me how much he cared about me. He was worshiping my body with his and it sent a shiver up my spine. Jake proceeded to make love to me slowly. The gradual buildup of pleasure was something I hadn't experienced before. I felt connected to him in a new way, like our bodies were speaking to one another. I slept soundly in Jacob's arms that night, with no desire to be anywhere else but by his side.

I woke the next morning at 8:30 and hardly had time to shower and make Jake breakfast before I was running out the door. I'd wanted to spend more time with him, ten hours hardly being enough to satiate my needs. Jake offered to come to the hospital to see Alice but I thought it would be better if he wasn't there. She already had a large group of guests coming and I knew Edward would feel awkward. I told him he should come to Forks the following week on his way back to campus. That way he could visit with Charlie, meet baby Adam, and we could enjoy the ride to UW together. He was happy enough with that plan so I kissed him goodbye and was on my way home.

I met the others at Rose's house as planned and we took Edward's car over to the hospital. We navigated the halls of the maternity ward in silence, not wanting to disturb any of the new moms or babies. A nurse outside Alice's room said only four visitors could enter at a time and since Esme and Jasper were already inside only Edward and Bree could go in. Edward looked at me before reaching for the handle on the door.

"Go on. Go meet your nephew," I said, encouraging him with a pat on the shoulder.

He smiled at me and then turned to Bree. "You ready, kiddo?"

Bree nodded and followed Edward inside the room. A few minutes later Esme and Jasper came out into the hall.

"Alice says she wants to see some new faces," Esme laughed. "You three go on in. I won't tell the nurses if you don't."

"Thanks, Esme," Rose said.

Emmett and I followed her into the room before any of the staff could count heads. Alice was sitting up in a big bed with guard rails and Bree was perched on a chair next to her. Across the room was a comfy looking rocking chair where Edward sat cradling the baby in his arms. He looked a little uncomfortable holding the newborn; trying not to jostle him around as he slept. Rose and I tiptoed over to get a closer look and Edward glanced up at us grinning like a fool. I could tell Adam was going to have Uncle Edward wrapped around his little finger in no time.

"He's beautiful, Alice!" I whispered.

"I can already see he looks like you," Rose commented.

Alice smiled. She looked tired but was glowing with pride. She filled us in about the birth and her first night with the baby. "Jazz and I didn't want to send him to the nursery all night so he stayed with us in here. He wakes up every two hours to eat. Every time I do manage to sleep the nurse wakes me up checking my blood pressure!"

"Why do they do that, Alice?" Bree asked.

"They just need to make sure it's holding steady before I go home. They check Adam's heart rate and help me feed and diaper him correctly too."

I knelt down beside Edward and touched Adam's hair. It was so soft and a little curly.

"How does it feel to be an uncle?" I asked Edward.

"Surreal. It's hard to believe I now have another biological relative. All my life it's been just me and Alice," he said.

I placed my hand on Edward's knee and smiled at him. I hadn't realized how significant adding a member to the Cullen family tree would be for him and Alice. Adam was related to Jasper and Rose and all the Hale's, which meant now Alice and Edward were linked to them too. It must be an overwhelming feeling to suddenly have so much more family. I was so happy for both of them. Without thinking about what I was doing my hand began rubbing up and down Edward's thigh. It finally caught my attention when he shifted in the chair, subtlety adjusting himself. I blushed and removed my hand. I didn't like knowing that I had to pay more attention to how I behaved around him. I remembered all the times since high school that Edward had touched me in ways he thought were innocent and friendly, but actually sent my heart racing. It was hard to believe that he now reacted the same way around me.

"Do you want to hold him?" Edward asked me. I nodded and he carefully put the baby in my arms letting me take the chair. Adam was so small and perfect. He had big dark eyes and a tiny little baby nose. His hands were clenched in fists the way all infants' were. I leaned my face over him and smelled his head. Ah, baby smell.

"Adam, this is your Aunt Bella," Edward said to the baby.

"Really?" I asked looking to Alice. "You want him to call me Aunt Bella?"

"Of course you're Aunt Bella, silly!" Alice sang.

The idea made me a little emotional. I held Adam a few more minutes and then let Rose take her turn. Emmett declined holding the baby until he was a little less breakable. When Jasper came back in the room Emmett punched his arm a few times in congratulations of becoming a father.

"Geez, man. Lay off the steroids would ya?" Jasper said sarcastically, rubbing his arm.

"I can't believe we all have to leave next week," Rose whined. "He's going to look so different by Thanksgiving." She cooed and made faces at the infant.

"You'll just have to come back and visit us before then," Alice replied.

"Okay, Rosie, hand over the tiny human before you get a bad case of baby fever," Emmett said.

Jasper smiled and took Adam from his sister. Rose didn't complain which made me think perhaps she knew Emmett wasn't too far off the mark with his joke. I watched Jasper interact with his son and I felt a warm sensation all over. It was heartwarming seeing him hold his newborn son. Alice must feel a thousand times this emotional when she looked at them together.

We stayed a little while longer and then left to give Alice some privacy to nurse. Emmett made a joke about cows and utters. Edward slapped the back of his head as we exited the room and made our way out into the parking lot. I needed the fresh air as much as Rose did. I was starting to picture little russet skinned babies with Jacob's smile. I shook the idea from my head and my imaginary family changed to ivory skinned toddler girls with green eyes playing the piano. Both visions seemed equally wonderful and frightfully appealing to me, making me wonder once again what my future held.


	27. Chapter 26: Jacob's News

Chapter 26: JACOB'S NEWS

Mid October felt colder than usual. I was bundled up in my winter coat with gloves and a scarf, sitting on cold as ice bleachers once again. This time it was for a fundraiser that benefited all the Huskies teams. As Emmett and his team took on the schools rivals on the field, Rose was handing out raffle tickets and I was in charge of selling hot cocoa on the sidelines.

I'd been more than happy to offer my help when Emmett asked in late September. Life had been going great back then. Jake and I were getting along after he returned from his internship in California.

He came to Forks and spent two days with Charlie and me before we went back to school together. It turned out Jacob's dad was a friend of Harry Clearwater's so Jake had known Harry growing up. The four of us watched a Mariners game together one night and I cooked up the fish Charlie and Harry caught on their last fishing trip. We visited Alice, Jasper, and the baby at the Cullen's house and Jake got to meet Esme and Carlisle. After returning to campus Jacob and I were practically inseparable again. We studied together, swam at the rec center, ate dinner together, and most nights Jake stayed with me at the house. It was a little lonesome for me without Alice there but the added privacy was a plus.

The day everything started to go wrong occurred two days after I turned 21. Edward and Rose were the only other legal drinking age friends I had and they insisted we go out to celebrate my milestone. I chose a restaurant/bar where Jacob and Emmett could join us. Rose kept giving me different mixed drinks to try and I had to admit I was enjoying them. At some point in the evening Edward exceeded his tolerance for alcohol intake and began flirting with me. It was mostly in the form of harmless frat boy type remarks. He told me how good my boobs looked in my top, asked me if I wanted to try Sex on the Beach, stuff like that. I was a little too drunk to tell him to knock it off and I secretly liked the attention. Unfortunately, Jacob being completely sober didn't care for it much at all. He called Edward an asshole and made me leave the bar. He was also angry with me but understood Rose had been pouring drinks down my throat all night.

The real crisis happened about a week later when Edward decided he needed to apologize to Jacob for his behavior at the bar. I would have thanked Edward for being so humble and trying to make things right with Jacob if he hadn't inadvertently let it slip that he had feelings for me. We were all watching TV at the house and Edward took Jake aside at some point to make his amends.

"What are you talking about?" I heard Jake ask.

"I'm saying I promised Bella I wasn't going to let my feelings for her hinder our friendship or get in the way of your relationship with her," I heard Edward explain. "I respect her decision."

"When exactly did you start having feelings for my girlfriend?" Jake yelled.

"I'm just trying to do the right thing and apologize to you. There's no need to be rude," Edward snapped.

"You had your chance to be with Bella. You were too stupid to see it and now you need to step away and let her be happy."

"All I want is for her to be happy, but I'm not going to remove myself from her life. You're going to have to deal with that."

It got even uglier and Emmett had to jump in between them to break it up. Jake was furious at me for not telling him that Edward's feelings towards me had recently changed. He said he couldn't trust me; that the only reassurance he ever had in my feelings toward Edward was knowing that they were unrequited. He didn't know where he fit into this mess any longer. Jake barely spoke to me in the following two weeks. I was so upset and afraid he was going to break up with me. He wouldn't take my calls and I was forced to resort to texting him what I wanted to say.

Finally, after eleven days Jake showed up on my doorstep. We talked for a long time about how we felt about each other. I promised to never lie to him again. Jake said he cared about me too much to give up and I swore that he was the person I wanted to be with. We had another chink in our armor but I was determined to get us back to where we had been at the start of the semester.

So there I sat in the freezing cold thinking of ways to prove to Jake that he could trust me again. He said he wasn't upset any longer but I could feel the tension between us. Unlike our last fight, there was no makeup sex this time. Neither of us felt like being intimate. We were off balance again and I didn't know how to fix it. The only way to earn someone's trust is with time.

Jake wasn't at the game that day. He had work to do with a classmate for a project that was due soon. Quil was there though and I waved every time he ran past my cocoa stand. Quil was volunteering as the mascot for the game. It had something to do with losing a bet with Embry but I didn't ask. They were both still kind of pissed at me for hurting Jake. I couldn't blame them.

It hadn't been an intentional deception on my part to not tell Jacob about Edward's change of heart. I knew that it would have made our already delicate relationship that much more complicated. I felt that as long as my loyalty was to Jacob it wasn't any of his business how Edward felt. I had been wrong and was now paying the price. I couldn't seek the comfort of my best friend because he was the reason for my troubles. I couldn't ask my other best friend because she had a newborn to tend to and didn't know about my history with her brother. I did go to Rose the night of Edward and Jacob's fight. Her only advice was to quote, 'ditch the pound puppy and make sweet love to that perfect male specimen you've been drooling over for five years'. Not a lot of help from Rosalie.

The next few weeks passed the same as the previous few. Jake and I hung out every other day but something was missing. He still didn't try to initiate any kind of sexual intimacy with me and I was beginning to worry. How much longer would I be punished for my lie by omission?

I was surprised in early December when Jake asked me to go to dinner with him. We hadn't been out anywhere special in over a month. I wore a dressy top and tight jeans over a sheer black panty set just in case it turned into an occasion for sexy underwear. Jake picked me up at seven o'clock and drove us to a little local restaurant we'd eaten at once or twice before.

"Bella, I have some news," he began after the waitress had taken our drink orders.

He wasn't wasting any time, was he? I immediately froze in place feeling my chest tighten and my heart race. He'd obviously put a lot of thought into this evening and I had no idea what he was thinking.

"You know how the spring of junior year is when everyone in my program does a semester in the field? Half our time is focused on learning in the classroom and the other half is out in the parks."

He'd lost me already. "You said you'd been assigned to Olympia National Park; that everyone from UW does their field work there."

"Yes, well, in the spirit of being honest with each other, I need to tell you that I've been considering applying to a few out of state programs. I was thinking about it over the summer since my time at Big Sandy was so rewarding. I forgot all about it the second I had you back in my arms until… until our big fight happened. I was so angry and hurt that I mailed off three applications just wanting any excuse to get away from here. I never dreamed that I'd be accepted," he explained his voice dropping off at the end.

Not again. I couldn't go through this again, not with us being on such shaky ground. "Where?" I asked impatiently. He looked afraid to tell me. "Where?" I repeated.

He cleared his throat and looked at me through thick dark lashes. "Shawnee National Forest."

"Where the hell is that?"

"Southern Illinois." He put his hand up to stop me from responding. He was about to say something when the waitress came back with our drinks.

"Are you ready to order?" she said in a chipper voice. I wasn't in the mood for chipper. My boyfriend was telling me he planned to abandon me again for another four month excursion in the woods.

We gave the waitress our orders and as soon as she was gone Jake said, "I think I'm going to take it. The internship. It's so much more important an opportunity than what I did over the summer. That was just bonus experience for my resume. A semester in the Ozark for my in-field training will really stand out when I go to look for a job."

"I understand how important that is," I agreed. I felt like Jake was only telling me half of what was on his mind. We ate our meal as he explained to me the significance of being chosen for this program in Illinois while I waited for the other shoe to drop. It didn't fall until we were on our way home. Less witnesses I assumed.

"A month ago I would have told myself that more time apart would totally suck, and be difficult for both of us, but that we could get through it. We'd have spring break together, and the opportunity to work on our webcam and phone sex techniques," he joked, giving me a little smile. "But after everything that's happened between us lately, I think I'll go crazy if I'm in Illinois while you're here hanging out with Edward for a whole semester."

"So are you saying I'm preventing you from taking this opportunity because you still don't trust me?" I asked confused.

He sighed. "I love you, Bella. But you've never really said you loved me back. Once, months ago, I got you to admit that you_ thought _you were in love but you haven't said it again since. Meanwhile, every time we fight about Edward you remind me how you'll always love him and how you can't help it. You're so sure you love him but can't say that you love me and that is some pretty messed up shit."

"So you're going to Illinois. And you're breaking up with me?" I asked angry now. I was frustrated that Jacob wasn't being more direct, and also that somehow it seemed I was back in the exact place I was last time Jake dumped me. He knew what he was getting himself into and he said he didn't care. I was furious that I was getting burned again for having trusted him.

"The truth is, Bella, I don't want to pass up this opportunity for a girl who's told me flat out I can only have half her heart," he said softly. "I'm not blaming you, honey. You warned me about that when we got back together and I told you it didn't matter, but that was before Cullen decided he loves you back. Now I'm just asking to get royally screwed over. I don't understand why you haven't left me already."

"Jake, don't you realize that I've known how Edward feels about me for months and I still choose you?"

"I'm not a fool. I never thought I would win at this fucked up game, I was just hoping there was a chance. I think I should go to Illinios next semester and you and I should-"

"Break up?" I interrupted.

"Trial separation," he corrected. "Let's take this time to think and see other people if we want to. If nothing's changed for either of us by May then we can start over." He forced the corners of his mouth up slightly and said, "But I really don't think I'll come back to find you single, honey. I care about you so much, but I know I'm fighting fate here."

I didn't know what to say to that. "Can we talk while you're gone?" I asked, trying to hold back my emotions. I was already starting to miss him.

"Email," he smirked. He took my hand and squeezed it gently.

"When do you leave?" I said sniffling.

"The first week of January, but I've made up my mind about this. I don't see the point in waiting until Christmas to break up. Better now than during the holidays."

"Jake, there is no easy time for you to do this to me," I replied, anger creeping back into my voice.

"Bella. Please don't be angry at me. My heart is breaking over here," he pleaded.

I looked into his eyes and saw that it was true. I'd never doubted Jacob's feelings for me. I took a deep breath and spoke as evenly as possible. "If a semester apart is what you need to trust me again then let's do it. I'll wait if that's what you want."

He shook his head. "Honey, the point of this is not for you to wait for me. I'm telling you to go be with him. I can't pretend you and Cullen don't love each other. I'm saying I don't want to stay here and watch you both deny it. If you and I are really meant to be together then things will work themselves out eventually."

"You really believe that?" I asked, unstoppable tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Yes," he whispered.

We were parked outside my house and I let out a long sigh as I looked at the front door. Rose's car was missing but she had left the outside light on for me. I turned to face Jake and he wrapped his arms around my tightly. We hugged for what felt like a very long time. When he released me I tried to pull him back. He stared into my eyes and wiped a tear from my cheek. Then he kissed me. It was sweet and soft. His mouth lingered on mine, as if he didn't want the kiss to end either. I parted my lips and deepened the kiss out of urgency and fear of saying goodbye. He allowed my tongue to explore his mouth one last time and then gently pulled away from me.

"I should go," he said. Through my watery eyes I could see Jacob was crying too. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Jacob," I replied automatically. He was right that I hadn't said those three words since the end of summer. Speaking them now didn't feel like a lie and that only made my heart ache more.

"We'll see," he whispered and turned over the engine.

We both wiped our eyes as I exited his car. He watched me walk into the house before backing out of the driveway and leaving me alone.

I looked around my empty house and lost control of my emotions again. I wished Rose was there to comfort me. A girl shouldn't have her heart broken and then be left alone this way. I wished Alice was there. I'd tell her all about her stupid brother and how he was always causing me pain. I even considered calling Emmett but I knew he was with Rose. I sank to the kitchen floor and allowed myself to cry freely. When I had nothing left inside I dried my eyes on a dishtowel and found the strength to stand up.

I couldn't believe this was happening. I'd tried so hard to make my relationship with Jacob work and for a long time thought I was succeeding. I had been so preoccupied trying to not break Jacob's heart that I hadn't considered the need to protect my own. I was angry at Edward for ruining my relationship with Jake. Whether intentional or not it was because of him that I was alone and miserable. I decided to tell him exactly what I thought of his stupid, four years too late, feelings for me. I flipped open my phone and called his cell.

"Hey, Bells," he greeted me cheerfully. The familiar sound of his voice pissed me off and I forgot what I wanted to say. "Bella? Hello?"

"Yeah…" I replied weakly.

"What's the matter?"

Damn him for knowing something was wrong from just one word. I remembered I was furious with him and had every intention of laying into him like I planned.

"Can you come over? I need someone to talk to and no one else is around."

"I'm your last choice, huh?" he asked teasing. I started to cry. "God, Bella. I'm sorry! I'll be right there. Don't cry."

Edward didn't hang up the phone the entire drive over to my house. I wouldn't explain to him what was wrong over the phone so he listened to me cry and tried to soothe me as he drove.

"I'm here," he said before hanging up the phone.

I watched him through the window as he dashed up the front steps and tried the doorknob. I didn't realize I'd locked it and had to go over to open it up. I'd stopped crying at that point but I knew I must look terrible with blotchy skins and bloodshot eyes. As soon as I opened the door Edward threw his arms around me and hugged me close to him. I was so relieved to have someone comforting me I didn't even care it was the man I was so mad at I could scream. Edward guided me into the living room and sat me down on the sofa.

"You're scaring me. What happened, is someone hurt?" he demanded.

"No one is hurt. It's just me. I really want to yell at you," I replied irrationally.

He smirked at me and I gave him a disapproving glare.

"What have I done to upset you this time?" he asked.

I ignored his question. "I had a shitty day and don't want to be alone. Can you sit here and watch TV with me while my anger builds up again?"

"As you wish," he said, sinking into the seat next to me.

He was careful not to touch me, leaving about five inches between our bodies. I was relieved he was playing along with my absurdity and not asking me to explain what was wrong. I didn't feel like talking about it yet. I flipped through the channels with the remote purposely looking for something I knew Edward wouldn't want to watch. I went to the On Demand and found episodes from last season's True Blood. Perfect. The only person with a more dysfunctional love life than me was my good friend, Sookie.

"Ugh, I hate this show," Edward complained.

"I know," I stated wryly.

"The books are so much better."

"I know."

He smiled at me and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"You really read the novels? I didn't know you were interested in that genre," I commented, momentarily sidetracked from my rage.

He laughed nervously and crossed his arms over his chest. I glowered at him waiting for him to say something.

"I read the first book months ago when you weren't speaking to me. I knew you were reading them and I just… I don't know… it made me feel closer to you. Reading something I knew you were reading too. It sounds stupid now."

I bit my lower lip and shook my head slightly. "It's not stupid, Edward." My eyes quickly flickered over to his. I was still scrolling through the On Demand menu attempting to choose an episode but not really focused on what I was doing.

"Do you want me to read one to you? We haven't done that in a while," he asked softly.

"_That_ is why I'm mad at you!" I thundered.

Edward's eyes widened and he looked honestly frightened.

"Because I read to you?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes! Because you mess with my head!" I shouted and just like that the floodgates opened up again. I slid myself closer to him and leaned my face into the crook of his neck. I knew I wasn't making any sense to him. Edward's arms circled me instantly and I quietly sobbed against his warm skin. I felt him smoothing the hair at the back of my head trying to soothe me.

"Bells, please talk to me," he whispered once my crying had subsided. I just wanted to be held a little longer. It was starting to hit me just how badly I'd screwed up my relationship with Jake. I didn't deserve him and he was right to leave me. I gently pulled out of the embrace with Edward and I reached for a tissue from the coffee table. I took a few calming breaths and decided it might be good to get some of these thoughts out of my head.

"Jake is going away again. This time it's to Illinois for his in field training program for the entire spring semester. In lieu of recent events he thinks it would be better for us to take a break from each other while he's away. He doesn't trust me alone here with you."

"Bella, that's ridiculous. I gave him my word I wouldn't interfere," he protested.

"I told him that but he thinks- ugh, he thinks I'm going to leave him at some point in time whether he stays or goes. So he's going, and breaking up with me before I can do it to him. I've always been honest with him about how I feel about you and he's dealt with it. Now that he knows how _you_ feel… he thinks it's just a matter of time."

"How_ do_ you feel about me?" he asked.

"Edward. I am not getting into that with you."

"Bells, how is it fair that Jacob knows the details of how you feel about me but I don't?"

"I can't even think about that right now! My boyfriend, who says he loves me, just dumped me. Of course he has every reason to. I told him to his face that I'd never be able to give him my whole heart, that part of it would always belong to you. Why would anyone want to be with someone who's in love with two people at the same time?"

I realized I'd just slipped and said the word love. I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye to see if I could tell by his expression whether or not he'd picked up on that. I saw that he had.

"And you're upset with me for telling you the truth about how I feel?" he guessed.

"Yes. I am so confused right now I can't even breathe. Can we please stop talking about feelings and just watch TV?" I begged him.

He nodded and grinned at me, resting his arm against the back of the sofa. I leaned against him and turned the volume up with the remote. Edward sat next to me for hours and watched HBO without complaint. Around midnight I was starting to doze off and I felt him nudge me awake.

"You're falling asleep. Do you want me to stay?" he asked.

"No, I'll be okay. Thank you for coming over. I don't know what I would have done alone here all night."

"Are you sure you don't want me to sleep on the couch? I don't mind at all."

"Edward, thank you, but it's not necessary. What I really need is some space to clear my head and figure out what I want. Do you think that's okay? If we don't talk for while, until I figure things out?"

He looked shocked and upset by my words. I didn't want to hurt him. I couldn't handle any more hurt feelings. "Just for a little while. A few days," I promised.

"Sure. Take as much time as you need, Bella." He gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and stood up to leave.

"Thank you again for coming to my rescue tonight," I said smiling.

"Anytime. I promised I'd always be here for you and I meant it. No matter what," he said. And then he left.

I dragged my exhausted self up to my room and got ready for bed. I checked my email quickly just in case Jake sent me something. He hadn't of course. I turned off my computer and cell phone. I swore no more contact with men until my head stopped spinning.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Don't forget to review!**


	28. Chapter 27: Bella Time

Chapter 27: BELLA TIME

I promised Edward I would only shut him out for a few days while I gathered my thoughts. I hadn't promised him anything else and he knew better than to ask where we stood. I honestly didn't know. I enjoyed the peace and quiet this allotted me. I caught up on my favorite TV shows and spent some quality time with Rosalie. She was kind enough not to gush too much about Emmett although I knew there was something she was dying to tell me. I spent a lot of time in the library catching up on my required reading and preparing for finals.

After a few days my heart stopped aching the way it had the night Jacob left me. I was still in a lot of emotional pain and decided to extend my man hiatus another few days. I knew Edward was repeatedly asking Rose how I was doing but as long as she didn't pass any messages along to me I didn't care that they talked. On the weekend I opted to spend time alone at the house rather than go out with Emmett, Rose, and Edward. I called Angela a few times and we talked about everything except boys. I was still hoping to get out to New York to visit her one of these days. Since I had so much free time on my hands I picked up a few extra shifts at the daycare to pad my savings account a little more.

Never allowing myself to think about men was actually very freeing. I started thinking about what it was that I wanted. When I was with Jake I tried to picture myself following him to whatever state he would end up working in. Now I was thinking about myself and where I wanted to live. I knew the best place for me was a large city since I wanted to be in publishing. Being relatively close to Charlie was important to me, so staying in Seattle was the most realistic destination. Renee kept hinting for me to come live in Florida after graduation but I just didn't see it. All my friends were on the other side of the country and I felt my life was on the west coast. If I wanted to choose somewhere other than Washington maybe northern California, or back in Arizona would be the right terrain for me. I was raised a desert girl after all.

My few days of solitary turned into a week, and then ten days. I was feeling better and more independent with each passing day so I decided not to give it up just yet. With Christmas approaching I agreed to go shopping with Rose and bought all my gifts in one trip. We found some really cute things for Alice's baby. I couldn't wait to see Adam again. Rose and I listened to Christmas music as we wrapped all the gifts we bought. I couldn't help but be happy; the Christmas Spirit got me every year.

I knew Bella Time was winding down as finals week arrived. I promised Esme that Charlie and I would have Christmas dinner at their house and that only gave me six more days before I would have to see Edward again. After my last exam was behind me I starting thinking about what I was going to say to him. I wasn't convinced I was ready for what my heart wanted.

I turned my computer on and checked my hotmail account for the first time in almost three weeks. I clicked each little box next to the department store coupons, alerts from facebook, and other spam messages that I wasn't wasting my time opening and hit delete. I narrowed my mail down to seven actual messages worth reading. One was from Jake. It had been sent just a week after we broke up. I nervously clicked the message and opened it.

_Bella,_

_I don't really know what to say to you but I needed to open this line of communication. I'm kind of a mess right now, but I think we did the right thing. _

_Did you hear the Mariners didn't resign Ortiz? What are they thinking?_

_Quil says hi. _

_Jake_

I laughed at his message and typed a quick response.

_Jake,_

_Sorry it took me two weeks to reply. I only got your email today. I'm a little better now, and looking forward to Christmas at home. _

_The Mariners better have a good third baseman coming up from the minors. Gosh I miss baseball season._

_Tell Quil I said "wassup". Merry Christmas. _

_Bella_

I read my other messages that were from Angela and my mother and shut the computer down. Receiving that message from Jake wasn't as painful as I expected. It even felt good to hear from him. I lay on my bed for a little while thinking and took comfort from the sounds of Rose bustling around downstairs. I could tell she was starting a load of wash as the water flowed through the pipes in the wall. The wood floor squeaked as she walked through the hall to the kitchen. I sighed out loud and decided to go down to start dinner.

"Hey, Bells. How's it going?" she asked when I stuck my head into her bedroom. She was pulling all the sheets from her bed to wash.

"I'm good. Feeling better," I answered.

"Glad to hear it."

"Rose, is it cool if you take Emmett home tomorrow and let me ride with Edward?"

Her head snapped up as if I'd said something outrageous. "Sure, no problem. You think you're ready for that?"

"All I want from him is a ride home. I know I'll have to see him on Christmas and I figured it would be better to get our awkward reunion over with now instead of at dinner in front of his parents, your parents, Charlie, Alice…" I explained trailing off at the end.

"I understand. Do you need to talk?" she asked sitting on the edge of her bed.

"No, thanks. I really am doing better. So much so that I think I want to hear about whatever it is that's had you all giddy for weeks," I said grinning.

Rose's eyes sparkled and she clapped her hands. "Really? I can talk about men again? Damn, you are feeling better!"

I chuckled. "Come tell me in the kitchen. I want to start dinner."

She followed close behind and sat at the kitchen table. I went to the refrigerator and pulled out what I needed. I gave her a look that said start talking.

"Okay! Well, I don't know what's gotten into Emmett's parents but they've been really great to him lately. We had a nice time at Thanksgiving and his mom told me she's happy that we've stayed together. She thinks I'm good for him. And you know how Emmett's parents always take a vacation at Christmas time? Well… this year they're going to Paris and they invited Emmett and me to go along!"

"Wow, that's amazing," I said. "When are you leaving?"

"The day after Christmas. We'll be at the Cullen's for dinner, and we leave the next day!"

"And you have no idea why his parents started being nice to you?" I asked.

"They were never rude to me, just very uninterested in Emmett's life. I think they've finally realized what a great son they have. We're flying first class and his mom already told me that Emmett and I get our own hotel room. Isn't that cool of them? I can't wait to see the Eiffel Tower!"

Rose and I talked about her trip all through dinner. I was so happy for her and Emmett. And I was starting to feel like myself again. Even though I didn't know what I was planning to say to Edward the following day I was looking forward to seeing him.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a text to Edward regarding the change in travel plans.

_U mind if Em and I switch cars tomorrow? I wanna ride with my best friend._

Rose helped with the dishes and we did a little cleaning around the house in preparation for our departure the next day. I couldn't stand to leave knowing the bathrooms and kitchen needed a thorough scrub down. I also planned to dust and vacuum. My phone buzzed a little while later.

_Thought you'd never ask, buddy. ;-)_

I smiled and showed it to Rose. She laughed and went to get her clean laundry from the dryer.

The next day I woke up in good spirits. I showered, dressed, and made a big breakfast for the four of us. Rose and I had our bags packed and were just lining them up in the halls when I saw Edward's Volvo pull up in the driveway.

"They're here," I called to Rose.

I felt myself start to get a little nervous. Three weeks was the longest I'd ever gone without seeing or talking to Edward. I wasn't sure how I'd react being face to face with him again. Would all my feelings come flooding back? Would I see him differently? I looked away from the window and retreated to the kitchen like a coward. "You answer the door, Rose."

I heard the boys knock twice and then Emmett opened the front door letting himself in. "Rosie, we're here!" he called out loudly. She came down the hall and hugged him. "Something smells good. Did our little Bella cook breakfast?"

I didn't answer him because just then Edward came around the corner and paused in the archway between the kitchen and hall, searching for me. My Greek sculpture was back in my life, and more breathtaking than ever. He shot me a crooked smile and looked just as nervous as I felt. I took the first steps towards him and he met me in the middle for a long overdue embrace. He smelled as amazing as I remembered and I held him tightly, breathing in his scent. I vaguely noticed Emmett and Rose enter the kitchen but wasn't willing to let go of Edward yet. I couldn't believe how much I'd missed him. He held me tightly too, craning his head down to the crook of my neck.

"Okay, you two. Snap out of it. I wanna eat," Emmett said. "What kind of a breakfast is this, Bella?"

I felt Edward laugh in my hair and we reluctantly separated our bodies. I smiled at him and playfully punched his stomach before turning my attention to the loud hungry man-child behind me.

"It's called 'Bella wanted to use up all the perishable food in her fridge before going home for a month', Emmett. I hope you like it," I said sarcastically.

He started removing lids from the dishes I'd set out on the table and making yummy noises.

"Western omelets. Toast and jam. Fried potatoes! Hot dogs? Milk and orange juice," he said thoughtfully.

The four of us ate our smorgasbord breakfast and then Rose helped me wash dishes while the boys loaded the cars with our luggage. I always hated leaving the house between semesters. After two and a half years it was really starting to feel like home.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked. I took a look around to make sure everything was unplugged and all our bags were gone from the hall.

"Yep. Let's go," I said.

Once we were on the road that nervous feeling started to creep up on me again. Edward fiddled with the radio until he found something he liked.

"How were your finals?" I asked breaking the ice.

"Surprisingly well. I think I made Dean's List this semester."

"That's great, Edward."

"What about your classes?" he inquired.

"Very good. All the extra study time I had really helped."

"Rose made it seem like that extra time was good for you in other ways too?"

I blushed. "Yes. I feel like myself again," I assured him.

"How so?"

"You know… back to being single, lonely, and sweaty-palmed in your presence," I joked.

His smile broadened. "Ah, the good ole' days?"

I laughed. "Something like that."

A minute or two of silence passed before Edward spoke again. "Bells, I'm really happy that you're ready to hang out with me again. I am a little curious though as to how I ought to conduct myself around you. Are we just friends again? Am I allowed to tell you how beautiful I think you look today? Can I ask you out to dinner?"

I smiled as I stared out at the road ahead of us. It sure didn't take long for him to get to this topic again.

"Yes, yes, and not yet," I answered honestly.

He nodded. "Fair enough."

We stayed on neutral topics the remainder of the trip, discussing books we'd studied that semester, new music we'd discovered, and our plans for winter break.

"What do you think about Em and Rose going to France for two weeks?" I asked.

"I'm happy his relationship with his parents is improving. I just don't know what I'm gonna do in Forks without him. I guess Jasper would be eager to get out of my parents house a few times," he replied thoughtfully.

"Yeah, then maybe you boys can watch Adam and I'll take Alice and Bree out shopping or something."

"I'm sure Alice would love that. I know she misses you."

"It'll be good having them in Seattle next semester," I agreed.

"Maybe you and I can hang out some too?"

I smiled and took his hand in mine. "I'd like that," I replied squeezing his hand three times and then letting go.

On Christmas day Charlie and I piled all our presents into his police cruiser and drove over to the Cullen's house. I could tell immediately that Alice had been up to no good. The house was decorated with red velvet ribbons and garland. There was a beautiful giant Christmas tree near the windows in the living room decorated with silver ornaments and white lights. I placed our packages under the tree and made my way around the room greeting everyone. Edward gave me a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek.

We opened presents while Esme cooked. Carlisle had insisted she join us but she said that she needed to keep an eye on the food and had already received her greatest gift by having us all there. I offered to help Edward clear out the torn wrapping paper and empty boxes as everyone sat around the living room conversing with one another and admiring their new gifts. After dumping the paper in the trash cans outside I followed him through the garage and down the hall to rejoin our family. He paused in the entrance to the kitchen to check on Esme.

"You okay in here, mom?" he called.

"Oh, yes dear. Thank you. Can you do me a favor and ask if anyone out there needs a fresh drink?"

"Sure, ma." Edward smiled and we continued down the hall together. When we reached the foyer that connected the hall and dining room I froze, noticing a holiday decoration hanging over the archway. Edward turned around to see why I paused and followed my eyes up to the mistletoe hanging above him.

He let out a nervous laugh and said, "I told Alice not to put that up... I told her it was a dumb tradition."

I smile and blushed. "It's okay… I know how she always gets her way."

He grinned. "Okay… let's go," he urged turning toward the living room.

In a moment of pure spontaneity and intense need I found myself calling out to him, "Edward."

He spun to face me, his brows raised in confusion. I stepped forward grabbing his cotton t-shirt in my hands. He sucked in a breath and I reached up on my tiptoes to gently press my lips to his. My eyes closed and I felt Edward's hand weave into my hair holding my head in place. His mouth parted slightly as he took my bottom lip between his. I reveled in the taste of his lips a few seconds before finding the strength to pull away. I stepped back and looked at his face which appeared to be a mixture of confusion and lust.

"I don't think it's a dumb tradition," I whispered. Edward remained frozen in place, staring at me. I placed my hands on his shoulders and turned him towards the living room, pushing gently on his back until he started walking. I watched Edward smile over his shoulder at me as he stumbled away. Then I escaped into the sanctuary of the kitchen to see if I could be any help to Esme. I needed a few minutes to collect myself.

"Hey, darling," she smiled at me as I approached. She was bent over the oven checking the dinner rolls.

"Smells great in here," I said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I think I've got it under control. Unless you need a reason to hide out for a while?" she guessed.

"How did you know?"

She smiled warmly at me and began draining the potatoes. "Edward mentioned you were having a hard time lately but didn't say any more. I'm not going to pry but I want you to know you can always talk to me."

I leaned against the counter to watch her work. "You remember meeting my boyfriend from school?" I asked, wondering how much Edward had told her about our situation.

"Yes. Jacob, right?" she replied. I nodded.

"We broke up a few weeks ago and I've been keeping to myself a lot since then, trying to figure out how I feel and what to do now."

Esme had dumped the potatoes back into the pot and sat them down on the counter beside me. She pointed to the masher and said, "I'll get you the milk and butter."

I was glad she was finally allowing me to help her in the kitchen. I needed a good distraction from the feel of Edward's lips on mine. My body was still reeling from the increased blood flow.

"So I take it you loved this boy, Bella?" she said gently, interested in hearing about my problems like my own mother.

I grimaced, thinking about that last conversation Jake and I had about love. "Jake could see I didn't love him as much as he loved me. That was why he ended it," I explained. "It's not that I didn't want to, I tried…"

"Love is not something you can force yourself to feel, sweetheart. And it wouldn't be fair to the other person if you did. Any two people in a relationship will have to make a thousand compromises over the years. But you do it because of the love you have for each other. Every other detail will fall into place as long as that love you share is strong."

"I was hurt and confused at first, but with that time to think I realized that Jacob was right. I just don't know where to go from here. I still have feelings for him. How do you move on when you still care for someone? When they've claimed a piece of your heart?"

"Bella, the heart has the most amazing ability to stretch and grow. Carlisle is not the first man I ever loved you know. And after we married, he was the most important person to me in the world. You might say that he had my whole heart, until Edward and Alice came along. I didn't love my husband any less just because there were two new people in my life to love. The heart grows bigger, it knows no limits."

I took a minute to let Esme's words soak in. I'd never thought of it like that but she was right. My feelings for Edward didn't diminish in the least after I met Jacob. I loved them both. I had always seen that as my problem.

"I hope you don't mind my saying so but I always wondered why you and Edward never got together," Esme mused. She pulled the turkey out of the oven and was checking the internal temperature. "I know he's my son and I am biased but he's a good man. And I see how much happier he is when you're around. There's a heck of a lot more love in his eyes when he looks at you than with that Victoria girl he brought home."

"I don't know what he saw in her either," I agreed starting to feel uncomfortable in my chosen hiding place.

"I don't want to interfere, but the love you two have for each other is what I'm talking about. Whether you remain lifelong friends or discover something deeper is up to you, it's none of my business. Either way you'll always be a part of this family."

She handed me a stack of plates with utensils on top and asked me to go set the dining room table. I happily accepted the task and made my way out of the kitchen. I set twelve places and then returned to see what else I could do for her.

"Bring these rolls out to the table and then find Carlisle for me? He needs to carve the turkey," she answered.

I sent Carlisle in to do his job and sat back down in the living room with my friends.

"You okay?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I'm great. You're mom doesn't accept much help in the kitchen," I joked.

Alice smiled and said, "This is her favorite time of year. She just loves having the house full of family."

A few minutes later we were called to dinner and everyone practically sprinted towards the delightful smells coming from the dining room. Carlisle led a short grace before anyone ate. Over dinner our parents shared Christmas stories about us growing up. We all laughed at the story Rose and Jasper's dad told about the mistake of buying the twins bikes when they were seven.

"They both cried when we told them they couldn't go outside in the snow to ride them. We had to move all the furniture against the walls so the kids could learn to ride on two wheels inside the house," Jasper's dad explained.

"That's where this little scar came from on my forehead when Rose crashed into me," Jasper explained.

"I rang my bell, Jazz, you should have moved out of the way," Rose defended.

Adam was napping in the pack-n-play and when we heard crying Alice stood up to check on him.

"I got him Alice. You eat," I insisted. "I haven't had my chance to hold him yet today."

She thanked me and I hurried into the living room to pick up Adam. He had grown a lot since August. He was chubbier and his hair had filled in a little. I saw immediately what made him cry. He'd rolled over onto his stomach in his sleep and it woke him. Cradling the baby against my chest I swayed back and forth until he calmed down. It was still strange to think of Alice and Jasper as parents. Holding the infant reminded me of all the babies I'd cared for in the UW daycare where I worked. It was hard every time their moms classes ended or they made other arrangements for childcare. It was rule #1 not to get too attached to the babies but it was still hard every time one of them moved on. I watched baby Adam as his eyelids starting getting heavy and he drifted back to sleep.

As I sat on the sofa to make sure Adam was sound asleep when I laid him back down someone made a noise behind me. I turned my head to see who was there and found Emmett standing in the archway. I smiled and nodded for him to come over. He peeked at the baby's face before sitting down next to me.

"Full already? I thought you'd be tearing it up in there," I teased.

"I haven't had a chance to talk to you alone in like a month. Just wanted to see how everything's going."

"I'm fine, Em. You don't have to worry about me."

"I know, Rose said you were doing better. I was more so wondering what you're waiting for now?"

"What?"

"Bells, all this time you've been in love with Edward. Now you're single. He's single. And if you didn't notice he's crazy about you. _I'm_ starting to go mad with anticipation," he said.

"Has Edward been talking to you about us?" I questioned.

"Yes, but that's beside the point," he chuckled. "I'm not getting in between you two, just wondering if you were waiting for something in particular."

I sighed. "I'm waiting to stop feeling guilty. I know Jake told me to go and be with Edward, but it still feels wrong."

"Did you know Jake and I still talk? We're in the same fantasy football league," he said.

I shook my head. I hadn't thought about Emmett and Jake staying friends after we broke up. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. He must have sensed my apprehension.

"I'm sorry if it's weird. The bonds of brotherhood run deep."

"It's okay. How is he?" I asked hesitantly.

"He's okay, Bells, really. What I wanted to tell you is that both Edward and Jake have talked to me about you. Who would have thought I'd be the guy with the steady girlfriend, that everyone comes to for advice?" he laughed. "Anyway, you should know that Edward is the one who's depressed and pining for you. Jake's kinda made his peace and is ready to move on. He's excited about Illinois."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Jake misses you, but I think that's pretty normal. You don't have any reason to feel guilty."

"Thanks, Em. I think you might be the wisest among us after all."

"Ha, I've known it all along," he joked. "I better get back to the table for round two. My pants are feeling a little loose."

I laughed and thanked him. I stood up when he did and attempted to lay Adam back in the playpen. He fussed for a few seconds but settled down in no time. When I rejoined the others Charlie was just beginning to tell everyone about my first Christmas in Forks when I was four. I caught Edward smirking at me while Charlie explained my fear of the snow when seeing it for the first time.

After dessert we "kids" sat around the table and played board games while our parents chatted in the living room. I kicked butt during our game of Scrabble. Then for Trivial Pursuit 90's edition Rose and Alice wanted to couple off for teams. Edward asked Bree to join our team which made me feel a little less like I was being set up, but I still gave Rose a really dirty look. She and Emmett won that game and we were about to choose something for a rematch when Charlie poked his head in and asked if I was ready to go. The Hale's took the opportunity to leave at the same time so we all said our good nights. I thanked Esme for the wonderful meal and her good advice. She hugged me and reminded me to think about what she said.

I promised her I would.

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><p><strong>AN: If you're happy and you like it... please REVIEW!**


	29. Chapter 28: Multiple Confessions

**A/N: Ok, I love this chapter. Some of you may see it as further evidence to hate my Edward but I truly hope that isn't the case. I'm excited to see what you think about the next few chapters so please review!**

**Thanks for reading! I love you all.**

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><p>Chapter 28: MULTIPLE CONFESSIONS<p>

Three nights after Christmas, I was lying awake in bed unable to sleep thinking about what I was doing and why I needed to keep Edward at arm's length. I kept telling myself when the time was right I would feel it. Nothing had felt right in a long time. But I was running out of reasons to wait.

I unzipped my bathroom bag looking for something to help me sleep. I used a scrunchie to pull the hair out of my face and continued searching. Near the bottom was the gag gift Rosalie had given to me back in Seattle. I stared at the small vibrator for a second and then put it on my nightstand thinking maybe if I_ really_ couldn't fall asleep I'd have an excuse to finally use it. Then I found some Night-Time Tylenol and took three with a glass of water before returning to my bed. I must have dozed off as soon as the pills kicked in; listening to the sounds of the Seahawks game coming from Charlie's bedroom.

In the morning the sun came through the windows and shined directly on my face. Morning sunshine in Forks was rare and it was disorienting as I tried to get my bearings. I could tell it was still early as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. Suddenly I noticed I wasn't alone.

I gasped. "Edward? What are you doing in here?" He was sitting in the rocking chair that had been in my bedroom since I was a baby.

"I didn't mean to I frighten you. I came to watch you sleep and couldn't bear to leave when the sun came up."

"To watch me sleep?" I repeated, appalled. "Is Charlie here?" I pulled the blankets up to cover myself and glanced over at my bedroom door.

"No, he's left an hour ago. He didn't see me."

I let out an exasperated sigh and ran my hands through my tangled mess of hair. For a moment I thought I was dreaming. The Tylenol hadn't quite worn off yet.

"I'm sorry for coming in like this, Bella. I'm starting to lose my mind and I needed to hear you talk in your sleep. It's the best way to know what you're really thinking," he explained as if it was a perfectly logical reason to be in my room without my knowledge.

"I wasn't aware you knew I did that," I said embarrassed.

He chuckled. "I first discovered it in high school. Alice was having one of her sleepovers and I snuck down in the middle of the night to see if any of you girls slept in your underwear..."

I rolled my eyes.

"I was sixteen, give me a break."

"What did I say the first time you heard me?" I wondered.

"You talked about missing your mother. You mumbled something about Mike Newton resembling a retriever. And you mentioned being in love, though you didn't specify a person."

"I don't remember that specific night but I'm sure the dream was about you. They all were," I admitted.

He smirked and said, "I think that's when you began to fascinate me, Bella. I'm always surprised by what you have to say."

"It's still not right for you to be in my room," I said gently, not actually wanting him to leave.

"I know that. And I_ am_ sorry, though I think you should be relieved I came here," he said slowly, a teasing tone to his voice.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because I found this." He held up the small vibrator I'd had in bed with me the night before. I felt my face turn crimson; sure that I would die of embarrassment.

"I thought it might help me sleep last night. I guess I forgot about it," I explained, my hands covering my cheeks and eyes in shame.

"Then you should be thanking me for coming here or Charlie would have likely found this. He came in around 5 am to check on you. Don't worry, I hid in the closet," he said giving me that crooked grin.

Edward stood from the rocking chair and came to sit on the edge of my bed. It creaked a little under the added weight.

"You've surprised me again," he whispered. "I never would have thought you owned a…"

"Don't look at me like that. Rose bought it for me after I told her how much I was enjoying my self-imposed isolation," I said rolling my eyes. "She thought she was being funny."

Edward spun the bullet over in his fingers to find the tiny switch and turned it on. My eyes widened at the distinct buzzing sound; my breath catching in my throat. Was he trying to embarrass me further? It wasn't possible.

"So you haven't… used it yet?" he questioned.

"Nooo," I replied, my face warming again.

Edward shifted his weight on the bed and I watched as he slipped his hand under the comforter grazing my ankle with the vibrator. His eyes focused on mine and he waited for me to protest or push him away but I was physically paralyzed by fear. And desire. He touched the toy to the inside of my calf so I could feel the vibrations. He licked his lower lip and trailed his hand slowly up to the underside of my knee and I instinctively pulled my leg away when the cold plastic tickled my skin.

"Edward," I said in a scolding tone. "We are _not_ having sex."

"Of course not, that would be completely inappropriate," he agreed teasing. His voice was raspy and intense. "I just want to help you get off, Bella."

I gasped. His hand started moving the toy up my inner thigh. It was hard to tell a man as desirable as Edward "no" to anything. When the bullet he held was only inches from my panty line he pulled it away and started the same ascent on my other leg. I moaned from the need he was stirring inside me. I hadn't had any kind of release in over a month. It was almost as if Edward knew I wouldn't be able to say no. I hadn't decided whether or not I was ready to cross the line from friend to lover with him yet, but there was no harm in blurring it a little, right? I was so aroused I couldn't think straight.

"I won't touch you unless you ask," he informed me. "Now spread your legs for me, Bella."

The blankets were still tucked around my torso and I gripped them tightly in my hands. The bullet reached my center and Edward realized the same time I did that my panties were wet. He sucked in a deep breath, his eyes locked on mine. I felt the delicious sensations through the thin cotton as Edward dragged the toy up and down my slit. I lay back against the mattress surrendering to the pleasure.

"Take off your panties," he whispered.

I bit my lower lip but complied. I didn't have a shred of willpower left in me. And I wanted him so bad. Hooking my finger under the only barrier between Edward's hand and my pussy, I slid the panties down my legs. I pulled my hand back up the length of my body, careful not to disturb the blankets, and produced the evidence Edward was waiting for. He snatched them from me with his free hand and tightened it into a fist. I heard the buzzing noise as the cold plastic touched my skin directly. I stifled a moan and threw my head back into the pillow. Edward circled my clit gently and then moved the toy down to my entrance teasingly pushing it in over and over. It was too much yet still not enough. I wanted it deeper. I wanted to feel him bury his cock inside me.

I felt the bullet press further inside and as he pulled it out Edward applied a little more pressure against my sensitive skin, slowly drawing it up my wet lips to my clit. I couldn't hold back and longer and let out a low throaty moan.

'That's it, baby. I wanna hear you," he commanded.

I opened my eyes to steal a glance at Edward and his expression was one I'd only seen him get once before. It was the same look from the night he made love to me. The lust in his eyes caused me lose the last shred of control I was clinging to. I panted and moaned as he worked the toy over all the right places. I felt myself close to release. He kept his word and never touched me once. I was glad for that because had he set even one finger on me I would have surely thrown my arms around him and begged for him to fuck me.

The pressure built and built inside me and I spread my legs a little further apart. I could hear Edward's heavy breathing and though my eyes were shut tight I knew he was watching me.

"Come for me, Bella. I know you're close. Let me see you come," he murmured.

His words threw me over the edge and I came with a force like I'd never felt before. I was loud and I knew it but I didn't care. As my body trembled in aftershocks Edward pulled his hand out from under the covers and turned off the wicked toy.

I kept my eyes closed, afraid to face the realization of what had just happened. When my body calmed down and my mind began to think clearly again I became angry at Edward; and incredibly humiliated.

"I can't believe you just did that," I said.

His eyes met mine and I looked away.

"Bella, please don't be upset," he pleaded.

"Give those to me," I demanded, holding my hand out for my panties that were still crumbled in his fist. I maneuvered my hands under the blanket and quickly slid the panties up my legs. Edward turned his head away until I had the comforter securely wrapped around my body again.

"I'm so confused, Bella," he whined. "You tell me you're not ready for us to be together, but then you kiss me at Christmas. And I overheard some of your conversation with my mother. I didn't mean to, I was coming in to get Charlie another beer when I heard my name. Then you treat me no differently than Emmett the rest of the evening. I came here last night to try to figure out what's going through your head."

It occurred to me I'd never asked him what he heard. I couldn't remember having any dreams last night. My heart started beating faster again.

"So what did I say?" I asked still a little pissed at him, and even more so at myself. So much for taking things slow.

"I don't think you want to know, though it would help explain my actions," he replied thoughtfully.

"I'm pretty sure I don't want to know either but you are going to tell me," I said firmly.

He sighed and looked down at the comforter, tracing the patterns with his index finger. "First you talked about taking Adam to a baseball game," he whispered avoiding what was clearly going to be difficult for him to say. "Then you said, 'kiss me, Edward,' and 'miss you,' and um… 'fuck me' followed by my name a couple more times."

I felt myself blushing but wasn't at all surprised by what I said. Those thoughts had filled my dreams most nights in the recent past.

"That's nothing new," I said flippantly.

"So those are your real thoughts?" he asked sounding hopeful and surprised.

I tried to suppress a smile. "Edward, those are _always_ my thoughts."

He pressed his lips into a thin line and a touch of pink filled his cheeks.

"Edward Cullen, are you blushing?" I asked teasingly.

His face fell into his hands and he moaned, "Why are you making me suffer like this? I thought you were sure about how you felt about me?"

For the first time I realized how difficult the past month had been for Edward. I wasn't trying to punish him by making him wait longer than necessary and I couldn't stand to see him upset.

"You are the only thing I'm sure about, Edward, but I don't know how we do this. How do two people in our situation start dating? We know all of each other's funny stories. I already treat your parents like my own. We know each other's favorite movies, ice cream flavors, and cereal brands. We've had sex! You don't think it would be weird for us to go on a first date? Would you come to the door and small talk to Charlie while I got ready upstairs? Would you try to kiss me goodnight after the date or do we pick up where we left off last fall?" I rambled.

I was afraid to admit these fears to him but they had been floating around my brain for a long time. How do you start dating someone you've been _in love_ with for years? There would be no way for me to take a romantic relationship with Edward slowly. I was already too far gone.

"I understand what you mean and I've given it a lot of thought too," he said calmly.

I felt better that Edward had the same concerns I did. The only situation I could imagine being worse than secretly loving your best friend your whole life would be finally getting to be together and then screwing it up. I sat there eager for him to give me at least one solution to my many fears.

"Would you come over to my house tonight? It's a familiar place we'd both be comfortable, and I'll make you dinner. I'll send my family out to eat so we can be alone and talk," he asked nervously.

Not exactly what I was hoping for but the idea still made my stomach flip. "Okay, but it can't be tonight. You're supposed to watch Adam so Alice can come over here, remember?"

He groaned. "I forgot. Tomorrow night, then, around seven? I have something I want to show you."

I nodded. "Okay."

"I should go home. I didn't get much sleep last night," he replied winking at me.

"Alright. Tell Alice I'm expecting her here at five tonight," I replied smiling.

"I will." He walked over to the door and paused before leaving. "Everything will be okay, Bella. I promise," he said and then closed the door behind him.

It took me a long time to get my act together that morning. I took a long hot shower to sooth my tense muscles, making sure to shave and moisturize every part of my body. I found a clever hiding place for Rose's gag gift and reminded myself to both yell at her and thank her later. When Charlie came home for lunch we chatted a bit about school. I gave him a brief overview of my breakup with Jake. I was surprised at how hard he took the news. Charlie had always been happy as a clam every time he'd ask and I'd tell him I still didn't have a boyfriend, but Jake he really liked. I wondered how he'd feel about me dating Edward. I couldn't see any reason in the world for him not to be just as happy.

Alice came over just before five o'clock with ice cream and CD's. After hugging me hello she ran right into the kitchen to talk to Charlie. The two of them were so funny together, the way Alice could get him to open up and talk to her like an old friend. Charlie asked about the baby and what her plans were for Seattle. I got some bowls and spoons while they caught up and finally had to drag Alice by the arm to get her to follow me upstairs.

"Which CD do you want to hear first?" she asked.

"Um, whatever you think I'd like. Do you wanna see a movie later or are you planning a shopping trip?" I asked raising one eye brow in her direction.

"As tempting as that is, I haven't seen a movie in ages! I don't even know what's out right now."

"My laptop's on. Why don't you check movie times and see if there's anything you'd wanna see. If it's something halfway decent I'll let you drag me into _one_ store afterwards," I bargained.

Alice clapped her hands together and hopped from foot to foot in excitement. She danced over to the computer desk and took a seat in the chair. "I'm gonna find a movie you'll love, Bella, and then we'll get you a new outfit. You're single and stunning, you need a lucky 'first date dress'."

I laughed and went over to the CD player to skip the song that was playing. It was sad and depressing. Maybe Alice hadn't gotten the memo that I was on the mend.

"Holy crap! What is this!" she shrieked.

I jumped in surprise and whirled around to see what happened. Her eyes were glued to the laptop screen reading a Word document. The document from my desktop where I'd saved my Skype chat with Edward so long ago.

"Oh, no, no, no! Alice, don't!" I yelled and took a step towards her. As I launched myself forward my foot slid on a sock and I went down like a ton of bricks, landing on my ass.

"Ow, shit!" I yelled.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked turning her head. She wasn't overly concerned about my condition, well aware of my clumsy nature. No blood, so Bella must be okay. With me temporarily incapacitated Alice's eyes turned back to the computer screen. "Bella, can you explain to me what the hell this is all about?" she demanded.

"I'm fine," I replied, standing up and doing a quick assessment. "Alice! Stop reading that! Oh my God," I moaned.

"I can't, it's like a car wreck. Ew, gross!"

I slammed the laptop shut. "Alice! How much did you read?"

She stared at me with wide eyes shaking her head. I cursed myself for not password protecting that file, feeling like an idiot for having kept it around so long. She was still shaking her head in surprise, and then she did something completely unexpected. Alice broke into a fit of giggles. I held my breath and watched her. I had no idea how much she read or what she was thinking but I had been expecting her response to be of resentment, not amusement.

"I can't believe this, Bella. I just don't- holy crap… '_Remembering your hands all over me'_," she mocked. "What have I missed since I've been home?"

"Aren't you mad at me? Aren't you freaked out? You can't even stand it when Edward and Emmett talk about morning wood."

"Ugh, the part about you two 'coming' is gonna haunt me for weeks. I'm talking about how much you 'missed each other' and wish you could kiss each other," she said laughing. "Bella, tell me the truth. Are you sleeping with my brother?"

Her arms were now folded across her chest and her face looked as if she were trying very hard not to laugh again.

"No, Alice. I am not. We're kind of figuring things out right now," I explained. "You're really not upset?"

"Bella, I am marrying Rose's brother. I just had his baby! I have no right to declare brothers off limits," she said giggling again. "I just can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"I'm sorry. I wanted to but there really hasn't been anything to tell. I've always had feelings for him, but he was constantly dating other girls. Then there was Jake," I paused to collect my thoughts. "It feels like now might finally be the right time for us."

"I never liked either of Edward's girlfriends. He cares about you so much, and I already think of you as my sister! This is so great," she cheered.

"So when did this little erotic conversation take place?" she asked. I blushed.

"Last January, when I was in Florida."

"But you typed to him that you _missed his hands on you_?" she questioned, teasingly shuddering at the thought as she said it. "So something happened before then!"

Crap. "Okay, you're right. Remember your first week in Seattle? We had that house party and Edward crashed in my room…"

"Yes…" she said very slowly, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.

"That was the first and only time we…slept together," I admitted. It was so strange talking about this with her.

"I knew it!" she shrieked. "You two looked way too happy the next morning."

I rolled my eyes. "We promised each other no one would find out because it was just something that we both wanted and impulsively decided to do. And I was really sensitive about it because he was my first."

She smiled at me in silence for a moment. Finally she said, "I understand. So who else knows?"

I chuckled. "Emmett knew immediately. He's got some creepy sixth sense about sex. Rose knows. Edward eventually told Tanya. And I told Jake."

"Jake and Tanya knew?" she laughed. "Damn, Bella. I can't believe there was a soap opera playing out right under my nose!"

"Edward's pretty much the reason Jacob broke up with me. Twice," I said.

"So what's happening now? You said you were trying to figure things out…"

"I'm going to your house tomorrow night for a dinner date. Edward's planning on kicking you all out of the house for a few hours," I told her. "Please don't tell Jazz or your parents. It's still so new; I don't need the added pressure."

"No problem. But Bella, you know what this means?" she said with an evil grin. "There's no way we're going to the movies now! We have to find you something to wear for tomorrow!"

I groaned at the thought of shopping but then smiled. Alice was a good friend. I nodded my agreement and she cheered.

We spent hours in Port Angeles and I found three nice outfits to choose from. I could only afford one and Alice insisted she buy the other two. I really hated when the Cullen's bought me expensive things or refused to take no for an answer. However, I was used to it by now and eventually allowed her to help me pay. It was her idea to go to Nordstrom after all. I'd suggested JC Penny.

When Alice dropped me off that night I thanked her for being such a good friend and helping me shop. I asked her to play dumb at home, not because I didn't want Edward knowing Alice was clued in, but because I knew she would do nothing but pester him until the following night if I didn't swear her to secrecy. She agreed to hold her tongue for 24 hours which would at least get me through our date.

Then, I was sure Mount Alice would erupt and everyone in the Cullen household would know Edward and I were dating. Dating… We better not screw this up.


	30. Chapter 29: The Date

Chapter 29: THE DATE

My truck stalled on the way to the Cullen's house the next night. I told myself it wasn't an omen, just an antique unappreciated Chevy. I turned the engine over and prayed for it to start. It finally roared back to life after three attempts and I made it to their house only five minutes after seven.

I took a deep breath on the porch and smoothed my dress before knocking on the large mahogany door. When Edward answered I was overcome by the emotions I felt from seeing him. He looked slightly nervous but was smiling wide as he looked me over. He was wearing a collared shirt with a beige sweater over it and dark jeans.

"You look beautiful, Bella," he greeted.

"Thank you," I said blushing.

He opened the door wide and I stepped inside. The Christmas décor in the house was still present but much more subtle than it had been during the party. All the ribbon and garland were gone and only the tree and some pieces on the mantle seemed to remain in the living room. Judging by the dim romantic lighting and the Debussy I heard from the surround sound Edward would be trying to impress me all evening. He promised me having our first real date wouldn't be weird but I was starting to feel slightly intimidated.

Edward helped me out of my coat and his fingers brushed the back of my neck. It was ridiculous the way my body reacted to even the most fleeting contact with him. I tore my eyes away from him and walked towards the fireplace, needing a moment to calm my nerves. I admired the stockings hanging from the mantle with each of the families names stitched in silver thread. I smiled when I saw the one for Bree, reaching out to trace the embroidery with my fingertips.

"Are your parents going to adopt Bree?" I asked, looking over my shoulder at him.

He walked closer to me and replied, "They're trying. It's a difficult process."

"She seems very happy here," I commented.

He nodded. "I think so too."

"What did you tell everyone you were doing tonight?" I asked curiously.

"I told them I wanted to have the house to myself for a while and that you were coming over. Alice was surprisingly willing to leave."

I chuckled. "I might have unwillingly had something to do with that. She knows about us and promised me one day before she attacks you with questions. You're time is almost up."

He smiled and said, "then we shouldn't waste any more of it," hesitantly taking my hand in his.

He looked deep into my eyes for a long moment and then towed me towards the kitchen. There were two place settings at the table and an arrangement of fresh flowers in the middle. Edward left me by the island to tend to the pots on the stove. It was extremely sexy watching him cook. We talked a little but mostly I just watched him work. Every few minutes Edward would look over his shoulder and give me that crooked grin. I wanted to go over to help when I noticed the heat was too high on the chicken but I held back the urge.

"Have you heard from Emmett since they left for France?" I asked feeling the need for some kind of noise other than the chicken simmering in olive oil.

"Just a text message to say they landed safely. Has Rose called you?" Edward replied. He leaned his face over the steaming rice and stirred.

"Nothing, but I got the same kind of text from Emmett. I'm sure they're having a great time."

Edward turned off the burners he was using and searched a nearby drawer for a serving spoon. "Dinner's just about ready. What would you like to drink? We have wine, soda, bottled water?"

"Whatever you're having is fine."

"I was going to try one of Carlisle's merlots," he replied with a twinkle in his eye. "He built a wine cellar in the basement and has it pretty well stocked."

"Really? When was this?"

"November I think. I'm surprised he hasn't made you take the tour yet," he chuckled. "My mother designed it herself."

I smiled. "I'd love to see it."

"Let's go pick a bottle for dinner," he suggested. "You just have to promise to ooh and ahh when dad brings you back down later."

"Deal."

Edward flipped the light switch for the basement and motioned for me to go down ahead of him. The pool table and futon were in the same place they'd been since high school on the left side of the room. I noticed the bookcase on the far was cluttered with board games and DVD's that looked like they hadn't been touched since Alice's last sleepover my senior year. The right side of the large open space was no longer empty. There was an impressive wet bar with four matching stools and a large University of Washington Huskies poster hanging on the side wall. The wall directly behind the bar held shelves filled with bottles of alcohol and a variety of glasses. Next to the bar was the door to Carlisle's brand new wine cellar.

Edward opened the door and turned on another light. The room was about the size of Alice's closet which was by no means small. There was beautiful stonework on the walls and floor. Gorgeous custom built wooden shelves lined every wall displaying what had to be a hundred or so bottles of wine. And a small wrought iron table and chairs stood in the center of the space.

"Wow," I breathed.

"I know it's a bit much. They'll never be able to drink all this," Edward replied shaking his head.

"I would hope not," I laughed. "It's a good thing this wasn't here when we all used to hang out down here."

He chuckled. "My dad would have had to put a lock on the door for sure."

I took a step inside the cellar and let my fingertips trace over some of the labels on the bottles. A few names sounded familiar but many were in French or Italian. Edward stepped beside me and took two bottles from the shelf in front of us. His arm brushed mine and he stood so close I could feel the heat of his body and the light scent of his cologne.

"These are both from the collection we're allowed to drink. Which would you like to try?" he asked.

I honestly couldn't tell the difference and looked up at Edward's face before shrugging my shoulders. He smirked and handed me the red wine, only he didn't let go. His dazzling eyes were fixed on mine and I suddenly found it hard to breathe. The only noise was the sound of the electricity buzzing in the light fixture over our heads. Or it could have been coming from Edward judging by the intensity in his gaze. I leaned in closer to him without even thinking. He finally blinked, as if being released from a trance, and reached his empty hand up to my cheek lightly tracing the length of my cheekbone with one finger. He finally let go of the bottle and I wrapped both my trembling hands around it for safekeeping.

"We should get back upstairs," he said softly.

I swallowed thickly and took in a much needed breath. He placed the second bottle of wine back on the shelf and stepped out of the cellar.

"So what did we choose?" I asked as we made our way back to the kitchen.

"I really have no idea, but I hope it's good," he replied.

I brought the food to the table while he uncorked the wine. We had a lovely dinner together. I could tell Esme had taught him a thing or two in the kitchen and it just made the person that he was all the more appealing. I didn't know how I'd survived without Edward being mine for so long but I knew I couldn't do it much longer.

By the time we'd finished eating I had decided I never wanted to eat another meal without him. He had been right that we could move forward with our relationship without feeling awkward. Honestly, nothing else felt more right. There were times during dinner when he reached across the table to hold my hand and I nearly passed out from the sensation of his touch.

We cleared the table together and I insisted on doing the dishes. Edward touched me in subtle ways as I washed and he dried. He'd lean over me to reach a pot, or brush a strand of hair away from my face. My heart was pounding the entire time. Edward reached across the sink for the last dirty plate in the same moment I reached for it. Together our hands brought the plate down into the warm soapy water. I felt his eyes on me and risked a glance upwards. His body was inches from mine and I saw his tongue sweep across his lower lip wetting it. There was desire and longing in his eyes. I was sure he saw the same in my own. Edward's fingers laced between mine in the water and his other hand appeared at the base of my neck, gently pulling me closer. In that instant I knew he was going to kiss me, and my life would forever be divided into two halves. My life up until this moment… and my life from this moment on.

I watched his eyes drop to my lips as I parted them in anticipation. I was frozen in place, my heart beating wildly. I felt him close the space between us and my eyes closed instinctually as his soft lips made contact with mine. He pressed himself against me and my free hand flew to his forearm, needing to touch his skin in any way I could. His kiss was sweet and controlled; my lower lip gently squeezed between his as if they were made to fit together. Too soon he pulled away just enough to look into my eyes.

"I couldn't wait any longer," he whispered under his breath, leaning his forehead against mine.

Neither of us let go where our hands were touching each other. I needed more, my body screaming to keep the connection between us.

"Neither could I," I whispered back and pressed my lips to his once more.

When we broke apart Edward let out a sigh and smiled. He pulled his hand out of the dishwater and reached for a towel, drying his hand and then mine. "Come with me. I want to show you that surprise now," he said softly.

There was no going back for me after that night; no more uncertainty in my mind. My brain had finally come to the same conclusion my heart had reached years ago, and I couldn't live without him another day. I wasn't sure what Edward was expecting from this date. I'd been telling him to slow down his advances for weeks so I could catch my breath and feel confident about moving forward. Now that I was ready to give him the green light, the way to tell him that escaped me.

We walked hand in hand up the stairs to his bedroom. I had been in Edward's room countless times before but never experienced such an intense combination of emotions from simply walking through the doorway. I was agitated, elated, and curious all at the same time. His bed had never looked so large and intimidating before. I had no idea what Edward's surprise was going to be and that frightened me. He knew I hated surprises.

Edward motioned for me to sit on his bed as he nervously fumbled through the drawer of his desk looking for something. When he found it I heard him clear his throat in preparation. He turned to face me holding a stack of white paper tied together in a blue bow.

"I never intended for anyone to read this, especially you," he began. "But now I think I owe it to you."

I looked at him in confusion, which only made him more nervous. "Edward, what is it?"

He sat next to me on the bed and handed me the bundle of papers. "It's a short story I began writing after I realized my feelings for you."

"You're letting me read one of your stories?" I asked stunned.

"The characters are loosely based on you and me. I started writing it as an outlet. You were with Jacob and I had no choice but to keep everything inside," he explained. "I didn't know how deep your feelings for me were, or if they were still there. It was maddening. I started to understand how you must have felt all this time."

I nodded in agreement. The past few years _had_ been maddening as he put it.

"Now I can see that everything we've put each other through has made you uncertain about us and I feel I owe you an explanation for why I didn't come to my senses sooner. I want you to read it so you'll know the truth of how I feel about you. The characters and setting are fiction but the way the man's love for the woman develops over time in the story is exactly how it happened for me. I apologize that it isn't finished. I suppose I'm hoping for inspiration to write a happy ending," he said.

I ran my fingers over the manuscript as my mind processed what I'd just heard. I bit my lower lip and turned my head to see Edward's face. Slowly I raised my right hand to cup his cheek and said, "I think you'll get your happy ending, Edward."

He sucked in a breath and leaned into my hand, exhaling slowly. I kissed him soft and careful. I didn't want our passion to escalate, as I was sure it could happen easily, so I reluctantly pulled away when I needed to breathe.

"So, you'll read it?" he asked.

"I have just one request," I asked softly. He raised his eyebrows in question. "Read some of it to me?" I whispered, unable to hold back my smile.

"Of course," he replied with an equally large grin.

Edward slipped back against the headboard propping up some pillows to lean against. I snuggled into the crook of his arm and rested my head against his chest. His strong arms wrapped around me as he flipped open the story to the first page. Edward bent his head to kiss my cheek and then began reading. His voice was more soothing and seductive than I'd ever heard during his readings of Canterbury Tales or Longfellow. He emphasized certain words and told the story as only its creator could. I was impressed by his writing style and moved by the words.

Edward's story was about a young man in a small southern town whose best friend is the girl next door. The young man who tells the story in present time is naïve and oblivious to the signals his pretty neighbor is sending him. I was surprised by the humor in the story, and every time the young man described his feelings to the reader I felt as if I was peering through another window into Edward's soul. More than once I felt a tear escape my eyes and each time Edward paused his reading to wipe it away.

He read me the first chapter and then laid the story on his lap. I assumed he was waiting for my thoughts or maybe a professional critique but I had no words. I was in awe. As my shaky fingers took the pages from his hands I noticed the front cover was blank.

"No title?" I asked curiously.

"I haven't been able to think of anything that does my feelings for you justice."

"There's a song I've been listening to lately that I would swear was written about us…" I mused.

"What song?" he whispered, kissing my hair.

I had no singing voice whatsoever so I recited the lines to him like a poem.

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you."

"I think that's a very fitting interpretation," he said. Without another word Edward hopped up from the bed and grabbed a pen off his desk. He sat back in his place at my side and elegantly scribbled something on the front cover of his manuscript.

"Our Broken Road," I read aloud.

"What do you think?"

"I think you'll have to pay Rascal Flatts some royalties, but I like it," I joked.

He chuckled and tossed the pages onto his nightstand. We lay on his bed facing each other unsure of what to do next.

"It's a beautiful story, Edward. You're very talented," I said.

"Does that mean you'll keep reading it?"

"Yes. I definitely want to read the whole thing… just not right now," I replied in what was hopefully a suggestive tone.

In case there was any doubt in his mind as to what I wanted my hand reached for his sweater and pulled him closer to me. "I _need_ you, Edward," I whispered.

His arms snaked around my waist and pulled my body tight against his. Our open mouths found each other and we both moaned. I slid my hands over his chest, up his neck, and into his tangled hair. We kissed, and touched, and teased for a long time enjoying the feel of each other's bodies. I thought about what I wanted; wondered if it was too soon to sleep with him. I could practically feel the adrenaline pulsing through my veins and all I wanted was to rip his clothes off.

I'd wanted to make love to Edward for five years, achieved my goal once, and fought off the urge to do it again ever since. I was done with ignoring the signals my heart and body were sending me. Edward must have felt the same because I felt his fingers slid under the hem of my dress, which had ridden up considerably, and started pulling it up my body. I reached behind my back to lower the zipper and he had the whole thing over my head seconds later.

"Bella," he moaned as he attacked my cleavage with kisses.

I removed his sweater quickly and set to work on the buttons of his dress shirt. I fumbled with the first one and he laughed at my obvious frustration. I fell back on the bed and watched as his fingers swiftly opened his shirt one button at a time. I reached forward to push the fabric off his shoulders and watched it fall to the floor. It was a little cold in the room so we turned down the sheets and slipped underneath. Being with Edward in his bed was something I fantasized about so often; it was hard to believe it was actually happening. The sheets smelled just like him and I felt completely surrounded by his essence. My body ached with a need for him that was beyond anything I'd ever felt before. He couldn't be inside me fast enough.

Edward pulled me on top of him as he settled back against the mattress. I straddled his hips running my hands all over his muscular chest and shoulders, trying to memorize his perfection. Edward's hands were on my breasts, teasing my nipples through the thin material that covered them. I could feel his erection straining under his jeans. Desperate to have his length in my hands I unbuttoned the fly and was just beginning to ease the zipper down when I heard someone knocking on the bedroom door.

"Kids? Alice says your 24 hours are up, whatever that means," Esme said through the door.

The handle started turning and Edward yelled out, "Mom, no!" at the same time Esme poked her head inside the room.

"She wants to know when- Oh my! I'm sorry!" she exclaimed ducking her head down to look at the basket of laundry she was carrying.

Edward's hands were still groping my breasts as I tumbled off him and tried to cover myself with the bed sheet.

"Mom, shut the door, please!" Edward begged.

"I didn't realize you'd be, um I mean, that you might want," Esme fumbled for the right words, her eyes still focused downward. "Sorry, kids," she said as she backed out of the room closing the door behind her.

My hands clenched the sheets covering my underwear clad chest as I sat frozen in place. After a few moments I looked at Edward who was still pitching a tent under the sheet and burst into laughter. His expression was mortified which only made me laugh harder. He turned to me in shock and started shaking his head back and forth.

"I'm sorry, it isn't funny," I managed to get out in between giggles.

"I can't believe that just happened," he said.

I took a few deep breaths to collect myself. "Don't worry about Esme. Something tells me she's happy for us," I replied recalling my conversation with her on Christmas.

"I'm going to kill Alice," Edward said glowering at his bedroom door.

I leaned over to kiss his frown away, peppering his face and lips. He winced and looked down at himself.

"Oh my God, I'm gonna have the bluest balls tomorrow," he groaned laying back and covering his eyes with his forearm.

I knew we couldn't pick up where we left off after Esme dumped cold water on us but the interruption did little to diminish my need for him. I snuggled up against his side and gently pried his arm away from his face. He turned to look at me and I was met with a half smile.

"Do you think we should go downstairs?" I asked hesitantly. It occurred to me that Edward's entire family must know what we'd been doing by now. I felt my cheeks turning pink.

Edward caressed my side with his hand and began kissing my neck. "Do you have plans tomorrow?" he asked, ignoring my question.

I shook my head. "Charlie's working the night shift so the house will be empty."

Edward groaned against my skin and tightened his grip on my hip. "Do you want to hang out? I can bring over a movie?" he suggested.

His kisses trailed up to my face and our eyes met. I kissed his lips softly. "That sounds perfect."

We forced our bodies apart and got dressed. Edward held my hand as we walked down the steps to meet the inquisition that was Alice Cullen. Thankfully Esme and Carlisle were nowhere to be found. Jasper was feeding the baby in the living room when we entered. He was laughing under his breath, jostling the milk in the bottle.

"So, cockblocked by Esme?" he chuckled looking at us. "I know the feeling."

"Shut up," Edward replied, a hint of humor in his voice.

Bree and Alice emerged from the kitchen moments later. As expected, we were bombarded with questions from Edward's sisters. Some he answered graciously, others we hadn't even discussed with each other yet and he declined comment, which drove Alice crazy. She wanted to know how long we'd had feelings for each other, if it started in high school, if that was why Tanya left him, what we were to each other now, and so on.

Once the interrogation questions slowed I asked Alice if she'd given any thought to her wedding yet. I picked the right topic to get her off our backs and I was launched into an hour long conversation about reception halls and centerpieces. Alice chose April 14th so it would coincide with our spring break from UW. It was hard to believe two of my friends would be married in four months time. Our lives were moving so fast.

Bree asked Edward if they could perform the song they'd been writing together and he agreed after a moment of hesitation. She walked over to the piano and sat on the left side of the bench leaving room for Edward to sit beside her. She tested out a few keys and then they began playing together. The song was slow and mysterious, almost resembling a lullaby. Every note seemed to be filled with emotion.

"Did you like it, Bella?" Bree asked when the last note faded off.

"It was beautiful," I replied honestly. I really thought it was the most moving piece of music Edward had ever written, and he looked so sweet performing it with his little sister.

"Edward told me you inspired it," she gushed.

Edward poked her ribcage and she squealed. "Told you in _confidence_," he said in mock annoyance.

"You knew how he felt about Bella?" Alice asked Bree. Then she turned to Edward and said, "You told her and not me?"

"What can I say, I can't keep secrets from this little girl," Edward said putting his arm around Bree and squeezing her into his side. She giggled and tried to break free but Edward was much stronger than her. She finally resorted to tickling his side before he released her.

I realized everyone was now staring at me. I was overwhelmed that Edward would write such a beautiful song with me in mind. He stared at me; waiting for some kind of auditory response I suppose. Instead, I crossed the room and put my hand on his shoulder. I smiled and then leaned forward kissing him tenderly in front of his family for the first time.

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><p><strong>AN: I just gave you 4,300 words... can you leave me a few in return?**


	31. Chapter 30: Reuniting

**A/N: This chapter's called Reuniting... I think you all know what that means ;-)**

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><p>Chapter 30: REUNITING<p>

The next morning I woke early and was greeted by the most unwelcome and inconvenient house guest I could have possibly imagined. Aunt Flo. Realizing my date night with Edward wouldn't be going below the belt I didn't even bother to shave my legs in the shower. I was so mad at mother nature's impeccable timing. After that four day holdup we had the huge surprise of my mother visiting. I was thrilled to see her but she had terrible timing too. Again no opportunity for sex.

It was fun subjecting Edward to a sit down dinner with _both_ my parents asking what his intentions were with their daughter. Renee went easy on him, knowing how long I'd been waiting for this. I was embarrassed when she let it slip how frequently she and I talked about Edward throughout high school. Edward actually blushed too. Charlie was a little tougher on him, asking about school and his future plans. I snickered at the face my dad made when Edward told him he wanted to become a lawyer. I think it really surprised him. That was the first night Edward and I began calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I really wanted to jump his bones after that dinner but my mother insisted I sleep in the hotel room with her for some serious girl time. I spent the whole night gushing about how wonderful Edward was and my mother loved every minute of it, urging me on for hours.

The next day Rose and Emmett came home from their trip and wanted to catch up. They were extremely happy for us when we told them our news, but we could hardly ditch them on their first night back to go have sex. Actually, I'm sure Emmett would have understood. Then there was Adam's christening the next Sunday followed by the party afterwards. Edward and Rose were godparents. I watched him on the altar holding Adam in his arms and all I could think about was screwing him senseless. I felt really guilty for having such impure thoughts in a church but no matter how many times I tried conjugating Spanish verbs in my head or thinking about how dusty the house was getting in my absence, my dirty mind kept going back to Edward's face between my knees. It was the sight of him holding that baby for sure. Cooing, rocking, and making him smile. God, I was a mess by the end of the party, but of course, Charlie was off that night so he could be there to support Alice. Great.

My sex date with Edward was beginning to look like it would never happen. We didn't get a night alone the rest of winter break and were reduced to groping each other in his car like high school kids. On the upside, I finally got my turn in the Volvo. We had the seats reclined, the windows steamed up; it was my high school fantasy come to life. Edward laughed when I told him the thrill I got from making out in his car. It was so refreshing to finally be able to open up to Edward and tell him how I've felt about him over the years.

By the time we were packing up to leave Forks both of us were beating our heads against the wall. The ride back to campus was the longest I'd ever had, even considering the speed with which Edward drove. He pulled my suitcases out of the car and carried them into the house for me. I'd hardly set my purse down on the kitchen table before Edward pounced. At first I chuckled at his eagerness but as soon as I sank into his kiss I was right there in the moment with him, moaning and tugging at his clothes.

I refused to leave evidence behind in the kitchen again, so I let the hem of Edwards t-shirt drop from my hands and clasped them around the back of his neck. I leapt into his arms and whispered for him to take me upstairs. He wasted no time, possibly taking the stairs two at a time until we reached my bedroom. I was gently dropped onto the bed and watched as he closed and locked the door, fiddling with the handle to make sure it wouldn't open. Edward turned to face me with a crooked smile and lust in his eyes. I knelt near the edge of the mattress and slowly removed my shirt. I felt my heart race as his eyes trailed up and down my exposed skin. A part of me never believed we would get back to this place again. As I watched Edward pull his t-shirt over his head I knew all I would ever need to be happy in this world was standing right in front of me. He slowly began unbuckling his belt in a teasing way.

"Come here," I said firmly.

Edward stepped closer to the bed, dropping his belt to the floor, his eyes fixed on mine. I inched closer to the end of the bed and tugged him forward by the waistband of his jeans. There was no time to tease him, I needed those pants gone. As Edward shimmied his ankles free and kicked the jeans aside my hand wove into the opening of his plaid boxers and grasped his length. His hips bucked into my hand as I stroked him and a gasp of pleasure passed his lips. The pad of my thumb circled the sensitive tip and Edward moaned. I reveled in the sound and knew I couldn't wait much longer to have him inside me.

I released his hard cock with the intention of positioning myself to take him in my mouth. Without warning Edward's hands gripped the back of my thighs and flipped me onto my back. I landed with a soft thud gasping in surprise. Staring at the ceiling I felt large hands pulling my jeans and underwear down my hips and off completely seconds later. I glanced down between my now bare thighs just as Edward sank to his knees and pressed his nose to my mound. Uncontrollable sounds flew out of my mouth as I felt his soft tongue slide all around my most sensitive area. He was skilled and relentless, holding my hips still with his hands to prevent any movement. My cries of pleasure became louder.

"Edward, Edward," I repeated his name over and over.

Finally, the pressure from my hips disappeared and I felt his fingertips slide down my inner thighs and spread my lips apart. He slid two fingers deep inside my entrance and kept his tongue focused on my clit. It was only moments later I felt the pulsing release of my orgasm overcome me. I bucked my hips against him as I laid there completely under his control.

My eyes were closed as I came down from the most powerful high I'd ever experienced. My breathing began to slow and when I opened my eyes Edward was leaning over me, waiting. He kissed me hard, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I sucked it in eagerly noticing he had a salty taste I couldn't identify. When I realized I was tasting myself on his lips it reminded me of the intense pleasure Edward had just given me. I needed more, needed to watch him come just as hard, and listen to him lose control the same way I had.

We scooted up the bed until my head hit the pillow. It felt great to sink into the comfort of my familiar bed again and even better to have Edward there with me. I greedily reached for his boxers anxious to get him completely undressed. He chuckled at my impatience and helped me slide them off.

"Your turn, beautiful," he teased sliding the straps of my bra down each arm.

I rolled over until I was straddling him, completely conscious of how wonderful my center felt pressing down on his cock. My arms disappeared behind my back and I quickly reached for the clasp. Edward raised both hands to cup my covered breasts squeezing them gently. The moment the hooks were released and the fabric slacked against my skin his hands tore it away from my body. The way he looked at me made me feel sexy. I brought my hands to my breasts and pinched my nipples playfully.

"Fuck," he muttered watching me with wide eyes.

I loved that Edward only cursed during sex. It was erotic and exciting. I wanted to hear more. He seemed to be letting me lead so I took the opportunity to create a little friction between our bodies. I tugged my nipples into tighter points and grinded my hips against him. I could feel my wetness coating the base of his cock as I rocked my hips back and forth. I wanted so badly to lift myself up a few more inches and sink down onto him, finally reuniting our bodies. They belonged together and it was time to make it happen.

I carefully rolled to Edward's side and reached into my nightstand drawer. With the foil wrapper in my hand I took my previous position over Edward and leaned forward to kiss him. He held his arms tightly around me, kissing my face, and neck, and earlobe. I straddled his thighs and sunk my mouth over his length just once. I needed to taste him and it caught Edward by surprise.

"Fuck, Bella. I want you so bad," he groaned.

Quickly, I ripped the foil open and slid the condom over him. His hands gripped my thighs tightly as I hovered over his erection. Edward slid his hands up to my hips and guided me down, sheathing himself inside me completely. We both moaned as our hips touched. I braced myself with my palms on his chest as he started thrusting up to push himself deeper. I closed my eyes to concentrate on the way he felt inside me. I never wanted him to stop.

"Oh, God, Edward," I whimpered as our bodies moved together.

I leaned over his chest, my hands on either side of his head. The angle was different and sent new sensations through my body. I needed to kiss him, taste his lips, and devour him. Edward's hands grabbed my ass and pulled me tighter against his body. As I moaned and closed my eyes I could feel him rolling us in one quick motion until I lay beneath him. I opened my eyes to find Edward smiling down at me. He pulled out almost completely and then quickly thrust deep inside causing my back to arch. He quickly established a sinfully sweet rhythm and I felt my muscles tightening.

"I'm going to make you come again, Bella," he said between breaths.

He certainly was. I nodded and wove my hands through his hair. My legs hitched around his back and I felt his pace speed up. Edward palmed my mound and his fingers began teasing and pinching my clit. The pleasure I was feeling intensified and I began to lose myself to the sensations Edward was eliciting from my body.

"That feels so good, baby," I moaned. "Don't stop."

I couldn't think anymore and felt my orgasm building with each thrust of his hips. I flung my arms back to grip the pillow beneath my head. I cried out in rapture as I climaxed around his cock, squeezing it tight. Edward groaned too and as I began to come down I saw in his face that he was close to reaching his own high.

"Come for me, Edward," I coaxed, still out of breathe and lost in a sea of lust for him.

A few more hard thrusts and Edward's eyes shut tight. He leaned his forehead against my shoulder and let out a long rasping moan. I clenched my fingertips into his back as I felt him pulsing inside me. His body stilled above me and I felt his lips planting kisses on my neck and collarbone. I flinched when his messy hair tickled my neck and it caused him to chuckle against my skin. Edward propped himself up on his elbows and carefully slid out of me. After placing a sweet kiss on my lips he rolled to my side and tugged my arm until I was also on my side, facing him.

We stared into each other's eyes for a long time. There was nothing that could be said in words to convey our feelings for one another. My fingertips traced the planes of his face, down the length of his neck, and over his chest. I played with the hair on his chest between my fingers and then lay my hand over his heart, feeling it beat in a slow steady rhythm.

"Bella?" he said softly. "Are you still worried about us being together?"

I craned my neck to look into his eyes. "No. I feel like everything is finally perfect."

"I had no idea I could possibly be as happy as you've made me the past few weeks," he admitted.

"Somehow I always knew I was right about us," I said smiling.

"What do you mean?"

I flipped onto my stomach so I could look at his face more easily. "I was right that no matter how long I had to wait for you it would be worth it; that it would be like this."

Edward's right hand cupped my cheek and his expression tensed slightly. "I'm sorry you had to wait as long as you did. I feel like I've wasted so much time."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked. He raised his eyebrows in response. "When was the first time you felt something for me sexually?"

He broke our eye contact and grinned. It seemed to me he didn't want to answer.

"Come on, tell me," I urged.

My fingers threaded through the hair at the back of his neck. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, finally bring his eyes back to my face. I raised my eyebrows in anticipation.

"The first time I felt attracted to you in a sexual way was the night I accidentally saw you get your first kiss… downstairs, with Jacob. I knew it was your first. I was watching you like a protective older brother because that was how I saw you. I didn't realize until we talked the next morning that I was actually jealous. I'd never thought about you dating a guy before and all of a sudden I wished it had been me you kissed. And that made me angry with myself because you were like a member of my family. It felt wrong to want to kiss you, so I pushed the thoughts out of my head."

"So at Alice's party when I started talking about wanting to sleep with someone…" I trailed off.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I had the same reaction to that too, times a thousand. I knew you were beautiful but I'd still never allowed myself to think of you as anything besides my best friend. I just knew I couldn't handle the thought of you giving yourself to someone else. I was jealous again and hated it."

I bit my lower lip and thought about that. "I know the feeling," I said softly. "I was insane with jealously freshman year when I figured out you weren't a virgin anymore." I looked down at my hands, knowing my cheeks were filling with color.

I felt the back of Edward's fingertips stroking my cheek. "It should have been you, Bella," he whispered.

I looked into his eyes as a single tear slid down my cheek. "None of it matters now," I promised him. It was hard to believe all the pain I'd experienced through the past few years could be culminating into such joy. Edward leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

"I'm so glad to be back here," I said snuggling myself into his side.

"In the house or in my arms?" he asked laughing softly.

"Both."

We spent another immeasurable amount of time touching and kissing each other. I could lay naked in bed with Edward forever. My hand trailed over his chest and shoulders exploring every facet of his skin. His body was more perfect than I remembered. When my wandering hand brushed over his hips I noticed his growing erection. I smiled up at him and stroked him lightly.

"When will Rose get here?" he asked.

I looked over Edward's shoulder to see the time on the alarm clock. It was almost 1pm. "Probably not for another hour or so," I guessed.

"That should be sufficient time." He flashed me a crooked grin and rolled on top of me spreading my legs apart with his knees.

I laughed and wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him closer for a passionate kiss. "There will never be enough time to satisfy my need for you," I whispered.

"Then it's a good thing I don't plan on ever letting you go," he replied.

I was about to make a snide comment when he cut off my response with a deep kiss and I lost all track of what I was going to say.

At three o'clock Edward and I were still laying in bed, completely sated and exhausted. I heard Emmett's booming voice downstairs and realized our quiet time was over. We looked at each other and smiled. I got out of bed first, Edward watching me as I crossed the room to pull clean panties from my dresser. After my clothes were on I handed Edward his boxers and t-shirt.

"Let's go. I give Em another two minutes before he comes up here to find us," I joked.

Just as we were reaching the bottom step I heard Emmett call me from the kitchen.

"Beeeeeella! You didn't make us anything to eat? Where are you at?"

I rolled my eyes at Edward and he grinned back at me. Emmett was poking around the refrigerator when we entered the kitchen.

"I didn't go food shopping yet," I said casually.

He spun around at the sound of my voice and cracked a wide smile. "You guys left home first thing this morning. What have you been doing all day?" His tone suggested he knew perfectly well what we'd been doing.

"None of your business, Emmett," Edward replied, taking a seat at the little table in the kitchen.

"Fine, don't tell me. I figured it out the moment I saw your sex hair anyway."

"Edward always has sex hair," I said teasingly.

"Who has sex hair?" Rose asked walking into the room.

"Edward," Emmett replied smugly.

She laughed and nodded her head in agreement. "Why don't you order us a pizza if you're so hungry?"

"Good idea, babe," Emmett said. I handed him a menu from one of our favorite restaurants.

"When are Alice and Jasper getting here?" Edward asked no one in particular.

"Not until Sunday," Rose answered. "I'm supposed to go open up their apartment tomorrow so some furniture can be delivered. It would make for a nice surprise if you guys helped build some of the furniture for them before they arrive."

"What has to be built?" Emmett asked staring at the menu in his hands.

"The crib, TV stand, bed, and probably kitchen table," she replied.

"Sounds like someone went to Ikea," I joked.

Rose looked at me with one eyebrow raised and replied, "They did. Jasper refused to take any of Carlisle's money. He said paying for the wedding was more than enough."

"I can't picture Alice in an Ikea," I laughed.

Edward laughed too. "She must _really_ love your brother, Rose."

The four of us ate our pizza together and watched television for a while. Edward and I discretely held hands or touched one another under the throw blanket that covered us on the large couch. It had only been a few hours since we'd made love and I was already squirming with need again. I wanted to ask him to spend the night with me but he hadn't even gone to his dorm since we'd been back. I knew he needed to check in there and unpack his things.

He offered Emmett a ride to Sigma Phi around nine o'clock and he eagerly accepted. As much as Emmett loved spending time with Rose, he also missed his brothers. Emmett was an only child like me and in the same way I had adopted the Cullen's as my second family, Emmett had his Greek family.

"Our first big party is next Friday. You're coming right?" he asked Edward.

"I wouldn't miss it, Em," he assured him. Edward turned to me and took my hand. "Is that okay with you?"

I smiled and stepped closer to my new boyfriend. "I'll go anywhere you're going to be." I leaned in and kissed his lips; my body tingling all over remembering our afternoon together.

Emmett rolled his eyes in mock disgust. "Okay, Edward, break it up. I need that ride home before Bella drags you back upstairs."

Edward ignored him and returned my kiss. Emmett and Rose said their goodbyes as well and our boys left together a few minutes later. Even though it had been a long day I was too wound up to sleep. Rose went back to her room to unpack so I tuned the radio in the kitchen to my favorite Seattle station and started cleaning. I wiped down the counters and inside the microwave. The floors needed sweeping so I did that next, followed by dusting the bookshelves and tables in the living room. Once my hands smelled of lemon pledge I decided to go upstairs to shower. I noticed my phone was blinking and quickly checked for the text message.

_Here in the dorm… missing u already._

I grinned and sent a quick response before heading into the bathroom.

_About to take shower. Miss u too, so when are u coming back here? LOL_

I had myself a nice time in the bathroom, not having to worry about Charlie knocking on the door. I shaved my legs, plucked my eyebrows, and took a long hot shower. I took my time using moisturizer on my legs and running a comb through the tangles in my hair. Steam escaped into the hall when I finally opened the door and walked to my bedroom. I half expected Edward to be there and was somewhat disappointed to find that he wasn't. I checked my phone and there were no messages. Slightly dismayed I crossed the room to my dresser and pulled the top drawer open.

"You won't be needing any panties tonight," I heard someone say behind me.

I would know that beautiful voice anywhere. Smiling to myself I slowly loosened the towel around my body and let it slip down to my hips. I looked over my shoulder towards the door to see Edward leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were wide and his smile filled his whole face. Seconds later he had crossed the room and scooped me up into his arms.

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep without you tonight. I need to feel your skin against mine," he whispered.

"I've wanted you back in my bed since the first night you stayed with me," I replied.

Edward kissed me sweetly and laid me on the bed. He pulled back the covers and tugged the towel away from my body before tucking me under the sheets. I watched as Edward slowly and meticulously undressed himself. He removed his shoes and socks first, his eyes locked on mine. His shirt came next, one button after the other. The zipper to his fly opened and my eyes drifted from his sculpted chest down to his erection. Edward dropped his jeans to the floor and stepped out of them. His hand stroked his length through his boxers and it took everything I had not to leap across the bed and rip the material from his body. I was writhing with desire by the time the last stitch of clothing was gone. The temptation to reach out to him was overwhelming. His cock was pointing at me like a needle points to true north.

Edward slid under the covers and the moment I felt his warm body touch mine I lost control of myself. My hands flew to his chest and I was straddling him within seconds. He chuckled at my obvious need for him as I kissed and suckled his neck.

"You're such a tease," I growled into his ear.

He moaned and replied, "You're the one teasing me, love," as he bucked his hips against my center.

I giggled against his neck and decided to do a little more teasing. My body was still sore from having Edward inside me twice already that day so it seemed like a perfect opportunity to do something for him. I kissed his cheek and lips, and then slowly inched my way down his chest until I was kneeling between his thighs. Edward seemed surprised when I looked up to gauge his expression.

"Shhh," I whispered against his abdomen. "Relax," I instructed as my hands passed over each ripple of muscle.

I grasped the base of his shaft in one hand and licked my way up to the tip. I never minded giving head before but now it was something I _needed_. I wanted to take him in my mouth, taste him, and make him curse and groan in pleasure. My tongue swirled around Edward's cock as I hummed and sucked him with delight. When my free hand gently cupped his balls I saw his hands clenching the sheets. As his climax neared he made noises and repeated my name just as I'd hoped. I doubled down on my efforts and before long Edward was warning me to let go before he came. I wasn't going to let him come anywhere but inside my mouth. He shouted one final word of warning and his body tensed as I swallowed all of his release.

Edward's eyes were closed tight and he was still breathing erratically when I pulled my mouth away and sat back on my heels. I tried to contain my smile but he caught sight of it when he finally peeked through heavy lids. He opened his arms in invitation and I wasted no time snuggling up to his side.

"Are you ready for sleep?" I asked him softly.

Edward only nodded in reply, turning his head towards me and kissing my lips. He fell asleep first with his arms wrapped securely around me. I'm sure I followed soon after, thinking how there was nothing in the world as wonderful as his naked body wrapped around mine and the sound of his soft breathing in my ear.


	32. Chapter 31: February Fun

**A/N: Hello!... something weird was going on with FanFiction all day so I only just succeeded logging in... so frustrating! Enjoy the chapter, please review!**

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><p>Chapter 31: FEBRUARY FUN<p>

It's hard to believe any girl at sixteen could fall in love with a boy and stay that way for five years, patiently waiting for him to return her love. Most teenagers hop from one crush to the next, each fixation waning after a few weeks or maybe by the end of the semester. Regardless of what my mother said, I always thought my feelings for Edward were real and permanent. The past few weeks have confirmed my conviction that my sixteen year old self had been right all along. I'd known what I felt for Edward since the first time I'd spoken to him was love. There was never a doubt in my mind.

So if it was love back then, what was it now? There weren't strong enough words to describe how I felt about Edward since we became a couple. I was falling in love with him in an entirely new way, beyond what I thought was possible. I'd feared that the transition from friend to lover would be awkward, that I already knew too much about him, but I was wrong. Edward the friend had been holding back a large part of himself and I suppose I had been too. There are certain things friends just don't talk about. Now that we were together there was no subject that crossed a line, nothing was too personal. I felt like I was getting to know him all over again.

"Another soda," I said letting out a long sigh.

"Excuse me?" Edward asked, his eyebrows scrunching together.

We were lying in my bed, a light sheet covering our nearly naked bodies. Edward had just brought me extreme satisfaction for the second time that morning and we were idly stroking one another and talking about nothing in particular. It was early on a Tuesday and our Renaissance Lit course wasn't until 10:45.

"I've noticed that you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and drink a soda," I explained pointing to the empty can on my nightstand.

Edward chuckled and ran his hand through his hair. "Guilty," he said smiling.

"Why do you do that?" I asked curiously.

He turned over onto his stomach and hugged the pillow with both hands fluffing it up. "I'm not used to having someone sleep next to me. Sometimes your talking wakes me up. So I get a drink and listen to you."

Edward and I hadn't spent a night apart since we returned to campus. Occasionally we slept in his dorm room but even though he didn't have a roommate there still wasn't much privacy in a dorm. You could always hear people running through the halls and we did have to share Edward's bathroom with the French exchange student in the connecting room. Laurent was a nice guy but I didn't like the idea of showering in a room he could enter at any time.

"You listen to me? A lot?" I asked. I tugged the sheet up to my chest and snuggled a little closer to his side.

"Your mind is so interesting to me, Bella, the way your brain processes everything that happens to you."

I blushed wondering what I said the night before. I couldn't remember any specific dreams. Edward leaned in and kissed me sweetly on the lips.

"Aren't you going to tell me what I said last night?"

He shook his head. "There was something I wanted to say to you but your subconscious beat me to the punch," he whispered.

"What?" I scoffed.

Edward turned on his side to face me and ran his fingers through my hair. He started to talk three times before any sounds came out. "Bella, I need you to know something." He paused for a moment. "You've always been so important to me. A friend, a member of my family. Everything has changed between us now and…" Another, longer pause. "Bella, I wanted to make sure you knew that even though I've loved you for years, now I'm _in love_ with you."

My smile was ear to ear. He had me worried for a moment there. "I'm in love with you too, Edward." I kissed him passionately; my fingertips pressed against his cheeks.

"I know you are," he said playfully. "You said so in your sleep."

"Oh really?" I asked grinning. "Did I also tell you how incredibly sexy you look in my bed? Or how you make me want to never leave it?" I asked wagging my eyebrows.

"No, you didn't mention that," he said smirking.

I pushed him back against the bed and hitched my leg over his; partially covering his body with mine. "The way I feel about you has increased so much. I can't even explain it."

"I don't know how I ever lived a day without you, love," he said softly nuzzling his face into my neck.

"You don't have to anymore," I replied and kissed his temple.

While Edward took a shower I went downstairs to make us some breakfast. I talked to Rose for a few minutes before she left for class. When Edward came downstairs he looked amazing. His bronze hair was still wet and hung over his forehead. He was wearing jeans and a tan sweater. I poured some orange juice into two glasses and brought them to the table.

"Thanks," he said sitting down. "You should let me make breakfast next time."

"What would you make me?" I asked. I pushed a plate of scrambled eggs and toast towards him and then started in on my own.

"I can make One Eyed Monsters," he boasted taking a bite of his eggs.

I giggled. "What is that?"

"You take a slice of bread and cut a hole in the middle. Then crack the egg into the hole when you're frying it," he explained.

"Oh, my dad used to call that a Bulls eye."

Edward shook his head. "No way, Carlisle's name for them is better. Someday when I make them for my kids I'm calling them One Eyed Monsters."

I looked down at my plate as a smile crept over my face. I took another few bites, imagining Edward in the kitchen making breakfast for our children. It was a beautiful fantasy that I hoped would someday come true. I needed to distract myself before he noticed my silence. He was always asking me what I was thinking if I was quiet for too long.

"Rose asked me if we were going to Sigma Phi tonight. They're getting some movies and a pizza at 7 if we want to go," I said.

"Hmm, I'd much rather spend the evening here with you but what do you think? It's been a while since I've shown my face around there."

"We should go then. We'll have dinner with your brothers and stay for one movie," I suggested.

"Okay, just one," he agreed.

After our class ended at noon Edward and I had to part ways. I had another class at 12:15 and Edward usually got lunch before his 1:45 class began. I probably wouldn't get to see him again until dinnertime. We kissed goodbye outside the student center doors.

"I'll pick you up at a quarter to 7 okay?" he asked.

I nodded and reached up on my toes for another kiss. "Okay."

"I miss you already," he groaned.

I heard a couple guys who were leaning against the building chuckle at our conversation. I didn't care if Edward and I were being sickeningly mushy in public. I'd waited a long time for this damn it; I was going to enjoy it. From what I'd heard from Jessica and Angela, this love sick part doesn't last forever.

"I'll miss you too. Don't be late tonight," I replied.

Edward kissed me once more and then turned to go into the student center. He looked over his shoulder at me and winked before entering the double doors.

After my Astronomy class I returned to the house to get something to eat and start my homework. Hopefully, I wouldn't have time to get anything done_ after_ the party... That reminded me I needed to shower and find something in the closet to wear. While I was eating I took the opportunity to check my email. There were the usual messages from my mother, one from Angela, and one from Esme that had new pictures of Adam. I was saving the pictures to my hard drive when I noticed the inbox still said one new message. It was from Jacob. I hadn't spoken to him since before Christmas. A knot tightened in my stomach as I worried about what he might have written me.

_Bella,_

_It's been a while so I wanted to see how you are. Did you have a good winter break? Shawnee is great, the mountains are so beautiful. The people are a little different here, everyone is more relaxed and the campus is smaller. I've made a few friends. I can't believe it's February already. So how are you? Did you do what I asked you to do?_

_Jake _

Oh boy. I didn't know how to respond. Should I even respond? Yes. I had to write him back. His message came February 8th. That was just yesterday. Maybe I could wait a few days to give myself time to think of a good way to tell Jake about Edward. No, I didn't want to be thinking about Jake for days. Better to get it over with now. Then I just won't check email again for a while.

_Jake,_

_I'm happy to hear you're having a good time in Illinois. I never thought about how much different the lifestyle must be out there compared to Seattle. It's strange to think how far away you are right now. I bet you're not missing the rain! December was a hard month for me. Then I did what you asked me to do, and you were right. You always are. I'm really happy… I hope Shawnee is making you happy too. _

_Take care of yourself out there and send me some pictures of those mountains. _

_Bella_

I sent the message and turned off my computer. I knew Jake wouldn't be happy to hear that he'd been right all along. There was no point in telling him I still had some feelings for him. It wouldn't have made Jake feel any better to know that I could have loved him if it hadn't been for Edward. Jacob was very important to me; I did a lot of growing up while I was with him. He was my first kiss. He'd always be special to me, but I knew in my heart that Edward was the one.

I sighed and decided to take my shower before attempting to study. Jeans were appropriate for a movie night so I found a clean pair and tugged them on over black lacy panties. I chose a purple long sleeved University of Washington tee and brushed out my hair. There was a lot of reading I needed to do so I got comfy on my bed and began with Sir Thomas More's Utopia. I was really getting into the story and before I knew it someone was knocking on the front door. I glanced over at the clock on my nightstand and saw it was 6:30. Edward's Coke can was still sitting beside the lamp and I smiled to myself thinking about the perfect morning we'd had.

I bounded down the stairs and opened the door. Edward was standing outside, leaning against the siding. He smirked when he saw me and stepped forward to wrap his arms around my waist. He lifted me off the ground and whirled us around making me giggle.

"Are you almost ready?" he asked after planting a searing kiss on my lips.

I blushed and lost all train of thought for a moment. I hoped in fifty years Edward still had that effect on me. I was in so much trouble; already thinking about being with him for the rest of my life! Slow down, Bella, I chided myself.

"I should just turn off my light and get my phone," I told him and ran up the stairs.

I quickly brushed my teeth and put on a little makeup. My phone had a text message so I turned off my light and read the message as I was walking down the steps.

_Are you busy Fri night? Could you watch Adam so Jazz and I can go out?_

"Alice wants me to babysit Friday night," I said as I met Edward in the kitchen.

Edward smiled and held up his phone. "I got the same message."

I laughed. "Valentine's Day is Sunday. They must be trying to celebrate early knowing they won't be able to find a sitter on the 14th."

"Should I tell her we'll do it?" he asked.

I nodded. "It'll be fun. Adam's a great baby." Think of it as good practice, I added in my head.

Edward took a minute to call Alice and set up a time with her and I quickly washed the dishes from my lunch. We drove to the fraternity house and arrived just before 7 o'clock. Rose's car was parked outside next to a number of others. It looked like there'd be a large group of people for pizza and movie night.

Edward opened his car door for me and took my hand as we walked up the driveway and the porch steps. The ground was a little icy and Edward was always afraid I'd fall. I made a face at him and he tried to suppress a smile. I almost lost my footing as I reached the first step and Edward chuckled.

"I keep telling her to get some cleats but she ignores me," Emmett called out from the front door. I shot him a dirty look and both boys laughed.

The living room was filled with familiar faces. Rose was there with Emmett's roommate, Max. I also recognized Riley and a few of the other brothers. There was another girl I'd never seen before. Max introduced her as his girlfriend, Amy. I sat across from Rose and chatted with Amy while the guys argued over what pizza shop to order from. Edward came over a few minutes later and sat next to me. I took his hand in mine and squeezed.

"Sal's Pizza it is," Riley announced walking back into the room.

I could see another boy in the dining room on his cell ordering the food. Emmett walked in holding three DVD cases in his hands, flipping them over to look at the back covers. He sat on the arm of the sofa next to Rose and handed her one of the DVD's.

"I think we should start with this one," he said.

"Troll 2?" Rose read on the cover. She made a disgusted face and then held it up for the rest of us to see.

"It's the best bad movie by far. There's a huge cult following online," Emmett said proudly.

"What do you mean, _bad movie_, Em?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure I really wanted to know what Edward and I had gotten ourselves into.

"Is it a horror movie?" Amy asked.

Emmett laughed. "Oh yes, it's horror all right. The acting is horror, the plot is horror,"

"And the special effects," Riley chimed in. The boys laughed together and I looked at Edward hoping he understood.

"Don't look at me," he chuckled shaking his head. "I take no responsibility for this."

Riley took the disk from Rose and inserted it into the DVD player under the flat screen. Then he turned off the lights and sat in the empty seat beside me. We all watched the movie and after about twenty minutes I finally understood what all the fuss was about. This movie was hilarious. Emmett was right about the ridiculous story line and terrible acting. When the food arrived Rose told Emmett to pause it so no one missed any funny parts. He looked at her with such pride it made me laugh. Max offered us all a beer and we drank and made fun of the movie the whole way through.

"You don't piss on hospitality, I won't allow it!" Emmett quoted as the credits were rolling.

Amy rubbed her eyes with her palms. "That was so painful, you guys. How do you stand it?"

"That's the point, babe. When it's so bad you want to die you know you've found a good one!" Max explained.

Riley put his hand on my knee and asked, "What did you think, Bella?"

His shoulder had been touching mine for the last thirty minutes but I hadn't thought anything of it. The couch wasn't that big and just assumed it was cramped here with him, me, and Edward. I looked down at me knee and blushed.

"Um, it was bad in a good way. I don't know if I can handle watching another one," I said jokingly.

Riley's hand tightened on my knee and Edward cleared his throat. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and hugged me close to his side. Riley pulled his hand back and looked at me and then Edward, obviously confused.

"Are you two…?"

"Yes," Edward said curtly. His fingers were digging into my skin a little too tightly. I had no idea Edward could be so possessive. It was making me want him.

Riley chuckled nervously and inched away from me on the sofa. "Sorry, dude. I had no idea you finally came to your senses about beautiful Bella here."

Rose looked at us in amusement and I felt the pink in my cheeks deepen. I took Edward's free hand in mine and rubbed my thumb back and forth. "We both came to our senses," I said looking into Edward's eyes and smiling.

On Valentine's Day Edward showed up at the house in a suit with a dozen roses in his hand. I was eternally grateful Alice offered to come over and help me get ready for our dinner date. There was no way I could have made myself look good enough to stand next to this perfect male specimen. Alice was happy to do it after Edward and I had babysat for her two nights earlier. And I knew she loved dressing me up like her own personal Barbie doll. Rose was playing with Adam in the living room when I came down the stairs to greet Edward. Alice followed me down and laughed when she saw him.

"You look so cheesy, big brother," she joked.

"What Alice? Doesn't Jasper ever dress up for you?" he teased back.

"He does, just not in a suit and tie," she said winking.

Edward's smile faded into a scowl and Alice laughed. I playfully tapped his cheeks with my fingers to snap him out of the mental image Alice had given us. Rose and I would definitely have to ask her about that later.

"Guys! Look, look!" Rose called from the living room.

We all turned to see what she was talking about and saw Adam standing next to the coffee table gripping it in both hands.

"He pulled himself up?" Alice asked.

"He sure did," Rose beamed.

Alice ran over to Adam and picked him up, nuzzling his face and kissing him. Edward followed her and kissed Adam's cheek.

"You are getting so big, little man," he cooed. Edward was adorable with his nephew.

I looked at Rose and she pressed her lips into a thin line trying to suppress a smile. She has had baby fever since Adam was born. If Emmett ever proposes he's going to be elbow deep in diapers in no time.

We finally left for dinner and Edward drove us to a fancy restaurant I never thought I'd ever step foot inside. The name of the place was in French and Edward had to order for me because I had no idea what anything on the menu was.

He surprised me completely with my gift. I'd gotten him concert tickets for a band he really liked. Edward gave me a beautiful silver bracelet that had a small heart shaped charm on it. We were ordering dessert when he pulled a long rectangular envelope from his jacket pocket. I looked at him in complete shock. Flowers, a fancy dinner, jewelry, and whatever was in the envelope?

"You went completely overboard, Edward," I gently scolded him.

"This present doesn't really count because you can't use it for another three months."

I looked at him in confusion and then slid my finger under the flap to open the mystery gift. I gasped when I realized what it was.

"Two round trip tickets to New York?" I asked amazed.

"I know you've wanted to visit Angela for some time now," he explained. "And I'd love to see the city again too."

"This is too much," I insisted.

"I don't want to impose on your time with Angela. I thought maybe I could tour NYU while you girls do your own thing," he said ignoring my complaint about the money.

I sighed and decided to simply let him win this one. Giving me things made him happy and I really was dying to visit Angela. I smiled brightly at him and said thank you. Edward reached across the table and took my hand in his. He pressed each of my fingertips to his lips and stared into my eyes. I lost all interest in dessert but before I could say anything the waiter brought out a delicious looking chocolate cake drizzled in raspberry sauce.

Edward told me his ideas for New York while we shared the super sweet, calorie packed treat. He had put a lot of thought into the trip already. We were going to have a busy semester for sure. Mid terms were a few weeks away but there was also the obligations of Alice's wedding to consider. Edward and I were both in the wedding. Rose, Bree and I would have to go for dress fittings since we were the bridesmaids. I knew Esme was already planning a bridal shower for mid March. Edward and Emmett would have tuxedo fittings and a bachelor party to plan. That reminded me to ask Rose about where we would take Alice that night. Then there was the wedding itself. No wonder Edward wanted to hold off our trip until the semester ended.

As we left the restaurant and walked slowly hand in hand back to Edward's car I was reminded of the provocative lingerie Alice made me wear under this dress. My face flushed at the thought of Edward's expression when he saw me in it. I'd worn pretty underwear for him before but nothing this extravagant. I'd actually needed Alice to help me into it. How was I supposed to know how garters worked? I sure hoped Edward knew how to get me out of it or we were in for an embarrassing situation.

I was nervous by the time we arrived at the house. Rose's car was gone so she must still be out with Emmett. They had gone out to dinner the same as us. I offered Edward something to drink as we entered the house but I could tell by the look in his eye there was only one thing he wanted.

He chased me up the stairs and I laughed and tripped the whole way.

"Go sit on the bed and wait for me," I instructed.

Edward's eyes widened and he obeyed my order with a crooked smile lighting up his face. I left him as he was loosening his tie and locked myself in the bathroom. Quickly, I removed the silk dress Alice had lent me and took my hair out of the tight twist. I brushed my teeth and inspected my makeup. Some of it had worn throughout the night so I did my best to touch it up. I took a look at myself in the full length mirror and breathed in a deep relaxing gulp of air.

I peeked around the corner of the wall into my open bedroom. Edward was still sitting on the edge of my bed only now his dress shirt was untucked and the tie gone. His shoes were on the side of the bed. I bit my lower lip and stepped into the doorway.

"Holy fuck, Bella" was his response.

I blushed slightly and turned around to give him the full effect. It felt empowering to get that kind of reaction from my boyfriend. Maybe joining Rose in her morning Pilates workout had been a good move after all. Edward licked his lips and motioned for me to come closer. I shook my head and smiled at him.

"I want to see you take off those pants."

Edward chuckled but stood up and did as he was told. He loosened the belt and tossed it to the side. Slowly he unbuttoned his dress pants and once the zipper was down they fell to his feet. He kicked them away. I took a few steps closer and settled my hands on my hips.

"Unbutton the shirt, Edward," I said as seductively as possible.

As my eyes trailed down Edward's muscular chest I noticed his erection strain against his boxers. He undid the buttons at his wrist and shrugged out of the clean white shirt. I rewarded him by taking a few steps closer. I was now only two feet away. I was about to tell him to lose the underwear when he swiftly closed the space between us and pulled me into his arms twirling me around. We toppled down on the soft comforter and Edward wasted no time attacking my neck with kisses.

"Where did you get this little getup?" he mumbled against my skin.

"I wanted to do something special for you." I craned my neck to give him more access. "It's really uncomfortable," I added.

I felt his warm breathe tickle my skin as he laughed softly. "I promise you tonight will be worth it, love," he whispered over my collarbone.

Edward pressed his weight over me and began kissing and nipping every bit of my exposed skin. My heart rate sped up and I closed my eyes, letting him take the lead. He kept his promise, making me scream out as he took me rough and feverishly… followed by an encore of love making that was slow and more passionate than ever before.


	33. Chapter 32: Wedding Preparations

**A/N: Sorry for not posting last night. I had my family over and was exhausted by the end of the night. Here's chapter 32!**

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><p>Chapter 32: WEDDING PREPARATIONS<p>

Esme and Bree came into the city in early March to go dress hunting with Alice. I knew Alice had done a lot of preliminary searching before they arrived which made our shopping trip a little easier. Rose and I were dragged from store to store by the Cullen women searching for pale pink strapless dresses and matching shoes for the bridesmaids. Alice showed us her choices for wedding gowns and she looked fantastic in every one of them.

Carlisle was also in town to accompany the men to their tuxedo fittings. They were all staying in the house with Rose and I since Alice and Jasper's apartment was too small to host guests and Edward couldn't take them in his dorm. Esme had assumed they would find a hotel for the night but I insisted. They had done so much for me over the years. Alice's old room still had a full bed in it and Bree slept on the sofa.

I couldn't sleep at all that night. It was the first time I'd had to sleep without Edward next to me since the semester began and I was missing him terribly. We were up until almost midnight talking on the phone but it just wasn't the same. After saying goodnight I placed my cell phone on the nightstand and pulled Edward's manuscript into my lap. The night he'd given it to me we'd read the first chapter together. I read the next three alone in my bedroom at Charlie's house over winter break on the nights Edward and I couldn't spend together. His writing style was unique and interesting, capturing my attention immediately. Once the love story started to unfold I felt as if I had a front row seat to Edward's thoughts. I was certain this was far more insightful than his listening to my sleep talking.

Since I knew I couldn't fall asleep without Edward I sat up in my bed and continued reading his story about us. When I finally put the pages down it was after two o'clock in the morning, my face damp with tears. It was true Edward had changed the names to protect the innocent but for the first time I saw myself through his eyes. The Anthony character bears his soul, completely exposing himself to the reader. Anthony was taken by surprise by the way he felt after kissing young Marie for the first time. Innocent as the kiss was, a comforting gesture after her grandmother passed away, it awoke something inside him that he wasn't expecting. I thought back to the first time Edward had kissed me and compared my feelings to the boy in the story. It seemed the night of New Years Eve, all that time ago, Edward had been just as affected by our brief encounter as I had been. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I read further.

Chapter six detailed the night Marie walked in on Anthony kissing a girl in his father's barn, which brought back the terrible memories of Edward and Victoria in the basement of Sigma Phi. Only Anthony's description of how he felt as he watched Marie run away through the corn fields made me agonize for him. Had Edward truly felt so remorseful that night? More importantly, was he already starting to suspect my real feelings for him but didn't know what to do about it? When Marie walks in on Anthony with the other girl he describes feeling embarrassed, as if his sister had caught him in a moment of passion; but as she ran away crying she resembled a beautiful woman with a broken heart.

I couldn't take any more revelations that night. I was already longing for Edward to hold me after reading his beautiful words. I tossed and turned thinking about what I'd read over and over until I fell asleep. The next morning I made my house guests a big breakfast of eggs, sausage, bacon, hash browns, and fresh fruit. Edward was supposed to meet his family at the house around ten so I only had another hour to wait until I was in his arms again. I deflated a little more, realizing I couldn't be quite as close as I wanted to be with his family there.

"Good morning, darling," Esme greeted.

"Good morning. Did you sleep alright?" I asked. Most of the food was prepared when she entered the room. I was just finishing up with the eggs.

"Yes, just fine. Breakfast looks wonderful. Can I help you with something?"

"I'm almost done. I was thinking we'd set it up buffet style over here and I need to get one more chair," I answered.

"How is everything between you and Edward?" she asked sweetly. "You both seemed very happy in January when you were home."

I blushed remembering how Esme found out Edward and I were officially together. I kept my eyes glued to the frying pan as I tried to come up with a parent approved answer to her question. The only thing that came to mind was how having an intimate relationship with Edward was mind-blowingly fantastic.

"We're really happy," I finally said. "It was a long time coming, I think. Your son is a wonderful man and I feel very lucky."

"I think Edward is the lucky one," she said. "Alice tells me how much his mood has improved in the last few months. I was starting to worry about him for a while there. Now I can see it in his eyes how much you've changed him."

Her words were so reassuring, I couldn't help grinning ear to ear. The past few months had felt like a beautiful dream. Hearing Esme confirm that there was a discernible change in Edward made it feel more real.

"We're in love," I gushed, unable to contain my happiness. I looked directly into her eyes for the first time since she started talking about her son.

She stepped closer to me and patted my shoulder. "I couldn't be happier with my son's choice, Bella. He's finally found the right girl."

"Thank you, Esme."

She kissed the side of my head and then went into the living room to find the extra chair. I heard her waking Bree up from the sofa. I chuckled under my breath when Bree groaned asking for just a few more minutes. I felt like it was just yesterday my mother was doing that to me. Rose emerged from her bedroom fully dressed with makeup and hair done. She was such a show off. The five of us enjoyed a pleasant breakfast together, talking mostly about the upcoming wedding. Esme gave us details about the bridal shower which was going to be in two weeks. I didn't think I'd have a moments rest until this semester was over.

Promptly at ten am Edward knocked on the front door, while we were still sitting around the kitchen table. I shot out of my chair and raced to let him in. Rose and Bree were giggling behind me but I didn't care. I'd spent the entire previous day in dress shops and boutiques, and the entire night alone in my cold bed hugging the pillow that smelled like Edward. I was desperate for him.

As soon as I opened that door I could breathe again. Edward's smile warmed my skin all over and made me yearn for him in the most wonderful way. I stepped to the side so he could enter but instead he tugged on the front of my t-shirt and pulled me onto the porch. Edward kissed me with such urgency my back was forced up against the side of the house. I responded to his kiss with equal passion, threading my fingers through his wild hair pulling him closer. We only separated when I absolutely had to take a breath or risk passing out.

"I missed you last night," he said panting.

"God, I missed you," I replied equally breathless.

His lips found mine a second time and they were so soft and warm. Having Edward back in my arms was like coming home. We were standing outside my current place of residence but Edward Cullen was my home.

"How have things been here?" he asked. His hands were roaming up and down my back and over my ass making it hard to think.

"Your family says they had a good night sleep. Me on the other hand tossed and turned all night without you next to me," I pouted.

He cupped my face delicately in his hands. "They're leaving today, so you'll never have to sleep without me again."

I wasn't certain, but the tone of Edward's voice made it seem like he was suggesting he'd be in my bed from that night forward… forever. I stared into his eyes and smirked. "You promise?"

"I promise," he replied wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace. My face was pressed against his warm chest.

"I read some more of your story last night. I needed to feel close to you so I could sleep," I told him.

"What did you think?" he asked warily.

"I read the part about the barn… when Marie finds Anthony kissing a girl. His guilt and confusion afterwards was intense." I said.

"I hated that I pushed you away that night, right into Jacob's waiting arms," he whispered. "I knew I was responsible for whatever happened to you that night and I'd never forgive myself if he harmed you. When I saw how much I'd hurt you; that was when I really started thinking of you as a woman and not a sister. But I was still too dense to see why you were so angry with me."

"My reaction was a little over the top," I admitted. "I hated how possessive I felt over you. It hurt so much to know I had no real claim on you. That you didn't belong to me."

"But you were right, Bella. I did belong to you. I always have," he replied. His finger lifted my chin to his face and brought his lips so close to mine I could feel the electric charge between us. He asked me to kiss him in a whisper barely audible and I gladly granted his request.

Mid terms were coming up and with everything wedding related I'd fallen slightly behind in my homework and essays. Alice's bridal shower had been a great success but it required my spending an entire Saturday in Forks. Add in the driving time and I got nothing done that day. Edward insisted I spend Sunday with him, in bed, so the entire weekend was a wash as far as studying was concerned. Not that I minded at the time.

Edward and I made a point to study in his dorm one weeknight in late March. Midterms began the following Monday and I was starting to stress just a little. Okay, a lot. He was reading his notes aloud which for us had always been a form of foreplay. I was doing my best to stay focused but his voice did things to me that I couldn't control. Edward was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the bed. My fingers swirled through his bronze locks as I lay on his bed, my eyes closed as he read.

"_Great hearts, my dear master, should be patient in misfortune as well as joyful in prosperity. And this I judge from myself. For if I was merry when I was Governor now that I'm a squire on foot I'm not sad, for I've heard tell that Fortune, as they call her, is a drunken and capricious woman and, worse still, blind; and so she doesn't see what she's doing, and doesn't know whom she is casting down or raising up_." He paused. "Bella?"

"Mmm?" I responded, scraping my nails lightly over his scalp.

"Name the work and author for that quote," he reminded me.

"What will you give me if I get it right?"

"A good grade on your exam," he joked.

"That's a terrible reward. I want your shirt," I negotiated. My fingers trailed down the back of Edward's neck and dipped under the collar of his shirt.

He groaned. "Bella, you're the one who's supposed to be keeping _me_ focused, remember?"

I vaguely remembered organizing this study session. "Do we have a deal?" I insisted.

"Fine. What's your final answer?"

"Don Quixote and Miguel de Cervantes," I said confidently.

"Damn," he said under his breath.

Edward turned his body around until he was kneeling by the side of the bed, his face hovering close to mine. He grabbed the back of his t-shirt with one hand and pulled it over his head. I reached out to touch his glorious chest but he pulled away before I made contact.

"One more and if you get it right I'll give you an even better reward." He shot me that crooked smile I couldn't resist and I rolled me eyes.

"It better be a good reward, Cullen," I teased.

"_Neither are any wars so furious and bloody, or of so long continuance a those occasioned by difference in opinion, especially if it be in things indifferent_," he read slowly.

Edward thought he was so smart, but he just read a quote from one of my favorite literary works. I had this reward in the bag. "Gulliver's Travels, Jonathan Swift," I answered.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck, enjoying his taste in my mouth as his tongue brushed against mine.

"Are you ready to move on to the next subject?" he asked after our kiss ended much too soon.

"That was my reward? French kissing?" I asked feeling unfulfilled.

Edward grinned and nodded. He could tell I was getting hot and bothered by his little game. It was time to catch Edward up to where I was. I sat up on his bed and quickly threw off my shirt. As I reached behind my back to unhook my bra Edward groaned.

"What are you doing, love?" he asked. There was evident lust in his voice.

"Giving myself a more appropriate reward," I whispered seductively.

I lay down, my head resting on the pillow, and started kneading my breasts in my hands. I knew Edward loved it when I touched myself. I closed my eyes and moaned as my fingers pinched and tugged at my already pert nipples. His eyes were wide and fixed on my chest. When I dipped one hand under the waistband of my lounge pants I heard Edward breath in deeply.

"That's my job," he said fiercely and swung my legs over the edge of the bed spreading my knees apart. I felt the cool air between my legs before I finished celebrating my swift victory in seducing Edward. My pants and underwear were gone and I cried out as I felt his tongue glide through my wet folds. His hands gripped my thighs tightly and had me begging for release in no time.

"Oh God, Edward."

"Is this what you had in mind, love?" he asked as two long fingers slid inside me.

"Yes, yes," I answered breathlessly.

His mouth closed over my sensitive nub and I felt my body readying itself for climax. Edward's fingers pumped inside me faster and faster. His other hand held me flat against the mattress as my body reflexively squirmed in pleasure. The feeling of him holding me down intensified my arousal. The walls of my vagina tightened around his fingers and I came fast and forcefully. I whimpered a few unintelligible words of praise as I came down from the high and looked up to see Edward smirking. He was still kneeling between my legs, his hands gently caressing my thighs.

"Stand up," I said. I wasn't through with him yet.

I sat up and went for the fly of his jeans at the same time. As my hands dragged his pants and boxers down to the floor I was pleased to see his cock was hard for me. I took his shaft in my hand and wrapped my wet lips around the tip; sliding in as far as I could comfortably go. Edward groaned and placed his hands on my shoulders for balance. My free hand gently massaged his balls and he made another sound of pleasure. I loved making Edward come in my mouth but tonight I was feeling adventurous.

"Mmm, Edward you taste so good but I need you inside me," I moaned.

"Bella," he whispered.

I turned over so I was kneeling with my hands pressed into the mattress facing the wall. I wanted Edward to take me from behind. He hesitated.

"Come on, baby. Fuck me. Please," I begged.

I felt his hands grip my pelvic bones and press his cock against my entrance. I moaned to show him how much I wanted him and bucked my hips backwards in anticipation. Edward entered me slowly and I couldn't hold back the intense pleasure this position provided me. I felt his left hand rub up and down the length of my spine causing my skin to tingle. His right hand wrapped around to my mound and held me in place as he pounded his cock deeper inside. I felt dirty and sexy at the same time. The metal frame of the bed squeaked with every thrust. My hands reached forward and gripped the edge of the mattress with my fingers.

"Fuck, Bella. So hot," Edward groaned.

Making Edward talk dirty had become my new goal in life. I moaned again and arched my back, trying to get him further inside.

"You feel so good inside me, Edward. Fuck," I moaned.

"God, Bella, you're going to make me come talking like that."

Edward's finger started rubbing circles over my clit and I was done for. I felt my walls tightening and Edward groaned loudly. I came again, harder than before, unable to hold in my cries of ecstasy.

"Fuck, Bella. So tight," Edward shouted. "Fuck, I'm coming."

He thrust harder a few more times and let out a long sigh as his grip loosened and he carefully slid out of me. We fell to our sides on the bed and he wrapped his arms around my body as he kissed my neck and cheek tenderly.

Suddenly there was a knocking on the wall. Bang, bang, bang. "Way to go, Edward!" someone shouted from the other side of the obviously thin walls. "Lucky bastard," said a different voice. I blushed and covered my breasts with my hands instinctively. Edward covered me with a blanket as if there was a secret peephole I wasn't aware of. Then he started laughing.

"Looks like you're the envy of the third floor tonight," I said still embarrassed.

"Only because you make me that way, sweetheart," he said softly pressing his lips to my forehead.

His flattering remark made me feel good, but regardless, that was the last night we made love in the UW dorms.

The day of Alice's wedding was long and exhausting. I clearly remember certain details like Alice being the most composed and organized bride there ever was. She had the entire day arranged down to fifteen minute increments and every detail went off without a hitch. Jasper looked so nervous in the church before the ceremony began. Edward and Emmett kept him talking and joking up until the organ music started and everyone took their places. Bree and I were bridesmaids. I walked down the aisle with Emmett and Bree with Jasper's cousin. I concentrated very hard on not falling in the absurd heels Alice had chosen for us. Edward and Rose walked down the aisle together as they were best man and maid of honor. I was thankful it wasn't me walking arm in arm with Edward toward that priest or I might have stopped right in front of him and demanded he perform a double ceremony. It's normal to imagine your own future when participating in a friend's wedding party, right? I really couldn't help myself what with being all dressed up and standing there in a church near Edward in a tuxedo. I'd been thinking more lately about what my life would look like with Edward in it and every scenario I pictured was more wonderful than the one before.

The reception was more stunning than I could have imagined, even for a Cullen party. The hall was a former church that had been renovated for use during weddings and large banquets. The inside had beautiful hardwood floors and cathedral ceilings. A second story balcony overlooked the dance floor. The food was outstanding as was the live music. Emmett made a speech and so did Rosalie. They were both heartfelt and funny. I noticed Esme had been caring for Adam most of the evening so when everyone was finished eating I offered to take him for a while. No one would wonder why one of the bridesmaids never graced the dance floor as long as I was holding the baby.

I was bouncing Adam on my knee, my brilliant plan working like a charm, as I watched the Cullen's stun the other wedding guests with their elegant dance moves. Edward might have been too introverted to make a speech on his sister's behalf but he had no trouble twirling Rose and Esme around the dance floor like Gene Kelly would have done. I made a mental note to ask Esme if Edward had begged her for ballroom dancing lessons as a child in addition to the piano lessons.

A little while later Edward approached me with two flutes of champagne in his hands. I hadn't been alone with him all day and what I really wanted to do was down those drinks and drag him upstairs to make good use of that secluded balcony.

"You've been hiding behind Adam long enough," he said smoothly. Damn he knew me too well. "I think it's time you danced with your boyfriend."

"Who's going to watch him? Esme and Carlisle are dancing. We can't ask Alice or Jasper to take him. And I think Rose is trashed already."

"I thought you might respond this way, which is why I've already asked Bree if she wouldn't mind holding him a few minutes and she said it would be no problem," he replied proudly.

I scowled at him and hugged Adam to my chest. Edward placed the champagne flutes on the table next to me. "For the pain," he explained and then held his hands out to take Adam.

I reluctantly handed him my chubby cooing excuse for being a wallflower and folded my arms across my chest. Edward cuddled the baby in his arms a few moments which helped a little to weaken the resentment I was feeling towards him. Bree came over to the table and Edward passed Adam to her whispering his thanks. I downed my champagne as Edward's accomplice told me to enjoy my dance.

"Come on, I promise you'll do fine," he urged.

He smiled at me and I took his hand, knowing I was powerless to deny him anything he wanted of me. Edward drank a few sips of his champagne before leading me out into the center of the dance floor. He took one of my hands in his and I placed the other on his shoulder. I noticed Mike Newton was dancing with a pretty young girl and he smiled at me as they passed us.

"See, Bella. This isn't so bad," Edward said against my ear.

"You don't play fair," I pouted. "Wearing a tuxedo _and_ holding a baby. I didn't stand a chance."

He chuckled. "You like the tux, huh?"

"Sure do. I've been having very dirty thoughts about you all night."

I felt him smile against the base of my neck. "Do you realize we haven't danced together since prom?"

"I wasn't sure you'd remember dancing with me then," I admitted. I hadn't been his date after all.

He pulled back slightly to look into my eyes. "Of course I do," he said surprised. "I remember the blue dress you wore. You looked so happy."

"It was the best night of my life," I replied, "Well, until the night you made love to me for the first time."

Edward leaned in and kissed my lips lovingly. The song ended and I thought my torture was over but instead he pulled me closer. He responded to my anxious expression by saying, "The next song is meant for us."

The music sounded familiar; to my relief it was another slow song. Edward pressed his lips to my temple as the performer on stage began singing and I realized what it was.

"_I set out on a narrow way many years ago, hoping I would find true love along the broken road..." _

Edward softly sang along with the words as he swayed us back and forth, only taking minor steps left or right that he knew I could follow. "_But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you,"_ he sang in my ear.

I clutched the back of his neck with my hand and held him close as his heavenly voice spoke those powerful words to me. I was quickly filling with emotions and didn't want to cry in front of Edward's entire family. No one else would understand the significance.

"Was this song on Alice's approved playlist," I joked hoping to hold back my tears.

"I got special permission from the boss days ago," he whispered.

"So you planned this, did you?"

"I had to make sure I'd get at least once dance with you," he replied. I looked into his eyes allowing him to see the tears threatening to spill over. Edward carefully swept a finger under each of my eyes to remove them.

"I hope you're enjoying this because I won't be dancing again for a while," I teased.

Edward looked deep in thought for a moment and then said, "I think there will be another wedding in our near future."

I tensed at his words and wondered if he saw the surprise in my expression. Then I noticed he was nodding his head to the left and I followed his gaze to Emmett and Rose. They were dancing together closely, though it appeared Emmett was holding Rose up more so than dancing with her. The bartender really needed to cut her off. I was embarrassed by my obvious misunderstanding. The disappointment I felt made me realize just how much I wanted to marry Edward someday.

"I love you so much, Bella," he said cupping my cheeks in his hands.

"I love you too. Forever," I replied.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Only a few more chapters to go! Take the opportunity now to review and leave me your thoughts! **

**Please!**


	34. Chapter 33: The Big Apple part 1

Chapter 33: THE BIG APPLE part 1

"I'm packed and ready to go."

"What time does your flight get in?"

"2:10. I'll give you a call after we land. Edward said to tell you we'll take a cab so don't worry about coming to meet us," I said.

"Okay. I can't wait for you guys to get here, Bella. You're going to love New York!" Angela replied excitedly.

"I'm excited too. I can't believe I'm finally coming to see you," I replied.

I hung up with Angela and did a last minute check of my room. I was so relieved that finals were over; three full years of college were behind me. By the time Edward and I arrived in New York that afternoon Angela would be finished with her last exam and ready to blow off some steam. We had plans to meet up with her and Ben to have dinner and then go to a club. I was nervous about being in a strange new city late at night but I knew Angela wouldn't take us anywhere she didn't feel comfortable. You just hear such scary stories about rapes and muggings in New York I didn't know why anyone would want to live there. If Charlie could get shot in tiny little Forks, Washington what on Earth must go on in a city like New York?

Edward had no such fears. He was optimistic that I'd fall in love with the city that never sleeps. This trip was as important to Edward as it was to me but for very different reasons. I was looking forward to spending some time with my good friend who's always understood me. Edward was eager to spend some time at the school he turned his back on three years ago. We hadn't talked about NYU and grad school since becoming a couple but I was sure he still held hopes of enrolling there. Now that my life with intertwined with his we had some big decisions to make in the next year. The thought of Edward moving thousands of miles away from me for school the same way Jacob had done more than once made me sick to my stomach. I wouldn't lose Edward or even allow us to drift apart from a geographical separation.

I held Edward's hand tightly as the plane began to make its descent into LaGuardia. I didn't mind flying too much except for those last few minutes when you can feel the plane dropping and your ears pop. I hated knowing my life was in the pilot's hands.

"I didn't know flying made you so nervous," Edward commented. He briefly unclasped our hands so he could flex his fingers. I guess I was clenching his hand tighter than I realized.

"I worry the landing gear will get stuck. Or a bird could fly into the propellers. Or we'll come in to steep and blow up on impact."

Edward chuckled and kissed the back on my hand. I closed my eyes and thought about the waves crashing against the rocks at First Beach. There was another drop in altitude. The seatbelt light dinged a reminder to remain seated. I pictured Edward in my bedroom at Charlie's house the morning I woke up to find him watching me sleep. Another drop. I swallowed to relieve the pressure and my ears popped. Edward's free hand rubbed up and down my forearm and I imagined us in my bed in Seattle the morning after Alice's wedding. That had been some amazing sex. I'd watched him sleep that morning as the sun peeked through the window and shone over his perfect pale skin. The sunlight seemed to make his skin sparkle and he'd never looked so peaceful…

"Bella, we're here," Edward said shaking me from my reverie. I sighed in relief and slowly opening my eyes. "What were you thinking about?"

"I was in my happy place," I answered.

"I hope I was there too," he said grinning.

"Edward, you _are_ my happy place."

He cupped my cheeks in his hands and placed a searing kiss on my lips. I responded eagerly and opened my mouth, his tongue darting inside to taste me. A man sitting behind us cleared his throat and I giggled. I really hoped Edward and I would get a little privacy in Angela's dorm during this trip. She was staying on campus all summer in order to take a few extra classes and find an internship. Edward and I would be staying on one of the empty rooms on her floor. I wondered if Columbia dorms had thicker walls than UW? God I hoped so.

Edward towed me through the airport to baggage claim. Thank goodness I hadn't attempted this trip alone. The airport was huge and crowded. I felt tiny and lost in this city already. We had a twenty minute ride to Columbia's campus. I was such an obvious tourist, staring out the window of the cab with wide eyes, pointing to interesting buildings and people we passed. There was so much to look at it was impossible to take it all in from a moving vehicle. The cab driver looked Middle Eastern and spent most of the ride yelling at someone through his wireless headset. In addition, he was also an erratic driver and I had to demote Edward down to second most frightening person to drive with.

We finally made it to Angela's dorm and I called her on my cell so she could come downstairs and let us into the building. She hugged us both in excitement and took one of the bags from Edward's hands as she led us up the stairs to her room. Ben was already there and we took a few minutes to relax and talk about our day of travel. Angela offered us bottles of water from her mini fridge and gave us a tour of the dorm. The Broadway building was old and beautiful. There was so much history there.

The floor plan was similar to the UW dorms only every room was a single and the bathrooms were down the hall. She showed us the kitchen area and the lounge which both seemed homey and lived in.

"This is your room," Angela said handing me a brass key. "There are a lot of students staying for the summer but this room is going to be empty for another two weeks so my RA said it would be no problem for you to stay here."

"Thank you, Angela. This is great," I told her looking around the room.

"I know there's only a single bed in here but I didn't think you'd want separate rooms," she guessed.

Edward smiled and said, "We're used to it. My room at UW is a single as well."

I blushed as Edward subtly revealed how often he shared his bed with me. Angela and I talked about a lot of things. Sex wasn't usually one of them. I knew she and Ben had slept together but it wasn't a subject she felt comfortable discussing, even with her best friend.

Angela left us to settle in and said we could leave for dinner whenever we were ready. I hadn't eaten since before we left Seattle so I was famished. Edward and I took a few minutes to unpack some of our belongings and I went to the bathroom to wash up from the trip. We both changed our clothes and took a few minutes to kiss and cuddle in the process before meeting Ben and Angela in her room.

"I thought we could have dinner at Rack & Soul. They have really good food and a lot of students eat there," Angela suggested.

We walked the six blocks to the restaurant and Angela pointed out Tom's Diner along the way. I was practically star struck to see the restaurant featured on Seinfeld and made Edward pose for a picture with me in front of it. He chuckled at my enthusiasm and kissed my cheek as Ben snapped the picture with my phone. We were seated at Rack & Soul immediately since it wasn't quite time for the dinner rush. Our waiter was an attractive young man, probably a college student, with a white t-shirt that read "nice rack" across the chest. We ordered our food and Ben complimented the guy's shirt, earning him a slap on the arm from Angela. The waiter, Brett, informed us the shirts were for sale by the cashier if he wanted one. I laughed as Angela told him politely that we weren't interested.

"So you're staying on campus all summer, Angela?" Edward said, opening up the conversation.

"Yeah. My parents were really upset but I was able to fit three courses into my schedule and still have time for an internship. I really want to graduate early so I can get a head start on grad school."

"That's very ambitious," he replied.

Angela looked at Ben and smiled wide. "Ben's graduating next May and I'll still have four more years before I get my masters so I'm trying to get as much of a head start as I can," she explained.

"Hopefully I'll find a job next year and we can move into an apartment together," Ben said. "When Ang is done school we're going to move back to Washington."

"That's the plan anyway," said Angela.

"I'm sorry, I don't even know what you're going to school for," Edward said somewhat embarrassed.

Angela smirked and said, "Family counseling. I want to help kids struggling with issues like bullying or divorce. And also help families stay together through difficult times."

Edward's face lit up acknowledging their common interest. "I have similar aspirations I think. I've been considering NYU for graduate school. I want to practice family law with a concentration in adoption services."

Ben and I looked at each other and shrugged. I felt like such an underachiever around these two. I assumed Ben felt the same judging by the way he slumped in his seat and rested his head against his hand. I remembered him telling me before how he wanted to use his computer science degree to develop video games. I wanted to read books for a living. Both seemed like perfectly respectable careers to me. I had no idea our significant others planned to change the world.

"I really believe that all the social problems this country has are rooted in the family. I want to help as many kids as I can get what they need to grow up and become well-balanced functional members of society," Angela explained.

Edward nodded. They went on and on about how rewarding it will be to help struggling families. Edward even told her how he and Alice were adopted. I'd always thought that was a sore spot for him, something he was ashamed to admit. I listened intently to the way he explained to Angela how his experience inspired him to help other families. I realized Edward felt beholden to the people who helped him and his sister escape the abusive situation they were born into. It broke my heart to hear him describe his birth parents and their problems with alcohol and drugs. Edward was too young to remember them but he had been given access to his adoption records when he turned 18 and read about his family history.

Eventually the conversation drifted to other topics and Ben and I were included once again. Ben was telling Edward how difficult it was living in Yankee territory while the Mariners were having such a bad start to their season. I was more interested in baseball than Edward so I filled his silence with my thoughts about the player's injuries and the trade deadline.

"I never knew you were into sports, Bella," Ben commented. He was obviously impressed with my baseball knowledge.

"Oh, I uh, dated a guy at UW who was obsessed with the Mariners," I explained bashfully. "He turned me into a baseball nut."

Edward's eyes dropped to the table at my mention of Jacob. Angela asked us what places we wanted to visit while we were there and the topic of baseball was forgotten. When we were done eating Edward and Ben squabbled over who would pay the bill and they both got up to take it to the cashier.

"Edward got pretty gloomy when you mentioned your ex," Angela mused once they guys were out of earshot.

"I don't know why he'd be jealous. We've been inseparable since we got together and I never even talk to Jake anymore."

"Jacob was your first kiss, your first boyfriend… he must have been special. I think it's cute that Edward gets jealous," she replied. "Ben and I are like an old married couple already."

I laughed.

"Seriously! We've been together for five years, Bella. Even that time when Ben was in Washington and I was here we were still pining for each other. I love him with my whole heart and I know I'm going to marry him, but sometimes I just wish I'd had a few more experiences. Ben's the one and only boy I've ever dated."

"I thought you guys had an open relationship when you moved out here?" I asked.

"We did, but I was too shy to approach any of the guys I liked. I had a few dates but none of them compared to Ben."

I nodded in agreement. No one had ever meant as much to me as my first love either.

"You and Edward seem very happy," she noted.

I couldn't contain my smile. "He's been amazing, Ang. As hard as it was hiding my feelings for so long I'm glad it happened slowly. If he'd kissed me in high school, my God, I probably would have just keeled right over or something. I don't think I could have handled it."

Angela giggled. "Yeah, you were kind of bordering on completely infatuated back then."

"It was a long road to get here but I feel good about us. Like it was meant to be," I gushed.

"Who knew you were such a romantic, Bells," Angela teased.

Just then Edward and Ben came back to the table, huge grins on their faces. I was about to ask them what they were up too when I noticed they came from the direction of the bathroom instead of the cashier. I quietly asked Edward about their odd behavior and he whispered that he'd tell me later. The club Angela wanted us to see was only two more blocks away so we walked and chatted on the way.

The Underground Lounge looked like a really cool place from the outside. It was below street level, hence its name, and it was quite large inside with a number of different places to hang out. We settled into a high top table in the main bar area. Ben explained that a jazz band would be coming on around 9 and suggested we hang around to watch them play. It seemed like a long time to wait since it was only about 6:30 but we had nowhere else to be and the whole point in my coming to New York was to spend time with my friends and soak up some local culture. It wasn't too loud in there to hear one another so we got comfortable and caught up with each other's news and stories of college.

Ben was asking me about how Mike Newton was holding up since the Jessica fiasco. He'd seen the pictures on Facebook and wanted to know if Mike was any better. I told him about the pretty girl from Alice's wedding that I saw him dancing with and Ben said something about Mike always having a ten second rebound when it came to rejection. I chuckled in agreement. Ben looked over to Angela who had just started explaining to Edward what courses she'd be taking in her graduate program.

"Okay, sweetie. I know you _love _school but exams ended today and that means it is time to have _fun_," Ben said teasingly. "By fun I mean you're getting hammered."

Angela's eyes popped open at his bluntness but then she giggled. "Only if Bella drinks too," she replied.

I looked at Edward who had a worried expression on his face. I squeezed his hand with mine and gave him a sweet smile. "What do you say? Will you drink with us?" I asked him in my most innocent voice, batting my eye lashes a few times for effect.

Edward smirked at me and replied, "I thought you didn't like it when I drink?"

"I don't like it when you drink without me," I corrected shaking off the painful memory of finding him groping Victoria in the basement of Sigma Phi.

"Okay, fine," he agreed reluctantly, "but I think we should take a cab home even if it is only eight blocks away."

Angela said that would be a good idea and Ben went over to the bar to get us the first round. We were talking about how things were in Forks when he returned with a tray of alcohol.

"Holy crow!" I exclaimed when I saw the four glasses and four shots set down on the table.

"Okay, so we have our Jack and Coke's here," Ben said as he distributed the glasses. "And these are called Girl Scout Cookies."

He passed us each a shot and I glanced over at Edward to judge his reaction. His frat boy side was begging to come out and play; I could see it in his eyes.

"To the end of another school year," Ben toasted.

We lifted our drinks and the glass clinked together as we all said cheers. I'd never had this particular shot before and it tasted really good. Angela made a bit of a puckered face and I wondered how often she and Ben went out like this on weekends.

She and I both nursed our Jack and Cokes knowing we had time to let the alcohol do its magic slowly. Edward told us a story about one of Sigma Phi's wild parties that had all three of us laughing. He noticed Ben's drink was empty and tossed back the rest of his own.

"I'll get the next round. Any requests?" he asked.

"Get the ones that taste like butterscotch," I suggested.

He winked at me and walked over to the bar. Now that I was all toasty warm inside I was beginning to get excited for the band that would soon be playing. I also couldn't help but look forward to returning to the dorm room with Edward. I knew what alcohol did to his inhibitions and was looking forward to getting him alone and naked. He waved Ben over to the bar where he was waiting to get the bartender's attention.

"What do you think he wants?" Angela asked after Ben walked over to the bar area.

"Beats me," I replied taking another sip of my drink.

"So tell me about Alice's wedding! I was so upset that I couldn't be there," she said.

"It was over the top but still classy. Alice looked stunning, of course, like a princess. The reception was a lot of fun. They had Adam dressed in a tiny little tuxedo."

"Aw, he must be getting so big! I miss everything being out here," she pouted.

I grimaced. New York certainly was long way from home. There was a recent picture of Adam on my phone so I pulled it out for Angela to see. "He's really starting to look like Jasper," she commented.

Edward and Ben started walking back from the bar with drinks in hand but the first thing I noticed was that Edward's button down shirt was completely opened exposing a white t-shirt underneath. And Ben's black shirt had been replaced with a similar white t-shirt. As the boys approached I realized they were both donning tees that read "Nice Rack" across the chest. Angela and I looked at each other in horror and then burst into laughter at seeing one another's faces. So that's what they had been up to in the restaurant. Edward and Ben were grinning ear to ear, with such pride in their expressions. I hadn't seen Edward act this free spirited and goofy in a very long time, maybe not since high school.

He sat down next to me and I crashed my lips to his despite the fact that we were both laughing. I tugged on the collared shirt until it slipped off his arms completely.

"You look like such a fool," I told him still grinning widely.

"Yeah, but you love it," he insisted. I nodded my head and kissed him again.

After two rounds of Buttery Nipples and another Jack & Coke I was having trouble keeping my hands off my handsome, sexy boyfriend even wearing that ridiculous shirt. It was a little after nine o'clock and the band had started their set right on time. It became very loud inside the lounge and it was almost impossible to hold a conversation with Angela or Ben who were on the other side of the table. I decided I would just have to enjoy the music and snuggle up with Edward instead of chitchatting with Angela. Edward's foot was tapping along with the beat as I slid my right hand discretely under the table and caressed his thigh. I felt him jolt from my touch as I grazed the inseam of his jeans. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a mischievous look. I could see the desire blazing in his eyes. Sometimes I still couldn't believe Edward was here, with me, and we were in love. I wanted to look over my shoulder to see if there was a beautiful blonde standing behind me who he was _really_ making those eyes at. But no, it was me, gazing at me with such love and intensity I thought I might burst into flames.

"You look very sex tonight, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear. I was wearing a low cut red sleeveless blouse that flaunted a little cleavage and tight blue jeans.

"Thank you," I whispered back leaning close enough to suck his earlobe into my mouth. The light stubble on his jaw scratched against my cheek as my tongue darted out to taste his neck. He groaned quietly and his hand slid down to my waist hugging me closer.

"Too bad you're not wearing a skirt tonight… my fingers could so easily be inside you right now."

I shuddered with desire. This club was great but I was officially ready to call it a night. Angela looked like she was enjoying the music and so did Ben. Edward and I would have to endure the rest of the band's performance before we could fake jetlag and head back to the dorms. I bit my lower lip and squeezed his inner thigh. God I was a fool for this man. It had only been one day since we'd last been intimate and I was already desperate for him to touch me again.

By the time we made it back to our room and had said good night to Angela and Ben I felt like I was going to explode. I wasn't too drunk that I felt sick or sleepy but drunk enough to tell Edward exactly what I wanted. And I wanted sex. Lucky for me Edward wanted the same thing.

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><p><strong>AN: The night is not quite over... but you'll have to wait for part 2! Please REVIEW! Don't make me beg.**


	35. Chapter 34: The Big Apple part 2

_By the time we made it back to our room and had said good night to Angela and Ben I felt like I was going to explode. I wasn't too drunk that I felt sick or sleepy but drunk enough to tell Edward exactly what I wanted. And I wanted sex. Lucky for me Edward wanted the same thing…_

Chapter 34: THE BIG APPLE part 2

Our lips crashed together the second the door clicked shut. My hands wrapped around his middle and started pulling that stupid t-shirt off his body. His fingers ghosted over the skin at my waist and caressing my backside in a teasing fashion. I pushed his hands away and threw off my top in one quick motion.

"Eager tonight, aren't you?" Edward teased.

"I need you so bad, Edward. I want you to fuck me hard," I moaned against his mouth.

"Shit, Bella. I had no idea you got like this when you drank."

Neither did I but it was certainly a side effect that I welcomed. I reached for his jeans and worked my fingers over his belt buckle. "I think it's you who's making me like this," I said, cupping the obvious erection inside his jeans. "Don't you like it?"

"Fuck, yes," Edward growled and slammed my back against the door. "Sorry, that was a little rough."

"I want it rough," I whispered.

"Shit, Bella."

I twisted my fingers into his hair and tugged at the roots. He quickly unbuttoned the fly of my jeans and slid them down to the floor. One hand cupped my breast and the other circled my back and unclasped the bra hooks. His hand over my breast tore at the fabric and tossed it to the floor. My nipples responded to the cool air, tightening into dark pink peaks. We tore at our remaining clothes until there was nothing between us but air, but still it was too much. I gripped his hips and pulled his body firmly against mine. Edward's hands each grasped a handful of my ass as he lifted me off the ground. My legs wrapped around his torso as he walked us to the bed.

He laid me down gently but remained standing between my spread legs. I felt his hands caress my ankles and slowly slid up my legs until he reached my hips. His thumbs grazed over my aching sex and I let out a whimper of desire.

"You're so wet, Bella," he informed me as if I didn't already know. There was no need to continue teasing me, I was ready for him. I couldn't wait much longer.

"I'm going to give you the best orgasm you've ever had," he said assertively.

I moaned and stretched my arms over my head, offering myself to him. "Take me, Edward, please," I begged my voice barely audible. It seemed as though the alcohol had thoroughly washed away all my reserve. I was ready to let him do whatever he wanted with me.

His hands moved slowly back down each leg and I thought I would lose my mind from his taunting. I reached between my opened legs and grasped the base of his cock. He laughed darkly at my obvious frustration and lifted my legs one at a time until each foot rested flat on the mattress.

"Patience, love," he said. Edward released himself from my hand and shot me a wicked grin as he crossed the small room and searched for something in his duffle bag. What he pulled out was small enough to conceal in his hands and I still didn't know what he'd gotten until he was once again standing between my open thighs. The moment I heard the buzzing sound I knew. Oh shit.

"Keep your arms above your head and don't move them unless I say," he commanded.

It was thrilling letting him boss me around this way. I did as I was told, eager to see what Edward was planning to do with my vibrator. I needed him inside me so bad I ached, but I knew he'd only draw out my anticipation if I begged for him again.

He skimmed the buzzing toy over each of my taut nipples showing me what he had, as if there was any doubt at that point. The path continued down the center of my torso until he reached my mound. Edward dragged it over my clit and down to my entrance. I moaned as he pressed the tip inside, raising my hips trying to get it to go deeper. I was losing my already impaired senses as I felt the vibrations excite my most sensitive areas. Edward laid the vibrator against the length of my flesh so one end touched my clit and the other covered my entrance. Then he closed my legs holding it in place.

"Do you mind holding that for me, love?" he teased.

I shook my head. Then he reached for my breasts. His warm hands cupped each heaving mound, pinching and twisting my nipples with just the right amount of pressure. I cried out from the overload of sensations he was giving me. The vibrations trapped between my thighs were torturously wonderful. The pleasure was acute and I knew Edward was slowly trying to make me lose my mind. My hands stretched further over my head and gripped the edge of the mattress.

"I love hearing you, Bella. I want everyone in this building to hear you when you come."

Edward tugged each nipple tightly once more before releasing them and feeling his way back to my aching center. He dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed and slowly spread my legs apart. I felt another wave of arousal hit me as I opened myself completely to him; allowing him full control of my body. He wasted no time slipping the vibrator into my vagina as far as it would go. Then I heard the clicking noise as he increased the toy's speed.

"Oh God, Edward," I moaned.

I felt my orgasm building slowly, the pressure becoming intense. Edward lowered his head between my thighs and sucked my clit into his mouth. He licked and sucked me on the outside while pumping the toy deeper and deeper inside me. I started panting and moaning as I felt my release approaching.

"Don't come until I tell you too," Edward ordered.

The authoritative tone to his voice was doing nothing to slow the progress of my quaking muscles. His free hand clenched my ass cheek and I nearly lost control. Just as I was about to beg him to let me come Edward raised his head to look me in the eyes and said, "Now, Bella."

His tongue returned to my sensitive nub and seconds later I felt the first tremble of my orgasm quickly turn into the speed and ferocity of a freight train. I couldn't help but scream out just as he'd told me to do as the pleasure rushed out of me. Edward kissed his way up my body as I struggled to return my breathing to normal. He looked very smug as his lips pressed against my collar bone and his striking green eyes studied mine.

"That was amazing," I told him.

"You're amazing," he replied.

With my strength slowly coming back to me I rolled over on top of Edward and kissed his lips passionately. I could feel his erection hard and throbbing between our bodies and I already wanted him again. I positioned my still tender center over his shaft and grinded myself against him as we continued kissing. When I felt myself getting wet again I sat up; my hands on his chest for support.

"Haven't you had enough?" he asked chuckling.

"Never," I whispered lowering myself onto his waiting cock.

Edward groaned as he was sheathed completely inside me. His hands settled on my hips as I began to thrust in a slow rhythmic motion.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," he whispered.

His hands slid up my sides and palmed my breasts. I shook my head and gently pushed his hands away.

"I think you need a little payback for all that teasing you did to me just now," I said smirking.

The corners of his mouth turned up and his eyes were filled with lust. I continued fucking myself with his cock, each time lifting almost completely off of him before sliding back down. I instructed him to keep his hands flat against the mattress and his eyes on me.

"Don't you make a single sound, Edward. You curse like a sailor when your cock is in my pussy."

"Fuck," he breathed.

I stopped my movements and gave him a disapproving glare. Edward pressed his lips together firmly realizing his mistake.

"That's better," I said.

My hips began to pick up speed again and I reached one hand behind my ass to touch his balls. I gently rolled them around with my fingertips and watched as Edward struggled to stay silent. To torture him further I took my breast in my free hand and massaged it, pinching my nipple between my thumb and index finger. I moaned with the pleasure I was feeling. I realized it was as much a turn on to boss him around as it was to submit to his commands. My hips picked up speed of their own volition and Edward's eyes closed tightly in response.

"Open your eyes, Edward. Watch me fuck you."

His eyes opened obediently and kept them trained on where we were joined. The thrill of his eyes on us brought me closer to a second release. I knew it would be soon; I was holding out until Edward let go too.

"Okay, baby. Don't hold back. I want to fucking hear you as you come," I ordered him.

My hands pressed against his chest, pushing my breasts closer to his face, and thrust my hips onto his as fast as I could. Edward let out a long guttural moan from my change in angle and intensity. I knew he could feel my muscles beginning to squeeze his cock when he murmured a string of unintelligible ramblings.

"Louder," I shouted as my body began taking over.

"Shit, Bella. Fuck. Fuck," he yelled.

I watched Edward's face twist and strain from his orgasm, moaning and panting through it. He never looked so beautiful. I reveled in the fact that I could make him feel that way. I came down with him, slowing my ministrations as I felt the aftershocks rip through my insides. Edward finally reclaimed the use of his arms and wrapped them around me. He pulled my tired body beside his on the small bed until we were facing each other.

"Always surprising me, Bella," he sighed grinning. We kissed and caressed one another gently, our bodies completely spent, until exhaustion finally claimed us.

Edward and I spent the next day down at the NYU law school. We walked around campus and checked out the library and many other buildings. There weren't any official tours available since it was the end of semester but we were able to wander around on our own and explore a lot of the academic buildings. We met up with Angela in the afternoon for a late lunch and then visited the 9/11 memorial together.

Edward couldn't stop talking about NYU during the cab ride back to Columbia. I knew we were going to have to have that discussion I'd been putting off for months now. Did he even realize how hard it would be for me if he left after next year? Four years was a long time to be away. Maybe he assumed I would just follow him to New York? Or maybe, and this thought sent a terrible pain through my heart, maybe his aspirations to become a lawyer were more important to him than our relationship.

We decided to rest in the dorms for a while after all that walking and hung out in the lounge area watching television. There wasn't much on and after about an hour Angela mentioned that she needed to call her mom. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to talk a little with Edward about grad school while the memories of our visit to campus were still fresh on our minds. We made plans to go out to dinner with Ang at 8 and went back to our room to be alone.

Edward lay down on the bed and stretched out like he was ready to take a nap. His feet stuck out over the end of the mattress, looking the picture of ease. I wondered if he had given our future as much thought as I had? To be fair, we'd only been dating four months. In contrast, I'd been planning my life with Edward since we were sixteen. I wasn't sure how to bring it up.

"Are you tired or can we talk for a little bit?" I asked hesitantly.

His eyes opened and motioned for me to come lay with him. "What's on your mind, love?"

I sat next to him in the middle of the bed and took his hand in mine. "I wanted to talk about what's going to happen with us after graduation. I understand that it's still a year away and we haven't been together that long but I need to know what your plans are. I mean, I don't want to spend the next year wondering what's going to happen to us if you move out here. I ignored the giant elephant in the room when I was with Jake. I pretended that it wasn't really you I'd wanted to be with all that time and all three of us ended up getting hurt. Problems don't just go away because you ignore them and if you're really serious about moving here after we graduate UW then I need to know what that means for us."

I sighed in relief that I finally got my concerns off my chest. Edward stared blankly at me for thirty seconds or so and I waited patiently for my words to soak in.

"You're right. There's no point in waiting to have this discussion," he said slowly as if he was still formulating his thoughts as he spoke. "Bella, I want to go to law school. Of all my options I feel like NYU is the best place for me. I know that four years is a long time and I should have told you how I felt before this, so I'm sorry."

I felt the blood rush out of my face and my hands get clammy. What was he saying? I thought my worst fears were being confirmed, that Edward did put his career ahead of me and I would have to either go with the flow or lose him. I stared at him not knowing what to say next.

"But what I want more than anything is you," he said lifting our entwined hands to stroke my cheek. "I can't live without you, Bella. I've never been so happy in my life than these last four months so if you need to be in Seattle, or Chicago, or Little Rock, Arkansas that's where I'll be too."

My mouth dropped open and I couldn't help the dumbfounded expression I must have been wearing.

"Don't look so surprised," he chuckled. "I love this city, Bella, and I want to be here. But if you wouldn't be happy here too then I'll apply to schools in any city you want to go to."

"You've wanted NYU for so long. Would you really change your plans for me?" I asked still overwhelmed by his admissions.

"Love, _you_ aremy plans." He smirked. I bet he thought my insecurities were endearing. "I love you and I want to be with you forever. I'm not moving away unless you're coming with me and someday I want a marriage, a house, kids, all of that with you."

I knew Edward wanted to get married and have kids in the future. The idea that he wanted those things with _me_ still seemed too good to be true. I could feel the smile spreading across my face.

"I want that too, Edward. And I wouldn't mind moving to a big city for a few years while you finished school but afterwards I really want to settle back in Washington. So we can be near our families," I said.

"Do you have somewhere in mind? Is New York too far from home?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I don't have anywhere in mind. New York is probably the best place for me to find a job in publishing. And at least we'd know Angela and Ben here. If NYU is what you want then I think we should do it."

"You don't sound very convinced," he accused.

I shrugged. "I've been dreading your move to New York since high school ended. I guess I'm still shocked at the idea of coming with you; that you'd want me to."

He rolled his eyes as if what I said was absurd. Apparently my fears of him leaving me behind had been unfounded.

"But can you be happy here?" he pressed. "I know this city can be very overwhelming."

The way Edward was talking about "forever", getting married and having kids, made me so happy he could have told me we were moving to Russia and I would have been fine with it.

"It will take a little getting used to I'm sure, but as long as I'm with you I'll be happy," I assured him.

Edward pulled me closer until we were lying on our sides facing each other. His smile was blinding.

"Thank you, Bella," he whispered kissing my forehead. "And when I graduate we'll move wherever you want. To Seattle or Port Angeles so our kids can grow up near their grandparents and cousin Adam."

"You think a lot about us having kids, huh?" I asked incredulously.

He chuckled lightly. "I hope that doesn't scare you. I want a big house with a couple kids running around. I thought we'd have a few of our own and then maybe become foster parents like Esme and Carlisle. Perhaps even adopt one if it felt right. Now are you scared?" he asked sincerely.

"You don't scare me, Edward. Not you or your beautiful plans for us."

I snuggled into his chest so I could breathe in his scent and feel his warmth against my face.

"How many kids do you see us having?" I asked. I couldn't see his face anymore so I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his arms around me.

"Two or three maybe. I'd give you as many babies as you wanted."

I smiled and held him tighter. "I think I want a big family. I never liked being an only child," I replied.

Edward hummed in agreement and I could feel his fingers playing with my hair.

"So you are really okay with me applying to NYU? You would come live with me and find a job here?" he asked.

He kissed my head and I exhaled slowly, relaxing in his embrace.

"Yes, Edward. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I'll be happy wherever I am as long as it's with you."

The next day Angela walked us all over the city. She insisted on providing us with the full New York experience. We went to Times Square, the Museum of Natural History, and Central Park. My favorite part of the day was the museum. I think I most enjoyed walking through the halls of the Egyptian mummies and the dinosaur bones. I was awed by the presence of so many ancient artifacts. Edward, on the other hand, was far more awed by me.

We had been interrupted by Angela that morning at promptly 8am in the middle of some seriously intense fondling. I called out through the door that our alarm never went off and we were just waking up, meanwhile Edward's fingers were two digits deep inside me. The excuse satisfied Angela but left Edward and I severely lacking our own satisfaction.

Edward couldn't keep his hands off me all day. Every time he got me alone he'd start groping me or whispering dirty things in my ear. The picture Ben took of us in Times Square may look like Edward's arm is around my waist but I can assure you it was securely clenching my ass. His hands groped my breasts behind some bushes in the park as he was vowing to make me come repeatedly later that night. And in the museum… oh poor Homo Habilis witnessed my boyfriend dry humping me in his mud hut.

Not that I'm complaining. I'd waited a very long time for Edward to react that way to my presence and even though I outwardly protested his advances I'm sure he knew just how much I loved it. Especially the impromptu make our session behind the cabbage patch dolls at FAO Schwartz.

Needless to say I was a quivering mess by the time we finished dinner at Café Daniello's and returned to the Columbia dorms. Edward had never broken a promise he'd made me and that evening was no exception. After five orgasms I could hardly remember my name.

Angela was practically in tears the next morning when it was time to say goodbye. I came very close to telling her that Edward and I might be moving to the city after graduation. I bite my tongue since the development was so new and Edward hadn't actually been accepted to NYU yet. She and Ben were flying home to visit her parents in August and I promised her we'd get to hang out then. It had been a long couple of days and I was eager to get back to life in Washington. Edward took my hand on the plane before I even had to ask for it and I tried my best to relax during the flight home.

Edward woke me just as the plane began its decent into Seattle-Tacoma International.

"We're almost home," he said kissing the side of my face.

I smiled at him and shook my head. "My home is sitting right next to me."

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><p><strong>AN: Gee, I hope this chapter earns me a review or two...! They make me soooo happy...**


	36. Chapter 35: Strange Behavior

Chapter 35: STRANGE BEHAVIOR

When Edward and I returned to Seattle the UW campus was a ghost town. Everyone had left for the summer and now the usually bustling campus streets and restaurants were practically empty. Even the overachievers taking summer courses would be absent until courses resumed in late May. Rose had gone home with Emmett, although he would have to return in a few weeks for football. This time around, Rose was joining him. It made me smile to think how far they had come; how far we all have come really. For some reason Edward insisted we stay at the house another few days before returning to Forks. He said he wanted us to have a little more alone time before we had to move back in with our parents for the next three months. After spending every single night curled up in his arms I could see where he was coming from. I didn't think I even _could_sleep without him next to me anymore.

I woke up the morning after our flight back to Seattle with a headache and bad case of jetlag. It felt like morning but was still dark outside. I rubbed my eyes until they could focus and found the time on my alarm clock. Ugh, 5am. I was still on New York time. Edward wasn't next to me and I wondered where he had gone. His side of the bed was cold. His side? I smiled at myself at the thought and padded across the room to the hall. I heard the humming from the television and the sounds of Edward making breakfast. After cleaning myself up a little and brushing my teeth in the bathroom I headed downstairs. Edward surprised me by being showered and dressed, standing in front of the stove making pancakes. Even his hair looked somewhat tamed, like he had taken extra time on it this morning.

"What's going on?" I mumbled as my body led me straight to the coffee pot on the counter.

He smiled and kissed the top of my head. "Good morning, love."

"Edward, I've never seen you this chipper in the morning. And cooking too? What has gotten into you?" I asked again.

I took my coffee to the table and sat down. He passed me the milk and sugar before answering.

"I couldn't sleep. I wanted to make you a nice breakfast since I'm leaving you alone all day."

"You are?"

"Yes. I have a few errands to run in the city today and a dentist appointment. Nothing I'd want to bore you with," he replied.

Edward piled the last batch of pancakes onto a plate and set it in front of me. I was quiet as we ate together; trying to figure out what he was up to. I knew for a fact Edward's dentist was in Forks. And he'd gone only four months ago over winter break. I was sure of this because I'd been a borderline stalker for six years. I knew these things.

So why would he lie? It bothered me the rest of the early morning while I did the dishes from breakfast and then as we watched the morning news together in the living room. I took a shower upstairs and got dressed in comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. What was I supposed to do all day? We were staying in Seattle this extra time to be alone together. It didn't make sense.

"I'll give you a call if I'm running late but I should be home for dinner. Do you want me to pick something up on my way back?" he asked as he was searching for his wallet and keys.

I held them out for him and replied, "I'll go to the grocery store and buy what we'll need for the next few days, since I have nothing else to do all day."

He chuckled at the hint of annoyance in my voice. His arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace and he kissed me tenderly on the lips. "Do you love me?" he asked softly.

"You know the answer to that," I said feeling like he ought to earn it right about now.

"Tell me," he insisted. His lips nipped at my earlobe and made me giggle.

"Fine, I love you," I relented.

"That's my girl. I love you too. Have a good day."

He kissed my forehead and then left the house. It was only 7am. What kind of errands needed to be run before any store was even open? Was he going to the 24 hour Wal-Mart? I tried not to let my imagination run wild while I planned out my grocery list. Once that was done I logged onto my computer and checked my email. I looked to see what my grades were but none of my professors had posted final grades yet. By 8 o'clock I couldn't take it anymore and decided to walk around campus. Maybe the student bookstore or library would be open and I could pass some time there before going food shopping.

The campus bookstore was open but it felt really eerie being the only one in there. I picked up a Husky Pride coffee mug and a school calendar for the following year. The book list was available for two of my fall literature courses so I jotted down the titles I would need to find and start reading. They were always cheaper online than in the bookstore so I didn't buy them there. Maybe I'd pick one up at the library if it was open. As I was walking towards the center of campus pondering what assigned book I'd choose to occupy the rest of my afternoon I heard a familiar voice call my name.

"Jacob? What are you doing here?" He was jogging over to me and stopped only inches from my body engulfing me in a giant hug. He smelled like aftershave and chlorine. He must have been coming from the gym. I smiled at the memories that came rushing back to me. It was really good to see him.

"I just got back from Illinois and have to meet with my advisor before I can go home. You?"

"I needed a few things from the bookstore and was going to go over to the library."

"I'm surprised you're still on campus," he pressed.

"Yeah, I was visiting my friend Angela in New York. We just got back last night so I need to pack my things and close up the house before we go home for the summer," I explained.

"We?" he asked, one eye brow rising as his mouth turned up in an inquisitive smile.

"Edward and me. He got me plane tickets as my Valentine's present," I confessed.

I was relieved to see Jacob's expression didn't darken from my confirmation that Edward and I were still together. Maybe it wasn't that much of a shocker.

"So you've been together a while now?" he asked.

"Since the semester began."

Jacob nodded. "I'm happy for you, Bella. Believe it or not, all I've ever wanted was for you to be happy."

"Thank you, Jake. I really am."

"So where _is_Mr. Wonderful anyway?" he joked.

I rolled my eyes. "He's out running secret errands today, but we're having dinner together tonight."

He looked at me like he was waiting for me to elaborate. "What about you, Jake? Any pretty girls in Illinois?"

He laughed and gave me that great smile of his. "Yeah, a few," he admitted.

"Jake, the student center is open; do you have time to get coffee with me?"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. "Yeah, I have an hour until I have to meet my advisor."

We walked together in the direction I had come and I bought him a coffee from the Starbucks inside the building. We sat at a table outside the cafeteria where lectures and student events were often held. There were only a few people walking around and again I got that creepy feeling from being one of the few students left on campus.

"So tell me about the girls," I said taking a sip of my drink. "Did you make a lot of friends?"

Jacob ran his hand nervously through his short hair.

"It's weird talking to you about girls, Bella," he sighed. "I did have a lot of fun there. Everyone was very friendly and there were a couple guys I hung out with on weekends. I didn't really date much. For a while I was just doing it to get my mind off you but then I realized if I did meet someone I liked I would just have to say goodbye at the end of the semester."

"Yeah, I could understand how that would be a problem," I agreed.

"So what are you doing this summer?"

"I guess just trying to enjoy my last official summer vacation. Next year I'll be looking for a job and probably moving to New York," I answered.

"New York? You can't be in publishing anywhere else?" he asked.

"No, it's not that. Edward wants to go to NYU for his graduate degree. He hasn't applied yet or anything, but assuming he gets in then we'll be moving there after next year."

Jacob stared at me for a moment. Usually it was easy to tell what he was thinking but his expression was unreadable. "Wow, you guys are already planning that far ahead, huh?"

I just nodded in response taking another sip of my drink. Jake had barely touched his.

"Well, I can't say I'm that surprised," he sighed.

"What about you and me, are we going to stay friends?" I asked.

Jake looked down at the table between us and seemed to be thinking of how to answer my question. I didn't know why I needed to be reassured that he would remain in my life. I just knew that I cared about him and wanted to be his friend. Edward probably wouldn't be too pleased with that. I wouldn't be happy if he wanted to be friends with Victoria or Tanya. I told myself it will be easier to stay friends with Jake once I moved to New York and there was so much physical distance between us. And even easier once Jake met another girl.

"It's a little harder seeing you than I thought it would be, Bella. But I do want to be your friend. Maybe we can just email for a while? Like we did the past few months?" he suggested.

"Sure, Jake. Are you going to be on campus all of senior year?"

"Yeah. Embry, Quil, and I are renting a campus apartment."

"Good, then maybe we can hang out in September. You know, I have a friend you might like. Her name is Carrie."

Jacob chuckled. "Geez, Bella. You're trying to hoist me off one someone else already?"

"No, she's a nice girl! She works in the daycare with me at the rec center. I thought maybe after one of your workouts you might stop upstairs and say hello. That's all," I said smiling.

"I'll be on the rez all summer, but you can set me up with all your single friends in the fall, okay?" he teased.

I smiled and said, "I'm gonna hold you to that."

"Okay. Well, I better get going so I'm not late. My appointment's in the Science building across campus."

We walked outside together and for a moment I wasn't sure how to say goodbye to him.

"It was good seeing you, Jake."

"You too, honey. Thanks for the coffee," he said kissing my cheek.

"Jake… I wanted to say thank you. For what you did last November. I… I just… thank you."

He gave me a half smile and replied, "Your welcome, Bella." Then he mock punched my shoulder. "See you around."

"See ya," I replied smiling.

I watched Jacob walk away for a minute or two and then began my own journey back to the house. I was relieved to have been able to reunite with Jake in such a casual spur of the moment way. If we had made plans to get together I know I would have been anxious about it, and Edward might have even wanted to join us. That would have been a disaster. My mind was going over possible ways for me to explain to Edward my desire to stay friends with Jake when my phone buzzed. Hoping it was Edward I quickly pulled the phone from my pocket and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella!" Alice sang through the earpiece.

"Hi, Al. How are you?"

"Good. How was your trip?" she asked.

"We had a great time. Angela took us all over the city. I think we did everything I'd wanted to do, except the empire state building. The line was too long and Edward refused to wait."

Alice chuckled. "That sounds like my brother. Speaking of Edward, is he with you? He's not answering his phone."

"Sorry, but he's not here. He left early this morning to run some errands. Said he be gone all day," I replied. I wondered if Alice would find that behavior as peculiar as I did.

"And he left you at the house all by yourself? Where was he going?"

"He wouldn't say, except that this afternoon he had the dentist."

"That seems strange," Alice agreed. I nodded my head knowingly. "Try calling him, Bella. Maybe the background noise will clue you in to where he is."

"I'm not calling him. He lied to me and I'm going to wait and see if he explains himself tonight. He ought to come home with packages if he's been out shopping all day," I replied starting to get worked up again.

"Good idea! Okay, well whenever our mystery man shows up tell him to call me. I need to ask his opinion on something."

"Alright. See you in a couple of days."

"I can't wait! Bye."

By the time we hung up I was at the house. Edward wasn't home yet, not that I expected him to be since it wasn't even lunchtime yet. I was hungry though, since I'd woken up early. I made myself a sandwich and ate it in front of the television. After washing my dish I decided it was time to go to the grocery store. I bought some chicken for dinner and hamburger meat to make tacos the next day. I got the Chips Ahoy cookies Edward likes and some fruit and orange juice for breakfast.

The afternoon passed by slowly and I had to fight off the urge to call him. I was curious to know if he'd screen my call the way he did his sister's. I was getting more and more worried as the day passed and was just about to give in to temptation when I heard Edward's car pull up in the driveway. I ran into the living room and grabbed Pride and Prejudice off the bookshelf so I wouldn't look as though I'd been waiting impatiently for his return.

He looked tired as he entered the living room holding a number of bags in his hands. His face brightened when he saw me lounging on the sofa. I gave him a small smile and then focused my gaze on the items in his hand.

"How was your day?" I asked casually.

"Successful," he answered with a crooked grin. "How was yours?"

"Not bad. I did some cleaning, got groceries, and took a walk around campus."

Edward crossed the room to kiss me. I'm embarrassed to admit it but when he leaned over me I sniffed him to see if there were traces of ladies perfume on his clothes. He smelled wonderful like always. I hated that he had me doubting him. I don't even know where the jealously came from. It just wasn't like Edward to sneak around.

"Do I get to see what you bought?" I asked.

Edward smiled and said, "It's just some personal things. Nothing exciting."

"How was the dentist?" I responded curtly.

"What? Oh, good. No cavities."

That was all I could take. I needed answers. "Where's your toothbrush?"

"Excuse me?" he asked defensively.

"Every time you go to the dentist they give you a new toothbrush. Let me see it."

Edward's brows furrowed and he stalked into the kitchen without acknowledging my challenge. I followed him, my pulse quickening and my patience wearing thin.

"Since when do you keep secrets from me?" I demanded; hands on my hips.

"When I do something that's none of your business. I thought you trusted me, Bella?" he replied.

"I never had a reason not to until today!" I spat back. "I never lie to you, Edward. Ever. I hung out with Jake today. I had every intention of telling you about it. Why can't you do the same?"

I was so angry that I thought I was going to cry. Damn dysfunctional tear ducts. Edward looked quite upset as well.

"Hold on there. So the minute I leave your side you go find Jacob Black?" he accused.

"No, it was a coincidence. What exactly are you implying?"

"I don't know, Bella. You're the one who's acting crazy here. Just because I wouldn't tell you where I was going this morning you think it's okay to go meet up with your ex?"

"I told you, I ran into him on campus and we got coffee. Did you think I'd just never see him again after you and I got together? At least I was honest about where I've been today. I'm still waiting to hear where _you_ went."

Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair. I stared at him for what felt like minutes until he finally broke eye contact with me and took a step closer to where I was standing.

"It's really bothering you not knowing what's in these bags, isn't it?" he teased, swinging the bags around by the handles.

"Are you joking around with me? We're in the middle of a fight," I yelled.

Edward chuckled and took another step. "We're not fighting because there's nothing wrong. I didn't realize you'd get so upset if I took off for a day without explaining myself. If you must know what I bought today then have a look."

He dumped the contents of his shopping bags onto the kitchen table. I looked at him warily and then crossed the room to inspect the items. "Sunscreen, two pairs of boots, and a portable radio? You want me to believe this took you all day? And why did you lie?"

"I'm sorry I lied about having a dentist appointment. The truth is I did do something this afternoon that I don't want you to know about. I promise you it's nothing bad, and I'll tell you when the time is right."

I scowled at his incessant smile, neither of us willing to surrender.

"I'm still upset," I grumbled, not ready to give up on my anger just yet.

Edward closed the distance between us and kissed my forehead. "I know. Please just trust me… I know you do," he pleaded. I rolled my eyes and nodded.

"Now, about Jacob Black," he began. I interrupted him before he could continue.

"I'm sorry I blurted it out the way I did, but I'm glad I ran into to him. It felt nice to see him in person; to get that closure. We mostly talked about you anyway. And I told him I thought he should go out with my friend Carrie from the daycare. I think they'd hit it off."

"I didn't assume you'd never speak to him again. I was just surprised to hear you've reconnected so quickly. We've only been back in Seattle 24 hours."

"It wasn't like that and you know it. You know me," I replied.

"Yes, I do," he agreed. "And you know me." He kissed me again and the impatience and suspicion in my mind moved to the backburner with the feel of his lips pressed against mine.

I made dinner for us and we cuddled on the sofa afterwards watching a movie. When the movie was over Edward nuzzled my neck and asked me if I wanted to make love. Of course I did, but I was still miffed and refused to give him sex until he fesses up. Yeah, I was playing that card. Besides, my body was sore, sore, sore, from our sexual encounters in New York. Edward tried to stifle a laugh when I gave him my reasons for saying no, and then sweetly apologized for giving me such a workout the past few days.

"I'll be fine by tomorrow," I assured him.

He kissed my neck and shoulder a while longer and then towed me up the stairs to bed. We undressed each other slowly, stroking and caressing as we went. We got under the covers and Edward held his arm out for me to cuddle up against his side. I went to him eagerly.

"I'm sorry I upset you today," he whispered. "I promise you there's no reason not to trust me, Bella. I would never do anything to hurt you."

"I know that. I was just so surprised that you would lie to me like that. It was very unbecoming," I teased.

"I swear I have a good reason. Be patient."

"I can't forgive you until you tell me the truth," I muttered under my breath.

"I know," he replied.

I sighed and hitched my leg over his, trying to get myself closer to the warmth of his body.

"It better be soon," I warned before falling asleep in his arms.

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><p><strong>AN: Hmmmm... what could Edward be hiding?**

**Only one more chapter to go! :-( **

**I'm going to a concert tomorrow night so I won't be able to post until Friday morning.**

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!**


	37. Chapter 36: The Surprise

**A/N: Well, this is the end! I want to thank everyone who's stuck with my story through all the angst. I hope it's been worth it! I've started working on my next story but I wanna wait until it's done to post, so hopefully in a few months.**

**This being the last chapter of Our Broken Road, I'm prepared to bribe you for reviews! I'f you'd be so kind as to leave me a few parting words I promise to send you a teaser rough draft of my new ExB story.**

**Thank you again everyone for reading and reviewing!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 36: THE SURPRISE<p>

"You want to go home today?" I asked confused. "You were the one who wanted to stay here a while longer."

"Yes, but that was before our little quarrel. Now I want to move our plans up a day so you'll forgive me that much sooner," he explained.

I smiled and then stuck my tongue out at him. It was impossible to stay mad at such a beautiful face but I was trying my hardest. Edward was wearing nothing but plaid boxers and sporting some delicious morning wood beneath them. It took all my strength to pry my eyes away.

"Why can't you tell me here?" I asked.

"Trust me," he replied patting the empty spot in the bed next to him. I declined his offer and went to shower and dress instead.

The car ride was tense to say the least. I still didn't know why we had to be back in Forks before Edward would tell me his secret. I feared he thought my reaction would be negative and didn't want to spend three hours in a car with me once his dirty laundry was aired. Most of the ride was spent in silence. We commented on things like the weather or our families. The only other speaking was my frequent pleas for him to slow down.

When we were about thirty minutes from town Edward suddenly pulled off the 101 and took a dirt road I'd never noticed before to where it ended right at the edge of the forest.

"Where are we?" I asked.

Edward ignored me as he shut off the engine and popped the trunk. I reluctantly unbuckled my seatbelt and followed him around back to see what he was doing. I saw the familiar items in question again as he pulled several things from the trunk.

"Here, put these on," he instructed. He handed me the smaller pair of hiking boots he'd purchased the day before.

Edward slung a backpack over his shoulder and began unlacing his shoes. He slipped the other pair of boots on his feet effortlessly while I was still struggling to maintain my balance doing the same. He held my arm steady as I slid my other foot in and then he tied the laces tight.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

He kissed my cheek and handed me a small pack to carry.

"We're hiking," I stated. "Where?"

"You'll see," he replied with a playful grin.

"Since when did you become so mysterious?" I complained.

Edward led me into the forest on a narrow trail. I was starting to get annoyed again when I noticed he'd strayed from the flattened moss and pine needles that served as our only reliable path out of these woods.

"We aren't following the path?" I screeched. He laughed and said, "I know where we're going."

"I'm glad one of us does," I grumbled. I wondered if my cell phone would get a signal when we became hopelessly lost in the dense green forests of Washington.

After close to an hour of walking Edward stopped and turned to smile at me. He pointed to a clearing up ahead and pushed me in front of him. When I finally reached the tree line I saw what we'd been walking so long to reach. The most beautiful landscape I'd ever seen was hidden here in the middle of the woods. A meadow filled with wildflowers from one end to the other. The grass wash lush and green. It looked like a painting. Although the ground was wet it wasn't drizzling anymore and the clouds were beginning to break apart.

"It's beautiful," I admitted.

I walked along the edge of the trees taking in the magnificence of the flora while Edward began unpacking his bag. He laid down a large blanket in the center of the meadow and set out a bottle of wine and two glasses next to the radio. I finally understood the purchases he made during his secret mission but it hardly cleared the air between us. I stood at the edge of the blanket with my arms crossed.

"Okay, are you ready to hear my confession now?" he asked playfully. I couldn't believe he was having fun with this. I'd been angry and doubting my trust in him for over twenty four hours and Edward acted like this was all a game.

"Let's hear it," I replied. He stepped closer until he was directly in front of me.

"I know you're confused and upset right now," he began. "It wasn't my intention to make you feel that way. I didn't think you'd see through my white lie so easily."

Edward paused and cleared his throat. For the first time since we declared our feeling for one another he looked truly nervous to tell me something.

"I was gone all day yesterday because I wasn't in Seattle at all. I came here to Forks."

"You did? Why?" I asked.

"I needed to ask Chief Swan's permission for something."

Now I was really confused. "Permission for what?"

"Permission is really an antiquated notion. Really it was his blessing I sought," he replied.

Then Edward really surprised me by sinking down to one knee in the wet grass and pulling a tiny black box from his jeans pocket. I gasped.

"Isabella Swan, I've been in love with you in one form or another since the day I laid eyes on you. It took me a long time to realize that you are the only thing in this world that brings me true happiness. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Bella. Will you marry me?"

My breath caught in my throat as those words danced in the air. Edward's shaking hands opened the velvet box to reveal a stunning diamond ring. It looked like it was from the 1920's in its elegance and intricate design. My mind was racing as it attempted to sort out the truth of where Edward had been yesterday. I couldn't believe he'd actually talked to Charlie about proposing. I couldn't believe Charlie would give us his blessing. We were so young and still had a year of school left. Edward stared at me as these thoughts bounced around in my head. He was waiting for my response. It occurred to me that the expression on his face was apprehension. How was it possible he didn't already know my answer to his question?

I dropped to my knees so our faces were level and covered his hands with mine. "I've been waiting for this since the first time you kissed me, Edward. Yes, I'll marry you."

A brilliant smile lighted his face, his green eyes sparkling in the sunlight that was peeking through the clouds above. He leaned forward to kiss me and our lips pressed firmly together. We broke apart laughing from our joy. Edward took the delicate ring from its box and slipped it onto my finger.

"It's beautiful, Edward," I whispered marveling at how a piece of jewelry could feel like it was a part of me; as though it had always been there on my hand.

"It belonged to Esme's mother," he replied. My eyes widened and I held out my hand to inspect the family heirloom again.

We both moved to sit on the blanket Edward had laid out; our knees wet from the grass. I looked into his eyes and saw my entire life, past present and future. Edward had always been something special to me, almost magical in the way he affected my senses, my breathing, and my heart rate. He dazzled me in a way no one else in the world ever had. At sixteen I didn't know what it meant. Hell, I still couldn't explain it. All I knew was I never had to worry about living without him again. Thankfully, he couldn't bear to live without me either and that made me think the strange connection I'd always felt with him was fate silently guiding us together.

"You actually went to talk to Charlie yesterday?" I asked a wide smile permanently plastered on my face.

He chuckled. "Yes, I did. He was surprised but handled himself well. Though he did subtly remind me he carries a gun."

"He didn't!" I asked appalled my father would joke about such a thing. At least Edward seemed to have found it amusing.

"Charlie's a good father. He's happy for us. Happier when I told him I was thinking of a summer wedding… after graduation," he mused.

"I like the sounds of that too." Edward wrapped his arm around me and I nuzzled against his chest.

"I'm so sorry I lied yesterday, love. I wanted so badly to surprise you," he said.

"It's okay. You had one hell of an explanation," I replied.

"I suppose I could have called Charlie but it just felt like something one does in person. And I had to get the ring from my mother," he explained. "I thought for sure Alice would spoil my plans when I asked her to call you."

"Alice was in on it?" I gasped. "She let me go on and on about how sneaky and odd you were behaving."

"You seemed so hurt when I left you alone yesterday morning I wanted to find out just how mad you were. I needed Alice to give me a heads up or I don't know what I would have said when you confronted me last night."

"I can't believe she would do that to me. What an actress!" I huffed. Edward laughed and I could feel his warm breath on my neck.

I sat up and turned my body to face him. "Is there anything else I should know?" I asked in mock annoyance.

"No, love, that's all. Except that I love you," he replied; his crooked smile tearing down my defenses.

"I love you too. More than you know."

Edward reached for the bottle of wine and offered me a glass. I accepted and he toasted to the future Mrs. Cullen. I blushed at the thought of taking Edward's name. "Bella Cullen," I said wanting to hear how it sounded out loud. Edward grinned and I could tell he loved it too.

We drank our wine and talked about the meadow. He told me how he'd stumbled upon it one day when he was hiking with Emmett. We ate some of the food Edward had packed and then laid back on the blanket watching the clouds pass by. The sun was shining brighter as the minutes passed and we lay there hand in hand as the sun's rays warmed our skin.

"This feels like a dream," I said softly after neither of us had spoken for a while.

Edward turned onto his side and gently rubbed his hand lovingly over my stomach and hips. "Which part?" he asked.

"All of it. The beauty of this place, you wanting to marry me, knowing I get to keep you forever," I replied.

"I assure you this is real. I am more certain about my love for you than anything else in my life."

I smiled and turned my head to look into his eyes. "Now that I think about it, I've been dreaming about you for a very long time but the reality of being with you far surpasses my wildest fantasies."

He chuckled. "You give me too much credit, Bella. I'm a much better person because of you. You mean everything to me."

I felt like protesting his words; telling him that he has been perfect since the day I met him but instead I decided to say nothing at all. I rolled onto my side and gently pushed Edward onto his back as I slid mine over him. Holding myself above his body on hands and knees I stared deeply into his eyes.

"Edward, how far off the path would you say we are?"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "At least a mile. Why?"

"So the chances of other hikers or hunters wandering through here are low?"

"Yes," he said slowly starting to see where I was headed.

I spread my knees further apart so my hips lowered to his and lightly pressed myself against him. "I've heard that men always say the first few months after they propose is when a woman is most eager to have sex," I said suggestively.

"Bella, you are already eager to have sex most of the time. In fact I might use the word insatiable to describe you," he teased.

"But I can already feel it working, Edward. Call me your fiancé," I whispered pressing my hips more firmly to his. I could feel his growing erection through our jeans.

Edward's hands threaded into my hair and brought my face down to his. He lips caught mine in a searing kiss. I broke away first, gasping for air. "God, Bella. You're my fiancé," he breathed his voice heavy with implication.

"Make love to me," I begged pressing my lips to the stubble on his cheek; leaving a trail of kisses down his neck.

Edward didn't have to be asked twice. We removed each other's clothes quickly and proceeded to make love twice in the middle of the open meadow under the warmth of an unusually sunny day. It was almost as if the clouds stayed away that afternoon just for us.

I woke up sometime later wearing nothing but my engagement ring. Edward was next to me and there was a light blanket covering us. The clouds had returned and it felt like late afternoon at the earliest. Edward's arm was resting across my stomach and I gently nudged him awake. I couldn't believe we'd fallen asleep… naked… outside in the forest. Though I certainly remembered how we'd become so exhausted.

"Hey," Edward groaned as he looked around trying to get his bearings.

I was busy searching for my clothes but paused a moment to give him a smile and a kiss. After we dressed and packed up our basket Edward pulled me into his arms for a long hug.

"What time is it?" he asked once he released me from his strong arms.

I pulled my cell phone out of the backpack. "4:30," I answered.

"Crap. I can't believe we've been here so long."

"What's wrong, Edward?" I asked.

"Carlisle and Esme might be getting worried about us. I told them we'd be home earlier than this."

"Hive them a quick call and let them know we're safe and on our way," I suggested.

Edward nodded and pulled his phone from his jeans quickly dialing his parent's home number.

"Hey, mom, it's Edward," he said into the phone. "Yes, we're fine. We made a stop on our way. Yes, I did. Of course she said yes." He turned to wink at me. "Thanks, mom. We're getting back on the road now. Probably an hour? Okay. Bye."

He hung up the phone and ran his hand through his tangled hair.

"Everything alright?" I asked. He usually did that hair thing when he was nervous.

"Uh, yeah. She says congratulations. She wants you to stop by before I drive you home to Charlie's," he explained warily.

"So? What's the problem with that?" I asked confused.

He chuckled. "Our clothes are covered in grass stains and your hair is mess. You've got that freshly fucked glow," he said smirking.

"Hmm, I wonder why that could be?" I mused playfully. "You worry about getting us back to the car and I'll fix my hair with the brush in my suitcase. And I think the glow you're referring to could also be explained by how incredibly happy and in love I am right now."

Edward stepped toward me and planted a long deep kiss on my lips. "Then I must be glowing too," he whispered.

I smiled and nodded. "You are."

Edward impressed me by not getting us lost at all in the woods. We made it back to the Volvo in about forty five minutes. I was thankful too because the sky was darkening and it looked like rain. I fought with my tangled hair almost the entire ride into Forks. As we pulled up in front of the Cullen's house I started counting cars. There were far more vehicles outside than there were people who lived in the house.

"Who's here Edward?"

"Oh no," he replied. "I should have known my mother would have told her..."

I looked at him in confusion. There was a repentant look on his face.

"Alice," we said in unison.

"Oh, my God. That's Sue Clearwater's car. And Rose's parents' is that black Mercedes," I said horrified. "How did she get everyone here so fast?"

"I'm afraid I might have let it slip I was proposing to you today," he said cautiously. "She probably made all the arrangements yesterday."

"Oh my God," I repeated.

We stepped out of the car and walked hand in hand up the front steps of the porch. Edward cupped my cheeks with his hands and placed a soft soothing kiss on my lips. He knew I wasn't looking forward to this.

"Ready?" he whispered.

I sighed and pulled him closer for another kiss, not ready for our own private celebration to end. My lips moved with his and soon felt my skin heating up wherever he touched me. I tightened my grip on his back and reached up on my toes to taste his earlobe with my tongue. Edward held me close and the beginning of an erection began pressing against my thigh. He pulled away from me gently trying to stifle a laugh.

"Insatiable," he mumbled under his breath. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help smiling.

Edward smoothed my hair down and kissed the tip of my nose before swinging the large front door open. There were even more faces in the room than I'd feared and I squeezed Edward's hand tightly. Alice ran up to us first, congratulating and hugging us at the same time. Everyone else in the room approached to do the same and I eventually felt Edward's hand slip from mine as our friends and family effectively separated us.

Charlie found me soon after and had a definite pout on his face. We hugged awkwardly and I showed him the ring. He told me how nervous Edward had been when he stopped by the house the day before and said they had a real nice chat. Charlie chuckled.

"You didn't give him a hard time, did you?" I asked.

He ignored my question. "Edward mentioned New York. He said you've agreed to join him there if he's accepted to graduate school?" Charlie questioned.

I swallowed thickly. "Yeah, NYU is where he wants to go. I agreed to find a job there after graduation while he finishes school," I admitted. "I know it's far away, Dad, but-"

"He said he wanted to make an honest woman of you before asking you to move clear across the country with him," Charlie interrupted. "Edward's a good man. I'm happy for you, Bells."

I thanked him and wrapped my arms around his waist for another hug. We talked a little more before I was whisked away by Alice for a champagne toast.

By the time I'd finished chatting with Rose, Carlisle, Esme, Bree, and Sue Clearwater I realized I'd completely lost sight of Edward. I was growing tired of being the center of attention and needed him. From the hall it was clear he wasn't in the kitchen or the dining room. I did see Emmett who was piling another plate high with food from the buffet. I made my way to the Cullen's living room but again didn't see Edward anywhere.

I refused to believe he would actually hide upstairs in his room during his own engagement party and leave me down here to face all these people. I was about to hightail it up the stairs to drag him back down when I caught a glimpse of bronze hair over by the piano. Jasper was standing there blocking my view of the bench. I walked over to where Esme was leaning against the wall by the fireplace and finally found my fiancé.

Edward was hunched over his nephew holding both the baby's hands in his. Adam was standing on wobbly legs trying to take a few steps. I noticed Jasper encouraging his son to walk towards him using the piano bench for support. Edward let go of Adam's hands as they securely grasped the bench and he slowly inched his way down the length of it to his father. Edward's smile was beaming as he clapped his hands for his little nephew.

"Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Esme asked me when she noticed I was staring in the same direction as her.

"It really is," I replied. I wasn't sure if she was referring to one of the boys specifically or the three of them together. Adam and Jasper were cute by my estimation, but Edward was looking about the sexiest I'd ever seen him. Second only to that lust filled gaze he gives me right before we make love. Seeing Edward with the baby always made me want to jump him and this was no exception.

"Edward's going to make a wonderful father someday," Esme commented.

I nodded. "He has so much fun playing with Adam."

"Have you two discussed children?" she wondered turning her head to look at me briefly.

"Yes. We both want a big family," I replied. "I didn't like growing up an only child."

Jasper kissed the top of Adam's head and walked away towards the kitchen leaving Edward alone with him. Esme and I watched as Edward placed the baby on his lap and let him bang on the piano keys.

Esme sighed, her eyes on her son and grandson again. "Once upon a time Carlisle and I hoped to have more children. It haunted me for years that I couldn't give him the family we both wanted. But now I see just how blessed we really are. Edward and Alice were the most wonderful additions to our family. God's also brought us Bree… Jasper and Adam… and now you, dear," she said smiling. "I'll be so proud to call you my daughter in law."

I grinned and felt my cheeks turning pink from her kind words. I was surprised Esme opened up as much as she had.

"Thank you, Esme. I've always thought of you as a second mother," I said honestly.

She hugged me and dabbed her eyes with a napkin. "I better go see if anyone needs a drink."

Once the food had been eaten and the wine drunk I was getting sleepy. I'd talked to practically everyone I knew and still needed to call Renee in the morning. Sue and Harry offered to drive me home since they were taking Charlie back to the house anyway. I accepted their offer though I wasn't ready to leave Edward yet. Then again, when was I ever?

I grabbed his hand and towed him up the stairs to his bedroom so I could say goodnight in private. As soon as I had closed his bedroom door Edward pressed my back up against it firmly. His hands were on either side of my head; fingers threaded in my hair as his lips found mine. I moaned as his tongue slipped between my lips and explored my mouth. I kissed him feverishly, my hands gripping his ass, pulling him closer.

"God, I want you," he groaned as his lips moved to my neck.

"Now who's the insatiable one," I teased.

Edward growled and thrust his hips forward against mine proving my point. I racked my brain trying to remember why we'd come upstairs in the first place.

"Harry and Sue are taking me home since they drove Charlie here," I explained.

Edward didn't stop his assault on my neck.

"I brought you up here to say goodnight in private," I added.

Edward moaned "mm hmmm" against my skin as his lips trailed along my collarbone and up the other side of my neck.

"Edward, please. Say goodnight to me before I rip your clothes off," I begged.

That did nothing to quell his desire. I slid my hand around to the front of his jeans and cupped my hand over his erection. He moaned. I wanted so badly to sink to my knees and take him in my mouth. But I knew our family was waiting downstairs probably wondering where we had gone.

"I'm leaving now, Edward. I'll call you tomorrow when Charlie leaves for work. I'll expect you to come over immediately so we can pick up right here, okay?" I gently pushed my hands against his chest to give us both a little room to breathe.

"I hate saying goodbye to you," he grumbled. "And summer break has only just begun."

"I know," I whispered. "Just think about how it's our last one in separate houses."

I kissed Edward's cheek and ran my hand through the hair at the back of his head. My lips slowly found his and I was careful to give him only chaste kisses.

As we said good night to one another I realized that goodbye's like these were now numbered. In a little over a year I would say goodbye to him one final time the night before we married and then I would never have to be apart from him again. I could picture us together next summer graduating from the University of Washington, having our wedding, maybe enjoying a honeymoon somewhere warm and sunny, and then making the move to New York City in time for Edward to start his graduate program.

We'd find a tiny little apartment to share while he studied and I started my first real job. We'd see Angela and Ben on weekends and spend any other free time exploring the city. There was so much to see in New York I could imagine living there four years and still not experiencing it all.

What our future would look like passed those next few years was already crystal clear in my mind. Our house located just outside Seattle would be large and white with blue shutters on the windows. Edward would mow the grass on weekends and I'd watch from the kitchen window. The kids would be running around the house playing and fighting just as Edward had once described to me. We'd tuck them in their beds and hopefully find some time to spend together after each long and tiring day. We'd spend lots of weekends in Forks so Esme could have the house full of family again. In the summertime we'd vacation to Florida to visit Grandma Renee. Edward would teach the kids to play piano and I'd show them how to cook. We'd raise our children together and watch them grow up, leaving our home one by one to start their own lives. Once the kids were gone Edward and I would sit in front of a warm fire each night and read to each other.

It was the same picture I drew in my mind for Edward and me when I was just sixteen years old. I thanked God I'd never given up on my once seemingly impossible fantasies because here I was six years later to find them all coming true.

The End

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you so much for reading! I love you all... please leave me a review before you go.**

**And don't forget to look for the teaser in a couple days.**


	38. Author's note and Teaser chapter

**A/N: Thanks for checking out my rough draft/teaser for my next story. I might end up changing some things in it but it's what I've got as the first half of chapter one. I never expected myself to be reading a D/S story let alone _writing_ one but my interest in this type of fic all started with "The Submissive" by tara sue me which I highly recommend. **

**So after Our Broken Road I decided to try something a little different. If anyone has comments or suggests I'd love to hear them as I am in the very early stages of writing. I'm not even sure how I want the story to progress. I just like the idea of Edward and Bella getting to know one another through interations in the club. And I'm going to write both EPOV and BPOV. Anyway, I hope you enjoy something a little different from me.**

**A lot of you said you liked my Jacob in OBR so if this isn't your kind of story might I suggest you take a look at the first Twilight story I wrote, "Jacob and Renesmee." It's my idea of what would happen after Breaking Dawn, so there's vampires, werewolves, and I think I honor SM's characters and mythology pretty well.**

**Thanks for reading Our Broken Road and I hope to hear from you all again!**

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><p><strong>Coming Attractions<strong>

Chapter One:

EPOV

The girl tonight looks nervous. I believe it will be her first live performance. I've seen her here many times, in the audience watching with unwavering eyes. I was surprised to see her name on the schedule, though I'm not sure why. After belonging to this theater for almost six years I would have thought nothing could shock me.

This building is a safe place. Every participant knows the rules and has something precious to lose, which prevents their tongues from flapping recklessly among nonmembers. I myself have my professional reputation to consider. I don't feel as though what I do here is shameful, but most of society would beg to differ. Though I do not regularly partake in the lifestyle outside these walls I find myself drawn here every Friday and Saturday, like moth to flame… a thirsty man to a desert oasis.

I cannot satisfy my cravings in any other way, God knows I've tried. I do not have a submissive outside this building. I have no desire to control another person's day to day life, what they eat, how often they exercise, who they converse with outside my home. I do not want to have a slave. My hungers do not include dictating the life of another human being. But there is something about… obedience. The thrill of knowing a woman will not move a muscle unless I give the command. That is what I crave. Dominance and power over her. Knowing that she is aching to submit as much as I ache to command her. The rush of adrenaline from playing her body like a beautiful instrument. Making her body react in ways she didn't know possible. I have found nothing else in this world as satisfying.

My peers in this community do not always understand my desire to keep playtime separate from my normal life. I see it as just that- playtime. My life outside this theater is boorishly _vanilla_. And I prefer it that way. Though my inherent nature draws me back each week, unable to resist the sights and sounds of a woman laid bare before me; anticipating my expertise in eliciting a pleasure so grand few are brave enough to seek it out.

Tonight should be like any other. I shall instruct my spectators on the finesse required to provide extreme pleasure from light bondage. This new submissive in my performance should be a refreshing change for my regulars. I see many familiar faces in the dimly lit audience. This theater, Coming Attractions, is discreetly located behind my cousin's boutique. It's an eHarmony of sorts for those of us in the BDSM population of Port Angeles, Washington. People come here on weekends to explore the lifestyle, meet others interested in finding partners, or simply to enjoy a night out somewhere they don't have to hide the side of themselves they typically keep locked away. I enjoy the mingling, I have many close friends here, but my greatest thrill is to perform scenes for the others.

I set up my table slowly, allowing the other doms, and doms-in-training to see the meticulous details I consider that make me known in this community as the best. I check the legs of the table, ensuring there isn't the slightest wobble which would cause my new guest to feel insecure as I restrict her arms and legs from movement. My mp3 player is docked and ready to go on the playlist I have selected for this specific performance. Classical music is my typical choice; tonight will require slow, relaxing selections. Judging by the nervous expression of the new submissive, I might have been better prepared in queuing up some meditative music. I lay out the toys I will use in tonight's performance and excuse myself backstage to my waiting submissive.

It is quite clear she needs a pep talk before we go on together. I've never had a sub safe word on stage and I'll be damned if it happens tonight of all nights.

"Excuse me, miss?" I ask to get her attention. She is wearing a long silk robe and pacing nervously back and forth. Not a promising sign. The girl looks up and smiles, though she is blushing and still looks uncertain.

"Yes?" she answers weakly.

"You are Isabella, are you not?" I ask gently. She nods. "I understand you signed up a few weeks ago to join me on stage tonight. I need to make sure you understand what we will be doing and that you have no second thoughts. We always have understudies available, you see, in case any of our new guests decide last minute they are not ready to perform."

She seems irritated that I doubt her and shakes her head adamantly. "No sir, I want this."

I eye her suspiciously for another moment and then signal for her to follow me into the dressing room with my name on the door. I sit on the leather sofa against one wall and take a bottle of water from the side table. Unscrewing the cap I watch as Isabella glances around the room at the décor.

"Disrobe please," I say evenly and then take a drink.

"Now?" she questions. I sigh. I was testing her.

"There are twenty seven people out there who will be seeing your body from every angle in less than ten minutes. If you cannot show yourself to me how can I trust you will do so in front of all of them?" I explain, not unkindly.

She considers my logic for a moment and then reaches in front of her torso to loosen the belt of the robe she is wearing. The silk gracefully floats to the floor behind her and the girl stands ramrod straight in front of me, her eyes focused on my forehead it seems. Her body is not displeasing. It is actually quite a refreshing sight. Her breasts are natural, her skin milky white and flawless. Her pussy bare as the day she was born. She is slender but not too thin. Her nipples are hard and there is a pink flushing in her cheeks. I find it endearing.

"Please, Isabella. Focus your eyes on the floor and interlock your fingers behind your back," I instruct.

She does as I ask. Her list of limits is on my dressing table so I stand to retrieve them, wanting to make sure my plan for our performance is in line with hers.

"I see this list of your limits was submitted to Mr. Jenks on the 3rd. Is this the most up to date version?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Very well. And it appears you've had one dom in your past… last name Banner. I believe I know him," I say chuckling. "A bit old for you but I can assume he taught you properly."

"Yes, Sir."

I lay down the papers and circle her body a few times. As I pause directly in front of the girl she inhales a deep breath and lets it out slowly. I brush her mahogany hair away from her face and lift her chin to my eye line.

"May I touch you, Isabella?" I ask.

"Yes, Sir," she responds. Her tone alerts me she is unsure of what I am going to do so I explain.

"To have chemistry on stage we need to acquaint ourselves with one another. I want to see how you prefer being touched."

I trace my index finger lightly down her neck and over her breast. Tugging on her pert nipple I glance to her face to gauge her response. "Too hard?" I ask.

"No, Sir," she breathes.

"Harder, then?" I tug again with more pinch, pulling her breast further into the space between our bodies.

She moans and says, "That feels good, Sir."

I smile and release her nipple. My fingertips glide over her stomach and hip, around to her ass, as I walk to stand behind her. I rub my hand over her delicate skin in circles, fighting the urge to give a generous swat to her backside. There will be no punishment in tonight's scene and better to not make her afraid of receiving one.

"Spread your legs for me, dear," I whisper. She complies immediately separating her feet about twelve inches apart. I position her arms at her sides.

I remove my shirt quietly and press my body against her back as my left hand grasps her left breast. She gasps in surprise but makes no movement. Very good. I'm aware my breath is falling on her neck and shoulder as my hand massages her supple breast and I press my growing erection against the curve of her ass. My right hand slowly ghosts down the length of her right arm and comes to rest just below her belly button.

"Are you okay, Isabella?"

I hear her swallow and she replies, "Yes, Sir."

"What color?" I ask.

"Green, Sir."

My right hand begins to descend to the soft mound of her sex. I kiss and suckle her neck as my middle finger slips between her wet folds and she moans very softly. I discover she is very wet as my finger slides effortlessly from her clit to her vagina. Surprisingly wet for how nervous I believed her to be earlier. I withdraw both my hands and adjust the budge in my jeans.

"I believe we will work very well together, Isabella," I say, turning her shoulders gently so that she is facing me once again. "If you are ready please dress and meet Rosalie outside behind the curtain. She'll tell you what to do from there. Do you have any questions? Speak freely."

"No questions, Sir. I've been looking forward to this for a long time."

I smirk. "Very well. I look forward to our scene too."

I leave her alone in the room to go briefly speak with Rosalie about last minute preparations. It seems Isabella is more eager for a session with me than I anticipated. I found myself oddly intrigued by her soft curves, the gentleness in her voice, and her courage to scene in front of a room full of strangers.

"You ready, Edward?" Rosalie asks me.

"Yes," I replied as Isabella emerges from my dressing room. She walks over to my cousin and me, a brave smile on her face.

Rosalie stands behind the girl and wraps her long delicate hair into a pony tail to keep it out of the way. I move to lean against the side wall as Rosalie gives Isabella her final few instructions.

"Okay, sweetie. The stage is dark. You'll walk right out this way until you feel a mat under your feet. Kneel on it in your waiting position and keep your eyes focused on the floor. Then just follow Edward's instructions, understand?"

"Yes, Rosalie. Thank you," she replies sweetly.

Rosalie removes the robe from around the girl's shoulders and gives her a gentle nudge through the opening in the curtains.

"Tell me, Edward. Why do all our new performers always request to scene with you?" Rosalie whispers.

I smile widely at my cousin giving her no answer. Rosalie considers it a great crime against humanity that our mothers are sisters. Otherwise she would have seen to it long ago to answer that question herself. I simply turn towards the curtain and give her a parting wink.

It's show time.


	39. Author's Announcement

Announcement to fans of Our Broken Road:

I have just published the first chapter of my new story, Coming Attractions.

**Edward is a member of a popular BDSM club in Port Angeles and looking for a new submissive to perform scenes with there. Will Bella turn out to be everything he's looking for, or much more than he expected? Rated M for frequent lemons. BPOV and EPOV. Mature. All human.**

Please check it out on my profile if it's something that might interest you!

Thanks,

Books


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